Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults…
Unfortunately, the young adults in this case are Darin and Jessica Darling Fairgood. Their “reality” involves starting a family while he’s an MBA assistant-managing a pizza parlor, and she’s a documentarianne whose project about her father has been stalled for two years. Speaking of stalling, today’s strip does nothing to move this story along.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Years of being in Funky Winkerbean catch up with her, and Anne can no longer hold back the raging vomit. That’s what panel 3 is telling me.
It WAS Fred and not Anne who had the stroke, right?
Another wasted day.
“I’m going to look for my dead father.”
“I’m speaking metaphorically.”
What’s tomorrow going to bring?
“Not, you know, literally.”
And for the rest of the week.
Thursday: “I think Les wrote a book about your father.”
Friday: “Les wrote a book about my father?”
Saturday: “Yes, you should ask him about it.”
Sunday: “I think I’ll ask Les, who wrote a book about my father, about my father.”
Monday: “Do you think it’s a good idea to ask Mr. Moore about your father?”
Tuesday: “I think it’s a good idea. After all, he wrote a book about my father.”
Wednesday: “You’re right, that’s a good idea: ask Mr. Moore about your father.”
You gotta love how Ann is all like “you DO realize he’s dead, right?” as if she’s dealing with a complete idiot. She knows Jessica well, apparently. Which would also explain that cockeyed smirk of disappointment in panel three as she tries to make sense of her daughter-in-law’s brainless jabberings. I guess Boy Lisa is in for a few double-shifts over at the ol’ app factory, someone’s gotta cover the family nut while Jess is off gallivanting around bugging people about John Darling.
First question for Jessica: “So what exactly were you doing for the last two years?”. Second: “Weren’t you living with the world’s foremost authority on John Darling for over a year?”. All logical questions, sure, but nothing more than meaningless (and hidebound) literalism here in the Funkyverse, where both anything and nothing is always possible. So don’t sweat the details (or the continuity, or the art, or the dialog…), just enjoy it because Frankie’s on his way and once he gets here everything’s gonna turn out all right, I just KNOW it is!
Thanks for that TFH, and I mean that. Funniest thing I’ve seen all day.
ANN: I assume you two are going to finally get a real place to live now that you’re having a baby?
JESS: First I’m going to find my father figuratively… for me.
ANN: Jesus Christ, are you on drugs?
The faces of Dead Lisa and Dead John Darling, floating gently in space… that’s gonna be one hell of an over-the- crib mobile.
Wait, what was the name of her father again? I keep forgetting.
“In the simplest of terms, when one uses the phrase figuratively speaking in conversation or in written text, they are referring to a scenario that is so abstract and unrealistic that there is no possibility of it actually occurring.”
This describes Tom Batiuk’s entire works of FW…Literally Speaking
In today’s 3rd panel, the part of Ann Fairgood will be played by Roger Ebert.
This conversation would actually be a cute set up for a meta-reference to the real-life release of a collection of John Darling strips.
Or maybe, TB’s Kent State murals were a clue, and Jessica will discover that her father, John Darling, actually faked his murder and remains alive and well.
I smell a horrible flashback montage coming on…………either that or a new 400 page comic strip collection of John Darling strips about to come out.
Knock, Knock…”Hello, I’m selling Turkeys for our Band, would you like to buy one? The money used will help purchase GPS’s for our Trombone Section.” That is the only logical sequence that this stip can take with it’s “WACKY” off the wall continuity we are experiencing…Man I can’t stop laughing at this “Comic”…
Man, that’s gonna be one ugly kid…
Jess: “Oh, I know I’ve been saying that I’ll put together a documentary about my dead, murdered father John Darling for over two years now, but this time I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY mean it!”
*Darin pulls out a piece of sugarless gum, the foil wrapper crinkling*
Jess: “OMG, SO SHINY! Can I touch it? I want to touch it! It’s so beautiful!”
Darin: “I get the feeling you lack conviction, Jess.”
Ann: “It’s better that she gets her work done now, before the groping, gnawing, needy, evil infant becomes a problem!”
Darin: “Yeesh, Mom! I’m sure our kid won’t be that bad.”
Ann: “I was talking about your father, dear. The worthless old bastard keeps whimpering about me installing equipment to make it possible for him to go downstairs or use the bathroom. WHINY BRAT!”
Wait…Batiuk’s bringing up the murder of John Darling, at the same time the evil Frankie is shown returning. Did Frankie shoot John Darling?
I want only one thing. And if I get it, I’ll never need another gift in my life. I want Frankie to Prison Rape Les. Hard core. I mean, the West Virginians in Deliverance should blush and turn away. And as Las lay whimpering, I want Frankie to say, “Oh, Les, by the way – Hell of a kiss.”
The Dreamer: Pete Mossman killed JD. Tom Batiuk killed Lisa Moore. FTR, as far as anyone knows, merely impregnated LM and never killed anyone.
Charles suggested:
Thursday: “I think Les wrote a book about your father.”
Friday: “Les wrote a book about my father?”
Saturday: “Yes, you should ask him about it.”
Sunday: “I think I’ll ask Les, who wrote a book about my father, about my father.”
Monday: “Do you think it’s a good idea to ask Mr. Moore about your father?”
Tuesday: “I think it’s a good idea. After all, he wrote a book about my father.”
Wednesday: “You’re right, that’s a good idea: ask Mr. Moore about your father.”
Spot on, but if BatExposition wrote it, he’d add “John Darling” after each instance of the word “father.”
Today’s strip literally has me throwing up in a figurative manner.
I have no idea how comic syndicates work with newspapers. But are they really paying for this crap? Or is it something like a 20 year lease of the page. Maybe all the good comics have moved to the the web but that’s not true, we still have Dilbert, Pearls Before Swine, Doonesbury, etc. So do is TB blackmailing the folks that control these pages?
@Brazos,
Yes there are several fine comics still from juvenile to degrees of satire. From gag-a-days to story archs… But FW is “flat-line”… there is no pulse.
But as long as Tom holds the negatives on Brendon Burford, CK will continue to make payments