I read the words “I’m like Wall Street…” and braced myself for one of TB’s ripped-from-last-year’s-headlines “topical” punchlines. Which probably would have been preferable to Holly telling us that she steps on the scale four times a year. I think when it comes to fitness goals, surely there’s a happy medium between weighing oneself daily or quarterly. And I don’t pretend to understand the financial world, but doesn’t “Wall Street” check to see how it’s doing like, every hour of every day? Isn’t that why they have those stock-ticker things?
24 thoughts on “Wall Street Weak”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
FW=Pluggers. Old, fat and waiting to die.
I agree with TF here, if Wall Street only issued quarterly earnings reports nobody would buy and sell anything. And all I know about the stock market is that bad things frequently happen to my 401k . Batiuk keeps proudly revealing his ignorance, all in the service of a bad joke.
I guess she means as in “quarterly reports”, if that’s even really a thing anymore. And as far as you’re concerned, Funky, yeah…we’ve noticed.
I still can’t figure out how and why what at first appeared to be a comic-con arc ended up being all about how old, decrepit and fat the Winkerbeans are. As if the visual evidence wasn’t proof enough. Maybe he felt he needed to remind his readers that comic-cons exist in order to help set up the upcoming “very cool” CC (I’m not spelling that out every time) arc, I don’t know. It was just weirdly out of place, you know? Hard to believe he couldn’t manage to come up with one more Funky old/fat/hapless joke to fill out the week. It’s such a rich comedy vein to mine and so easy that even Batom could do it with minimal effort (which would also be a terrific new title for the whole strip, btw). “Minimal Effort” by Tom Batsomethingorother, Volume One: The Twenty Five Years Between 2007 and 2013.
My God, you could fill books with what I don’t know of stocks and finances, and I know that’s a pretty stupid analogy. (My mom’s been in financial planning most of my life, though, so it’s possible I learned about an esoteric thing called the Dow Jones average by osmosis.)
I think weighing in weekly is the preferred option–daily checks tend to fluctuate up and down due to water weight etc., but once every few days gives a pretty good general idea of where your weight is and which way it’s going.
I take it back–the sight of Holly’s dead-glazed gaze in the strip for today is MILES more disturbing in context than her appearance in the masthead as the recent floating logo-thing.
The floating logo-thing made me dread refreshing my browser; in context, with dialogue, my hapless brain screams KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Second Panel : “I’m like Wall Street……”
Revised Third Panel : “….in that I’ve been robbing your ass blind for decades without you knowing about it.”
No, Batboy. This does not work. While it’s true corporations compile quarterly financial statements, this business about Wall Street checking itself quarterly is gibberish and nonsense. Yes, stock prices fluctuate constantly.
Which begs the question — Who in the hell would try to force a joke about weighing oneself 4 times a year rather than daily? Why is anything about that funny?
Stock prices, financial statements — BatBitcb knows nothing about this stuff, so he shouldn’t even try to write about it. If he had written an analogy to something about comic books or pizza, he might have come a quarter inch closer.
i don’t get joke? its as funny not joke as battys other strip crankshat was today
After years of watching Batiuk write about things he clearly knows nothing about, I have to wonder… what DOES he know about?
Ugh… please tell me we aren’t going to spend the rest of the week in Funky’s bathroom. I do NOT want to be in there for the full color Sunday spread.
Holly looks like a different person in each panel. Put “not understanding how to use a character reference sheet” on the list of things Batom Inc. doesn’t understand, along with Wall Street.
Just wait till FW opens his medicine cabinet. That Pandora’s box will keep the strip going for a week!
In panel 1, Fat Old Funky seems to be sporting one o’ them “Alien-like” skulls recently discovered in an ancient cemetery in Mexico! If Funky were, indeed, an alien, it would explain much! Actually, if Batboy was an alien, it would explain everything about this strip!
Funky: “Look at the weight I’ve put on!”
Holly: “Um, you actually look less heavy today than you have in years, dear.”
Funky: “What?!?”
Holly: “Trust me. Ordinarily you’re a whale. Today, you’re just a tugboat.”
Funky: *fumes*
Holly: “Granted, the fact that your face keeps sagging and melting every time you experience a non-smirking emotion cancels out any attractiveness.”
Considering the overall snarkiness of this strip and the continued trollish behavior of its character, I’m surprised there wasn’t a Panel Four with Funky telling her, “No wonder you look like Honey Boo Boo’s mom.”
“Wall Street”?
Holly is more like “Broadway”
I was going to suggest she was more like a double-wide in a trailer park.
Just noticed — It’s Archie and Edith Bunker in the first panel.
And in the last panel, Heavy Holly does the same Dopey Mopey smirk Cayla sometime gives us. D-uuuuuuuh, durr hey!
If this leads to some sort of weight loss storyline which leaves Funky and Holly looking similar to their Act II counterparts, I’ll forgive this.
Did Batiuk explain WHY Funky and Holly look like blobs in Act III?
Yes, Holly, you’re the one to be doling out weight-loss advice.
Man, Holly is like a dumb puppy. She follows Funky into the bathroom to listen to him complain about his weight. Evidently she has nothing better to do. Next she’ll stand there looking at him as he complains about his irregularity.
It really is amazing how committed Batiuk is to making his characters unattractive. Look at how Holly looks in this strip: bloated, puffy, tired, fat, disheveled, depressed. He included all those details. He could have tried to make her relatively attractive, even while keeping her fundamental physical characteristics, but instead decided he wanted her to look like this. What’s more, when one considers the joke being told here, it’s obvious that he worked a lot more on making her look like that than he did on the strip’s stated purpose.
“Did Batiuk explain WHY Funky and Holly look like blobs in Act III?”
Why, it’s to emphasize how handsome, distinguished, fit, and well-preserved our dear Les is, my friend! Wasn’t that obvious?
“I’m like Wall Street – except that I weigh 13435.21!” HAWHAWHAW.
Holly: “Funky, you’re so fat that when you dance you make the band skip”
Funky: “You may be like Wall Street now, but in high school you were a door knob: everyone had a turn.”
Loved “Funky, you’re so fat that when you dance you make the band skip”