A Streetcar Named Starbuck Jones

Beloved snarkers! I’ve wrested control once again of the good ship SoSF to kick off the gala 4th Anniversary Celebration! My most sincere thanks to DavidO, Beckoning Chasm, Epicus Doomus, and Oddnoc for taking their respective turns in the barrel and helping me bring you daily snark on the cultural blight institution that is Fvnkivs Winkerbeanvs. And special thanks to you, reader, for coming along on this painful and frustrating journey!

As is the case with all Sunday FW strips, today’s strip was not available for preview. But I’m going to go waaayyyy out on a limb here and predict that you’ll have to turn your computer sideways to view it: the Starbucks Jones cover that we glimpsed on Friday. Snark away!

Updated: Yup, called it.

16 thoughts on “A Streetcar Named Starbuck Jones”

  1. Batiuk’s guest artist dares do what he will not: Draw a female with big bazoombas.

    And John uses the word “fella.”

  3. It was actually funny today. It’s CRANKSHAFT that has cheese me off. If a real-life bus driver had done the same thing Crankshaft repeatedly did a couple of times, he would be fired. Batiuk, if you read this, please stop insulting your readers’ intelligence.

  4. Welcome home TFH! We missed you. No, really, because this strip has been so unbelievably bad this year that even six weeks off between shifts is barely enough time to recover. I mean sure, it’s bad all the time and all but still.

    So this is (I think) the eleventh Winkerbean or SJ-centric Sunday strip of 2014. The strip is finally living up to its title as it’s all Winkerbean all the time now. Holly is especially grating today as she confuses bad lazy writing with “kindness” and compares her sub-moronic comic book quest to a piece of classic literature, which is especially rich given the source. Also note the classic Westviewian passive-aggressive gloating as Holly waves her success in Skunky’s face. Just appalling. These people are all such despicable human beings that it’s just impossible to root for, like or care about them on any level. I hope mice take up residence under Cory’s bed and use those SJ issues as bedding.

    And the sidewards SJ covers are annoying but the way he squeezes in those totally unneeded FW panels is even worse. He wouldn’t need to resort to that if he’d just trim some of the unnecessary babbling during the week but fat chance of that ever happening.

  5. So, what has Holly learned in her quest for these comic books?

    Nothing.

    No, really–nothing.

    Has she learned how to negotiate? To bargain? Nope, people just hand her the damned things, with no effort on her part.

    Has she learned the cultural value of comic books? Nope–each and every time she seems just baffled by them. To her, they’re simply “things” that Cory wants, so off she goes for the next one. Oh sure, maybe they’re similar to something she really likes–a soap opera.

    How about the joys of collecting, the thrill of the hunt, the stint of research to unearth the hidden gem? Nope, typically John says “Hey, I heard there’s another issue here [points to map]” and off she goes.

    Has collecting these things brought her closer to Cory? Nope, despite the fact that that was the entire reason for this whole quest. We never see her talk about the issues she’s acquired in terms of how much Cory will like this one, or that one, or how she hopes he’ll appreciate her efforts. Each and every issue is, like the comics under Cory’s bed, simply a thing to be collected and then stored in plangent memory.

    In short, this quest of Holly’s has changed her not a whit, nor made the slightest difference to anyone. Even the people who’ve given her the issues aren’t richer or better off because of it.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Funky Winkerbean in one months-long nutshell.

  6. I guess Holly is today’s stand in for TB. After all her line could just have easily read, “I have always depended on the creativity of others”.*

    * A tip of the keyboard to Tenessee Williams.

  7. “Like Blanche DuBois, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
    Oh God, I think even Les Moore would’ve been justified punching Holly right in her humblebragging, smirking puss for that one.

    beckoningchasm’s second paragraph quite cogently explains my primary annoyance with this arc, but allow me to elaborate. Aside from the fact that it’s really freaking annoying to watch some gormless dullard bumble her way through life asking for handouts and acting surprised when she gets them, this kind of panhandling just betrays the idea of good storytelling. Generally, when a protagonist wants something that they can’t get right away, they have a few options. They can fight for it, they can trick their way into getting it, they can self-improve until they’re worthy of getting it, they can trade favors or good for it, Etc. By far the most boring way of getting something is to luck their way into it. It’s boring because A.) there’s no conflict required to achieve it, B.) it tells us nothing about the character who gets the benefit, and C.) these kinds of resolutions can happen at any point in the plot and have a high chance of creating anticlimaxes.

    Now, protagonists lucking their way into getting something they way isn’t always bad. Raiders of the Lost Arc used it rather effectively for the climax. And about a third of Rosa’s Donald Duck comics use that variant to set up stories. If done right it can send a powerful message about fate and/or human kindness. Like what happened at Nick’s shop. … well, your mileage may vary on that one, it WAS a massive anticlimax after all that buildup, but still.

    Nonetheless, this kind of plot resolution should be used sparingly. Because even though it doesn’t involve magic superpowers or divine intervention, there’s no mistaking that this is a dodgy literary technique more famously known as a DEUS EX MACHINA. Come to think, is Batiuk even aware that he’s been resolving pretty much every story arc from Frankie onwards by Deus Ex Machina? I mean, that’s the kind of plot device even elementary schoolchildren groan at.

  8. “Like Blanche DuBois, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
    Yes, sorry, I know I just quoted that in my previous post, but this really sticks in my craw. By itself it would’ve just been a lame line, but after the third time Comic Panhandler 2013-14 was resolved in this fashion this has to be the most obnoxious thing I’ve read in a Funky Winkerbean comic since ‘Heckuva kiss, Susan’.

    Holly, I know that being a self-depreciating-but-actually-smug simpleton is sort of the local sport of Westview, but being like.Blanche is not a good thing. You’re at the mercy of all sorts of misfortunates and tyrants get flung your way. That line was meant to be tragic and ironic but in a comic where passive-aggressive endurance and laconic whining is a virtue I could see how someone *coughBatiukcough* could miss this incredibly basic point.

  11. “Same shirt different day.”

    You know a TV show had jumped the shark when they start bringing in characters from other series, or Ted McGinley.

    I expect Ted McGinley to walk into on of these strips shortly.

    Oh, or they introduce a new baby into the plot.

  12. Saturnino, there are tons of babies in this story. They just tend to disappear so their parents can do the same things they’ve always done.

  13. They’ve already introduced a new baby into the plot, although like everything else not related to Tom Batiuk’s very, very limited interests, it’s faded into the background and been forgotten about.

    You know, it’d be mildly amusing if the reasons for people giving Holly these comic books changed. That’d show some creativity. Instead, it’s just because Cory’s a soldier and we all know how much Batiuk and his characters support the troops. Cory had no idea that joining the Army was going to enable him to engage in a life-long con job, but I’m sure, based on his past character, that he’s thrilled to discover this unanticipated development. Scrape birdshit off runways in some shithole part of the planet for a year and people will be willingly giving you their valuables for the rest of your life!

  14. @Charles, Cory as Sgt. Bilko, now that has possibilities. So of course it will never happen. Which is a shame since Nat Hiken’s writing and Phil Silver’s performance would have given TB a rich mine of material to r̶i̶p̶-̶o̶f̶f̶ tribute.

  15. And note how Holly doesn’t have so much as a “thank you” for SkunkHead, although he’s directly led her to three of her missing issues. These people are just so self-absorbed and oblivious.

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