TFHackett

But I haven’t come yet! rimshot

The parade of men that are far more capable of pleasing Holly than Funky ever dreamed of continue to stream through the Winkerbean Household. The bar isn’t exactly set high; someone that doesn’t consider talking about the difficulties of urinating with a shrunken urethra as foreplay is a good start. By the looks of things in panel 2, Holly is chomping at the bit to get Bull to look at the “computer” back in the bedroom. As for the punchline in panel three, I think people just want to get the hell away from Funky’s days-old shirt and pee-stained sweatpants.

Is it too soon to lament the lost life insurance money?

Talking about someone in a room with you as if they’re a piece of furniture! Isn’t that just like someone we know!?

As Crazy Harry and Holly continue to smolder like Edward and Bella, somewhere, offscreen, Mr. Crankybean isn’t too happy about what’s left of friends coming over to visit. Where is everyone? His life-long friend is being thoughtLes, Summer has Moore important things to do, (No Bull!) his pizzeria workers Khan’t come and even Wally is MIA!

What part of Funky can even remotely be described as looking “good”?

Crazy Harry finally came over to see Funky ~~hours~~ ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ God only knows how long after the accident and one of the first comments out of his mouth is that somehow the withered, ogre-like scowling lard-ass sitting on the couch and wasting oxygen is looking “good”, which is funny because I think the last time Crazy Harry saw him he was at least walking around and not in traction. “Good” in Westview is apparently a very relative thing.

Sadly, Funky, your near-death experience didn’t provide much of anything to anyone; no closure, no epiphany, and definitely no amusement. I’ve have no idea why Holly and Crazy Harry are laughing; they must be psychopaths with no sense of empathy.

Funkman?! Men have been killed for less than that.

Does someone with a name like “Funky” even warrant a nickname? And if so, wouldn’t it be something banal like Richard or Gene to balance out the stupidity that is his real name? And from the look of the Funkman’s face, he’s turning into another Crankshaft.

You gotta admit though, he’s workin’ that neckbrace!

It’s still bewildering to even the most astute of readers as to how much time is passing in these strips. Something that should take only minutes gets stretched into a week’s worth of fodder and yet from the sounds of what Holly’s saying, ol’ sourpuss has been home for some time now.

“You know how hospitals can be…”

Oh God, here we go, a weeklong kick off to “hospitals are terrible” strips. Remember, in the Funkyverse it was hospitals that killed Lisa, NOT breast cancer. Her results got switched with someone else’s results so she didn’t get proper treatment soon enough and died. The only part of that I remember went something like: “They goofed and sent the wrong test results. You know how hospitals can be.”

Hey Funky, CHILL and be glad you’re alive! True, it appears from panel 2 that they had to amputate that thumb but it was already mangled. As far as the rest of your injuries, for some reason you’re sporting a neck brace today when you weren’t yesterday. I guess people with shattered vertebrates only need a neck brace a few hours a day while they heal.