Tuesday Turkey

Charles
November 19, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Perhaps if Becky is looking for potential improvements in her program and its acceptance in the community, she could advise her students who are soliciting door-to-door to clean themselves up a little bit when they’re interrupting people to ask for money…Owen looks so shabby in this strip that I’d almost think he’s homeless and he found the turkey after it fell off the truck and is now trying to sell it for glue-huffing money.

If only those band turkeys could sell themselves, because between Owen’s shabby appearance, complete lack of manners and salesmanship, not to mention his ignorance of basic food safety guidelines, he’s sure as hell not going to sell any. Certainly not to this guy, who buys only band candy, not turkeys, and only from quirky redheads.

25 thoughts on “Tuesday Turkey”

  2. The number of ways in which to describe Funky Winkerbean by saying “It’s not” continues to grow by leaps and bounds.

    It’s not–

    Funny; Poignant; Insightful; Intelligent; Educational; Well drawn; Interesting to look at; good to make fun of; appealing in any way.

    The list goes on.

  3. I like this tall, skinny guy: “I don’t think so.” I suspect that quote will apply to the next several punch lines.

    Or, you know, whatever. This crap has been so boring lately, it’s been pretty much impossible to come up with an interesting comment, at least for me.

  4. As fellow snarker A HREF pointed out yesterday, these “band turkey” jokes make no sense in the context of the present-day Funkyverse. Obviously any sane person would be repulsed by the idea of buying anything edible from some rude local scuzzbag who showed up at your front door unannounced. So Owen’s reactions (also acting as attempted punchlines) are not only unrealistic, but also really, really stupid. Someone take those band turkey jokes out behind the barn and shoot them already.

    Still, no one was killed, maimed, traumatized or sexually harassed or anything, which has been par for the course in this very uneventful FW 2012. Think about it, the two worst things that actually happened to anyone (so far) this year were: Summer getting Boy Lisa flu right before the Big Game and Les hallucinating Tarzan comics on Kilimanjaro. Oh, and Cayla marrying Les, too, and Becky got mad at her mother. But other than some Lisa-On-Demand, the morbid, weird stuff was kind of at a minimum this year (so far). Possible trend, artist indifference or odd, unintentional happenstance?

  5. @sourbelly, the difference between you and TB is that you know your running on empty (and still funnier and a better writer).

  6. Gross. If the Turkey were properly frozen, Shithook couldn’t carry it around under his arm. If it’s thawed, it’s potentially deadly and certainly gnarly. He’s damn lucky “I don’t think so” is the reaction his vile presence provokes, shoving a rancid bird into an unsuspecting citizen’s face at their own doorstep, with some loathesome slacker delivery stone cold guaranteed to result in abysmal failure, not to mention his rancid stench. He deserves a punch in the face. No, this “comic strip” isn’t funny, it’s pathetic and depressing. But, of course, this is the Funkyverse and the whole shitty mess is par for the Westview back nine.

  7. Perhaps Westview is Purgatory and all of these characters are dead and just don’t know it. That could explain the lack of joy in the characters, and it would make sense that Les is a demon whose mission is to torment the poor souls who are stuck there. Owen has to go door to door selling a product that nobody wants as his torture.

  8. No one’s been killed, maimed, traumatized, or sexually harassed in this strip for the past FIVE YEARS, or at least not at the rate they were before 2007. Batiuk shot his creative wad when he killed Lisa (ugh, that came out wrong) and has been coasting downhill ever since. Don’t expect the quality of the writing to get any better ever again.

  10. I see Owen puts about as much effort into selling Turkeys as his creator puts into the comic strip.

  11. Didn’t this guy get harassed with a band turkey last year? Or is it just that Batiuk can only draw so many morose, beaten-down-by-life faces?

  12. This was actually funny when it was Charlie Brown failing to sell Christmas wreaths door-to-door.

  13. When Owen was in that sacred shrine, the Komix Korner, he was much more kempt than he is now selling those damned band turkeys. Batominc has a weird love/hate relationship with this character. When I first encountered Owen, it was apparent to me he was meant to be sympathetic, but then he’s routinely portrayed as one of the loathsome teens that populate this new generation.

    But then that’s typical of this strip. Just look at ostensible Marty Stu/author avatar Les: meant to be sympathetic, turns out loathsome. But it’s obvious that Les’s loathsomeness is unintentional. Owen’s portrayal in this turkey of an arc is clearly intended to make us dislike Owen.

    Well, I won’t stand for this child abuse. I’m on Owen’s side, against the idiot band director who thinks this turkey sale 2 days before Thanksgiving is a good plan, against Owen’s malevolent creator.

    Hang in there, Owen! Soon as you turn 18, get the hell out of Westview. Then, it gets better. Take your boyfriend Cody with you. Start a new life out West.

  14. Let’s see. Les and Cayla are starting married life. Their daughters are in college on basketball scholarship. Basketball season has started already. Cory is in the Army. Funky and Holly are now nestheads. We don’t know what’s happened to Maddie and Jinx since graduation. (I think we’ve seen Maddie in a couple of panels, that’s all. Nobody knows what’s happened to Susan. Cindy hasn’t been seen in a couple of years, and still no word on Cellphone Girl. And the most interesting think TB can write about is Owen trying to sell band turkeys, a trope that has been beaten to oblivion. And the trainwreck continues…

  15. Think about it: in the few years prior to 2012, we saw Funky nearly die in a car crash after almost falling off the wagon after he committed his senile father to a nursing home, Les dancing with hallucinations, Summer’s knee exploding, Les being sexually assaulted at work by a woman who later left town in shame, Les’ cancerous proposal in the park, Wally still freaking out, Les getting courtesy calls at the airport from his dead wife and so on. Sure, no one died or anything (except Coach Stropp) but still some fairly “heavy” subject matter.

    This year, though, has been decidedly “lighter”, which makes me wonder if it was intentional or not. Is it possible that even TB has grown tired of dreaming up that sort of melodramatic crap FW is known for or is he just running low on ideas? Just something to ponder.

  17. November 19, 2012

    Kent State girls basketball Falls 59-41 To Cincinnati After A Tough Second Half.
    The Golden Flashes are now 0-3

  18. Is it possible that even TB has grown tired of dreaming up that sort of melodramatic crap FW is known for or is he just running low on ideas?

    Prozac perhaps?

  19. serious question. is there a way to write batiuk a letter that he’ll actually get? and possibly read? i meant to put this with the sunday strip comments, but never got around to it. here’s my beef. it’s not bad enough he’s gone and redrawn cayla to look more white. that’s a whole world of stupidity i’ll pass over for now. but i’ve honestly had it with Les’s dead lisa worship. there is no way in hell a real person would ever put up with this goateed idiot. no way. i’m a widower. so i know what i’m talking about. this guy … the things he says and does would poison any relationship, believe me. i don’t see how a woman with an honest to god shred of self-respect would ever go on with such a dolt. i really want to try to pierce Tom Batiuk’s pathetic bubble of self-delusion and i wonder if anyone can give me some sort of address. thanks.

  22. Owen: “So, you want one or not?”

    Plaid Shirt: “A band turkey?”

    Owen: “No, a high schooler.”

    Plaid Shirt: “….*….”

    Owen: “Please, I’ve got no where else to go. I’ve been wearing the same damn outfit for seven months!”

  23. Duane: As good a guess as any. Whatever the reason, it’s a trend I’ve noticed over the course of this year. Even the big “prestige” arcs have been noticeably light on the “drama” this year…in fact, they were so inoffensive, vanilla and bland as to be barely noticeable (or memorable…or interesting…or entertaining). Now don’t get me wrong here: FW still blows plenty hard, but it hasn’t been quite as disturbingly creepy this year IMO.

    But we still have a few weeks to go in 2012 and that’s more than enough time for, oh I don’t know, Becky’s mom to croak, or Summer to get caught using HGH, or Les to go all Lisa on us again. I’d expect the next FW “dramatic” moment to be a real doozy.

  24. I think he’s a bit like a junkie so he needs a bigger and bigger fix and yet it’s running up against his default inertia. I mean, what big misery is he going to inflict on his characters now? He can’t give Funky a cancer scare. He’s already done that. He’ll have to take the next step and actually give him cancer, which he doesn’t really want to do because it’s too big a hassle. He can’t have Wally have another episode without killing someone. Summer and Les are off limits for bad things, and if another great thing happens to them it’ll just be more and more obvious how they’re Mary Sues in this sea of misery. If he has another school bond vote fail, someone needs to lose their job, and he’s not going to do that, either.

    So he’s swinging well into the inertia side of the pendulum, away from the abject misery side.

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