Let us all sincerely hope that today’s strip is the end of “Funky terrorizes the optometrist’s office with his shmuckery.” Oh please please please! I ran out of things to say about it on Tuesday and since then I’ve been filling space with a Droopy photoshop done in Microsoft Paint, obscure 90s punk rock references, and my own experiences at the ophthalmologist. Today, I very nearly wrote 3-4 sentences in this post about what my cat was doing right now, but I’ve taken up too much of you all’s valuable time already. Well, at least I finally thought of something to say about this strip…
Speaking of drops, I’m thinking this country’s newspapers should do just that to a couple of comic strips.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Anon-O-Character, Anon-O-Characters, anon-o-nurses, arcs that go on too long, assorted weirdos, complaining, complete lack of humor, Complete Worthless Ass, curmudgeonly oldsters, doctors, four eyes, Funky, Funky Cayla, Funky Winkerbean, inexplicably long intervals between events, insufferability, insufferable assholes, insulting the reader's intelligence, jerkwads, Nurse Greenhair, oddly muted squiggly lines, Old dying people, scrunchie, squiggly lines, squiggly lines used to denote texture, stupid, the inevitable ravages of age, the ravages of age, things that take an unnecessarily long time, tiny hands, token black character, unneccessarily long arcs, very long arcs
OK, when I typed “So, what’s the deal with airline food?” in yesterday’s post, I didn’t think Les would seize upon that and give us a airline complaints routine that even Milton Berle wouldn’t steal in today’s strip. I’m truly and terribly sorry. Seriously, I genuinely apologize and take full responsibility for this crime against newsprint. Somebody has to take responsibility…
Les griping about the airline nickel-and-diming him just doesn’t track, as Mason paid for his flight, a fact that was mentioned in the strip as recently as… literally yesterday. Well, I mean, the idea that Les and Cayla were charged extra for their stated “free” trip doesn’t track. Les griping at the slightest opportunity, of course, does. If Les was acting like this the whole flight he should be grateful that he wasn’t tossed out of the plane without a parachute. A nation sighs at the missed opportunity.
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as air travel, airplanes, airports, assorted weirdos, Cayla, disgust, disillusionment, Hollywood, hoodie, jerkwads, Les, Les being a giant smug douche, Les. Cayla, Los Angeles, lost cause, Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Mason's Nose, sheer idiocy, smirk, smug inept bearded jerks, steadily losing the will to live, sunglasses, terrible overacting
“I’ll take ‘Depictions Of Dining That Compare Unfavorably To Those Seen In Mary Worth‘ for $600, Alex.”
“This comic was drawn by someone who has never seen a real person eat a taco.”
“What is today’s strip, Alex?”
“Alright, I’ll move over to ‘The Trite Lights Of Hollywood’ for $400.”
“Fictional movie star Masone Jarre compared launching a doomed comic book company to the life stages of a commonly eaten shellfish in this recent work.”
“What is today’s strip, again?”
“I’ll take, uh… how ’bout ‘Dreck’ for $800.”
“You’ve found our first Daily Double… what do you want to risk?”
“Let’s make it a true Daily Double, Alex.”
“OK, and the answer is ‘Dreck.'”
“What is every Funky Winkerbean strip since February 2018, Alex?”
Link To Today’s Schlock
Get it? The bowling ball “crossed-over” into Rachel’s lane! “Cross-over”! Har-dee-har-har! Oh man, BanTom was on a real “roll” here, “bowling” us over with one of his patented side-“split”-ters. He’s the comic strip author you just can’t “pin” down! I may have to order a copy of this one so I can “frame” it as soon as I have some cash to “spare”. This kind of humor is right up my “alley”.
Anyhow, Ed’s band of boring morons have apparently just handed Funky’s band of boring idiots the coveted Holiday Tournament trophy via their sheer ineptitude. Quite a story and well worth the five days he spent telling it. Hopefully Jessica learned her lesson here and never inquires about those greasy old Montoni’s photos again. That girl is in dire need of a hobby. Might I suggest documentary film-making….oh, yeah, that’s right. Never mind.
Notice how CS characters are front and center in FW but not the other way around. Also notice what a piece of crap “Crankshaft” is, although you already knew that. I wonder which one draws more readers? I mean sure, we’re talking about maybe forty people here, give or take, but still. Everyone who filled me in regarding CS was right on the money, what a nasty piece of business that whole mess is.
But isn’t it pretty funny how badly he botched his comic strip titles? “Funky Winkerbean” and “Crankshaft”…oh man, when you think about it those are two really bad unmarketable titles right there. One is just stupid and the other couldn’t possibly be more innuendo-laden. I personally can’t wait to stop having to type the word “crankshaft”, even initializing it is annoying at this point.
Link To Today’s Masterpiece
So they went out and bought bowling shirts, THEN discovered that one of their teammates can’t bowl at all? Brilliant. With BanTom’s vast archives of gags like this one, no wonder has needs two daily strips, as one just ain’t enough. I’m assuming that those “Crankshaft” characters have names but please, don’t share them, OK? I think I’m happier not knowing.
Seriously though, what a shitty gag. Why even bother with doing a crossover if you’re not going to put anything into it? Like with that Dick Tracy arc earlier this year, it was so listless and so lifeless you could only wonder why he did it in the first place. I mean it couldn’t possibly be any easier for him, you have Crankshaft show up on Monday, act like a real dick on Tuesday, then repeat it four more times. Apparently you’re supposed to be reading CS this week as a sort of FW “companion piece” that helps the “jokes” make more sense but frankly that seems like way too much trouble IMO. And there still isn’t any payoff even if you do, but you already knew that.
But if you’re a glutton for punishment…here ya go.