Has the purported privilege of your race, your culture, your gender, your sexual orientation, your socioeconomic status, or your occupation got you feeling the stain of social guilt? Does the comfort of your upper middle class existence leave your conscience dirty when confronted with bad news on the TV?
Well! Wash those feelings away in just a few minutes! Pull out your laziest soapbox, and purge your conscience. You’ll feel fresh, radiant, clean, and righteous, when you’ve washed yourself in the fountain of virtue!
White Rain! Cheap! Affordable! Easy! The preferred soapbox of old, white, middle-class, heterosexual men everywhere!
Yes, this year, we are proud to announce we have a sponsor! (ed. This is a joke. We do not have a sponsor. We are in no way affiliated with International Wholesale, High Ridge Brands, LLC, or any of their associates or subsidiaries. Not even they can wash the stink out of these strips.)
Here are your nominees for:
The Award for Cheapest Soapbox, Brought to You by White Rain
1.) Gun Violence
2.) Tackling Racism
3.) Serious Issues Issues
4.) Gender Reveal Party
5.) Environmental Recycling
6.) A Reason to Hope
7.) Injecting the Estrogen
And your winner for The Cheapest Soapbox, Brought to you by White Rain, (Ed. No, not really.)
I was shocked to see that this beat even Racism and Transgenderism, or the multiple WEEKS we suffered through climate damage nonsense. But the commenters have spoken.