Mitchell Knox will obviously want the picture of John Darling, Jessica’s father who was murdered.
erdmann
Maybe Mitchell Knox will make some outrageous bid on the John Darling photo that will be enough to bail Montoni’s out of whatever supposed financial straits they’re experiencing.
bobanero
I wonder whose photo they’re removing to make room for Summer’s. John Darling’s? Somebody call Mitchell Knox!
be ware of eve hill
Winners, please come to the pay window!
A lot of you predicted this development, and today we get it as the “memorabilia auction” starts. This is the kind of detail Funky Winkerbean never gets wrong. Characters fluctuate between being dead and alive, and their surnames randomly change. But it would never forget the memorabilia preferences of a comic book artist!
Beyond that, this scene raises so many questions. What’s in all those boxes? It looks like framed pictures and rolled-up posters. Is Funky selling memorabilia that wasn’t even good enough to put on the walls? “Now up for sale, this historically relevant artifact we took off our history wall to make room for a third picture of Tony Montoni. The bidding starts at $10,000.”
How – and why – did Montoni’s con Lillian out of her tiffany lamp? That anecdote has more story potential than anything we’ve seen all week.
Where are any of the regulars? Where’s Les, who wanted to buy the sign? Where Summer, who’s supposed to be recording all this history before it’s lost forever? Where’s Crazy Harry, who spent so much time at Montoni’s he forgot to do his job?
Is “Ferris Wheeler” the best punny name Tom Batiuk can come up with anymore? He doesn’t sound like an auctioneer, he sounds like a carnie played by Matthew Broderick. At least “Amicus Brief” got his profession right. And when I’m holding up Amicus Brief as an example of how Funky Winkerbean used to do something better, there’s a real problem.
I feel like I’m watching Funky Winkerbean deteriorate in real time. It can’t even be bothered to follow up its own self-serving story points, which it just introduced last week. Did Tom Batiuk forget he has to make Summer famous? Or does he think he did enough already?
The strip’s laziness, lack of focus, and emphasis on all the wrong things, are getting worse.
Son of Stuck Funky 
An auctioneer who is a wheeler-dealer? Oh, let everyone pause now and make the ha-ha at this cleverness. Auctioneers don’t make deals. They keep track of bids until the competition drops out and there’s a final high bid.
I mean, auctioneers do usually try to upsell whatever they’re selling, because they’re getting paid on a percent commission based on the final price, and because no one wants to take their products to a crummy auctioneer.
I remember sitting in a sale barn, watching the bidding on a group of about 10 longhorn cows my dad had bought cheap and kept for about five years. Finally, he had gotten tired of trying to outsmart and out maneuver the wily old ladies and decided to sell them. The tiny, rangy looking things, heads all funny shaped from being dehorned by the owner before my dad, couldn’t have been younger than 12. And yet, the auctioneer set off a bidding war by extolling their many virtues, of hardiness, thriftiness, and ‘easy-keeping’ ending his impassioned speech by declaring, “They’ll last forever.”
The sold for the same price my dad had bought them for when they were years younger and had a calves alongside. That is some serious wheelin’ and dealin’.
My parents had a good auctioneer when they sold off the machinery and furniture to the farm and house where dad has grown up. I was ten years old. Watching it as an exciting learning experience. (Too bad they didn’t have a signed John Darling photo or they could have retired earlier. )
CBH, I’d say I was surprised by your manga knowledge but I’m not. It’s already been established that your reading is wide and deep. As an educator, I wish more students – and teachers – followed your example. Heck, I have to remind myself to go outside my reading comfort zone. Sorry for not replying to your note about manga and anime yesterday. Happy reading!
As an educator I also wish I were a better typist and proofreader! 🙄🙇🏼♂️
Thanks, Cheesy-Kun! (This is your name now, deal with it.) My reading may be deep and wide, but more like a whole field covered in gopher holes, with barren stretches of untouched material between the pits. I go on weird jags where I read all about the Peloponnesian War or consume a bale of live-action Transformers novelizations, but I never get around to reading the Aeneid.
It sits on my shelf, taunting me.
I hope you find lots of great picture books to read backward while you’re teaching overseas. I assume you’re teaching Japanese students all about the world’s sloppiest, most bloated, most irregular languag,. English. The pampered obese mutt that wanders around begging and stealing tasty nouns from every bowl it can find, while whining and flopping over whenever anyone asks the old dog to learn a new trick, (French).
CBH-sensei*, I’m not an English teacher, though I was for my first five years here back in the 90s. I had a great gig at a rural public high school on the JET Programme. A lot of patient people put up with my ignorance of the language and customs and their kindness inspired me to stay longer than I’d originally planned. The kids were a lot of fun but I discovered that neither h.s. nor language teaching would lose if I went into another field.
* as you know, not only teachers, but also authors and anyone with expertise in something is called “sensei.” You seem to have expertise in multiple fields, including the art of living.
The book taunting me is War & Peace. I’ve keep it in sight for 20 years yet never get around to reading it. Right now I’ve just started Anne Dillard’s “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.” I lived in central VA for five years. Now we live in a semi-rural area here. So many of my happiest moments in Japan have been in the mountains and forests.
My favorite Japanese word is 木漏れ日, komo-rebi. It means “sunlight leaking through trees” and describes the spots of sunlight on the forest floor.
-The Snarker Formally Known as Great Cheese of Kanagawa
I’ve had a few friends who lived in Japan for a time. One was a computer animator, and another has been stationed there in the Navy twice. Both loved the country, though the animator felt somewhat isolated by the culture barrier.
English is a language with more words than any other. But still there are so many concepts that are only captured by another language. My fave is Sehnsucht, a German word for a feeling of wistful, sad, longing for the far off or unattainable. CS Lewis absolutely went crazy over that word.
Batiuk is constantly trying to tap into some Sehnsucht, but just falls into mawkishness.
I read *The Aeneid* recently and much preferred *The Odyssey.*
But I now know the name of Dido’s sister (Anna), so I must have gotten something out of it.
I read the Aeneid last summer. I enjoyed the adventure in the Underworld. I had just finished the Iliad, which was far better. But Greek writers tend to be better than Roman authors. (Not in all cases. As you know, “Caesar’s Commentaries” are best read in the original Klingon!😀)
I am sure you are already aware, but Eric Shanower is writing and drawing the complete illustrated graphics history of Helen’s War at Troy. It is called “Age of Bronze.” It is spectacular. He is about a third done. He hopes to complete it within 70 issues. Like GRRM, he probably won’t. My hope is he just gets to where the Iliad begins. Then I cross reference to my copy of Classics Illustrated. By the way, there is a Classics Illustrated with the Aeneid. I hope CBH reads this.
See, putting my new moniker into a context like Medieval belief systems is exactly what makes everyone here so much fun to read. And, yes, totally honored to have been re-named by CBH. PLUS, you come up with a suggestion for a new book that I want to check out. Thank you, sorialpromise.
We aim to please. This site is a huge reservoir of cultural suggestions to listen to, watch, or read. Have a good night partner. “Age of Bronze” starts way before the Iliad. Tremendous research and creativity. I was not surprised that Comic Book Harriet had already read it.
Age of Bronze is now on my amazon Japan wishlist. (The hardcover is currently JPY6,000, so I’m going to wait a bit as well as look for it a bookstore.) If you like history in graphic books and you want to read the history of Japan from the 1930s to 1989- the so-called Showa Era- then you might be interested in the definitive series on the topic, by Shigeru MIZUKI. https://drawnandquarterly.com/author/shigeru-mizuki/
That looks doable. I have no idea about the accuracy, but I did enjoy reading Shogun and watching the miniseries.
Mizuki covers the build-up to war, the war itself and its aftermath. He was actually drafted into the Imperial Army and is highly critical of the political and military leadership that led Japan into the war. He does a good job of portraying life in Japan for the first four decades after the way. All that said, it would be quite reasonable to skip the whole series if you’re not that deeply interested in Japan, of course. Whatever you do read, happy trails!
Recently finished Bill O’Reilly, “Killing the Rising Sun”. My first real introduction to the Pacific War.
Also read, “A World Undone” by G. J. Meyer. It’s a history of WW1 Short concise chapters.
I did have the privilege of enjoying a year with an exchange student from Japan. She stayed with my sister-in-law. We watched the Winter Olympics together that were held in Japan. We also watched Japanese films. She translated and we compared that to the dubbed English.
You watched the Nagano Games with an exchange student- what a nice memory you created for the stduent. The simple but invaluable pleasures of international exchange! If you feel like taking the time for it, I cannot recommend Dan Carlin’s Supernova in the East enough! It’s a 25-hour serial podcast about Japan’s rise to great power status and decision to go to war. It’s rich in detail and backed up with what’s he read, which is most of the prominent English-language histories. He takes a humane approach, and covers all fronts in the Pacific. He’s an excellent narrator. I could not stop listening, though it helps that I have a long train commute most week days. (Again, it’s deep dive and I would hardly expect someone without a deep interest in modern Japan to give up other reading/listening for it.) Thanks for the O’Reilly title, I’ll check it out!
I loved the prewar years in Germany such as Berlin Diary. I will checkout Supernova. I will break it down into manageable doses.
Hope you enjoy it! I almost gave up after the first half-hour. He was making superhero references that seemed superficial and I was worried he was going to make an argument by analogy for 4 six-hour-plus-long episodes. Glad I stuck with it! (Easy to do when sitting on a train and subway for far longer than is good for a Midwestern-born-and-raised soul.) Thank you for your notes.
Welcome Cheesy-kun! Glad to see we attract an international crowd. A friends of mine just left for Japan for a four week trip. His wife is Japanese and they are visiting her family and then touring around.
His pictures always look great and I hope to visit one day myself.
Again, welcome!
Shocked Paris is the Shocked Pikachu of the Trojan War.
Wow! CBH-sensei, I bow (deep, with a straight back like my kendo teachers taught me) to your incredible knowledge of all genres. Cool reference! Makoto-ni argito-gozaimasug
Dr. Funk should have put up some big “countdown clock” and done it in the style of the old Dutch Tulip reverse auctions… That would have at least been interesting.
He does this all the time. The story begins as something, then, totally out of nowhere, becomes something else. Just a few days ago, Summer was writing an oral history of Westview. Now, just a few short days later, obscure characters are haggling over Montoni’s ephemera. What one has to do with the other is anyone’s guess.
Ferris Wheeler (dear Lord) looks like an 1880s version of Les. I’m amazed that Westview has an official auctioneer. I assume he works the mid-central Ohio bankruptcy circuit, hovering like a vulture, just waiting for local pizzerias and theaters to close their doors. Maybe next week, the strip will be all about him.
“Ferris Wheeler”, because an auctioneer wheels and deals? I guess?
“The strip’s laziness, lack of focus, and emphasis on all the wrong things, are getting worse.”
Yup.
In positive news, apparently Tom is traveling to the Akron Comic Con accompanied by his son Brian — so there will be someone to drive Tom there and back, and look after him. (Given his increasing lack of focus and inability to remember details, I’m uncertain Tom Batiuk could have made it there on his own….)
Well, Lee Aubrey “Speed Riggs, who did commercials for Jack Benny’s radio show (hello, sorialpromise!) is dead and gone, so Ferris Wheeler (Wheeler…Wheeler…Wheeler…) may have been the best of the rest, or the best of what was left.
Thank you, AS.
I am one of the few that think “Ferris Wheeler” was genuinely funny.
Why do I get the queasy feeling that next week will end with one of the women getting auctioned off by accident?
😄🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 That’s funny!
Congrats on being renamed by CBH. She has gained medieval power over you by the art of Naming. You lucky dog! Yet suddenly, I see no longer any resemblance to Green Luther. Both of you are equally smart and handsome yet in different ways.
What do you mean, “by accident”?
A hanging Tiffany lamp in the “Poppy Chandelier” style (pictured?) sold at Sotheby’s in 2017 for $500,000.
But I’m sure the John Darling photo will steal the show.
I’m pretty sure that is a Tiffany lamp in the same way that a print of a painting on a tattered funeral fan is Da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper’
I’m sure you’re right, and yet, as BJr6K mentions, the “Tiffany Lamp” is the most interesting tease we’ve seen in weeks. Is it valuable? Is it a “Tiffany-style lamp” laden with heavy metals, made by children in a factory in Wenzhou, Zhejiang Province, PRC? Or is it a fine, vintage handmade piece, or even an echt Louis Comfort Tiffany creation? It could be worth hundreds, even up to a million.
And why is Lillian buying back “her” Tiffany lamp? If she sold or donated it, it isn’t hers any more. And if it was stolen or conned from her, she should reclaim it, not buy it from the thieves.
As always, Batiuk’s Gun applies: Introduce tantalizing, unnecessary elements into your otherwise boring story, then never refer to them again. Zanzibar, anyone? Or the famous John Darlingwhowasmurdered autopsy photos?
Forgot to mention: It couldn’t be a valuable lamp, because Puff Batty’s universe doesn’t allow for value to be inherent in Tiffany lamps, T-bills, real estate, stocks, gold bullion, or Renaissance art.
In the universe of Tom, comic books are the only items to hold value.
Why does Montoni’s have just ONE tiffany lamp? I’ve been to pizza restaurants that had a matching one over each table, like Pizza Hut. What would a restaurant do with just one of a specialized lamp like that?
It seems to be another detail pulled directly from Luigi’s. As this horrifying photo of a couple getting wedding pictures done at the Pizza Palace of Love displays in the background.
I should have guessed that. And good Lord, that is the worst wedding picture I’ve ever seen.
I almost never defend anything here, but I’m gonna step up for this photo and the concept behind it. If you make the assumption that Luigi’s was somehow important to this couple — maybe they met there, or had regular dates there early in their relationship — I think it’s a great idea to honor that with a wedding or reception at the place. I’m not much of a fan of overblown cookie-cutter weddings or receptions; I believe these ceremonies should be personal and reflect the history and aspirations of the couple.
On a purely artistic level, the old guy in the walker who looks like he’s moving as fast as he can to get the hell out of there is absolutely gold. A real Diane Arbus touch.
With that dizzying Dutch angle, I’m guessing their first date was to go see Battlefield Earth.
It was that or the daily showing of “The Phantom Empire.” They actually had to flip a coin.
“Ferris Wheeler”?
Like this strip, the journey will only ever take you back to the same place you started.
And potentially make you sick while doing so.
His mother, who grew up in a family of carneys, insisted on his being named for the location he was conceived. You think that’s bad, you should talk to his siblings Carousel Wheeler, Funhouse Wheeler, Ticketbooth Wheeler, and Back of the Funnel Cake Stand Wheeler.
You forgot to mention the black sheep of the bunch. Portaloo Wheeler.
Naturally! Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*ck*ng?
(“Silkwood” steal, if you’re wondering.)
The clean version would be B.J. Hunnicutt saying that he was named for his mother Bea and his father Jay.
I been seeing you every day,
On the block in you sweater vest.
You’re looking pretty fine to me,
So why are you waiting?
Sorry, scansion.
Les and Summer aren’t here because they’re at the Lisa Tape Warehouse frantically rummaging through the “M” tapes, trying to find the tape labeled “Montonis, Bankruptcy Auction: Lisa’s Instructions re: What to Bid On, Part I.”
The vibe I get from us being throw into this Montoni’s closing story at the “auction off the assets” stage is the same one I got looking back at Lisa’s Story and the bit where she discovers the hospital mixed up her files and let her lapse her treatment and ultimately sentence her faith, and the one from Wally’s POW story and how the military bungled his case (forcibly redeploying him over a technicality on discharge papers then shoddily identified “his” remains to declare him dead) There was not only legit grief and drama, but injustices the characters could’ve pursued for retribution and compensations that could’ve benefitted them and their loved ones, but the characters take the “noble” path by accepting their fates on the chin, hold a high head and accept what’s done is done, try and move on and do what we can (which left Lisa a dead saint and Wally at rock bottom, for what good that did).
Now here we’re seeing the same thing with Funky’s life’s work, something he’s struggled to maintain the legacy of as his franchise efforts blew up in his face (not just New York, but with was mention of other stores in the past too), literally time traveled back to Act 1 and inadvertently got his younger self to invest in a younger comic to add extra funds to support, and harassed by some weirdo in a pizza box costume, years of investment that have come for naught, and he’s just happily smirking like every other damn character with a “noble”, be-grateful-that-it-happened attitude to the point he casually tells his best friend is happening the day he arranges an auction of their resources, likely some time after he’s had to face the music.
I gather that “Stuck Funky” got it’s name more from Act 2 shenanigan’s of our titular character (or others, definitely Les is a contender) sitting on a park bench for days on end to mope about misfortune. That’s an understandable if snark-worthy norm one can expect with handling such things, but it’s just weird to see the opposite this sort of big thing that makes us wonder if the strip is wrapping up (or doing some big status quo shift to an Act 4, dare I say). It’s just happening too fast to really accept as what we know this world to do.
Well said. I think the same applies to social interactions, like Funky co-opting his AA meeting or being rude at the financial planning seminar. The strip acts like there’s some kind of nobility in silently taking needless abuse. But the main characters are more likely to exploit this tendency in others.
Crap on a stick. This is going to be like the ending of “It’s a Wonderful Life”, isn’t it? All the humble townfolk gather ’round to lavish Funky with cash for his idiotic memorabilia, thus saving this hallowed pizza-and-coffee joint for future generations of Westview mutants.
Summer: Daddy, I’ve heard that every time Montoni’s cash register rings, another weirdo is born.
Less: That’s right Sum-Sum. That’s right.
And Ferris Wheeler might be the worst wacky name yet.
Honestly, I don’t know what, if anything, he’s trying to accomplish here. Closing Montoni’s seems like a really radical move, but is he “really” doing it or is just a prelude to some sort of idiotic contrivance? If he really does axe Montoni’s, one would have to think that perhaps he’s gearing up for some sort of end game here. However, I could just as well imagine Wally or Cory strolling in with a big money bag with a dollar sign on it, or something equally moronic.
It looks like the space has been cleaned out, but Wally and Rachel are both still wearing pizza aprons. So your guess is as good as mine.
There’s no consistency or proper weight to anything that’s happening. The closing of Montoni’s, an event that should upend all of Westview, is being treated as if it’s just unimportant. I would say it’s more interested in making Summer an author, but apparently it’s forgotten about her too. In favor of a “memorabilia auction” of trivia no one would ever buy. And next week we’re apparently going back to Atomik Komix for another stupid comic book about “climate damage.” This is exactly the kind of emphasis on the wrong things I was talking about.
John Kessel has a nice scene in his novel *Good News from Outer Space* in which a woman watches “It’s a Wonderful Life” and feels that George Bailey is the greatest doormat in the world.
It made me want to see a scene like this:
Harry: So Ruth’s father wants to give me a job in his company, George, and…
George: Forget it, Harry! We had a deal! It’s your turn to run the Savings & Loan, and it’s my turn to have a life! Do you understand that, or are you going to make me sorry that I didn’t let you drown in 1919?
Harry: I’ll tell Ruth I’m staying in Bedford Falls.
George: Darn right! I wonder what Violet’s doing tonight…
It doesn’t change the fact that one evening I was in a pizzeria (no, not Luigi’s) and the movie was playing on the television behind the counter…and while I wasn’t watching it, I was listening to it, and I was starting to cry.
Be of good cheer: what “Cheers” termed “It’s a Wonderful Month” will soon be here! Hee haw to you, Sam Wainwright!
I always hated Harry more than Potter whenever I watched that movie. Selfish SOB.
I have a memory of IAWL, that I never see today. I remember a final scene with Potter and his valet. The servant gets fed up with Potter and walks out on him. I remember that scene. Yet it does not exist on any print, and I can’t find any verification on Google.
That would be good to see — it’d confirm that George is, in fact, the richest man in town — but I can see why it didn’t remain. That Potter is still there — and forty thousand dollars richer, to boot, due to Uncle Billy’s forgetfulness — is the way life goes: the poor you shall always have with you, and certain among the rich will always be there to afflict you.
This, as far as I know, is still in the movie:
Real Estate Salesman: Fifteen years ago, a half-dozen houses stuck here and there. There’s the old cemetery, squirrels, buttercups, daisies. Dozens of the prettiest little homes you ever saw. Ninety per cent owned by suckers who used to pay rent to you. Your Potter’s Field, my dear Mr. Employer, is becoming just that. And are the local yokels making with those David and Goliath wisecracks!
Mr. Potter: Oh, they are, are they? Even thought they know the Baileys haven’t made a dime out of it.
Real Estate Salesman: You know very well why. The Baileys were all chumps. Every one of these homes is worth twice what it cost the Building and Loan to build. If I were you, Mr. Potter…
Mr. Potter: Well, you are not me.
Real Estate Salesman: As I say, it’s no skin off my nose. But one of these days this bright young man is going to be asking George Bailey for a job.
The Real Estate Salesman is Charles Lane, whom I first saw as Homer Bedloe (a Potter in training?) on “Petticoat Junction” re-runs.
George does call Potter “a scurvy spider,” and, by extension, one of his aides.
There’s an episode of the “Batman” animated series set during Christmas. Dick Grayson watches “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Bruce Wayne. (Bruce has never seen it. I suppose he soured on movie comedies after he lost his parents, though he seems to cherish swashbucklers and once bankrolled a film about Hans von Hammer, the “Enemy Ace” of World War I.) The memorable synopsis is that it’s about a man who doesn’t realize how important he is to his community.
Whereas, in a small town in Ohio, everyone is lining to say, a la Louis XIV with l’Etat or Gustave Flaubert with Madame Bovary:
“Westview, c’est moi!”
I must be quite a bit older, AS. I saw Homer Bedloe in the original run. One of my dear memories of the show is Homer’s nightmare. He is tied to the train, and Kate is cackling like a banshee.
When I was recuperating from colon surgery, I watched reruns of “George Burns and Gracie Allen.” Fortunately it was all the episodes with Larry Keating. Brilliant, but I mention because Bea Benaderit costarred. Of course, she also guest starred on the Benny program. Again, brilliant. And on Petticoat Junction, her interplay with Edgar Buchanan was priceless. He was such a versatile actor.
Somebody can bid on Holtron Holtron lives upstairs in the Comic Shop but belongs to Funky and Montoni’s Data processing was the only class Funky ever got an A in because Holtron (also the school computer) changed his grade 🙂
That makes sense in more than one way. By getting rid of all the memorabilia–framed pictures, the Bland Box, the Christmas decorations and the Montoni’s sign–it will be easier to draw the interior of the joint. Not only will there be less to keep track of, but the drawing won’t take as much time and effort. And that could be a real bonus if Ayers is paid by the hour. (Or by the minute.)
Maybe Mitchell will finally get his chance to mention those autopsy photos!
“Wow, that’s some powerful outgassing in my old high school football helmet”, says Bull Bushka, taking off the old memorabilia and deciding to not take The Final Drive after all.
Oh thank goodness, a poorly taped sign! We hadn’t seen one in a while and I was starting to get nostalgic for them…
Gotta admit, I’m a little surprised Batiuk didn’t go “woke” and give us a female auctioneer named Tiffany Lamp.
The fiercest auctioneer in the land!
My son is quitting high school to write an oral history of SoSF. We can’t find your wall of photos, but I’m wondering when you started this wonderful community. I was a kid in the 70s and read the comics section first thing each morning. With two sisters in high school I spent a lot of time around teenagers and FW made high school relatable. And funny. Still enjoyed it in high school and college in the 80s, (air guitars!) but by then I ranked it far behind Bloom County and C&H. In the 90s I moved overseas and only thought to look online for my old favorite comics a few years ago. Was gobsmacked by where Batiuk took, and then parked, his characters.
Sorry for rambling, I don’t mean to distract anyone from preparing to bid for Funky’s foto collection.
Thank you, in the meantime, for creating SoSF and letting newbies like me drop in.
Same for me. I grew up in the 70’s and my mom taught my sister and I how to read by using the comics.
I too got away from Funky after getting married and came back about 12 years ago to find what a mess it had become. One of my good friends refuses to read FW anymore due to all the comic book BS.
I think this site started in 2007. I’m one of the newer people so I may be incorrect. I believe Batty sent his legal goons after the original page and then it was rebranded from Stuck Funky to Son of Stuck Funky.
We put the FUN in FUNky Winkerbean.
SOSF was started by TFH all the way back in 2010, picking up from an earlier blog stared in 2007. The legal kerfuffle was in February 2011, and is available to read in our archives (tab on the right).
TFH’s anniversary message of this year:
“Hey Snarkers! Amidst all the “excitement” of Tom Batiuk’s 75th birthday, and Funky Winkerbean‘s 50th anniversary, I sort of let the 12th anniversary of Son of Stuck Funky go by unremarked. Yep, on April 9th, 2010, we picked up the sputtering torch of the original Stuck Funky, and kindled it into a blazing…well, into a very niche comics snark blog. A long-running comics snark blog, and this never would have happened without the contribution of Epicus Doomus, billytheskink, ComicBookHarriet, spacemanspiff85, beckoningchasm, and everyone who over the years has guest-authored, commented, or just read and enjoyed. Batty is showing no inclination to putting down the Funky Felt Tip, so stick with Team SoSF, the web’s premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark. Thanks all!”
Thank you for that background, CBH, and for directing me to the archive. The first thing I read there cracked me up. Amazing how long you all have doing this without getting stale. If only TB could follow your example… I found reference to a legal issue in the FAQ: Did someone try to shut SF down for posting the strips? What a drag. I’m sorry you guys had to go through that and hope it did not cost you any money or too much stress.
Will Sunday be Ferris Wheeler’s Day Off?
Only if he coughs up a cancerous lung.
Tomorrow’s strip:
“Lot number 567…a concert poster for Molly Hatchet at the Akron Civic Center from August 14, 1982. Unsigned, not numbered, no historical significance. Let’s start the bidding at $8,000.”
(A dozen hands shoot up in the air)
Funky (with a punchable smirk) to Holly in the back of the room: “clean out the grease traps, Montoni’s lives again!”
Holly (with the defeated look of all women in Worstview not named Cindye): “Son of a …”
Yeah, that’s probably where this is going. One of these worthless items is the deus ex machina to save Montoni’s. Probably a comic book.
This sort of disjointed mess is why he ought never have done anything but a gag-a-day strip about the fourth-tier social circle at a third-tier high school in a second-tier suburb of Cleveland.
More tiers than a socialite’s wedding cake!
Meh,Westview is based on Medina, Ohio a third tier suburb of Akron!
Actually, it is a nice place to live, don’t let Batty’s ramblings fool you.
Medina does have Castle Noel, a 24/7 museum tribute to Christmas marketing and home of a fair few interesting props from various holiday films.
Somehow that’s never come up for a Funky felt tip tribute.
As someone who was in the industry for many years, I can tell you that the real money is in the restaurant equipment and other hardware. A Viking impingement oven or a Hobart mixer cost big money. But of course it’s all about the crappy bric a brac.
This is just another excuse to weave his Crankshaft characters into FW. Next week, looks like we’re going back to Atomik Eediots for more hectoring. Next time we see Montoni’s, everything will be as it was. Count on it.
Banana Jr. 6000, thanks for the shout-out.
I must confess that statement was intended as snark rather than a prediction. To be fair, I also said:
be ware of eve hill
November 3, 2022 at 7:16 pm
If Mitchell Knox shows up, I’ll eat my
snarkers hata Montoni’s pizza.Damn. Why did I have to cross out “snarkers hat”? It would probably taste better than the Montoni’s pizza.
Fine. I’ll eat the Montoni’s pizza, but I make no promises it will stay down. 🍕🤢🤮
I’m tired of Batiuk constantly proving me wrong with my predictions about him. He always zigs when I think he’s going to zag. I’m fed up with always being wrong.
Here’s a prediction that’s a sure fire winner:
There’s no chance in hell Tom Batiuk is going to come to my house tomorrow and give me a free all-day art lesson.
Or would he?
Tomorrow morning:
*ding-dong*
Me: (resigned) Hello, Tom.
Tom Batiuk: Greetings! Ms. be ware of eve hill? I’m here for your free art lesson. I’m going to make you a star!
BWOEH, you just need to refine your predictions.
“There’s no way Tom Batiuk will mail me a winning lottery ticket!”
That’s brilliant. That prediction is win-win.
The odds of being right are almost infinitesimal, but a big winner if I’m wrong.
A winning lottery ticket would be a much greater prize than an art lesson from TB. I used that because I wanted to show how far out his way Batiuk would go to prove me wrong.
How about…
“There’s no way Tom Batiuk will
mailhand-deliver me a winning lottery ticket!” ?We already have a bid on the Over/Under after eating the pizza.
Montoni’s pizza, yuck. 😝
I keep thinking of a corrugated cardboard disk covered in ketchup, dried grease, and foam rubber pepperoni, burned in an oven. Gross.
Is it possible to have an Over/Under on instantaneous?
It is covered over Outward and beyond!
Hey some jerk idiot posted a comment in my name yesterday. What a maroon! He got a thorough thrashing!🌺💝🌹
Not a problem. Stop beating yourself up.😄
I’m not sure if I understand the sacrificing for advent thing. You’re a month early aren’t you?
As I said, I thought it was in good fun.
We lost the bet. I guess I owe everyone two dinners. 😉
Actually, I made a side bet with our own dear Anonymous Sparrow. Technically, you owe 4 dinners now. I am very free with your cooking. 😎
I want to know the starting bid on the green pitcher.
Rachel is a redhead today after being colored as a blonde last week. Color me confused.
A few years ago, when Wally graduated, Rachel quit Montoni’s to pursue her teaching certification in art. Montoni’s closing must count as a special occasion. 😂
Arguably, every time we’ve seen a Montoni’s waitress since that strip, it has been Rachel. Yet another memorable character detail created by Batiuk, then instantly forgotten.
Why are Wally, Rachel, and Holly wearing Montoni’s aprons anyway? So people can identify them as Montoni’s employees? For what purpose? Are they serving anything? Grab a coffee pot, Holly, and start pouring.
If they’re assisting in the auction, why do they need aprons?
Why can’t they be there just for familial support?
Why am I such a beady-eyed nitpicker?
Because you are a true scientist at heart. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but for us, it furthers our desire for adventure.
Where is the jukebox? Vintage jukeboxes in working condition are worth thousands. And, as Perfect Tommy mentions, the oven, mixer, etc should really be the stars of this auction.
Remember the arc where Funky whined that he had to move the jukebox and counter stools (?) because Covid, and he moped that “The Montoni’s that reopened would never be the same as the one that closed”? Such hangdoggery over moving furniture — and now that he’s actually losing everything, he, and everyone else, is as chipper as a box of parakeets.
What happened to Adeela, anyway? Is she still working there? Is she an architect now?
See, I’m confused, because we last saw her in a Very Important Arc about, uh, the rights of immigrants? or Islamophobia or something. She was such an Important character.
Isn’t she Important anymore, Tom?
Well, she did design the new lighting system. So the new owners will have that, I guess.
In today’s mail, I received my copy of Hannibal’s Lectern book, “Last Protector.” I will start today! I have no skill with Imgur, so if you want to see the action filled cover it is on SOSF October 26.
I expect a detailed book report!
It will come. But no re-naming. I can barely remember SorialPromise.
In a crossover with Crankshaft starting 8/3/95, Lucy was cleaning out the attic and put the Tiffany lamp out for the trash. Funky picked it up and they put it in the restaurant thinking it was a reproduction. It’s shown in Funky Vol 8 (93-95) page 430-433.
Wow, PewPotato, thanks for the background! So it is an actual Tiffany chandelier lamp. And as such, is worth anywhere from $10K-$500K, or even more. Certainly enough to bail out Montoni’s.
But last year, Lillian & Co had to rustle up outside funds just to buy $20 choir robes. Wonder where she’s gonna get the funds to buy this treasure?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that Crankshaft’s girlfriend (Mary?) right behind Mitchell Knox?