Moving day continues… He may have issues with meeting deadlines, but Mopey Pete is nothing if not loyal. He has moved beyond relinquishing his “Darin’s Best Friend” status to Jessica five (ten? fifteen?) years ago, and is now content to gaze adoringly at his blond ex-bestie as he schleps boxes up to the guest suite at Moore Manor. Pete must not be sleeping well…in panel 2, he’s sporting bags under his eyes to rival those of the elderly Moe Howard.
Tag: smirk
Why Darin and Jessica made it back to the city in ohio called westview, thanks.
Like the way a screenwriter hits plot points like a grocery list, or how a baseball player touches all four bases while recording what is accepted as a run, our story arc checks all the fun boxes that make FW what it is. Smirk? Check. Thorough research? Check. ‘Cute’ punchlines? Not yet. Today’s milepost: exposition placed on stilts as high as the moon. In honor of such eloquence, this humble author will do the same…that is to say, put this post on stilts, too. Rather than succinctly say he saw the layoff coming and therefore took the lead parachute, Darin mentions that the writing on the wall was in fact done by hand; pausing in the middle to explain to us what he is doing with his jittery, withdrawal-addled hands. Such a scenario begs the observation: of course he took the offer, the handwriting on the wall said “we’re letting you go with this small severance – unless you go to rehab.” Would he have cleaned himself up? With that cocaine happy MBA degree of his? I think not. The encouragement is welcome, but also confusingly returned with nonsensical jibberish about how that won’t help feed his five dollar per day latte habit sold at starbucks. Speaking of which, thanks for feeding that habit, Les. Why not head over to Montoni’s with a box of rum balls next? Sure, Darin’s habit began innocently as a way to get face time with his boss and fit in at the office, but such efforts to parlay favor didn’t pay off…and now Darin is left holding the coffee bean bag…that sweet, sweet bag full of coffee.
Bum Town
Frustrated that her current physical state allows no opportunity to channel elevated testosterone levels, Summer is “Bumming”. Since kids these days consider “bumming” to be something completely different, we’ll assume the presence of Les in the house means Summer is actually “bummed out.” In any event, today’s story arc kicks off with the reemergence of our favorite couple from the second act: No, not chemotherapy and recurrence…but Darin and Jessica! The erstwhile popular girl and recovering nerd are back for reasons we’ll eventually find out. For now, we can count on two things. First, Les will break out the guest-hoodie and guest-members only jacket (apparently heating a house is for jerk faces). Second, Mopey Pete will be forced back to third wheel status – leading to a Pete-Funky suicide pact carved into the counter at Montoni’s. Finally, we just may find out if Darin and Jessica ever pursued their quirky fetish. As I used to say all the time…stay tuned.
-Stuckfunky
Bull-y for You
More fond memories of bullying! Bull is almost concilatory compared to yesterday: the fist has been supplanted by a meaty index finger, and rather than make Les bleed, he proposes to “settle things”. Bull should have kept up the violent retoric, as this new approach yields a cooly mocking response from victim Les. Speaking of “cool”, somebody please tell Bull’s friend, Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington, that “burn” was not used in that context in the seventies (except on That 70’s Show).
Gum and Bugle
Here is a link to today’s hilarity.
“With all of those instruments swinging around…people will be losing arms teeth! I meant teeth! Dammit! Get a prosthesis already! Embezzle the band fund if you have to!”
Son of Stuck Funky 
