Before anyone asks: I’m not going to add “rents” (slang for parents) to the Batiuktionary…I actually have heard this usage (once) in real life, and it can also be found in that context on Google and Urban Dictionary. Now that we got that out of the way: war-torn Afghanistan provides the reader a welcome respite from the Taj Moore-hal. TB trusts us (for once) to discern that one of these interchangeable, faceless soldiers is none other than Our Cory. The soldiers having apparently exhausted every other topic for small talk, conversation now turns to the “rents” (in the past tense for reasons unknown). “They constantly invented new ways to be annoying.” At least they’re inventive; meanwhile their Creator constantly annoys by cycling and recycling the same tired tropes. The band director’s changed but being in the band is still an ordeal. The Scapegoats’ standout footballer is now the coach, but the team still loses. War was hell for Wally (who went MIA twice) and will no doubt be hell for cousin Cory.
“Rent” Control
TFH here, tippin’ the ol’ SoSF K-pot to Beckoning Chasm for two weeks of outstanding guest posting! Guest host DavidO brings the snark for a couple weeks starting tomorrow.
Son of Stuck Funky 
There you have it folks, a sentimental picture of loved ones (or the closest approximation thereof) back home. Cory isn’t coming back from his tour of duty.
So…Cory is staking out the environs on duty…but his helmet in the last panel shows Funky, Holly and Cory in a happy snap nestled nicely in said helmet.
Yet…he’s wearing his helmet.
So, is this another “whoah reveal” from Mr. Batiuk? Is Cory going completely Johnny Got His Gun? Is he lying on the operating table even now, while medics yell “Talk to me Cory, talk to me! Tell me about your ‘rents! Tell me about your pity date with Summer! Tell me about Les Moore! No, wait, don’t tell me about Les Moore, if you want to come off this table. I’m not kidding. I’m NOT. Stop talking about Les Moore!! MEDIC!!! We’ve got a bleeder!“
A rather lifeless outing that conveinently ignores reality, which was that Cory was always depicted as the all-around no-goodnik of the “new wave” of Act III WHS students. But meh, no one cares about Cory anyhow.
Re: the helmet. I was pondering this too, then I noticed that in panel five the word balloon arrow is pointing toward the building, which I assume means they’re supposed to be inside with their helmets off. Yet he features two figures standing there in the background which makes it very confusing visually. He never makes it easy, you know?
Somebody told Batiuk that soldiers walk around with Polaroids of their parents lodged inside their combat helmets. He believed them.
Is the other soldier supposed to be Rocky Roxanne, or has Batiuk already forgotten about that character arc?
guess the pull out of troops is complete , these two missed chopper out
I admit that I say ‘Rents… in fact, that’s how my parents are listed on my cell phone. Never ‘rents’, though.
Anyhow, his parents are obviously dead
“‘Rents…?” Isn’t that just a wee bit dated, even for this strip, its creator, and its apostles…?
Can I just say that the image of Blondie McHaystack in the masthead irritates me? Because let me guess: she remains cool, calm, and collected as she goes into labor and Durwood panics. Gee, THAT “comedy” vein hasn’t been mined before!
I’m assuming Jessica, daughter of John Darling, is in the masthead for this week’s arc. She and Durrrwood will be looking for Starbuck Jones comics.
“….new ways to be annoying”.
Especially after I cheated in school….oh and vandalized the school…Oh and stole money from a charity run….oh and that New Years eve party when my “rents” were away…oh and gave me a chance to work into a cushy family business …ya they got pretty annoying.
Cory: “Boy, I sure did go quickly from “just starting to get trained” to “Hardened Soldier Enduring The Hells of War With Wistful Regret”, didn’t I? Almost like there was no transition.”
Beetle Bailey: “You’re new? Welp, how’s Eisenhower doing?”
Cory: “….”
Personally, I’d think that it would be more interesting (and in-character) if instead of Wally becoming another interminable ‘stoic but honorable’ soldier it turned out that he was a dirtbag who was only a few steps from being washed out. And unlike Beetle Bailey, it wasn’t played for direct laughs; Corey could hang out among the other dirtbags while holding them in contempt, he’d be getting bullied by the more competent soldiers, and his superiors would hold him in pity or contempt.
There. Batiuk gets his angst quotient, we get a depiction of a soldier that hasn’t been done a billion times before, and he also gets the topicality points he so craves.
Crankshaft today has a pun joke made out of a fellow school bus driver being stone cold murdered by one of his passengers. Um, isn’t Crankshaft supposed to be the “lighter” strip out of the two?
I have been trying all afternoon to forget the ghastly implications of the last panel. “Ouch” said Cory as his head was unceremoniously lopped off. “Yeah, I know”, are the final words of his pal as his head, too, is being liberated from its host body. A helmet rolls away from the unspeakable carnage with a lone snapshot forever linking one of the unfortunates to Funky Winkerbean’s World ‘O Misery. “Yeah, we know.”