OK, two things: Fred’s stroke took place six weeks ago. In “strip time”, it’s probably been even longer, as he’s recuperated sufficiently to move back home. So Fred’s stroke should be news to no one. Yet Cayla blankly asks “Where’s Ann tonight?” Linda doesn’t even take her eyes off the court to answer. “Ann’s husband…you know, Fred? Fred Fairgood? The former principal of the high school where you work? Your husband’s former colleague? Fred? Had a stroke.” Batiuk tops off this clunky dialogue parfait with a delicious dollop of stroke humor: “I always thought my ineffectual, incoherent, useless husband would be rendered even more ineffectual, incoherent, and useless by a stroke, and sooner rather than later.”
25 thoughts on “Stroke-a-Bull”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Today’s strip contains Les’ best dialogue in the entire history of the strip.
Today, Batiuk’s alleged punchline proves the cliche: “funny as a stroke”
Ha ha ha! I get it: strokes are a humorous debilitating illness, unlike cancer, which gives Les the sads. Now personally, I’d think that anyone as grossly obese as Bull would be more likely to have a heart attack, but sure, a stroke, why the hell not? And maybe Les, Cayla and the woefully unfunny Linda could come down with a case of the “bleacher collapses/gym fire”. That would be fun too.
Beckoning’s “balloons first” theory gains more traction today as BatWrite strings together another mind-bendingly awkward sentence to explain Fishstick’s (unnoticed) absence. I’m sure there must have been tens of FW readers wondering where Annie was as well. Or maybe not, since I forgot Annie had anything to do with WHS basketball until Cayla considerately reminded me. When the hell did Annie become such a mighty cog in the FW machine anyway? And kudos to Linda for updating us on that four week long arc that just wrapped up earlier this month. I guess Les doesn’t keep in touch with his “step-son” all that often.
Well Linda…..let’s just say that you had better not miss a premium payment on Bull’s Westview school life insurance policy. I’m sure TB will have you cashing it in pretty soon.
Unlike dipshit Les who had no policy on Lisa.
Westview is the only place in the world where you play the “Death Pool” with your acquaintances rather than celebrities.
So, the Lady Scapegoats attempt to repeat as state champions, despite the lack of Fishstick Annie, who was so instrumental in…well, I don’t remember, exactly. Also, Summer and Keisha have left for browner pastures at K*nt State. Most assuredly, this will test Coach Bushka’s mettle! Not to mention his vascular system! Stay tuned, gentle readers, and find out who strokes out next! Wee!
P.S. I think TheDiva is onto something. If not an FW Death Pool, how about at least an FW Stroke Pool?
Is Linda aware that Fred’s about 30 years older than Bull?
I guess maybe if she were a math teacher…
So, I had figured that Fishstick Annie had just been brought in last season as a special deus-ex-machina guest to enable Summer’s Miracle Season, and now that her work was done, I would have expected her to go back to getting her soul crushed in her loveless marriage. In fact, after Summer and Keesha have moved on, I’m surprised that the school hasn’t just folded the women’s basketball program altogether and forfeited all the games, since there’s no point playing without Summer.
“The first one” of what? “The first current or former Westview faculty member”? “The first Act One character”? “The first person ever”?
I have special hate reserved for Linda, so I’m hoping she’ll go next.
Ah–I figured out, finally, why Les has no dialogue. It’s because he already knows all about Fred’s condition, and he told Lisa all about it.
He didn’t bother to say anything to Cayla. I mean, why would he?
Tomorrow Les talks about the time he had a stroke… of genius, and solved John Darling’s murder for the sole purpose of finishing a commercially unsuccessful/unpublished (conflicting reports) book.
Also, it can’t be pleasant to spend an entire girl’s basketball game sitting behind the Grog twins.
Linda’s just worried that if Bull has a stroke, she’ll have to confess to him that he ruined his life and have to invite his own secret out of wedlock child over for inappropriate touching.
Why is Les at a Westview girls’ basketball game, anyway, given that Summer is no longer there? (And where did the school get the money to keep the athletic programs going for another season?)
You ask why Goatee Boy is at a girls basketball game? Apparently the male Bully Jocks used to kick TB’s butt daily as a kid, so you almost never see boys sports in FW. In Ponytail Tom’s world, it’s the girls who are the athletes, and the beta males turn out in droves to sit on the sidelines and cheer.
I hope The Universe heard Linda loud and clear, and will smack Bull down with that stroke. I’d enjoy that. Then he can rehabilitate himself.
And Les can eff himself.
Is English Batominc’s third language? The circumlocutions and awkward constructs in that single line of dialogue are staggering! Not to mention the astounding implausibility that Cayla wouldn’t already know the facts buried deep within it. But boy howdy! The Markov chains in the BBGSU 3000 really outdid themselves with this line of literary tripe!
All, right, let’s break it down.
Ann’s husband. Fred. His name is Fred. You all know this. He has been your boss. You haven’t been exposed to the neural neutralizer. You know this.
Not going to be able to… Or, you know, can’t.
Coach at the games. Coach at the games. OK, OK, I can accept coach as an intransitive verb. That’s cromulent. But when did it start picking up stray prepositions? Why not “coach ’pon a game anon”?
Not that that’s Cayla, not the real Cayla, whom Durweed buried in Les’s basement years ago. You know, in lieu of rent.
@The Diva: So wrong that it’s right: Westview is the only place in the world where you play the “Death Pool” with your acquaintances rather than celebrities.
I think I’m bothered not so much by the content but what’s going on in the strip. In addition to the aforementioned question of Les and Cayla being at this game, I’m upset by these people who never shut up at a game. I’m usually stuck in front of these rubes who chatter incessantly about everything BUT the game.
Deus ex machina: The school’s HVAC system, neglected due to the lack of tax levies, develops Legionnaire’s disease and kills half of the students and teachers, leading to a budget surplus. Unfortunately Les Moore, like a cockroach, cannot be killed off so easily.
Epicus, I think it’s absolutely the case that the balloons come first.
Let’s take a look at a good example…this really-badly written strip from last fall. WARNING: Contains Les
No one who prides himself on being a “writer” could ever squeeze this out, stand up, look upon what he has wrought, and smile.
Especially since his dialogue defeats the very purpose of the joke. Now, the “joke” is that Les is an indecisive ninny. Now I’m sorry to ask folks to do this, but take another, careful look at Les’ dialogue. Ignoring his final line, he’s actually saying quite clearly, “Ham, not turkey.”
Here’s how that same strip would look if an actual writer took a crack at it. Well, for the purpose of this, the “actual writer” is played by “me,” not an actual writer.
Makes more sense, doesn’t it? Yes, well what is going to happen with all that white space? One might fill it with drawings of penises…but of course, that wouldn’t do for a Pulitzer-nominated Professional Syndicated Cartoonist. Hence it’s time to hit the ol’ backspace key and try again, just typing ANYTHING until that white space is kind of filled. And we end up with the unmitigated blather that we all know and loathe.
You know what might have worked? If he’d thrown in something about not wanting to serve turkey because it might cut into band turkey sales. It would have been just as awkward but it would have gotten rid of some of that darned white space!
Incidentally, check this–
What the heck is that, in the lower right? The shape suggests it was originally going to be another, separate word-balloon…perhaps some added dialogue by Cayla. But I suspect Tom Batiuk thought, why waste that on Cayla when I can give more dialogue to Les, which is what my reader wants?
Just a thought……but since KSU is about a 45 minute drive…..and their girls are on a full-boat BB scholarship, shouldn’t they be attending those games instead of watching/waiting for Bull to suffer a cardiac?
Cayla: “….*….Linda, did you just admit that you often fantasize about Bull suffering a terrible illness?”
Linda: “Yes, yes I did. Mashed potatoes, anyone? I brought a bag for us to share!”
The real funny thing is, even with Ann gone, even with Susan long gone, even with ten teachers about to lose their jobs…there are and will STILL be five, maybe six teachers working at Westview High.
Think about it. Since Act III began, the number has remained constant, no matter who left, joined, or faded.
I swear, the school is like the town in the film PLEASANTVILLE…an unchanging, closed universe.
I don’t know why I hate Linda more than Les. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have a shred of the “human element” (in all of Batiuk’s attempts, yes, there is a success in Les and Cayla) or maybe it’s the repressed memories of every dick teacher I’ve ever had.
I don’t know why I hate Linda more than Les.
She’s pretty much the only woman Batiuk’s given a personality to, but she can almost outsmug Les. She doesn’t have his frequent abject contempt for others though, usually replaced with a chirpy self-superiority. Seriously, a kid wants potato chips and she smugly points to cafeteria mashed potatoes with gravy as a healthier alternative, as if Cory should be thrilled that she opened his eyes to this world of possibilities. I also totally see what you mean with her conjuring up old memories of teachers-that-pretended-to-be-nice-but-were-actually-dicks.
Also, in contrast to Les, her appearances don’t really do anything. At least with Les you have this often hilarious negative reaction. With Linda, it’s much more tiresome, with the primary reaction usually being boredom. Quick, what’s the most interesting strip she was a part of? Now, what’s the most interesting strip where she was the focus? The first might take you a while, as for the second, I’m still trying to figure that one out.
Yeah, the “potato chips” incident was partially what I was thinking of, in which I couldn’t tell Linda was honestly stupid or being a smug asshole.
As for the first, I’m thinking of the “In Situ Resource Utilization” one, even if you use the unaltered text (Jim being a closeted alcoholic is hilarious to me, somehow)