The best man is the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding and (along with Maid of Honor) is the third most important in attendance after the Bride and Groom. In most modern, English-speaking countries, the groom extends this honor to someone who is close to him, generally his oldest and closest male friend, or a sibling.
At first, Wally’s selection of Buddy as best “man” seems like another one of Batiuk’s goofy, contrived plot flourishes. But actually, sadly, it makes sense. Since he appeared on his “widow” Becky’s doorstep four years ago, Wally’s been shunned by everyone he left behind when he went off to serve his country. Even his country didn’t bother to verify that the human remains they shipped home for burial were his. He was made to endure the most awkward homecoming ever before Becky handed him his trombone and showed him the door. His only known relative, uncle cousin Funky, has had little to do with him since giving him a job and surreptitiously swiping his sidearm.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Oh, this is going to end well. “Honesty, we signed the marriage license but my best man ate it! Stop laughing!”
Then again, at least we’ll be spared a horrible pun-laden speech at the reception (though it sadly appears dogs are not immune to Westview Smirk Disease).
Wow, this just gets sadder and more depressing by the day. Wally can’t afford a ring so he gives Rachel an IOU, then he chooses a dog as his best man because he hasn’t a single friend other than Buddy and Rachel (and possibly her kid unless he’s been written out). Dark, gloomy stuff. One has to wonder why he opts to stay put in that ungrateful, boring, suffocatingly dull town. I’m guessing that his lack of personality and general dimwittedness has a lot to do with it.
Trying to figure out Batiuk’s deal has dumbfounded me for years as to what could be funny about this or why he would create such drivel. But I think I’ve figured it out. Batiuk creates such pathetic characters for the well being of his readers. No matter how bad our own lives may be, we could never, ever, be as huge of losers as these characters are. Thanks Tom for making our lives not seem so bad.
I don’t know why Tom Batiuk refuses to create the obvious 4th panel, but I’ve come up with one for Wally that is perfect to end every strip he appears in. It’s this:
Admittedly, it doesn’t work really all that well with today’s offering:
…although it actually kinda does.
But check these out:
You might say, “But they’re wearing different clothes!” To which I say, “Triggered flashback.”
TFH: That post title..heh heh. Don’t know how you do it.
Beckoning: Works for me, those 4th panels always bring the funny. As opposed to one, two and three.
An exploration of a man who loses everything after he comes back from being MIA would be interesting and poignant. Maybe Ces at Sally Forth could work it into his strip.
Even if Wally had actual friends in Westview, which would presumably consist of the established male characters, Buddy the Dog may just be the best choice of them all by default. I mean, what are the other choices? Funky? Les? Skunkhead? Darin? Pete? Crazy Harry? Deaf Harry? The Ghost of John Darling? Fred the Wonder Slug? It’s a real no-man’s land out there in Westview lately. If Buddy ever figures out he has the evolutionary advantage in this town, Wally’s friendship will surely be at stake.
Wally: “I’ll go along with whatever you want as far as wedding plans go. See what a good guy I am? Deciding that you’ll actually get to make decisions about your own wedding? Man, I’m feeling absolutely Les Moore level in my saintly goodness!”
Rachel: *face palm*
Wally: *dead, fixed stare* “But I do have one request.”
Rachel: Ohgawdohgawdohgawd, he’s going to ask for a threesome with…WITH…NOOOOO!
Wally: “Can Buddy be my best man?”
Rachel: …okay, considerably less hideous. Just awkward and sad.
A ha! A ha! A ha! I get it. It’s another joke about that damn dog. Keep it up. Let’s continue the dog jokes for another week. Yep, nothing rehashed about that. Of course he could try something new and possibly funny…but…well…
Ahhh, Wally is back into his Schindler’s List character role again. Batiuk is doing all this on purpose…for what evil intent I do not know. Nor why on earth CK promotes and carries his contract. Cancel the strip and place an ad in it’s space.
Wally continues to be the most depressing Sad Sack….spending 10 years as a POW certainly didn’t help develop him.
HEY… how come Khan isn’t his Best Man….remember Khan?
Re. merry. Actually, no I don’t. Who is Khan? Someone else not seen in at least a year?
And here we see the problem of Batiuk having all these characters but creating situations where they don’t interact much. Possibly the only nice thing I would ever say about Montoni’s and that comic book shop is that they’re like the school years ago. They actually give a reason for these people to interact and be friends. But with lots of plots that feature just a small section of the cast the story is left with issues like Wally not having people he can turn to for this wedding.
Can’t wait to see the bachelor party Buddy throws.
“Hijinks ensue as Wally has to get married in his hospital bed in traction after trying to…” No. I can’t bring myself to finish that one.
I actually think the punchline of today’s strip is fine, sappy and labored, but fine. It’s panel 1 that gets me…
Shades of Les leaving all of the wedding planning to Cayla and then, a month later, incredulously wondering why everything wasn’t 100% ready.
Well, I suppose now Rache will have to go out and find a bitch-of-honor.
Again while this is suposed to be somehow cute and endearing – Wally’s gaunt hollow face adds a level of creepy here: ‘Yes Buddy i was about to tell her..blood and souls for my lord Antoich!”
billytheskink: Glad you picked up on that. It also has the worrying sexism and bigotry that Tom’s been radiating in increasingly toxic levels over the past three years.
Tom Batiuk: “I don’t know what you beady-eyed, pedantic, hidebound literalist nitpickers are griping about! See, HE’S letting HER run the wedding! Doesn’t that please you damn libbers? Yeesh.”
Reader: “Um, that’s sort of the problem. This is a decision he made FOR her, without even talking to her about it. He didn’t even ASK her if she WANTED to do this. She works full time for minimum wage and has a child to support. Adding the responsibilities of a wedding to plan on top of all of that might not have been her desire. But Wally didn’t even care enough to communicate with her. Frankly, this is a massive red flag.”
Tom Batiuk: “I’m no fool. You’ve got to make sure the wimmen know their Wifely Duties! Do you want her to be like Evil Roberta? Do you?!? Hmmph!”
Reader: *face palm*
“IOU for a ring, dog for a best man, Greasy pizza joint for reception area….what’s next? Wally an his grooms going to wear construction paper bow ties? Rachel’s wedding dress gonna be sewed from old dishrags? ……And by the way it really says something that Wally considers a dog a better choice of best man than his own uncle, But I suppose Funky can’t be the best man since he’s probably going to be the one performing the ceremony,………I can’t wait to see what’s the wedding cake is ……. Stay tuned for “America’s Cheapest Weddings!!!” only on the WE network!!!
I wouldn’t be surprised if Buddy were the only guest, honestly. I’m sure all the main characters are going to attend by virtue of being the only people in Westview, but I can’t imagine Wally deliberately inviting them.
If they had any brains between them, they’d marry as quietly as possible and skip town in the night.
Gyre: Khan used to work at Montoni’s. Then he opened his own place, called Citizen Khan’s (seriously). He was last seen in the background during Les & Cayla’s wedding.
@ Sgt Saunders…..there must be a crazy cat lady in Westview for some bridesmaids
Interestingly, I don’t think Kahn and Wally have interacted at all since Wally returned in Act III.
As I recall, Kahn saved Wally’s life in an Afghan minefield back in 2005, which was followed by Wally socking Kahn in the jaw for selling weapons to Afghan insurgents or something and then the two seemingly becoming friends after that. Seems like Wally and Lefty would have been the only reasons Kahn wound up in Westview, so you’d think maybe he’d come up in these Wally story arcs.
TFH sez: Excellent point, BTS! And I don’t think Khan ‘n’ Wally reunited stateside either. Here’s a link to the 2005 Landmine Story Arc on funkywinkerbean.com.
The more that I think about..there are just a litany of problems that arise with having a canine best man.
First – The best man’s biggest duty is securing the wedding rings. A highly important task considering the groom is usually too stoned or drunk out of his mind the night before to properly keep track of these things. Giving Wally Winkerbean’s state of mind, this becomes an even more important job. It’s even further exacerbated by the the fact that said rings are probably in the same state as the engagement ring–namely their post it note IOUs, as well!!!! So how the hell is Buddy supposed to keep track of two yellow post it notes among the rest of Wally’s trash in his apartment!!!! “No, no boy, that’s my cleaning bill!!!” “No, no, Buddy, that’ my missed appointment notice from the dentist”. “No, Buddy! That’s the phone number of that tranny I picked up in Akron last week!”. “Keep digging in the trash boy!”
Second – Making sure the groom is awake and ready in time is also a big deal . To be fair this kind of what Buddy does already to some degree. The waking him up via tongue licking will still work. Sure he can also fetch his slippers and maybe even his second-hand tuxedo as well. But darn it, how’s buddy going to help during that time, when Wally can’t remember which goes on first–the show or the sock?? And how is Buddy going to get this dope to the pizza parlour in time. I know the bus is their usuall mode of transport, but this is a big day. I’m not sure if Buddy can effectively hail a cab in Westview. His best bet might be to stand in front of a moving car and pretend it hit him. While feigning death, the distraught motorist will be guilted into giving them both a ride to Montoni’s. I guess that could work.
3. And of course the most important part of being the best man…namely ruining the wedding with your embarrassing behavior. Normally this would be an easy task. In fact, there’s a good bet the groom and the rest of guests will take care of this for Buddy. But darn it all tradition is tradition!
How’s buddy going to profess a secret hidden affair with bride after
-“Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece”.? Barking will only look cute and adorable. Buddy’s going to have to go to the extreme. Leg humping Rachel would be the best practice here. Even then that might be misinterpreted as cute..or at least bizarre.
-How’s Buddy going to defend Wally after the massive drunken fist fight with the brides family? Buddy’s a working dog, but I don’t think he has the viciousness in him to tear out Rachel’s dad’s throat after he calls Wally an asshole for the 50th time.
– And who’s going to piss in the……..well I guess that’s one task Buddy’s got down pat.
@$$$Westview Oncologist$$$ – Here’s a quick rundown of how your issues will likely resolve –
First – there are no rings. Wally has already proven himself to be extraordinarily incapable of exercising even the most basic social skills and the best anyone can hope for is maybe a promissory note. Tuck it in the dog’s collar.
Second – Sure, Buddy can wake up Wally or just drag him down the street to Montoni’s – presuming he not crashed out in the back all night and, accordingly, already there.
3: Buddy will comically sip champagne and then shit on the floor. The resultant stench will preclude any fisticuffs by thoroughly nauseating family and guests alike. Did I say “guests”? HAWHAWHAW.