Love and "Marraige"

April 2008

Again today we have Blonde and Blonder acting like a couple of newlyweds when we’ve got proof, proof, people, that these high-school sweethearts tied the knot eleven years ago. It feels not so much like a willful retcon as it does that Batiuk settles for just making his puppets dance and say cute things and calling it “storytelling”.

I’ve “remixed” panel 2 to suggest a more natural dialogue between two people who’ve had 11 years to get used to the realities of “marraige” [sic]:

34 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

34 responses to “Love and "Marraige"

  1. Yes, that’s exactly what marriage is. Bully and nag your partner until he/she does exactly what you want. Dear God, I hope Frankie robs you blind and duct tapes your naked bodies to the Westview gazebo.

  2. Blank Reg

    It’s nobody’s f-ing business but Darin’s if he wants to contact his rapist father or not!

  3. Rusty

    Well, the constant nagging until you get your way does ring true. But if they’ve been married 11 years I doubt Darrin is getting any, anyway.

    Assuming they waited until college graduation to marry, that puts them at about 33 years old now? How does that measure up to the Batiuk timeline? I waited until 32 to marry, but managed to avoid living above a pizza joint.

  4. S.P. Charles

    Rusty, you seem to think that in Westview living over a pizza joint is considered a bad thing…

  5. sourbelly

    Why.

    Does.

    She.

    Give.

    A.

    Shit?

  6. Jeffcoat Wayne

    They’ve been married for 11 years? Incredible. Well, at least they held off having a baby until their finances were in order…. Uhhhhh…. well, until they both had steady jobs…. Uhhhhh…. well, until they were able to secure adequate housing…. Uhhhhh…. well, until Darrin was able to find a doctor to perform his corrective dick surgery…. Uhhhhh…. No. I guess I don’t get it. At all.

  7. BeckoningChasm

    Science speaks: there simply is NO WAY to make these characters interesting.

    At all.

    Ever.

    Dear Mr. Batiuk: please just turn Frankie Pierce into Freddie Kruger and let’s all be done with this (thinks what might happen if TB listened, suggests ‘comic’ but comes crashing back with lowered expectations) arc.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    And we also have proof…PROOF…that NO ONE proofreads, edits or even looks at FW before it’s sent off to the printer. “Marraige”, that’s a good one.

    Blech. What a revolting display. No, not the actual content, nauseating as it is. I mean the time-killing blathering. No one can kill a story’s momentum with a cheesy sitcom trope like our BatomInc can.

    Watching these two imbeciles interacting makes my head hurt. So does the ludicrous idea that these two are newlyweds of some sort. What a pathetic display of hack-ery on all fronts. He can’t keep the history of his little fictional universe straight, he can’t tell a story to save his life and now he can’t even spellcheck the damn thing. Whatever they pay him, it’s way too much.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    “Marraige” has been fixed on the CK link, BTW. Good catch. Wonder how that happened?

    TFH sez: It’s been fixed in my newspaper too, but so help me it was initially misspelled online!

  10. MJ

    I would say I’m shocked but I’m not really8/. Jesse you dad obsessed moron. And I’d thought by now Darin would have the guts to stand by his own decision but Jesse plays him like a puppet on strings.

  11. laila

    If I din’t know better I’d say that Panel 1 and Panel 2 depicted a father and his somewhat sleep-deprived son, not, you know, the same guy all of two seconds apart. The only consistent element is both characters are fair-haired and appear to be sharing the same shirt. Gotta wonder why Batiuk bothered drawing all those model sheets when he clearly doesn’t seem to want to pay the slightest bit of attention to what’s on them.

  12. Wow, remind me to never get married.

  13. You know…I really don’t want to do another rage-filled episode on Funky Winkerbean. Not because it doesn’t deserve it-this particular week has my temper up nice and good-but because it would really take a toll on me emotionally. I would go to a very dark place and probably regret it.

    Tom Batiuk, please. I’m asking, I’m practically begging. Don’t push me over the edge on this. I won’t like what happens, I don’t think my viewers will, and I don’t think anyone will like what the end of this story arc will be.

  14. bad wolf

    Well look how quickly the self-styled “Critic” came back around on his BFF, TB.

  15. Funny thing about life, TB – once you become an adult, you really DON’T have to talk to people you don’t want to talk to. And you don’t ever have to “forgive” people who you feel have done you wrong nor do you have to listen to their excuses why they intentionally/unintentionally hurt you. It’s not called writing – it called FI(g)MO. Forget about it and move on. It’s something I wish this strip would do.

  16. Spode

    Given that she is carrying FTR’s biological grandchild, Jessica actually does have a legitimate interest in contacting Frankie to obtain medical info. But . . . that angle isn’t smarmy or irritating, or 1/4-whatever from reality, which is why it probably never even occurred to Batiuk.

  17. Merry Pookster

    TB sucks and FW is a waste of ink.

    There…I’ve made my peace.

  18. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$

    It’s no use Darren, Jessica’s going to move this plot forward whether you like it or not!!

  19. Señor Tortilla

    Proof again that Tom never looks over his own strips or has anyone else look over it. “Marraige”? Really?

    It’s too bad that they’re done eating dinner (it only took three days), as I would’ve liked to have a quip on something, like “Next time, Jess, let’s just make macaroni and cheese instead of shoplifting from Kroger again.”

  20. billytheskink

    What if FTR called Jessica after Durwood hung up on him, coercing her into getting Bio-Son to call him with promises of “some work on the production”? TB clearly set this scenario up last Sunday, so why not?

    Frankly, I think making Jess act so despicably is actually kinda interesting… which rules out this actually happening, I guess.
    The odds that Frankie’s “production” is the Lisa’s Story movie? Those I like.

  21. Sgt Saunders

    Ha! Ya scared be good, TFH. For a moment I thought Batboy had become, like, human.

  22. Spode
    Given that she is carrying FTR’s biological grandchild, Jessica actually does have a legitimate interest in contacting Frankie to obtain medical info. But . . . that angle isn’t smarmy or irritating, or 1/4-whatever from reality, which is why it probably never even occurred to Batiuk.

    Excellent, excellent point!

  23. MKay

    That wasn’t a misspelling of “marriage,” it was a misspelling of “malaise.”

  24. Given that Jess is in her first trimester, I doubt Darrin’s going to be getting a piece for a while in any case. But I could be wrong–it may be that in this 1/4 inch-reality constant nausea, fatigue, mood swings, and backaches are just the thing a person needs to get in a frisky mood.

  25. Epicus Doomus

    Correct me if I’m wrong here, but these two imbeciles were dating all the way back in high school, no? So they’ve actually been “together” for more like twenty years. Yet we’re supposed to buy the premise that they’re “two kids just starting out”? I have to assume (there’s that word again) that they’ve completely blotted Boy Lisa’s stint as an “MBA” in “another city” out of their minds.

    Can’t wait until mid-2014 when BatFace suddenly remembers that Jessica is pregnant and quickly throws together an arc where Funky drives them to the hospital in the Montoni’s van.

  26. I’m frankly astounded that the spelling error was corrected. It seems plausible that the newspapers were sent corrected copy a while back, and the web team dropped the ball and had to scramble to replace the image.

    Gotta wonder why Batiuk bothered drawing all those model sheets when he clearly doesn’t seem to want to pay the slightest bit of attention to what’s on them. —@laila

    The group consensus is that John Byrne drew the character sheets, not Batominc.

    @Critic: Something about this story line has really got under your skin. I’m truly sorry to see that. However pleasant this author may be in person, the work is not, and, although it’s fun to snark on its Bulwer-Lyttonesque foibles, it should never be permitted to be a source of anguish to anybody.

  27. BeckoningChasm

    “Marraige,” huh? Looks like someone could use a beady-eyed nitpicker.

  28. Señor Tortilla

    That’s right, Jess is having a baby. Wait until Darin figures out that Jess already met with Frankie first…

  29. While I think Jess should have an opinion on the matter I do think it’s getting annoying.

  30. Gyre

    “Give bio-dad a call”? “bio-dad”?

    I get that they were trying to save space, but if that’s all then why not just have Darin refer to him by his actual name. That would be a great way to show the distance between the two of them.

    And then there’s the horrible married antics of these two. I argued that it was a wife’s business if her husband decided whether or not to meet his biological father. It isn’t a wife’s business to constantly push him on this for no other reason than the fact that she can’t see her father and it definitely isn’t something that should be ending with an implication that wives are there to nag husbands for hours and that husbands should do what their wives tell them to do. That isn’t a healthy view of marriage any more than conservative 1950s views were healthy.

    Are these two actually in love, let alone in a happy married life?

  31. John

    Jess: “You know, it looks like you’re getting pretty good with this marriage thing.”

    Darin: “….*….say that again.”

    Jess: “Um, I said that it looks like you’re getting pretty good with this marriage thing.”

    Darin: “So, our marriage is only “pretty good” if I squelch all of my own feelings and cave in to you?”

    Jess: “…I don’t think I care for your tone.”

    Darin: “Oh, yeah? Well, I don’t think I care for you forcing my into this just because your head is jammed up your dead father’s ASS.”

    Jess: “…*…guess what, Darin? That kiss I just gave you? It was a kiss from my father, John Darling’s ASS!”

    Darin: “….WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?”

    Jess: “It means you’re going to EAT those words, dur-hey!”

    Darin: “I’d like to see you TRY…”

    *************************************************

    “In other news, a man had to be rushed to the emergency room from Montoni’s today, in what seems to be a bizarre case of fifty of the ultra-popular Breakfast Pizzas being crammed down his throat, along with ‘Fallen Star’ the unpublished bestseller by local Hollywood auteur Les Moore. …*….wait….”

  32. Rusty

    “The group consensus is that John Byrne drew the character sheets, not Batominc.”

    I’ve always wondered why the character sheets don’t really look like the strip, they have a different line, a sharper angle is employed most places.

  33. Charles

    It’s amazing how much this strip sabotages itself. The reason for Jessica behaving the way she does is patently stupid. This week has shown their relationship to be dysfunctional and shallow. And we are puzzled and confused because we’re expected to understand Darin’s hostile reaction to Frankie despite his feelings having no actual concrete support in the comic. We know that Lisa probably said something to him and that’s what’s formed his opinion of Frankie, but we don’t know what that was, even if we consult the strips featuring Dyin’ Lisa and Darin from 2007.

    All this has taken place this week, and yet, what’s the result?

    Frankie: Wanna talk, son?
    Darin: No.

    (After this week of treading water and worthless strips, reinforcing negative impressions of both Darin and Jessica):

    Frankie: Wanna talk, son?
    Darin: Yes.

    He’s wasted another week. Let’s see how many more weeks he similarly wastes in this “epic” storyline.