Nary an ex-postman nor a comic book guy to be seen. Let’s all do our “happy dance!” Today we drop in on Mr. and Mrs. Darin Fairgood, at home in front of the world’s only black and white flatscreen TV. By some freak happenstance, Darin has been proven right about something for once, but magnanimously refuses to gloat. How nice to see that after ten years of marriage, Darin’s figured out that he shouldn’t treat his wife like a roomate.
26 thoughts on “Our Show of Shows”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Looks like someone really wanted to exercise the ol’ blonde felt tip today, eh? I see that Boy Lisa’s smirking skills are still top-notch and Jessica still hasn’t mastered the complexities of the hair brush. But no comic books (yet) so there’s a plus.
Not only is it the only black-and-white flatscreen in existence, it’s also the only 4:3 aspect ratio flatscreen I’ve seen.
In other news, Darrin thinks learning basic civility after ten years means he has this marriage thing figured out.
Ah, it wouldn’t be Funky Winkerbean if it didn’t feature dunderheads living behind the times. This is 2012 (I think. In real life, at least; in strip-years, there’s no telling). Nobody watches TV on a television any more; that’s why we have Internet and iPhone. Boy oh boy, I hope this means we’re in for a full week of “Things Aren’t The Way I’m Used To.” It’s not much, but it’s not comic books (and that almost says something).
Jeffcoat, we’d probably all welcome a storyline about comic books after enduring a week of Harry dancing BECAUSE OF a comic book.
Helluva hatchet face in panel 2. Woof. And for those new to Wankerbean, when a character delivers a line out of one side of his mouth (panel 3), it’s going to be something slap-nuts funny, so look out! Blondie McBighair smirks her approval.
I think I know what this arc is going to be about. We find out these two foambrains were twins, separated at birth. Good thing they don’t have kids (that they KNOW of).
And is it me, or does Boy Lisa in panel 2, hatchet face aside, look like Funky in a blonde wig? Any chance Funktard was really the one who knocked up Dead Lisa?? Maybe the Van Guy wasn’t the only one who got a piece of that. Bet she banged the whole goddam town at some point.
After last week, today’s strip is like being dragged back to one’s cell while the interrogators regain enough energy for the beatings to continue.
@Duane (yesterday’s post continuation): Both, maybe?
Since the expression in the masthead doesn’t appear in today’s strip, I take it we are looking toward a whole week of “Darin knows what days the shows are broadcast.” Almost as if he has some kind of TV Guide or something.
The strip as a whole might be mildly amusing if he didn’t stretch his “jokes” to the point where their screams attract international condemnation and an investigation by the UN. Seriously, Mr. Batiuk, just tell the joke and move on.
Hey, ease up. Darin and Jessica are proud of their new Philco.
The TV comes from the same Soviet Bloc factory as the cars in this strip.
Wait a second! Didn’t TV Guide stop printing listings on paper in about 1999? Sure, they’re on the evil computer, but that’s no iPad in the misshapen hands of the girl about whose father’s murder the great Les Moore wrote a book.
Well, at least we know that Act II Funky was able to find a new job when Act III came along. Cell Phone Girl is probably working in Zits or RMMD as an extra, and Susan is currently working in an unnamed graphic novel.
Jess: “You’re right, Darin. Our show isn’t on tonight. I say this as I scan our plant-killing dead tree time listings, trying valiantly to pretend that Hulu and NetFlix ain’t even a thing.”
Darin: “I appreciate being right.”
Jess: “Well? Aren’t you going to gloat?”
Darin: “I’ve learned the difference between being married and living in a dorm. In the main, I never had conjugal relations with my dorm mates, for instance.”
Jess: “…*…not going to ask about that latter part. But, since apparently this is our new character arc- Isn’t the very fact that I find your not gloating unusual a very strong sign that you’re a petty, mean-spirited man, who often puts me down and verbally derides me over shallow, meaningless things?”
Darin: “Um, yes? No? Wait, I was basking in the smug glow of rightness! How dare you extinguish it, WOMAN!”
Jess: “That’s the Post-Les Darin I’ve come to know and loathe!”
****************************************
Seriously, despite the set-up for Jess and Les to bond over their mutual devotion to her father’s murder and Darin supposedly spending most of his time at Montoni’s, apparently DARIN was the one most affected by non-stop Les exposure for the better part of the year.
Replace these two with Les ‘n Cayla and tell me it doesn’t fit better.
I was going to say: THANK GAWD THE COMIC ARC IS OVER, then I remembered…these two live just an onionskin-thin wall away from the Komix Korner.
Oh, no. It’s not over. It’s not OVER! Harry’s going to come crashing through the wall at any moment, clutching a bloodied Flash Gordon hardcover to his privates! AAAAAAAGH!
How has Darrin not noticed that his wife has been replaced by Ted Forth in a blonde wig?
Connie: Because in Westview, the hopeless residents have come to accept that other than the Pinned Up Sleeve, Brick Walls, and Les’ Smirk, nothing ever looks the same from day to day. Or even from moment to moment.
Just one more way they’ve been worn down into snide, half-lidded surrender into randomly puttering around in life.
@John: Your scenario simultaneously had me laughing and repulsed. Kudos.
Speaking of computers, Withering Heights, I’m thinking the only real thing that will get me loving a Funky strip now is if Bautik manages to work that darn sentient computer from the Act 1 days into the current run.
C’mon, Tom. Dick Tracy just recently faced their Dork Age with grace and brought the Moon Maid back from the grave. Do you want to be outdone by a detective with all-purpose wrist watches & woman with antennae?
Darrin does resemble Funky, that is true. Perhaps Funky did bang DL and is the baby daddy. But considering the fact that one one ever leaves this stupid town, and they all marry within the town, there is some serious inbreeding here. Everyone is their own cousin somehow. Either Dead Lisa or her baby daddy have Winkerbean blood in them.
Funky’s fat wife’s kids look like Funky. That’s because Funky’s senile pop banged fat wife’s momma. Therefore Funky/FatWife are half siblings. So Funky is both step father and uncle to misfit now in the Army brat.
^^ The possibility that everyone is related somehow fascinates and disgusts me. I’m pretty sure that Cody is Summer’s other half-brother (which explains his strange attraction to her)–Les and Cody’s mother, somehow.
“I’ve learned the difference between being married and living in a dorm….
—there’s a slightly less chance of forced anal penetration when being married”
John is right. Replace these two nitwits with Less and Crayola and it makes much more sense. (On the other hand, maybe the girl with the huge hair IS Cayla, who is continuing her never ending journey toward Ultimate Whiteness.)
But if you swap in Goatee Boy and Crayola, you’ll need to add a final panel where Crayola hauls off and slugs Less in the mouth so hard, he spits Chicklets.
Meanwhile, wondering what planet these idiots are from. Who on this planet talks like this? “Our show?” Really? Anyone else would mention the show by name, I guess. What would I know? And suppose they WERE having a heated argument about whether “their show” was on. Who’d gloat about being right about THAT? Can Bat Hack write even one panel that’s not horribly contrived and artificial?
Boy Lisa is just so inherently uninteresting, you know? Even when compared to the rest of these dullards, the guy has the personality of a bag of doorknobs. And Jessica’s entire character can be summarized in one word, that word being “duh”. Man, BatWrite is really hurting for ideas these days, you know? “Derwin and Jessica watch TV”…OK, whatever you say, Pulitzer (nominee) Boy.
I think Cody might be the love child of Les and DSH.
Hat Boy has to be a decendent of the old bag lady from Act II.
The Westview gene pool has a few common dominant traits:
the fat/blond haired gene
the premature aging/facial sagging flapping jowls gene
the tall skinny nearsighted brunette gene
Dead Skunk Head has all except the skinny. But he’s a carrier.
Wow, Dustbin, that’s a Weapons-Grade smirk in panel three. But was it really worth unhinging your entire lower jaw?
…Oh, hey, no more Crazy Harry. I can come out of hiding now.