Cyrano de Chullo

So Owen has been “replying” to those “restricted” text messages. Therefore, either a. in his own weird way, he’s been looking out for his friend, trying to prevent his heart from getting broken…or, b.: the promised same-sex-prom-date arc is underway!


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0 responses to “Cyrano de Chullo

  1. sourbelly

    Hey, Beanie! It might be time to break out that Purse Full of Rainbows!

  2. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Montoni’s goes quiet, and suddenly Owen and Cody’s soundtrack fills the air.

  3. billytheskink

    Check Chullo’s notebook in panel 1… Looks like he may the season of the year that his hat is least suited for.

    This may factor in to his motivation for stringing Cody along with the text messages, though I honestly can not figure out how.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Sigh. This thing is dragging on like a bad migraine. I’m sure if they wait around long enough, the whole Moore clan will be popping in for their daily nutritional requirement of terrible pizza so no worries there, Cody. Two whole weeks and all we learned was that a) Cody is still a dork and b) Summer Moore is (chortle) an untouchable “goddess”. At least “a” is believable.

  5. flappy

    the Punisher logo on shirt fits this week perfect,non stop punishment for readers

  6. Beanie Wanker

    Well. At least this explains how the anonymous texts were “replied to.” Because (for the, um, 50th time) you can’t reply to an anonymous text. And if you think this plot twist makes no goddam sense, wait until tomorrow – It will make way much less sense.

    So assuming Les Junior really had Slumber’s number (again – how?), she got the texts and is now sharpening a butter knife to use to remove the creepy stalker sender’s testicles.

    You might very well ask, “Is BatCreep setting up a tender gay love confession… Or… The weirdest, most unlikely love triangle ever in the history of mankind?” Don’t touch that dial!

  7. Is there any way to end this that won’t make me bloody my head against the wall from the sheer stupidity of it? I didn’t think so.

  8. Oh, and Owen has the stupidest goatee I’ve ever seen on anyone, real or fictional. Kid looks like he’s wearing a merkin on his chin.

  9. sourbelly

    Yeah, so either Owen is teh ghey for Cody, or he’s trying to protect him from…something. Given that we’ve already gotten the spoiler that TB is planning a same-sex prom date, one might lean toward the former. But who the hell knows?

    I still don’t understand this whole anonymous texting thing and how anyone can reply to an anonymous text, and I don’t care to look into the matter. I just hope this arc goes away ASAP.

  10. O.B. Dan

    Wowie zowie…didn’t see that one coming…

    A Cody and-Owen romance would be a bad idea in the real world for the same reason hetero good friends romances are bad ideas. They’re too close as friends, and could never go back to that.

    But that’s the real world. In Funky Field, where nothing is real, and nothing to get hung up about, I suppose these two jamokes as the same-sex prom date is okay, even though Cody (but never Owen) has shown all the signs of awkward teen heterosexual yearnings.

    And, prom season is about to happen…

  11. DOlz

    @Epicus Doomus, of course Summer is an untouchable goddess. I mean who in their right mind would date a girl who’s father is capable of smirking them into a coma.

  12. Flummoxicated

    Can’t wait to see how TomBat will screw up a halfway interesting plot about same sex teen love.

  13. Beanie Wanker

    @sourbelly – Actually, there was no direct reply to the anonotexts. Owen was ORIGINATING is own anonotexts to Les Junior so they appeared to be replies. But these oh-so-techsavvy teens should have known anonotexts can’t get direct replies. So it’s still batshit (new term for Batiuk Bullshit).

    Hint: someone already pointed this out, but look very, very closely at Owen’s notebook. There’s a clue about what cliff this story is about to be driven off of.

    I was looking at Owen’s idiotic Chullo. Sure, it looks stupid, but if he wore it now and then, you’d say “okay, whatever.” But wearing it every day, as Maddie does with her hat seems a bit much. As I’ve said, a character who wears a hat to appear “interesting” never is. How about if Batbitch pulls a Garry Trudeau and just has the hat floating around “being” the character, and just skips drawing the inconsequential person under it?

  14. Chyron HR


    I believe the correct term is “Solo sex date”.

  15. Sgt. Saunders

    This may be a bit late, but I was inspried by Jeffcoat Wayne to add a bit of the digital file of songs that more fully express Cody’s feelings, in fact, the lead jam….
    However, I am obviously less skilled at the it’s called posting, folks.

  16. Jimmy

    Today’s post title is the funniest thing I’ve seen coming out of this story arc (though that Survivor link was pretty good, too).

    Seriously, what boy writes hearts all over his notebook, unless his girlfriend did it for him? As far as I know, Owen has no girlfriend. …. Oh, dear God, I blew it up a bit, and it looks like it says “Summ” on the notebook, which would be short for Summer. Suddenly, the Specialist Snowflake Goddess will unwittingly break up best friends.

  17. Sgt. Saunders

    The gathering stormclouds seem to indicate that, like Papa Les, Sum Mo’ will have Two (2), count ’em, Two (2) folks in love with her. Setting aside how redundently lame that is, where the hell did Owen get a “thang” for Miss Thang? So what, did she bail Owen’s sorry ass out of a jam? Is he a girl’s basketball fetishist? Maybe next week we will find out which one wins the coveted title of Mr. Summer Moore. Sunday, however, will likely find Summer in Montoni’s laying the petty jive on Crazy Mailman and the Funktrotter Himself about “two (2) guys are in love with me,” thereby sending Crazy Mailman into an ersatz acid flashback from which there will be no return. One can hope.

  18. Charles

    What sort of odd high school boy writes hearts and the name of his unrequited crush on his notebook? Especially if he’s trying to keep said crush secret. It’s not as if no one would ever notice that.

    What surprises me is that both of these two doofs are interested in Summer, a mannish senior girl who is both out of their peer group (i.e. she’s an athlete, they’re comic book dorks) and the daughter of the doucheist, most appallingly smug teacher in the school, when they both instead should be interested in Maddie. Not only is she more feminine and prettier (such as it is for Batiuk characters), she’s also interested in the same dopey things they are. Hell, they’d even have an in with her old man. The only real drawback she has is her stank hat, but, as any comic convention-going nerd knows, if bad hygiene’s a dealbreaker, they wouldn’t be comic book nerds in the first place.

    Seriously, compare Maddie to Summer in the banner above. Is there a single high school boy who’d pick Summer?

  19. Stuckfunky

    …could be a book deal, here.

  20. Smirks 'R Us

    @Charles. Great post. Two great points about this pointless arc that only serve to prove TB is as clueless about high school kids (and everything else)as we think he is.

  21. I don’t think it’s Owen and Cody maybe one of them but the arm of the character on the left is think to be either Owen or Cody. I realize that drawing consistently is not TB strong suit but to looks like like the bully.
    I will admit I did look ahead to next week and the student named Ryan looks like he could be the one. His arm fits. I have no idea if I am right but that’s what I think.
    That drawing in the picture of the two holding hands looks a bit weird. When you are holding someone’s hand your thumb isn’t that say. I think it’s drawn backward.

  22. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Methinks the gay couple are simply two insignificant (read: never seen before, never to be seen again) characters who will act as props for Batiuk’s latest pet project storyline. The article says Batiuk read a story in the paper and decided to incorporate it into his strip. So it’s really just a time-waster arc so he can prove that his strip has relevance in today’s funnies pages.

    “The upcoming same-sex storyline will be one of the strip’s most socially significant since publication of “Lisa’s Story.””

    Oh, don’t worry, it won’t be as significant as that. After all, “Lisa’s Story” is Batiuk’s bread and butter. He won’t let anything top that as far as his ego is concerned. And the only reason “Lisa’s Story” was of any significance at all was because it was centered on an actual running character. The only way the Prom storyline could come close to doing the same is if it involved pre-existing characters who hold the same amount of punch in Batiuk’s eyes. Since all teen characters who are not Summer Moore are mere afterthoughts to the running Summer Moore storylines, these will naturally be characters invented for this occasion alone. I suppose Cory Winkerbean could be a possibility, but why bother giving him a storyline now? I’d even bet the gay couple didn’t appear in any of the Senior Trip strips (and I’m assuming this is a Senior Prom since Jinxsie shows up as the Ticketmaster in the sample panel).

  23. Merry Pookster

    It can’t be Owen & cody as the same-sex prom couple….Remember that they are only sophomores. Unless being asked by an upper class person… Juniors go to Junior Prom and Seniors go to Senior Prom. Is there a high school with an “All-School” prom?
    Oh ya Batdicks Westview where Montonies is the only Pre & Post-prom venue in town

  24. Beanie Wanker

    Well, yeah, Owen’s book is covered with hearts and scribbles that say “Summer.” Clearly, the idea was to make Les Junior think Slumber stood him up so Owen could pursue Slumber himself. His conscience got the better of him, so Owen came to Les Junior, chullo in hand, and confessed.

    Like other posters here, I also have no idea on what planet guys like these two dipshits would be attracted to Summer. But I guess if a boyish 5’6″ beanpole white girl can be a basketball star, she can also be a sex goddess. Whatever, Batshit.

    I guess Tomboy will never learn. Still thinks he’s a Serious Writer. If his treatment of gayness is as ham handed as his treatment of cancer and teen pregnancy, the Gay Prom is going to be a hoot and a snark-o-rama. But I’ll caution those of you who are overly sensitive and easily get your panties all in a bunch that we’ll probably be busting on Tommeh’s treatment of the subject, and NOT gayness itself. So keep your Midol and Valium at the ready, okay?

  25. Epicus Doomus

    My guess: “same sex couple” is the key here. I just don’t see WriteBat doing anything that might “offend” the two-dozen or so late-middle-aged women who still tear up whenever Les mentions Lisa. Thus I can’t see him REALLY tackling “gay couples” directly; he will take the wussiest route possible instead and just have two non-gay characters go to the prom as a couple. Another guess: Summer gets shit on by some “senior guy” and decides to go with Keisha or something along those lines.

  26. Beanie Wanker

    Hey Epicus, I really think he’s going gay on this one. Did you read the article on the link in this thread? Oh, BatSuck is Real Proud Of Himself over dealing with the gay rights issue straight on. So we will see a gay couple, not just a pair of same sex pals.

    If I had to guess, though, I’d say at least one of the gayfolk will be non-stereotypical. That is, you might see a burly jock like… well, Wedgestein, or whatever Les Junior’s bully was called. In fact, I wouldn’t be the LEAST bit surprised if Wedgefelder picked on Les Junior because he had previously failed to respond to his flirtations. No, seriously. If you want to predict Wankerbean plots, you have to think like BatYuck. Helps if you first have a friend pound you upside the head with an iron skillet for five minutes.

  27. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Well, whatever Batiuk decides to do with this prom plot, you just know it was going to be edgy 20 years ago.

  28. sourbelly

    @ Jeffcoat Wayne: “Methinks the gay couple are simply two insignificant (read: never seen before, never to be seen again) characters who will act as props for Batiuk’s latest pet project storyline.”

    I agree. Once TB receives his accolades, or doesn’t, he’ll drop these two characters just the way Lynn Johnston banished Lawrence Poirier to the back of the closet after all the praise rolled in.

  29. jp

    “Some days I feel like the last of the Mohicans out here, and that people from the brave new Internet world are destroying our way of life.”

    Really, Tom? Do tell!

  30. Beanie Wanker

    The brave “new” Internet world? Just catching up to the rest of the world, Tommeh? Just like the “new” cell phone world and the “new” cars without cranks in the front world.

    I’ve also read that Bat Hack will be using a couple of cardboard cut-out characters for his OH SO GROUNDBREAKING gay prom, as opposed to characters he has already used. That way, after he takes his well deserved ridicule for botching the whole thing, he can sweep the whole thing under the rug and forget it ever happened, just like he has forgotten all of the incomplete plot lines still hanging out there.