Tag Archives: bowling

Good advice that you just didn’t take

Montoni’s is busy in today’s strip! What? And Holly is flustered to the max and jealous of unhealthily self-conscious Cindy all the sudden*? Crazy!

Speaking of Crazy, his advice… isn’t ironic? I don’t know, actually, but I do know it’s been relevant to TB for decades. If only TB would take it one day.

Wait, Montoni’s is busy with regular FW cast members. Sheesh, this strip doesn’t even truly earn its “the rare Montoni’s customer” tag. This, THIS level of business has Holly frazzled and exhausted? She is as cut out for food service as Funky is for giving out marriage advice.

* Holly being self-conscious about her body hasn’t happened in a while, but to be fair, it actually isn’t new. It even goes back to when she was the other shoe.

Thanks for putting up with me and my blue tongue for the past two weeks. Thoughts and prayers for our next blogger…

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It’s A “Cross-over”!!!

Link To Today’s Schlock

Get it? The bowling ball “crossed-over” into Rachel’s lane! “Cross-over”! Har-dee-har-har! Oh man, BanTom was on a real “roll” here, “bowling” us over with one of his patented side-“split”-ters. He’s the comic strip author you just can’t “pin” down! I may have to order a copy of this one so I can “frame” it as soon as I have some cash to “spare”. This kind of humor is right up my “alley”.

Anyhow, Ed’s band of boring morons have apparently just handed Funky’s band of boring idiots the coveted Holiday Tournament trophy via their sheer ineptitude. Quite a story and well worth the five days he spent telling it. Hopefully Jessica learned her lesson here and never inquires about those greasy old Montoni’s photos again. That girl is in dire need of a hobby. Might I suggest documentary film-making….oh, yeah, that’s right. Never mind.

Notice how CS characters are front and center in FW but not the other way around. Also notice what a piece of crap “Crankshaft” is, although you already knew that. I wonder which one draws more readers? I mean sure, we’re talking about maybe forty people here, give or take, but still. Everyone who filled me in regarding CS was right on the money, what a nasty piece of business that whole mess is.

But isn’t it pretty funny how badly he botched his comic strip titles? “Funky Winkerbean” and “Crankshaft”…oh man, when you think about it those are two really bad unmarketable titles right there. One is just stupid and the other couldn’t possibly be more innuendo-laden. I personally can’t wait to stop having to type the word “crankshaft”, even initializing it is annoying at this point.

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Bowling For Imbeciles

Link To Today’s Masterpiece

So they went out and bought bowling shirts, THEN discovered that one of their teammates can’t bowl at all? Brilliant. With BanTom’s vast archives of gags like this one, no wonder has needs two daily strips, as one just ain’t enough. I’m assuming that those “Crankshaft” characters have names but please, don’t share them, OK? I think I’m happier not knowing.

Seriously though, what a shitty gag. Why even bother with doing a crossover if you’re not going to put anything into it? Like with that Dick Tracy arc earlier this year, it was so listless and so lifeless you could only wonder why he did it in the first place. I mean it couldn’t possibly be any easier for him, you have Crankshaft show up on Monday, act like a real dick on Tuesday, then repeat it four more times. Apparently you’re supposed to be reading CS this week as a sort of FW “companion piece” that helps the “jokes” make more sense but frankly that seems like way too much trouble IMO. And there still isn’t any payoff even if you do, but you already knew that.

But if you’re a glutton for punishment…here ya go.

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Numb-er Of The Beast

Link To Today’s Action

Ah-HA! So it IS Rachel after all. He really could have made that a tad more clear IMO. See, I thought Rachel was a lot younger and…ahhhh, forget it, I’m not getting into yet another timeline dissection, as it’s so fouled up at this point that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Special thanks to billytheskink for clarifying the Rachel Act II timeline yesterday, never an easy task where FW is concerned. If this is a pre-time jump flashback it means that Rachel has been working at Montoni’s for a minimum of seventeen years, which is both sad and hilarious.

Apparently the “jokes” here are a) Ed’s standard malapropisms and b) Rachel doesn’t know how to bowl. Hee-f*cking-larious. Please, someone sedate me before I break a rib by laughing too hard. Or, in lieu of that, I’ll just read this strip again a few times. Crankshaft never fails to not amuse me and today he keeps his perfect record intact. The device has not yet been invented that can adequately measure how little I care about Ed Crankshaft and his merry band of infinitely patient dimwits. And if these are the kinds of punchlines I’m missing by ignoring CS, I’m even happier that I pretend it doesn’t exist. You can do it too, BTW…it’s easy.

TFH sez: To help you keep up with the crossover…here’s a link to today’s Crankshaft.

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The Finals Countdown

Link To Today’s Strip

Now I’m officially (even more) confused. I thought Wally and Rachel were in that group Santa-hat photo yesterday but apparently I was mistaken, as it appears that I was actually seeing a younger Funky and Holly…I guess. Maybe it’d be easier to tell who these characters are supposed to be if he’d bother to differentiate between them somehow, like by giving them different noses or something. And now Bull…who looks exactly the same as he does now, BTW…is involved too. And HE always make things funnier…right? RIGHT? Sigh.

And that school bus parked outside can only mean one thing…it’s Crankshaft Crossover time again. Sigh. You can kind of see him there in panel two, along with anon-o-characters who are probably “Crankshaft” regulars although I wouldn’t know as I never read that strip. And I’m certainly not going to start now, either. In fact I usually totally forget Crankshaft even exists until he does these crossovers. And I prefer it that way, as “Crankshaft” blows. Sigh.

(And speaking of FW-related comic strips no one reads…get your fill right here!)

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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Listless

 Link To Today’s Strip

Every so often The BanMan throws one at you that just leaves you completely befuddled. I THINK that’s Wally, Rachel, Tony and Funky in that photo although I’m not 100% certain about that. I had to Google “Margo Lanes” and sure enough, Margo Lane was a character in an old-timey 1940’s serial, “The Shadow”. Surely there are four or five still-living people that might get that gag, although the odds on them also being FW readers are, uh…fairly slim, I’d say.

“Why was everyone wearing Santa hats…?”…I’m just gonna go way out on a limb here, Jess, but I’m guessing it was because it was CHRISTMAS TIME, which would be the most logical reason. Good thing she isn’t a detective, huh? I have no earthly idea where this could be going (other than “nowhere”) although “the gang at Montoni’s starts a bowling team” would probably be as good a guess as any. It’s also pretty obvious that Jess is spending WAY too much time in that pizza place too. Where have you gone, Boy Lisa? A boring strip turns its yawning eyes to you.

 

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