Tag: Darin

Home Inclusion

We’ve reached the payoff, the zenith, the apex, the…well, the conclusion of the storyline. Les offers his hospitality. It’s not like Darin has any REAL family left in Westivew (unless, y’know I missed the story arc where the Fairgoods left town and/or passed on). While we never did meet John Darling’s widow, it’s probably safe to say Jessica’s mother is still around. Oh well, who are we to nitpick? The fans of FW will nonetheless be treated to new sets of eyes watching Les’ awkward love triangle unfold…while Jessica picks through the Darling murder box and uncovers a horrible, horrible secret. Could it be his murderer was her biological father? One can only hope…

-Stuck Funky

Thanks to TFHackett for allowing me the opportunity to guest host! While it’s unfortunate I wasn’t able to keep the (father of) Stuckfunky torch burning on a daily basis I’m glad that fans have a place to trade barbs on a daily basis (I was thinking that final comment thread would hit 700 comments on the old SF site). To the readers of the old site (way back to the blogger years), thanks for your years of readership! Once the stats started going up, I figured it was only a matter of time before the C&D rolled in. (I sure wasn’t expecting the second one). If you’ve only been following this blog for the past year, thanks for putting up with my jibberish. You may hear from me again. Regular programming will resume tomorrow…I promise.

Alterior Motives

The exposition on awesome continues as we learn that the move back to Westview is more than just a broken dream…it’s two broken dreams. Why two? Well from the counter of Montoni’s, Darin will be financing Jessica’s documentary (an painful digging into the past)…and the second broken dream? It would appear that all the research Jessica needs conveniently sits in a small file box in Les’ office…for it was Les who wrote a book about the murder of John Darling in his first of many futile attempts to secure a book deal. I’d like to see the look on his face when his co-opted material gets Jessica the regional Oscar. Speaking of painful digging into the past, I suspect a bit of revisionist history…as it would appear that Jessica was the popular cheerleader and not at all a member of the AV club.

-Stuck Funky

Why Darin and Jessica made it back to the city in ohio called westview, thanks.

Like the way a screenwriter hits plot points like a grocery list, or how a baseball player touches all four bases while recording what is accepted as a run, our story arc checks all the fun boxes that make FW what it is. Smirk? Check. Thorough research? Check. ‘Cute’ punchlines? Not yet. Today’s milepost: exposition placed on stilts as high as the moon. In honor of such eloquence, this humble author will do the same…that is to say, put this post on stilts, too. Rather than succinctly say he saw the layoff coming and therefore took the lead parachute, Darin mentions that the writing on the wall was in fact done by hand; pausing in the middle to explain to us what he is doing with his jittery, withdrawal-addled hands. Such a scenario begs the observation: of course he took the offer, the handwriting on the wall said “we’re letting you go with this small severance – unless you go to rehab.” Would he have cleaned himself up? With that cocaine happy MBA degree of his? I think not. The encouragement is welcome, but also confusingly returned with nonsensical jibberish about how that won’t help feed his five dollar per day latte habit sold at starbucks. Speaking of which, thanks for feeding that habit, Les. Why not head over to Montoni’s with a box of rum balls next? Sure, Darin’s habit began innocently as a way to get face time with his boss and fit in at the office, but such efforts to parlay favor didn’t pay off…and now Darin is left holding the coffee bean bag…that sweet, sweet bag full of coffee.

Welcome Wagon

We move on to the exposition portion of the story arc where attention is finally turned away from Summer and Les towards Darin and Jessica. As fate would have it, these particular chew toys are headed back home after an undisclosed amount of time at an undisclosed location. With seemingly no funds to rent an apartment, or a planned means to earn that money, one wonders how this situation came to be. Based on the half-lidded expression on Jessica’s face, and Darin’s apparent lack of teeth, it’s likely the move was precipitated by an abrupt and violent end to their prescription drug/methamphetamine ring. Laying low while the dust settles is a wise move…but they’re headed back to Westview. If the guns, drugs, and withdrawal won’t get them, the ennui will.

-Stuckfunky

McHurrrr!

Warning: some of the informative links below, while not NSFW, may be more graphic than you would appreciate

Today Summer shares the finite details of ACL reconstruction from the comfortable ‘hair chair.’ The admittedly graphic details of the surgery sends Les off to *HURRRR!* in the bathroom. Such a reaction makes me wonder how often Les managed to *HURRRR!* while learning about Lisa’s cancer. One can imagine a scenario where the doctor said something as basic as “Well, what happens is that mutated cells undergo rapid and uncontrolled replica-*HURRRR!*”. However, that’s in the past. We could go on for days about whether this associative-bulimia serves to bring back fond memories of Lisa (like everything else); or make easy jokes like “Haha, Grey’s anatomy makes me vomit too…and that’s just from the commericals!…am I right, people?”. The real story here is the use of the flexor hallucis longus (big toe muscle) in repairing Summer’s anterior cruciate ligament. According to the NIH, such a procedure actually requires a tendon from the knee or hamstring. The flexor hallucis longus (big toe muscle) graft is actually meant for achilies tendon repairs. Perhaps Les is fully aware of this and the emotional and financial investment required of a medical malpractice suit is enough to make him *HURRRR!* The more likely scenario is that Les knows the mistake in procedure will sever Summer’s hoop dreams…thus fulfilling the prophecy that fate treats all denizens of this strip as mere chew toys.

-Stuck*HURRRR!*ky: