One From the Vault

Well! Montoni’s actually has an office after all. How come we always see Funky doing paperwork in the restaurant? Maybe that’s so he can keep on eye on his wonderful staff? And a safe! Let’s see what’s in there! A comic book? What’s a Starbuck Jones? Is that when you go into withdrawal without a Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato? A Google search for “Starbuck Jones” turned up a webcomic. That’s too new-school for fanboy TB…

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0 responses to “One From the Vault

  1. O.B. Dan

    I don’t know…call me something between an optimist and a dreamer, but I see so much of what’s going on as leading to The Grand Finale.

    The weird relationship/not a relationship is suddenly under fire. Les is going to need both guidance and permission, which sets the stage for The Ghost Who Talks to descend on the masses. And as I predicted, SWS is rising to the surface as a major catalyst here.

    Score this as changes in life’s course and direction for Les, Cayla, and SWS, and Lisa, too, in that TGF is the whole purpose she “exists.”

    Funktoni’s is about to shit the bed. No need to elaborate on the effect this will have on various cast members, albeit in varying degrees of impact and importance on the road to TGF.

    And that’s just recently. Toss in Wally’s dilemma and we’re good to go.

  2. merrypookster

    So what do we got here?
    A purposed rare comic that can be sold for …?
    Well let’s seem today’s prices for mint condition issues:
    DadreDevil #1 $10,000
    Supergirl #1 5,400
    Spiderman #5 7,500
    Fantastic Four # 4 4,000
    Green Latern # 1 1,500

    Sorry… couldn’t find any lisitng for “Starbucks jones”. But FW picking it up with his greasy hands and not in a wraper is less then “mint”.

    Oh my dear snarker Dan…. for so long you’ve been preaching the coming of a Grand finale….and all TB gives is a series of grand fizzle snipetts. Even though TB does not should any remaing signs of creativity or continuity, you still carry the message faithfully… kinda like “linus” waiting for the “Great Pumpkin”.
    Carry on there little buddy, but like those in Westview…your hopes will be dashed to the rocks in an unending story arch.

  3. billytheskink

    Maybe “Starbuck Jones” is stuffed with counterfeit c-notes…

    Anyone else disappointed by the no show of Bull’s ancestor Beanball Buska at Crankshaft’s minor league baseball reunion?
    Maybe he’ll show up and tearfully apologize for being a mildly racist, childish bully before the week is out, though I think it’s more likely that he’s dead.

  4. Maybe [Beanball Bushka]’ll show up…though I think it’s more likely that he’s dead.

    If he were dead, that would make Ed’s remark of “No loss there” especially coldhearted. But today’s strip suggests he’s still living. And I’m guessing in today’s strip that Beanball is the pranker and not the prankee…yes, he’s an asshole, but his buddies on the bench are laughing right along with him. Oh God, somebody please set up a Crankshaft snark blog. I’ve got my hands full hatin’ on FW.

  5. Ennui Willie Keeler

    Starbuck Jones is a total ripoff of Dunkin’ Donut Smith.

  6. sgtsaunders

    Also Chock Full O’ Nuts Jackson.

    Leave it to TB to rely on a comic book to bail out Montoni’s and the Crab Shack Comic Book Parlor. He probably bought it form John in the fiorst place relying on John’s sage advice – “It’s doubled in value since i’ve had it”. Once John sees his handiwork coming back to fark him over, he’ll go all Sideshow Bob on Funkybean with the razor-sharp Taliban-brand Pizza Wheel Khan lent him at the last DSH meeting.

  7. ….or Commander Scooter’s Lost Planet Airmen

  8. redbird

    A purposed rare comic that can be sold for …?

    and all TB gives is a series of grand fizzle snipetts.

    Pookster: You are so right! In today’s depressed economy, there’s no way der Funkster can hope to get the cash to which he feels entitled at auction. Maybe in a year (or two, or three, or…), but now…? Naw, just another example of TB being out of touch with reality.

    I laughed out loud over your second snark. I imagined you delivering it with a poker-faced deadpan tone.

  9. sgtsaunders

    It’s a Grand Fanizzle, fo’ shizzle.

  10. sgtsaunders

    Here’s an interesting assessment of the essence of TB by one “curlyfries” at the Comics Curmudgeon’s comments section:

    “Hey, nothing like a story where people could have been happy, but due to rank stupidity no one gets what they want in the end, huh? Oh, I forgot, Tom Batiuk has that one covered – “it’s called “writing””. Since, at this point, I’m pretty sure if you unzipped Brooke McEldowney you’ll find Tom Batiuk inside, clutching a copy of Opera For Dummies, let me go futher and remind everyone that Batiuk also coined the unbearably self-satisfied admonition of “endings have to be earned.” Which, aside from being incredibly asinine because a decent story shouldn’t be anything close to a fccking endurance trial, is pretty much unparalleled in the Annals of Smuggery as one of the most assholiest, self-delusional, self-reverential statements ever pronounced…”

  11. Ennui Willie Keeler

    There is some good stuff in the comments there, but you could spend all day reading them. Curlyfries has a point. Don’t the soap threads actually resolve stories occasionally and move onto new ones? This Montoni’s storyline has pretty much been going on since the time jump.

  12. David O

    Is that a Grateful Dead reference in the title!?

    My God, why not just have that magical safe be stuffed with gold bricks!? It’d make more sense. No one can afford pizza or $3.75 comic books but someone is gonna shell out $13,000 for a non-graded circulated copy of some obscure comic no one has heard of.

  13. David O

    Can I snarkily add that, even they sell the comic for $20k, then want? Horray, a crappy pizza place and a dump of a comic book store get to limp along for another six months. Then what? Another magical safe stuffed with a “Starbucks Jones #2” comic? Would Funky actually throw more money into failing businesses?