All That You Hold Deer

April 14, 2011

Darin must have known even when he and Jess returned to Westview over 2 1/2 years ago that his business degree was worthless. Turns out “MBA” in Darin’s case stands for Montoni’s Basement Assistant. With Cory away in Afghanistan and Les still writing that goddam screenplay, the task falls to Darin to schlep the decorations upstairs.

13 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

13 responses to “All That You Hold Deer

  1. Epicus Doomus

    It’s the Westviewian Reindeer Of The Apocalypse: Maudlin, Woe, Regret, Wallow, Smugness, Loss, Smirkin and last but not least, Death! I love this time of year.

    “Montoni’s Basement Assistant”…LOL, classic. Boy Lisa, M.B.A., proud husband and newly-minted father, living his entire life within the walls of Montoni’s. Wake up, go down the stairs, punch out, go back up the stairs…day after day, week after week, month after month. year after year. The absolute BEST he can hope for it the chance to make a delivery run, just so he can be alone with his thoughts for fifteen minutes, just so he can see something other than those red brick walls and that depressing old man. Yes, it is better than living with Les but really, how much more? While I can buy the premise that Derwin is having a tough time finding a job in “this economy”, in that case why would he opt to move TO Westview? I mean if you’re losing at blackjack you don’t tear up the rest of your money and throw it on the floor, you know?

  2. Jeffcoat Wayne

    This is not a basement, it’s more of a dungeon. Like the kind where you torture prisoners. Today’s punishment: Listening to Funky tell the Santa’s reindeer/Snow White’s dwarves joke for about the 99th Christmas in a row. Being homeless anywhere else must surely feel like the preferable option by now, eh, Darin?

  3. merrypookster

    Industrial size 5 gallon cans of tomato paste left over from the former CD shelter that was once there.

  4. I think Funky’s a bit too much in a rush to become Ed Crankshaft.

  5. It’s funny because Funky’s early-onset Alzheimer’s is becoming increasingly apparent.

  6. @TheDiva I was thinking the same thing. From Dec. 2011: Like father, like son…

  7. John

    Funky: *superior smirk* “I see my witty remark where I brilliantly switched out the names of Santa’s reindeer for Walt Disney’s Seven Dwarfs was too clever for you to understand, Darin.”

    Darin: “Huh? Oh, I understood it.”

    Funky: “You’re not laughing, though.”

    Darin: *breaks out in a cold sweat* “Oh! Right. Um. Ha-ha-ha.”

    Funky: *sinister smirk* “Hmmm. It appears that I’ll have to introduce you to Santa’s OTHER helpers, Darin. You’re being NAUGHTY. And that PISSES HIM OFF.”

    Darin: “N-no! PLEASE!”

    (It becomes unspeakable)

  8. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    WOW. This literally was a joke ripped from an old Garfield strip, way back in the mid 1980’s!!

    I think it was during a retelling of the “Twas the Night before Christmas!”

    And this was when Garfield was somewhat decent!

    When you are ripping off tepid jokes from old Garfield Treasuries, you really have hit rock bottom!!!

  9. billytheskink

    Frankly, I’m about flabbergasted that TB used the correct spelling of “Donder”. Today’s gag, however, was old when Ray Stevens did it 50 years ago in “Santa Claus is a-Watchin’ You”.

  10. The strip today would be about a dozen times better if, instead of reindeer, Funky and Darrin were looking at a whole bunch of skeletons.

  11. Rusty

    Where do they fit all those reindeer in the restaurant? The empty booths?
    Durrwood must have done his MBA at THE Kent State University.

  12. billytheskink

    @billytheskink, Dunder & Blixem beg to differ!
    Fair enough. I’m flabbergasted that TB used the spelling of “Donder” that became common in the early publishing of “A Visit From St. Nicholas”. Really, though, I would have bet on him using the clearly non-author authorized “Donner”. I’m not sure that would have made a gag about misattributed reindeer names any funnier.

    Here is the Garfield strip that $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$ referenced.