Owenvember continues today: the chullo’d one has been featured in all but four strips so far this month. And yes, folks, Owen is clearly stupid, and/or stoned, but give him a little credit: the woman’s question is pointless (and awkwardly constructed). Why, he’s selling band turkeys to raise money for…the…band.
19 thoughts on “Turkey Jerky”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Ugh. “What are you selling band turkeys to raise money for?”….a typical clumsy sentence that also manages to ruin the “punchline” nicely…if there’d been one, that is. It must be “which one is stupider?” week again.
Told you there was time for band turkeys. I was wrong about which character would be delivering them, though.
Let’s fix the joke, shall we?
DOOR LADY: What are you selling band turkeys to raise money for?
OWEN: …
OWEN: Twenty-five dollars.
Seriously, when you sell frozen turkeys, do you have to carry them around? If so, how many do you have to carry on your skateboard?? Outside the Battyverse, the buyers probably pick them up at the school. Maybe he just has the one to sell.
ALBATROSS!!
If Becky is selling a turkey, does it have only one drumstick?
Well. We’ve got Curtis and his cousins, with band turkeys in Funky Winkerbean.
Nothing to see here folks, move on…
I think it’s a valid question, actually. Is the band going on a trip somewhere? New instruments to replace the ones Crankshaft keeps running over? New top-of-the-line batons specifically designed for amputees?
Has Batiuk never heard of order forms? To the best of my recollection, the only fundraisers where we actually carried the product we were trying to sell with us were the ones where we sold those big chunky candy bars with the almonds in them. (I can’t be the only person who usually ended up buying half the box of themselves…)
The creativity train has left the station and TB for got his ticket.
Somebody jinxed us the other day by thinking we had escaped band turkeys. At least each day of band turkeys means one less day of Les.
Think of how much money the band would save if they didn’t have each of their members spoil a turkey by carrying it door-to-door. Of course, maybe the turkeys are from Sam and Ella’s turkey farm.
See, here is why the time jump and the seriousness hurt the strip. A high school band selling frozen band turkeysdoor to door makes perfect sense in an universe where the school’s computer is a Trekkie, the hall monitor has a machine gun and the band director NEVER takes off his hat much less his uniform.
Selling frozen band turkeys door to door make no sense in an universe where someone might die from Salmonella poisoning if the cancer doesn’t get the them first.
“Something” = money for weed.
“Something” = money for weed. Yup, I was thinking the same thing.
I’d go on but why but effort into it? The writer didn’t.
Magenta Shirt: “What are you selling band turkeys for? Thanksgiving is in just two more days. Most people have purchased their food already. The few that haven’t either got a frozen bird free, ordered a fresh one, or are vegetarian!”
Owen: “Um, stuff?”
Magenta Shirt: “Plus, my own children did this a while back. They took around order forms and flyers. Why in the world is your school forcing you to lug around an actual frozen turkey? Are they sadists?!?”
Owen: “No, just a one-armed woman who hates me and hates her job and hates her mother and ha-”
**SLAM**
Owen: “….um, I wasn’t done. Hello? Huh. Will she be back? I’d better wait here for six hours, just to be sure.”
Seriously, though, in this day and age, when car dealerships, drug stores, and even second-hand book stores (yes, I went there) will GIVE AWAY a bird for free, does it really seem likely that Westview relies on this to obtain money for (I assume) some sinister purpose?
Are turkeys just super-ultra-rare premiums in Ohio? In Virginia you can even find heritage, kosher, free range, and organic birds for a reasonable price.
Once again, BatHack aims for quirky-turkey but hits “None Of This Makes Any Fucking Sense.”
Perhaps if Becky is looking for potential improvements in her program and its acceptance in the community, she could advise her students who are soliciting door-to-door to clean themselves up a little bit when they’re interrupting people to ask for money.
Owen looks so shabby in this strip that I’d almost think he’s homeless and he found the turkey after it fell off the truck and is now trying to sell it for glue-huffing money. Seriously, he couldn’t even brush his hair or put on a nice set of clothes. Why would anyone want to support a slovenly disrespectful bunch of kids?
It’s late November in northern Ohio, and Owen is carrying around a frozen turkey without wearing gloves. Even if, by some miracle, someone actually bought the bird, wouldn’t they need a blow torch to separate it from Owen’s frostbitten hands?
Sourbelly, that pidgeon is room temperature. Luckily, nobody will buy from that scruffy, chullo-headed dumbass. Anyone who tries to eat that thing will meet Lisa and her tuxedoed friend, Masky McDeath.
(Bet I just gave Tombutt a hardon with that last sentence.)
I’ve stated it before, and I’ll state it again: Tom Batiuk once was a high school teacher, and he was one of those teachers who really is a sadistic bastard that hates students more than his job. (We’ve all had teachers like that, right?)