So I thought this was a party? Looks like it’s just the two couples. And why have they not donned their gay apparel? Cayla’s dressed in purple, for cryin’ out loud. Les’ genius plan to cheer up his guests is to drag them around the neighborhood in the snow, singing to strangers. Humbug, indeed.
34 thoughts on “Humbuggin'”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Because we all know how much interest Funky and Les showed in music and singing back in the Act I days…well, I can’t think of any right now, but I’m sure they exist, because otherwise Batiuk would just be pulling random bits of backstory out of his ass for the sake of a cheap gag, and we all know he has too much artistic integrity for that.
I’m trying to imagine how I’d react if this group of weirdos showed up at my door and started singing Christmas carols. At first I’d obviously look around for cameras or production teams filming some sort of sick prank-type show. Then, of course, I’d reach for the garden hose.
Now I’m trying to imagine that I’m at a friend’s house feeling all bummed out over some personal issues and he or she suggests that we go Christmas caroling to cheer me up. First, obviously, I’d ask them where they got the LSD and if they have any more. Then, of course, I’d excuse myself, head for the bathroom, climb out the window and sprint home. But that’s just me.
“The Humbugs”. Of course they were. Was this an actual thing or just handy revisionism? I don’t remember any “Humbugs” in Act I but that’s not to say it never happened. It COULD be funny if they went out and did Christmas song parodies, but that won’t happen. Cornball sap, all the way, 100% guaranteed.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
Holly, Cayla, Funky are spiteful
Because as everyone knows
Les Moore blows! Les Moore blows! Les Moore blow!
(Funky)
When we get that prick outside
We’ll shove his ass in the snow
(Cayla)
Then we’ll lock the door really tight
(Holly)
Burn Lisa’s tapes in an inferno
Now Les is slowly dying
But there is nobody crying
‘Cause as the saying goes
Les Moore blows! Les Moore blows! Les Moore blows!
Maybe Les can take them around to show them his first apartment, then he can show them all those places where Lisa meant so much to him. Then Funky can show all the places where he passed out in an alcoholic stupor. Then they can all punch Les.
Then Kevin can show up and say “This is the height of boredom.”
In panel one, it looks like Les is literally dragging poor Cayla by her straightened hair into the midst of this nightmare. Merry the Hell Christmas, everyone!
Too late, Cayla. He may be wearing a teal shirt now, but he’s the same yellow-shirted swinefucker we’ve always known him to be. What were you thinking?
funky town ohio where the fun never stops an all the xmass trees or black
I actually sort of like panel 2. Neat color, simple silhouettes, good contrast…
Then panel 3 takes place in a featureless void of WTH. Funky and Holly aren’t even on a couch anymore!
I wonder what kind of singing voice Les has- a weedy falsetto or an off-key bray?
And why have they not donned their gay apparel?
Ummm, maybe they’re straight…?
[sung to the tune of “O Tannenbaum”]
Oh, Tom Batiuk, oh, Tom Batiuk
How sucky is your comic strip.
Oh, Tom Batiuk, oh, Tom Batiuk
How sucky is your comic strip.
It used to be quite all right
But now it is a revolting sight
Oh, Tom Batiuk, oh, Tom Batiuk
How sucky is your comic strip.
Despite the stress and madness of the Season, I actually love Christmas.
Going out to sing Christmas Carols, look at the lights, and maybe end up at a friends home for hot chocolate and cookies…these are some of my favorite Holiday memories.
Which is why I’m deeply suspicious of Les being the one to suggest this. Act III Les just doesn’t -HAVE- that type of joyous, generous impulse! He’s a self-centered, passive aggressive jerk!
So now I’m driving myself mad, wondering what the ulterior motive is.
Re: Panel 3…not only are they in a Void o’ Murk, but Funky is once again older than his own father, and the inky black tree has spawned an inky black wreath. Disturbing.
You just keep retconning Act I to your heart’s content, Batiuk – don’t let continuity get in the way of another sub-par Act III story arc!
I like how in panel 1, we can’t see Les’ eyes…it looks like he’s suggesting to Holly that they “take these two beautiful ladies” caroling.
Les even had song sheets made up! Here’s one:
I’m dreaming of a white Cayla,
Not Black the way she used to be.
Upper lip all hairy,
She sure was scary!
Her snake hair always frightened me.
I’m dreaming of a white Cayla,
Hair straighter than a soccer mom’s!
May her lips be tiny and thin.
With a nose as pointy as a pin.
I see Funky got Crankshaft’s nose for Christmas…
I’d forgive the lameness of the whole set up if they then went and sang this:
” Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don’t we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby Lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!”
From Pogo by Walt Kelly.
but that won’t happen – Pogo was just a ‘comic’ strip it didn’t deal with important adult issues – Joe McCarthy yes, but not adult stuff like Batuik does.
Funky the red nosed drunkard
is the owner of a pizza shop
He keeps getting fatter and fatter
and now looks older than his pop
All of the other scapegoats
use to laugh and call Les names
now he’s married to Crayola
who kicks his ass in touch football games
Is this supposed to be a special occasion or something? Les’s big Christmas get-together with Funky? (where he nonetheless set Funky adrift with his wife to mope on his couch long enough to feel bad about it)
If so, I’m wondering why Cayla is dressed in her standard mauve turtleneck and lavender pants. And why is Holly still wearing her stock pink collared shirt under a limp, black cardigan? Do these people have any nice clothes at all? At least Les decided to wear a sweater instead of one of his stank yellow items.
Jingle Bells
Les Moore smells
Harry can’t get laid,
Funky looks like ninety-two
And ages every day…hey!
I also wonder which member of the armed forces will emerge out of the Creepy Blue Twilight in the last panel of tomorrow’s strip to join in the caroling. There’s no way Batiuk is going to pass that up.
I like how in panel 1, we can’t see Les’ eyes…it looks like he’s suggesting to Holly that they “take these two beautiful ladies” caroling.
Notice as well that he pretty much ignores what those silly wimmens want. Hey Funky? Want to do something? I only need to ask you because if you say yes or no, it’s a foregone conclusion that Holly’s going to go with whatever you decide. She doesn’t get to decide, because she’s utterly incapable of deciding anything.
Notice also how Les didn’t run his plan by Cayla before suggesting it, for precisely the same reason.
I’m lovin’ the FW Christmas carols! Here’s mine, to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”:
God dammit, Funky Winkerbean
I read it every day
Just wish I could enjoy it in
An unironic way
Tom Batiuk’s little comic strip
Which once was “gag-a-day”
Now exists just to frustrate and annoy
Don’t forget cloy
It exists now just to frustrate and annoy
It started forty years ago
With Funky and his friends
Those high school pals, fun guys and gals
The laughs seemed ne’er to end
A couple time jumps later, now
It’s hard to comprehend
How this car-toonist even stays employed
Where is the joy?
Not in Westview, perhaps in Illinois.
Christmas carols here on SOSF have brought me outta my pre-christmas dump. I’m going to have a vodka and orange.
Harry the Postman
was a crazy lazy soul
with an untrimmed beard
and his postman’s garb
and some lungs as black as coal
Harry the Postman
what does he do all day
He’s supposed to work
but instead he shirks
while my taxes support his pay
There must have been some losers
in the hiring pool that day
For some reason they hired Harry
causing Fed Ex to cry “hooray!”
Gluggety Glug Glug
Gluggety Glug Glug
watch that coffee go
Gluggety Glug Glug
Gluggety Glug Glug
“Hey Harry, it’s time to go!”
Harry the Postman
knew the sun was too hot that day
so he stayed inside
cuz he has no pride
there’s video games he’d rather play
Down to Montoni’s
with his coffee mug in hand
sitting on his ass
thinking Funky’s gained mass
isn’t being a mailman grand!
too many complain
this gravy train
finally had to stop
Harry came to work
was told “see ya jerk”
causing his jaw to drop!
Harry the Postman
now works for Dead Skunk Head
selling furry pron
with their covers torn
While John takes boys to bed.
Here comes Leslie Moore!
Here comes Leslie Moore!
Teacher of Language Arts!
His fuckin’ smirk, goatee and hairline
Give me a case of the farts.
Non-athletic, puns pathetic,
Crayola kicks his ass.
So raise your eyebrow and cock your head,
Mister Moore is running this class.
Here comes Leslie Moore!
Here comes Leslie Moore!
Shovel in his hand!
He’s gonna dig up ol’ Dead Lisa
And dance with her again!
Forget about Cayla and Slutty Susan.
She’s the gal he loves the most.
You’re a dud if you’re flesh and blood.
Les is gonna fuck Lisa’s ghost!
Just noticed that Crayola appears to have a WELCOME mat over her head in panel 1.
You guys.
–Just noticed that Crayola appears to have a WELCOME mat over her head in panel 1.—-
Nah. I think it’s one of Dead Lisa’s Cancer Wigs.
It’s sad that this group of amateurs puts more time and energy into FW – and gets better results – than TomBat
Silent panel
Word-less panel
Les’ beard,
Owens flannel
Arc moves slowly at glacier-like pace,
Want to punch Les in his dumb ugly face.
When with this arc end oh pleeeee-eeeeeese?
When with this arc end, oh please.
Les Moore got run over by a semi
Walking home from ol’ Montoni’s Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Westview
But me and Tom Batiuk, we believe.
He’d been eatin’ way too much free pizza
And bitching to the Funk-Man ’bout his life
Talkin’ bout John Darling, films and options
And of course all night about his long-dead wife
When they found Les on Christmas morning
His skull was fully crushed beyond repair
In fact they could not identify him
If not for all that awful facial hair
Les Moore got run over by a semi
Walking home from ol’ Montoni’s Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Westview
But me and Tom Batiuk, we believe.
Now we’re all so proud of Cayla
She’s been taking Les’ death just all in stride
One would almost be forgiven
In believing she was happy Les Moore died
(embiggen)
Panel 1
LES: Remember when Christmas trees were green instead of black? And white blobs didn’t emerge from the black, pervasive miasma?
Panel 2
TREE OF INFINITE BLACKNESS: It is your time, Les Moore!
Panel 3
HOLLY looks on in shock, as FUNKY, clearly possessed, speaks.
FUNKY: Put your head through the wreath, Les! Put your head through the wreath!
The song parodies are fantastic, every f*cking one of them. Once I get started with that I just can’t stop.
Someone has to do a “12 days” parody, but I’m too tired to get into that right now. But “and Young Funky with his PT” HAS to be the 1st day.