Today’s strip begs the classic 5 Ws (and an H) of writing. It also begins the Oscars story Variety promised last month. Yeah, I thought that maybe if I buried the lede it would stay in the ground, but alas.
Who is Mason talking to on the left? Wait, he calls her Marianne… that’s supposed to be Marianne Winters? The lady with the pentagon head and the pigtail-bun hairstyle my niece insisted on wearing when she was a toddler is Marianne Winters?
What is with TB’s willingness to use Hulu and HBO’s trademarked names but still insist on sticking to the eyeroll-inducing “Netbusters”?
When does TB think the Academy Awards ceremony takes place? We’re three weeks out from this year’s Oscars broadcast… Does that mean? Oh no, please no. I really hope TB just got the dates wrong.
Where is the “chateau” where this “real party” is happening? Chateau Marmont? Haha, really? I guess if you don’t know… then you don’t know. I’m in no hurry to find out, either.
Why are Cliff Anger and Vera Nash here? Neither one was involved in the Lisa’s Story movie at all… well, other than inexplicably being at the film’s wrap party.
How is this story going to end? Insufferably, no doubt. I don’t think any other outcome is possible.
Well folks, it was bound to happen. We’ve been skating on some thin legal ice here for quite a while and unfortunately it’s finally caught up with us. I have been informed that our humble blog has received a cease and desist order from King Features Syndicate regarding various copyright and trademark infringements, which means there are some immediate changes in store for our site.
For starters, we must change our site name and URL. Effective tomorrow we will be located at www.comicstripsnarkblog.com, so please update your bookmarks. We are also no longer permitted to link to the strips themselves, thus our readers will have to locate the strips themselves going forward. We apologize for this inconvenience, however continuing to link to the daily strips without paying a licensing fee could result in legal issues.
Going forward be advised that we may not use full character names, as those names have been trademarked. Posts where characters are referred to by their full names will be deleted. Also we have no choice but to ban all parody strips and right now we are in the process of deleting the old parody strips from the blog. We may decide to delete the archives entirely after we assess how much work will be involved in bringing it “up to code”. As we currently understand it, even using the word “funky” may be deemed infringement, which will be limiting to say the least.
We sincerely apologize to our loyal followers. This will mark my final post here, as I cannot risk the possibility of a protracted and expensive legal dispute. I may still comment from time to time, particularly regarding the crowdsourcing effort we’re setting up to help defray some of the legal expenses we’ve already accrued. I’d like to thank everyone on our site for their continued support through the years and I hope you’ll all consider donating to our legal defense fund if and when that becomes necessary. It’s been an honor and a privilege amusing you all through the years. If you have any questions or concerns please contact TFH at email@example.com for more information. Thank you all and goodbye for now.
Link To Today’s Strip
Nothing spells “storytelling” like using no dialog at all day after day after (sigh) day. Turns out the letter is from (peppy marching band music) the National Football League, America’s preeminent and benevolent Fun Time Sports League, the league that once gave an already-ruined and addle-brained Bull Bushka a shot at the big time, a shot he of course totally botched. Why, my guess is they’re going to give Bull a retroactive fifty million dollar “Nice Try, Local Sports Hero, Get Well Soon!” grant that he can use to beat this CTE thing once and for all! So what is she WAITING for? OPEN THE LETTER LINDA, OPEN THE LETTER!
No, because a CERTAIN SOMEONE who just happens to have a lot of extra Pulitzer space around the house decided to give away the entire outcome of his big Prestige Mega-Arc weeks ahead of time, we know the letter is actually from the non-fictional and maliciously malevolent (ominous scary music) NFL (trademark!), the heartless and amoral pro sports concern that cruelly turned Bull’s brain into putty and now laughs at his feeble prayers for help as it sacrifices billions of dollars a day to Lord Satan himself upon its blackened altar of young broken men’s ruined bodies. Otherwise she wouldn’t have brought it upstairs to her bedroom to open it, because in every cornball sitcom scenario like this one when a female character gets bad news in letter form she must have pillows handy in which to throw herself upon reading said news. Don’t lie, ladies, we all know this stereotype is 100% true, otherwise they wouldn’t be allowed to do it on TV. Anyhow, it’s a near certainty that the letter will utterly destroy Linda and turn her into a humorless wad of wryness (it’ll be tough to tell sometimes, though) and viciously mock Bull, his life and everything he ever believed in while coldly sneering at his pitiful plight. Or something similar but less dramatic.
The next installment of this thing isn’t dropping til midnight tomorrow. Not that it matters much, as we all already know what’s going to happen thanks to a CERTAIN SOMEONE who just couldn’t stop yapping and flapping his gums about it. There were a dozen ways to go about it without saying “and then the lead character kills himself” followed by actually running the climactic strip a MONTH ahead of time, but in all the excitement a CERTAIN SOMEONE couldn’t be bothered to care about shit like his dumb stupid readers or their “opinions” of him. Man, I’ll never forgive him for that blunder, it would have been the biggest day in SoSF history since that prom scenery came out as gay. I really hope that pillar eventually found someone, you know?