What can I say about this award?
Tom Batiuk had one year. He said he knew, and I have chosen to believe him. He had 365 strips. And that’s it. That is all the time he had left.
What can I say about these strips?
Not much. Being pointed out as pointless is more than they deserve.
So without further ado,
The Most Pointless Funky Winkerbean Strip of 2022
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Let us all sincerely hope that today’s strip is the end of “Funky terrorizes the optometrist’s office with his shmuckery.” Oh please please please! I ran out of things to say about it on Tuesday and since then I’ve been filling space with a Droopy photoshop done in Microsoft Paint, obscure 90s punk rock references, and my own experiences at the ophthalmologist. Today, I very nearly wrote 3-4 sentences in this post about what my cat was doing right now, but I’ve taken up too much of you all’s valuable time already. Well, at least I finally thought of something to say about this strip…
Speaking of drops, I’m thinking this country’s newspapers should do just that to a couple of comic strips.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Anon-O-Character, Anon-O-Characters, anon-o-nurses, arcs that go on too long, assorted weirdos, complaining, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, curmudgeonly oldsters, doctors, four eyes, Funky, Funky Cayla, Funky Winkerbean, inexplicably long intervals between events, insufferability, insufferable assholes, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, Nurse Greenhair, oddly muted squiggly lines, Old dying people, scrunchie, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, things that take an unnecessarily long time, tiny hands, token black character, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs
Today’s strip was done better some 36-and-a-half years ago by one Charles M. Schulz. Les is echoing the more-likable Sally Brown’s Hark! Hark! Hark! Hark! from Christmastime 1983…
Unlike Lisa’s Story, those strips were worked into an actual film, It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown, which I got on videocassette for the price of a tank of gas in my parents’ Mazda at a Shell filling station back in 1993.
And frankly, “Les says things and bothers innocent bystander(s)” is not new ground even within the history of this strip either. Let’s move on.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Anon-O-Character, cancer films, Hollywood, how things are NEVER done, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, ketchup, Les, Lisa's Story, movies, non-pizza foodstuffs, not how movies are made, other somewhat related comic strips, palm trees, sheer idiocy, smug inept bearded jerks, writing
Now we’re getting to it in today’s strip! Finally!
“It” being Les trying to undermine specific elements of Masone’s Lisa’s Story passion project for no explained reason. And boy is Masone going to give Les EVERY opportunity to sabotage the project, inviting dragging him into practically every element that TB thinks exists in the film-making process. It’s a good thing Les has all of those unused personal days…
Also, what is Les’ problem here exactly? He doesn’t want Lisa to be played by an attractive and successful actress? Frankly, Marianne Winters seems like a fine choice to play late Act II Lisa based on looks at least. She’s for certain sure a dead ringer for the bewigged Lisa we saw during much of that first bout with breast cancer in 1999.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Cayla, Cindy, Fire, Hollywood, insufferability, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les. Cayla, Lisa, Lisa's Story, Los Angeles, Marianne, Marianne Winters, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason's Nose, movies, Now Cindy, sheer idiocy, smug inept bearded jerks, the lisa, water
Link To Today’s Strip
In a strip where elderly Alzheimer patients cut albums in Memphis and surf the web like pros and people take sixty-plus year breaks in their careers, this whole daffy premise is pretty tough to swallow. It’s astonishing how little Holly and her mother think of Funky, which is supposed to be the joke here I guess. He can’t even count on his own wife to have his back, as she has no qualms at all about forcing him to close up shop and take a four thousand mile round trip with his mother-in-law, which would be valid grounds for divorce in at least forty-nine US states but unfortunately for Funky, not in Ohio.
Poor Funky, the FW character you always laugh at, never with. Every single other character in the strip is a wry wisecracking wordplay machine, snidely smirking after another unbearably clever pun or smart-alecky remark, but never Funky. Funky just shuts up and takes it, week after week, year after year, decade after decade, all because he was the “normal well-adjusted” kid in high school and BatNom will never let him live it down. The guy survived crippling alcoholism and an even more crippling car crash to become the local president of the chamber of commerce and the
only most successful businessman in town. He’s convivially and generously hosted and/or catered literally every single major social event the town has ever seen, he’s employed a bevy of family members and pals at his restaurant and he’s acted as a kind and patient landlord too.
His reward? To be kicked and kicked again, over and over. His family doesn’t respect him at all, his friends mock him, he suffers from a litany of health woes and he’s fat, old and physically repulsive. The guy who writes this thing never stops heaping abuse on him and (oddly enough) it just makes it impossible for me to truly hate him like I hate Les and Lisa and Darin and Dinkle and Pete and Holly and Cory and Summer (whoever she is) and Chester and Mason and Cliff and Becky and Cindy and Vera and Crazy and Owen and Cody and Nate and Cayla and that bus driver (I forget his name) and the other characters (except Buddy, as I really love that dog).
Let that be a lesson to all those kids out there just now discovering FW (guf-faw) for the first time: don’t peak in high school. Pick a thing (dork, stoner, “it” girl, baton twirler, jock) and f*cking run with it because living down your high school identity will be the most important thing you ever do. Also, invest in comic books and whatever you do do NOT get involved in the pizza industry, although eating it three times a day is fine. See, there’s actual educational content in this strip, you just have to wade through forty-plus years of crap to find it.