Mason Jarr the movie star is nothing if not wistful. During his Ohio sojourn, he remarked that Westview reminded him of his dear old hometown, while tonight the lights of L.A. remind him of Christmas. They kinda remind me of the backdrop of the Johnny Carson-era Tonight Show.
We’re treated to another glimpse of Batiuk’s understanding of How the Movie Industry Works: the movie Mason was signed to star in last summer is slated for production “this year” (well that’s vague enough), but, as happened with the ill-fated Lust for Lisa telepic, the script still needs work. It’s certain that Les, who wore out his Hollywood welcome on his first try, won’t get the call. Perhaps Mason should offer to write the script, seeing as how he must now be an expert on Starbuck Jones.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Yeah, those blundering Hollywood nitwits can’t do anything right, unlike these comic strip writers of today with the intricate well-thought out plots, compelling dialog and painstaking attention to detail, you know? Once again Ban Tom demonstrates why he’s peerless when it comes to making himself look like a horse’s ass, as he has Mason go off on a patented Batiuk anti-Hollywood rant just completely out of nowhere, mainly because he just doesn’t know what the hell else to do here. The ineptitude of the whole thing just boggles the mind.
What the fuck, Jarr? Didn’t Holly give you the magic key issues? What more do you need to hit a home run around a very tiny baseball diamond?
I love the weirdness of “Starbuck Jones?”. It’s completely, totally unnecessary. Obviously he’s not doing more than one movie at once. It’s just Batiuk being weirdly specific, apparently for people who don’t know what movie Mason Jarr the Movie Actor is working on. Of course, those people would have no clue what a “Starbuck Jones” is. Lucky them.
I’m betting Holly comes in to be the script magician.
Hey just thought I’d drop in and remind you that Mason Jarr is an actor doing a movie based on a comic book, and it’s called Starbuck Jones. It’s not a real comic book or real fictional character, and I never bothered to make real comic books about him a long time ago, but would still like you to know that it’s a thing in this comic strip about people who are way more boring.
Oh, you just know the script doctor is going to be Les or Mopey Pete. Only someone from Westview knows the soul of Starbuck Jones.
Mason resents his success and complains bitterly about the slightest inconveniences to him that happen as a result of it. Yeah, this guy is definitely Westview material.
You know, at first glance I didn’t even pick up on the idiocy of that “Starbuck Jones?” word balloon but yeah, did he think she was referring to one of his many other films? It’d be a really dumb and out-of-place rant on a Tuesday or a Wednesday but to use it in place of a cliffhanger or a resolution is exactly why I’m here all the time calling this guy a hack.
Movies, TV, the internet, publishing, writing, talk radio, music, sports, the comic book industry…there’s no facet of the entertainment industry that doesn’t irk AuthorGuy somehow. He’s just so consistent about it too, like there was just no way Mason’s movie could be anything but a shoddily-written piece of garbage because Hollywood. He’s so unwavering with that stuff and, of course, the overwhelming negativity.
What makes things more annoying is that when Pete comes into fix the mess the clowns from Hollywood couldn’t help but make, he’ll be pissing himself in terror all the way because nothing desirable happens to these people without making them paralyzed with dread.
Thanks for the Frank Zappa reference, TFH!
Thanks for catching it, Stu! 😉
Crap, if this means we have a summer of Mopey Pete in Hollyweird as a reprise of Les’ last summer, i should just punch out now.
When the Starbuck Jones project, like Lust for Lisa before it, ends up generating nothing but a kill fee, Mason will turn to the porn industry. He’ll adopt the name Jarrbuck Stones.
Drops keyboard
Bringing up “The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson” makes me yearn for Don Rickles at his comic zenith.
Note how BatBrain leaves the story all ambiguous and open-ended. Are they officially “dating”? Is Cindy really staying in California? No answers, which will work out just great when he completely ignores or drops the story line like he tends to do. If Ban Tom had a “script doctor” that doctor would declare FW dead on arrival and call in the strip coroner to toe-tag and bag it.
Note: the official FW blog has been updated…more Batom Comics history.
If they hire Les to come and fix the script, I will personally go to TB’s house in Ohio and run over his mail box with a school bus.
And who in the world would down-vote Frank Zappa?
“Isn’t this a nice, romantic spot? Let’s park here for a while under the star light, and talk about comic books!”
I’m actually rooting for Mopey Pete to be the script doctor. I have believed for a while that Les is going to work on Starbuck Jones and will win an Oscar for his efforts. But at least he’d complain about it the whole time, so at least we’d have that.
To paraphrase Animal House “Mason honey, is it always this soft?”
“And since I’ve been scheduled the last two years to star in The Graduate II: The Graduationing, which begins principal photography in August, I’m dropping out of this shitty comic book movie. You see, I’d actually be in material breach of my contract if I’m not ready to go in August, which can cost me millions of dollars and damage my reputation. The Starbuck Jones people can go screw if they can’t find one screenwriter in the literally tens of thousands here in LA to touch up their script in under a week. As if the producers of a comic book movie actually give a shit about the script that much.”
But no, it’ll be Mopey or Les who gets brought in, because of course they’d bring a rank amateur in to fix this issue, one of whom was given his shot at screenwriting and came up so short it was laughable. But that won’t matter, it’s their sincerity that wins the day. So we’ll see Mopey procrastinate and battle out Lord of the Late in at least three sequences, none of them being materially different or any more interesting than any of the previous sequences, as this multi-million dollar project with hundreds of people working on it gets put on hold so this amateur could work out his amateur issues in order to do the job that literally anyone else could do better.
Were there any run-on sentences? Sheesh.
Anyway, it really does appear that Batiuk thinks that once you’re signed on to do a movie, that’s what you work on until it’s finished, no matter how many deadlines get blown off for minor issues, and no matter how many hundreds of contractors are idled over them. Apparently after Starbuck Jones finishes, he seems to believe that Mason just goes home and waits for the phone to ring. When it does it’s an offer for the lead in the newest Martin Scorsese picture, starting production next week, so maybe he could come in then?
And of course the producers of a blockbuster movie ask the actor for recommendations on which script doctors to use when the script isn’t up to snuff. They certainly wouldn’t know any themselves. And, of course, when he suggests a rank amateur who needs a year or two to finish the script, they’ll take his suggestion. Seriously, Batiuk, go to hell with your disgraceful lack of research.
And you gotta love how Cindy is asking him about his work now, and Mason didn’t get around to asking her if her new job was going to result in her relocating near him until they had been seated for hours. What the hell did they talk about at dinner?
“How many types of fish can you name?”