Vendo, Vidi, Vici

120110

Life has just commenced to suck even worse for the students of Westview High. Gone are the snack vending machines, leaving only faint shadows on the wall to mark their former location. Apparently Linda has been stationed there to serve as a grief counselor for the traumatized students.

(Aside to our Ohio friends: do they really call vending machines “vendos”? Sounds like some Nadsat slang from A Clockwork Orange.)

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Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

0 responses to “Vendo, Vidi, Vici

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Funky Winkerbean: the comic strip that’s unafraid to bravely tackle those heavy, “real life” issues. I guess Batom felt things were moving a little too briskly with the basketball arc and we all needed a light-hearted, throwaway week to slow things down a bit. I will admit that the idea that WHS cafeteria food is “nutritious” did make me chuckle, which makes this the funniest FW of the year so far.

    Taking the “vendos” out of the school doesn’t seem like a very prudent financial move in light of how strapped for cash the district is, though. If anything they should be adding more machines and filling them with things a typical Westview kid would eagerly buy, like comic books, day-old pizza disguised as “breakfast”, anti-depressants, second-hand books and etc. I mean seriously, these kids live in Westview, helping them live longer, healthier lives is not really in their best interest, you know? Becoming fat and stupid now will actually ease their transition into Westview adulthood in the future. So “vendos” in the school is a win-win scenario for everyone.

    I am going to start using “vendos” in my everyday life from now on. I’d really like to see it catch on. I’m also going to attack on sight anyone I see wearing one of those Owen hats in my everyday life. I’d really like to see that catch on, too.

  2. Flummoxicated

    Native Ohioan here currently residing in the Buckeye State. I have never heard the term “vendos” for vending machines here. I have decided that TomBat is from an alternate universe Ohio. It explains a lot, actually, as his Ohio in no way resembles mine.

  3. bayoustu

    Seriously… Where are the laffos?

  4. sourbelly

    “Vendos”? Looks like TB has read Lynn Johnston’s Big Book of Tone-Deaf Neologisms.

  5. Merry Pookster

    As TB did with Kahn after a long ignored absence…suddenly one strip to explain his departure and poof never to be heard from again.
    Petey isn’t really leaving.. he just got one of those random drawing passes to “The Island”. Time for the real Petey to tap a renew body-part.

  6. John

    Cody: “Where are the vending machines?”

    Linda: “Gone.”

    *time passes*

    Cody: “I asked the wrong question. WHY are the vending machines gone?”

    Linda: “Because the solution to improving school nutrition is eliminating bad choices!”

    Owen: “By providing good choices?”

    Linda: “Huh? How would that help?”

    Owen: “You realize that all you’ve done is ensure that the money we would have spent on fattening snacks at school will now be spent purchasing such items before or after school, right? You haven’t changed our poor eating habits, you’ve merely DELAYED them! Wouldn’t it have made more sense to restock the vending machines with healthy alternatives? That way, at least some students would choose to explore the new, wholesome choices rather than just hunger for the old absent ones?”

    Linda: “….no. No, that wouldn’t work at ALL. I’d much rather just dismiss you as evil, stupid teenagers who are evil and stupid because you JUST ARE. Stop…stop challenging my assumptions! NO! Doubts…creeping in…other viewpoints getting past my defenses. AAAAARGH, curse you! Curse you!”

    *Linda storms off, clawing at her face and weeping*

    Cody: “Man. And all I was going to do was suggest we load up on ice cream sandwiches in the cafeteria.”

  7. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Maybe the Vendos moved into the old folks home with the Payphonos. Or there’s another plausible explanation:

  8. flappy

    king of hill already covered this vend-o couple years ago with Bobby Hill,t-bat must of seen rerun on adult swim

  9. David O

    “Oh no! The Wobblos have come and taken the vendos to the dumpy-hoos! No more chocobits and Tim-Tams for brekky anymore”!

  10. TFHackett

    @David O: Exactly, me droogie!

  11. dollyllama

    Thanks, Jeffcoat!!! Order has been restored. 🙂

  12. billytheskink

    I’m going to guess that “vendo” might have been used at one time to describe vending machines because it is the name of the vending machine company that made many of the classic-style soda machines. That said, since no one has yet posted here that they have heard the term in actual use, it might be a good Batiuktionary nominee. Anyone second that?

    king of hill already covered this vend-o couple years ago with Bobby Hill,t-bat must of seen rerun on adult swim

    What’s worse is that episode originally aired in late 2007, meaning it was likely written and concieved in late 2006.
    Worse still, is that Curtis covered this subject a year-and-a-half ago or so, with Curtis buying junk food at the grocery store and selling it at school for significant profit after the school’s vending machines are removed. When Ray Billingsley beats you to a “current” subject, it’s time to hang it up.

  13. TheDiva

    Let’s give Batiuk a break here. He can’t learn actual teenage slang, as that would force him to spend time with the terrible and ungrateful Kids These Days with their iPods and Twitters and what have you. Making up words like “vendos” is the closest he can get.

  14. Jimmy

    I’m organizing a fundraising dinner to bring back the vending machines. Save Our Snacks, Westview! The raffle winner will get a trip to Hersheypark and Chocolate World.

    @TFH: Very clever title today.

    @ Epicus: I’m also going to attack on sight anyone I see wearing one of those Owen hats in my everyday life. You’d be punched out in no time here in Colorado.

  15. Jeffcoat Wayne

    “Gone are the snack vending machines, leaving only faint shadows on the wall to mark their former location.”

    Shadows, you say? I just assumed I was looking at decades worth of dirt build-up, and the only clean part of the wall was where the vendos once hugged it.

  16. Connie

    Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that the resolution of this arc will somehow involve Montoni’s saving the day?

  17. Sgt. Saunders

    Vendos? We don’t need no steeking Vendos!

  18. Sgt. Saunders

    And what of that human hackey-sack in P3?! Check his papers!

  19. Beanie Wanker

    That BatDork…. He’s such a foob.

    Gotta hand it to the Gestapo school board. They are pissed off about that school tax, and are taking it out on EVERYBODY. First they pulled the plug on school sports, even though they didn’t have to. Now they snatch the “vendos” so the less physically fit students can suffer too. If they want to be pricks, why not do something constructive and enforce a dress code, banning retarded hats inside the building? (Suck it, Maddie and Owen!)

    Again, here’s BatSchmuck being inconsistent and making no sense. The cafeteria isn’t open all day — Just when food is being served. To keep the cafeteria (caffo?) open all day to serve snacks would mean paying more to the hairnet ladies. Gonna increase payroll after the tax was shot down and everything else in sight was cut? Doubt it. Guess BatTard can’t process all this at once.