Ah, yes: Montoni’s famous solid gold jukebox. Batiuk’s fond of saying that Montoni’s Pizzeria is a replication of Luigi’s Restaurant in Akron, OH, “right down to the nails in the floor.” But an image found on Flickr shows a rather more mundane ‘box in that real-world establishment. I guess Tom felt that a classic round-top Wurlitzer would add some charm. Sadly though, whoever colors these strips either has never seen a Wurlitzer, or is too lazy or incompetent to color it in any shade but sickly yellow.
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Montoni’s? Marches? The only way this party-torture can end logically is if, at the end of the party, Harry laughs like a maniac and says “I am divorcing you, you old b!tch! I’ve hated you for years!”
Funky: “Why are you telling me the CD is for “our” anniversary? I don’t swing that way, Sunshine!”
Harry: “I meant OUR anniversary! I and my wife Harriet’s.”
Funky: “Um, but I already knew THAT. Anyway, yeah, we’ll just put a CD player behind the jukebox or something…”
Harry: “W-What?!? No, no! You have to put the CD -on- the jukebox! No CD players! EVIL TECHNOLOGY!”
Funky: “Um, honestly Harry, CD players are ancient by this point.”
Harry: “THEY USE LASERS! LASER LOVER! LASER LOVER! LASER LOVER! LASER LOVER! LASER LOVER! LASER LOV-”
(Harry continues screaming “Laser Lover” for a good 98 minutes. Funky sighs, glancing at his watch and rolling his eyes)
Funky: “….listen. If you hate CD players that much, why did you put your music on a fershluginer CD?!?”
Harry: “….*….uh….”
Put Harry’s hat back on, he’s horrifying.
I gotta love how the actual joke here is that Dinkle literally has nothing to offer his wife on their anniversary but the same crap she deals with 24/7. The same greasy, doughy, burnt pizza. The same damn music he plays all the damn time even though he supposedly lost his hearing 15-20 years ago. The same smug, unwarranted sense of accomplishment despite never actually doing anything for anyone.
Again, Tom is TRYING to hit “cute and endearing” here and failing monstrously.
Harry: Guess what, darling, I’ve created a special CD of our favorite music for our anniversary!
Harriet: Oooh, what’s it got on there? “I Want to Hold Your Hand”? “Georgia on My Mind”? “Can’t Help Falling in Love”?
Harry: What? I don’t think I’ve even heard of that last one!
Harriet: ….It was the song we danced to at our wedding?
Harry: Are you mad, woman? It’s Sousa! Nothing but the best Sousa marches ever made!
Harriet: Oh for fuck’s….I have been putting up with your Sousa shit for fifty years now! I’m sick of Sousa! Has it ever once occurred to you that music does not begin and end with a bunch of jingoistic trumpets bleating? We came of age in the era of doo-wop and Motown and Elvis Fucking Presley, you one-note hack! Maybe if you got your head out of that stupid helmet once in a blue moon, you might have noticed that my musical tastes are slightly more diverse and varied than your own!
Harry: ….So, you’re saying I should have gone with “Liberty Bell March” instead of “Stars and Stripes Forever”?
Harriet: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! *beats him over the head with her Rolling Stones boxset*
That was beautiful, Diva.
Remember that old song, from back in the 90’s? “I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me”. Everyone in Westview should be singing that!
But…..I am feeling a little bad about the snarking now. The good people of my hometown of Brooklyn have dedicated a park in name of Adam Yauch, a Beastie Boy who passed from cancer recently.
Is the snarking here too self-absorbed?
With great endeavors… I was able to scan the label from Harry’s CD as he handed off to Funky :
#OAK-CD-103-01 Marsch Musik, This is a collection of longer instrumental German march compositions, all recorded by the great German bands of the 1930’s, and transcribed from rare studio discs. The CD opens with a lengthy “performance” piece by the renown Grosses Blas-Orchester, led by the great Carl Woitschach, then Director of Music at the old Telefunken electronics firm. This is followed by a very unusual and wonderful rendition of Prussian compositions performed by the Berlin Philharmonic. Then, a short piece, possibly the oldest recording of a German march in existence, a very rare disc, cut by Berlin’s Garde-Kurassier Regiment in 1898! As finale, the marching-out of Berlin’s Guard Battalion, complete with barked commands and thundering percussion for added effect. And, as well all know and understand, they just don’t play these venerable old pieces the way they used to!
tfhackett: Exactly. dinkle looks like that internet meme.
I Can’t See: Snarking on a fictional clueless ex-band director making unfunny jokes about his 50th anniversary!=mocking a real person who actually did suffer the pain and ironies of death by cancer?
I just can’t see that.
Granted, I could never see how Lisa could possibly be worshiped by Tom as his pure, perfect Saint of Illness, either. Because I live in a family where REAL members have died of cancer and others are suffering from it. It makes his festish-tastic deification of an ink-drawing seem like the REAL self-absorption here.
Maybe the brilliance of Batiuk will be revealed to future generations. It sure is lost on us.
Shitty venue, lousy food and music no one else likes but him…this Dinkle guy isn’t an endearing, colorful local character. He’s a thoughtless, cheap, selfish dick. Imagine being one of the countless students he abused in high school and getting an invite to this sorry excuse for a 50th anniversary party (and seriously BatWad, you don’t need to remind us of what the occasion is each and every day, we’re fully capable of remembering yesterday’s strip). “From who? That old jerk-off? He’s still alive? Montoni’s? No f*cking way”.
Re: Dinkle’s narcissistic cackle of selfish glee in panel three: I haven’t wanted to punch a FW character in the face this much since last Saturday.
Coming tomorrow: Funky attempts to load Dinkle’s CD into the old Montoni’s jukebox which, unfortunately, only plays records. Boy Lisa saves the party by downloading the complete Sousa discography and letting the gang use his MP3 player, which, despite it being ten years in the future, leaves them all staring in slack-jawed, wry amazement.
What exactly is the point of Dinkle’s constant appearances anyway? I guess it’s to remind us of the never ending sadness of old age (among other things) in Westview. When you’re on such a run, why stop the momentum? Gotta keep it a downer; from smug Les hassling Funky and his blisters to a probable senile former band director. Can’t wait until the inevitable hilarious stip involving Harry being sent to Bedside Manor. At least there maybe Batiuk will let him put on the marching band helmet again. Gee, Batiuk when will the excitement end?
What Batiuk really ought to do is have a rainstorm immediately (and inexplicably) break out in Montoni’s the minute the CD is played.
The tranquilizers in Westview’s water system don’t seem to be working on Harry, based on his frightening level of enthusiasm in panel three.
Why do I feel as if we’re about to find out that the Dinkles’ marriage was based on lies and deceit.
Dinkle could at least have put the William Tell Overture on the tape to see if Harriet would recognize it as the “Happy Anniversary” song from the Flintstones.
@Bill McNeal: That idea is exponentially funnier than anything we have seen from BatHack in decades. In other words, I won’t hold my breath.
Not to be too off color, but I think Harry is showing us his “O-face” in p3.
The more I think about it, the more I really feel sorry for Harry’s students. Instead of being exposed to the wonderful history, scope, and cultural variety of music, they were forced to slog through the same handful of pieces every single year, never encountering anything beyond their director’s appallingly shallow reference pool. What’s really sad is this pathetic, unimaginative dullard is the pride and joy of Westview High.
I was about to post that the only reason Harry wants to hold the anniversary party in dreary old Montoni’s is because Batiuk can’t be bothered to draw new backgrounds, when today’s strip reminded me that he barely draws backgrounds anymore. He could have Harry wisk Harriet off to the Taj Mahal for all the difference it would make, art-wise.
btw, has anybody on this board actually eaten at luigi’s? Might be heading to akron in a few weeks, wanted to know if it was worth going.. besides the morbid curiosity, I mean.
btw, has anybody on this board actually eaten at luigi’s?
Haven’t been there, but I’ve seen videos of Batiuk hanging out there, and it looks like a much nicer restaurant than Montoni’s. It has pleasant fixtures and decor that give it some genuine warmth. Montoni’s looks like one of those crappy takeout places where you hope the guy making the food doesn’t smoke while he cooks and actually washed his hands after the last time he took a shit. Plus, you also hope that the counters, floors and tables have been at least wiped down in the last week.
I guess I’m saying that Batiuk doesn’t present reality all that well when it comes to this place, which is pretty much par for the course.
I just find it strange that in order to “laugh” at (or even understand) these “jokes” the reader is forced to recall what the character USED TO be like many years ago. Otherwise this is just the story of an old jerk amusing himself by being a dick for no good reason. I hate how he cherry-picks which parts of FW’s continuity he observes and which parts he ignores.
Westview…
I live about 5 minutes from Luigi’s and eat there occasionally. There are two schools of thought on this place. One being that its food you can’t live without, and the second one being that its good food to have occasionally, but lets not make a habit of it. I fall into the second camp.
It’s got a large following from being open till the wee hours on the weekend, and who can argue with after-bar food that isn’t Taco Bell?
If you do come to our fair city, I would say give the joint a try, and let us all know what you think. Just a couple words of caution, there may be long lines depending on what time of day you arrive, and they only accept cash or personal checks as payment.
Also, in the interest of full disclosure, before I discovered this site, TB did a book signing there for “Lisa’s Story”, and I went to it. Mostly out of homage to FW of old, as I was(still am) a huge fan of the arcade game “Defender”, and I always liked it when it would show up in the strip.
Panel 2’s pinhead Funky and Panel 3’s diskhead Harry are truly disturbing, even though the effects are inadvertent.
@billytheskink: Dang it, you proved that the neurons that stored the Flintstones’ abuse of the William Tell overture 5 decades ago are still alive, despite my best efforts to kill them off 🙂
So, the jokes rely on decades-old continuity, but he still reminds you of what they were talking about yesterday. Yeesh.
I am also hoping to drive by Luigi’s this summer and try it out. The schedule on the website is a little odd (no Saturday afternoons until 5pm?) so check ahead.
They don’t open until 5 on Saturday because they are still hosing it down from Friday night. I think I read some yelp reviews on it just to get a sense of what people felt about it, kind of a local institution that people have no memory of how it got that status. Maybe it’s me, I can’t imagine decent Italian food (not just pizza) coming from Ohio, even if Dean Martin was born there.
Thanks, guys!. I’ll be heading to there sometime in early august. I will definitely try it out.
—Maybe it’s me, I can’t imagine decent Italian food (not just pizza) coming from Ohio, even if Dean Martin was born there.——
As a long time Noo Yawker, I can’t either. There’s just something about that polluted New York water that makes a great pizza and bagel.