Grand It Ain't

Either it’s still sinking in for Becky, or Batiuk doesn’t trust the reader to recall that yesterday Roberta stated that yes, she’s going to be a Band Mom (again). Or “more like a band grand mom”, since Wally Jr. is now in the elementary school band. This despite the fact that by my reckoning, Wally Jr. should be at least fourteen years old.

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  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, I mean is Becky brain-damaged or something? She’s reacting with total shock today to news she received yesterday that she initially dismissed with a barely-interested quip about the chess club. I’m telling you: one of these days someone in the comic strip publishing chain-of-command is going to actually read this thing for a few days at a time and when that finally happens this whole FW jig is going to be up.

    Roberta = Funky in a wig and a dress. Again, tough to figure out why BatTom inc. would re-hash a premise and a character no one cares about, unless he’s just fresh out of straight-up band gags or something.

    And leave it to FW to feature a character praying for death. I think we all know how Lefty feels.

  2. John

    Becky: “YOU’RE going to be a band mom?!?”

    Roberta: “Wait, before we proceed further, I feel to need to spice up your father’s footage. A sudden blinding flash of light directly behind us, yes, yes. And Jazz Hands! Dear, can you pose your hands aesthetic-…oh, wait. Forgot, sorry. Anyway, yes. You bet your eternally young son I am!”

    Becky: “He’s actually not eternally young. Just…short.”

    Roberta: “Oh. By the way, do you like my whimsical cosplay today, dear? I’m Wilma Flintstone’s mother!”

    Becky: “Ugh. I wish God would strike me dead so I wouldn’t have to listen to you ENJOY life.”

    Roberta: “….*….well! That was…blunt. Guess I’ll just leave your life forever. Toodles.”

    Becky: “Whoa. Being open an honest actually worked?!? No need for the student handbook’s holy powers or a Dad ex machina? Whoa.”

  3. Señor Tortilla

    Alright! Becky’s arm stub switches sides between the first and third panel. Maybe Batom DOES have a sense of humor.

  4. billytheskink

    Is it any wonder 14-year-old Wally Jr. is still in the elementary school band? Monday’s strip stated it most explicitly, but it’s been apparent for quite some time that Becky, DSH, and Wally don’t give two ****s about their children. Not with placating Dinkle, selling band turkeys, discussing your sex life with an 80-year-old pizza parlor owner, and staying up late writing Buddy puns that work in everyday conversation…

    Poor Wally Jr. probably only joined the elementary school band so he could get some much-needed attention from his mother. Even more depressing, only then does he discover that she doesn’t direct the elementary school band.

  5. Hey, don’t be so hard on them! With all the time jumps it’s hard to keep ages straight.

  6. Speaking of, whatever happened to Rana or Rani or whatever Wally and Becky’s adopted Afghani girl’s name is? Is she in band? Sports? Does she still exist?

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Heh, that’s what happens when you skip around through time while adding dozens of new characters at a time. You get all confused and forget some of those characters for years at a time and you never know how old any of them are supposed to be.

    And it’s further compounded by the fact that they all look pretty much the same, too. I wouldn’t know this supposed “Wally Jr” if he bit me on the ankle. When was HE last in this thing, mid Act II or so?

  8. Chyron HR

    So Roberta was Mad Madam Mim all along? What a tweest! 

  9. Rusty

    What does a Band Mom do? I don’t recall them having an actual role in this strip. Do they help with selling the fundraising turkeys? Do they play in the 4th of July concert in the gazebo? Do they attend band practice? I don’t get it.

    I don’t recall Wally Jr. as a thing, Rana (?) the kid they orphaned and stole from Afghanistan, would be graduating with Summer’s class. How did Wally and Becky get to Afghanistan after 2001 but early enough to steal a toddler and now she’s 18? Is Khan banging anyone?

  10. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Becky, who apparently doesn’t spend any time with her own one or two kids, is mortified at the prospect of her own mother wanting to spend time with her. This is not the way Becky would raise her kids — if she were raising them.

  11. Merry Pookster

    When Wally was captured….THE SECOND TIME (loser)….TB said that he’ll be gone for a thousand years (or 10) but to every one else it’ll seem like just a short while….now slip in 3 dimes and hit me over the head with this bottle of champagne.
    Forward into the Past.

  12. Charles

    Hey now, don’t blame Wally for that. The army classified him 4-P, which means that every time he goes on a tour, he’s taken hostage.

    And considering the source of his genetic material, it should surprise no one that Wally Jr’s a fifteen-year-old still in elementary school.

    And to answer an earlier question, Rana graduated this year. She was at the prom, laughing at Nate for some reason, and had been a cheerleader during her high school career. Chances are we’ll never hear of her again, even though I believe that she should be the one Batiuk turns gay when that other shoe drops. After all, her masculine reference throughout her childhood was Gross John, so who wouldn’t go lesbian in those circumstances?

  13. sourbelly

    I’m getting a “Born Loser” vibe from this depiction of Grand Band Mom. (Please note: “Born Loser” usually appears in the back of your ‘newspapers’, if you remember such things, back around the tire ads.)

  14. In the words of the exquisite Marty Feldman: “What hump?”

    So it’s come to this. The war on limbs has devolved into stump dyslexia. Does this make Becky ambidextrous? A switch hitter? A one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people eater?

    Somebody stop me before I sub-ref again!

  15. Jimmy

    Nothing really to add after reading all that professional snark today. Thanks for making me laugh, y’all.

    Regarding the naked artists, Sergio Aragones once again told the best story in the shortest space.

  16. A HREF

    Batuik can’t even keep the continuity in the strip over three panels. Becky’s left arm is missing in panels one and two and right arm in panel three.

    Well I assume it is the left arm in the silhouette shot in panel two that’s missing.

    But anyway here we have another tragedy to a character that brings nothing to the table. It would be interesting to have a story arch about how someone loses their dominant arm and how hard is it to do things not only one handed but with the “wrong hand”. Instead we get….. nothing.

  17. $$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$

    C’mon Becky, you’ve lost an arm, had a traumatic childhood, your stuck in a cancer-plagued hell hole that is Westview. No, no, no! Your diety’s only just BEGUN to torture you!!!!!!! Giving you instant rapture would only spoil the fun!!!!

  18. Beanie Wanker

    A Wankerverse character asking for death? Very risky.

  19. Flummoxicated

    Bwah ha ha! You did it, TFHackett! LOL

    TFH sez: “It” refers to this comment from yesterthread. Tip o’ the SoSF fig leaf to Flummoxicated for the suggestion!

  20. Beanie Wanker

    Somebody should yank off Drecky’s other arm and beat her over the head with it. First, she hangs out with Driver of the Year, Wally Wankerbone. Bad for her, but great for the Pinned Up Sleeve industry. Then she takes up with that meat-faced pervoid, Skunk Hair. Now, she lets her fat ass mother show up at the school any damn where and any damn time she wants. All the while, running around in what I’m pretty sure (from the videos) is a Cancer Wig stolen from Saint Lisa. Not my favorite Wankerbean character.

  21. S.P. Charles

    Um.. if Wally Boy is in the elementary school band, why isn’t Granny a Band Granny for the elementary school band? Assuming the elementary school band has band moms. Or, for that matter, assuming elementary schools have bands, which is something I’ve never seen.

    I think we can cut through all the confusion about Wally Boy’s age by returning to the principle that TB writes about things without knowing anything about them: he’s not clear what “elementary school” means, and he’s confusing the term with “middle school”

  22. Señor Tortilla

    I still can’t understand Becky’s mom is such a horrible person. Sure she’s a bit direct, and a bit narrow-minded, but she’s no worse than the whiny, passive-aggressive Les, in fact, probably better.

  23. John

    S.P. Charles: Yeah, while we had music class in elementary school, I don’t remember bands being offered until middle school/JHS.

    Has it changed?

    (Knowing Tom, it hasn’t.)