As Ann continues her recollection of her life with Fred, the picture she paints is far less rosy than we’d expect. It was only one year ago that TB brought Fishstick Annie back to Westview High to inspire the slumping girls’ team with the story of how she defeated the status quo on the way to coaching her team to a division title.
More recently, the senior Fairgoods shanghaied Darin and Jessica to take them on a tour of places they lived earlier in their marriage, and reminisced about how much fun they had in their old apartment. Now with Fred laid low, Ann confides that “somehow,” becoming Mrs. Fred Fairgood forced this feisty female to forfeit her ambition? Does the fact that their marriage turns out to be devoid of romance make this storyline even sadder, or less so?
Son of Stuck Funky 
OK. So Fishstick is basically just another in the FW pantheon of whiny, self-absorbed, passive-aggressive human colostomy bags. Hey, bitch, your husband is slowly dying while you blather on about half-assed dreams that you apparently made no serious effort to realize. Ah, the comedy is rich and thick!
Jess: “Fred forced you to give up your dreams of writing?”
Ann: “No, but he did saddle me with that blond LOAD you call a husband! Yeesh, that little brat made it absolutely impossible to write! No one who is married or a parent has time to write, because anyone who isn’t an adult is EVIL! With their NEEDS and their demands for LOVE and ATTENTION! Feh!”
Jess: “…um, didn’t J.K. Rowling become the most popular, best-selling author in the entire world while also being a wife and mother?”
Ann: “I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about.”
Jess: “Also….um…aren’t you the least bit concerned about Fred anymore? You seem to have already written him off or something.”
Ann: “Fred? Who’s th-….oh. …*….well, he’s gonna die or be ANOTHER LOAD, I guess.”
Jess: “Pssst. Darin. Your Mom is starting to creep me out.”
Darin: “….”
Jess: “Darin? Darin? DARIN!”
Darin: “….yup, our show definitely wasn’t on to-..what -now-, WOMAN?!?”
Jess: “….*….that’s it. I’m going home.”
If you wanted to be a sports journalist, then why the hell did you take the job teaching at Westview? Which I presume means you instead pursued a degree and certification in teaching. So it sounds to me like you stopped imagining that dream long before you met Fred in the picket line and fell into place. And since you were both employed as teachers, you weren’t technically a housewife. You probably weren’t that good a writer, either, which is more likely the real reason you became an echo instead of a voice. Wanting to write and actually having that marketable skill are still two very different things. I could be wrong, but at this point I’m guessing “Fred’s Story” is not among your revived ambitions.
She married a man she didn’t want to marry (her fault), she gave up her dreams of being a writer (her fault), and now while the man she’s been pretending to love for years withers away and dies, she tells her child at length how miserable her father has made her?
Who does Batiuk want us to sympathize with?
I’m a bit confused (my own fault, since I’m trying to make sense of this): it seems to me that nothing changed in Anne’s life after she married Fred: she was a teacher before, and she was a teacher after. If anything she was MORE free to pursue her dreams after marriage, since her husband was gainfully employed.
It wasn’t until years later that Darin’s arrival might have complicated things — but he didn’t just show up on their doorstep like Skeezix: Fred and Anne made a conscious decision to adopt him.
The only thing that makes sense to me (and again, this is just my quixotic nature) is that Anne never had the ambition (or talent) to go after what she wanted, and she’s looking back at her life now, bitterly blaming everybody and everything but herself.
The lower each new FW nadir, the more I want to ralph. Nadir, ralph. Ralph, nadir. Shave and a haircut—big smirk!
That deliberately stupid pun is more entertaining and has more literary value than the relentless torrent of bathetic drivel from Batominc. Argh!
Fred must be dead because this sure feels like a wake. Sadly, because of his stroke, we’ll never know what Fred gave up to marry and crush Annie’s dreams.
So what character in this strip DOESN’T want to be a “writer?” To Batboy, that’s the only profession, other than comic book salesman and pizza man. But like all women in this strip, she knew her place as doormat. (See also “Cayla.”)
I wonder if BatPhone will copy/paste Fishstick’s whining for Cayla when Les kicks off in Act IV (or Act III, if there’s a God)?
So, you were forced to give up your dream of being a sports journalist, and had to settle for being a pioneering women’s basketball coach who led your team to a district championship? Yeah, sucks to be you.
Apparently Fred was driving past the adoption agency while they were having a sale and brought home baby Daryn on impulse, thereby crushing all of Ann’s hopes and dreams of being a sports writer. Again, this is what a teenager thinks adult life is like.
Right, like life with Fred must have been sooooooo demanding. She was a teacher and he was the principle….she had off all summer (Admin usually does not get off during the summer)…PLUS they’ve been retired on full pensions and Dumbwood has been out of the house for 15 years(?)….ya little free-time there.
TB projects his own self-absorbed, egocentric, blame all others self-image.
Batiyuck….you are a pathetic person.
And I’m sure newspapers just kept rejecting Ann’s sportswriting “manuscripts” before she got married and was forced to repeat all of her husband’s stale “helped with the delivery” jokes. I mean, it’s not like aspiring sportswriters chase their dream by taking any odd job in the newsroom or anything…
Damn. What a screwed-up outlook on life the Dark Lord of Medina has. Not only is he a bad writer, he doesn’t understand that if you really want to write, you’ll carve out time to write. And if you’re in a loving relationship, your partner will support you pursuing your dreams, even if your dream is to be a middle-aged woman sports journalist. But I guess the point of this arc is to show us that Fred and Annie were in this bizarre marriage of convenience and now Annie is thrilled that Fred is Dead.
The problem is not so much that Ann has forfeited her life’s dream for a man she barely tolerated. The real problem is that Batiuk is trying to wring out drama where there is no drama, since he’s already been equally unsuccessful in trying to wring out comedy where there is no comedy. The bigger problem is that Batiuk has somehow managed to successfully market this shit for so many years.
I’m picturing the other people in the waiting room being like the people that had to sit beside Ted in the movie “Airplane” and would kill themselves rather than keep listening to Ted whine about his life. It’s better than listening to this housefrau bitch about her pathetic life while her husband becomes room temperature.
All I remember about Anne in the original strips was that Batiuk would frequently draw her wearing a tube top when not working in the school. And Fred was originally depicted as a trying-to-be-hip nerdy guidance counselor. Inventing these invisible back-stories years later is very strange, kind of like Lynn Johnston trying to get revenge on her ex-husband by editing her old strips to make Elly’s husband look like even more of a dick.
Is this going to be anything like “The Story of an Hour“? Sure seems like it’s heading that way.
Fishstick Annie dreamt
Of being an ink-stained wretch.
Fairgood’s affections
Reduced her to kvetch, kvetch, kvetch.
Again – you didn’t have the stroke – you’re in the hospital waiting room – you still have all your faculites. so GET ON WITH IT. YOU DON”T LIKE YOUR LIFE DO SOMETHING -ANYTHING.
One thing that always bothers me about Batuik’s death and grief and sorrow outlook on life is well his own life. He is, as either his defenders or sockpuppets point out, a nationally syndicated cartoonist – in other words he makes his living drawing and writing and going on the odd book signing tour – his life’s work is being printed in hardcover and there are the other litttle honors and such – the mural at Kent State for one. True he’s been ill prostate cancer is not a joke but he’s still got his health for the most part – so why the misery porn? And why done so badly? Life can be a challange, man is born to trouble as sparks fly upward goes one saying , but I can’t understand this ” life is a bruden to be endured by emotionally stunted man children and their unhappy wives until they get sweet release at the hands of Masky McDeath” world view. Other than force of habit, I can’t imagine a reason these folks are still living.
I whipped this up to largely retcon Act III out of existence and patch up some of Act II’s more annoying storylines and retcons. It’s a work in progress, you can give me help on improving it. Given that I’ve never read too much of Act II, I hope it makes sense story-wise.
C’mon Professor Fate, would the strip be as fun to read if Batiuk was a sunny, well-adjusted optimist who didn’t take anything too seriously? He’s like the city gent in the Monty Python sketch who makes his co-workers erupt with laughter every time he opens his mouth, no matter how boring or depressing.
Señor Tortilla:
that is brilliant! More creativity in 7 paragraphs than TB has had since the last time jump.
Loves sports but not husband, butch appearance………..don’t know about anyone else, but my gaydar is beeping.
Ok, today’s strip has me sputtering in outrage & disgust. The idea that this is how a spouse would behave at such a time, that s/he would even THINK such things, much less speak them…gah. (Granted, my dad’s recent stroke and passing may be coloring my reaction here…does Batboy really have no idea how offensive this is?)
I guess only the death that matters in the Funkyverse is that of Special Saint Lisa, who will be obsessively mourned and remembered for the following two decades. Everyone else who croaks? Meh, who gives a rat’s ass.
@jp, I agree completely. Having spent a fair amount of time in ER waiting rooms myself, I am in disbelief that BatHack would think this an appropriate conversation in light of Fred’s circumstances. If I overheard someone speaking this way, I would feel compelled to tell them to STFU, or take it somewhere else. Just awful. I am sure I have said this before but, Tom, we all know you visit this site. Get yourself some professional help for whatever demons are swimming around in that head of yours.
@Senor Tortilla: Awesome work. Very clever.
Corrected a typo and updated some of it, thanks for the feedback! I hate some of the other non-Les characters as much as the rest of you do, and I wasn’t intending on making Comic Book John a more sympathetic character than I had originally planned, but I think it worked out for the better overall.
The idea that this is how a spouse would behave at such a time, that s/he would even THINK such things, much less speak them…gah.
Exactly. What I wouldn’t give for a punchline of Jessica saying, after Fred has died, “So, this stroke thing seems to have worked out great for ya!”
@Señor Tortilla: OK, that was amazing. That’s my headcanon from now on, if you don’t mind.
I love the concept of Les telling his living wife the story of how he obsessed over her death for 15 years and remarried.
I think it makes MORE sense, seeing as the Les-version of things, he’s inconsistent and forgets details, he describes things that would never actually happen (talking to cats, time travel), and of course, being the main character!
Yeah, 9-5 job, no weekends, summers off… who could possibly find time to write in the face of such daunting circumstances? I mean, besides the legions of other aspiring writers past and present who choose this profession specifically BECAUSE IT AFFORDS THEM TIME TO WRITE!
@ Tortilla:
LOL – that was great
While I can make fun of FBOFW, I didn’t openly despise some of the characters or have such disdain for Lynn Johnson as I do for TomBat. These characters keep getting more and more unlikable.
Lynn noted: “Loves sports but not husband, butch appearance………..don’t know about anyone else, but my gaydar is beeping.”
OH. MY. GOD! The mystery hand at the prom WAS ANN!!!
Sean D. – that could be! I was thinking the Mystery Hand might be BattButt himself, but Annie Banannie does have that butchish “gym teacher” look. Just sayin’.
I missed this one last night, but wow, what a load of crap-ola. BatFace is making up for lost time with this pile of shit. So for all this time the “Fairgoods” (subtle) were living a lie, all for the sake of Lisa’s f*cking bastard kid. Who knew? And who cares?
Bill A, Fred actually died several days ago: these three were simply too self-absorbed to notice.
Annie was a relatively inoffensive and mostly non-annoying character…until this week, that is. What kind of person starts bellyaching about their unfulfilled life a mere few hours after their spouse of 40+ years suffers a possibly fatal and/or debilitating illness? A self-centered scumbag, that’s who. F*ck you, Annie and double f*ck you, BatWrite. Try creating a new story for once without resorting to the usual creepy self-absorbed misery.
I was in this situation 10 years ago, wondering if I was going to be a widow at age 43. I spent countless hours in the ICU waiting room. Once my family and friends began to gather, there was laughter. And we were not the only ones. These dread places, the ICU waiting rooms, are filled with both tears and laughter. I’m sure it sometimes happens that the anxious spouse starts ripping on the one whose life hangs in the balance. I suppose I could have done that, after all, my poor husband, who was so kind and supportive in so many ways, could also be critical and stifling. It never occurred to me to speak of such things, because if I were to do so, I would have to honestly admit that I was only stifled insofar as I let myself be. Also it would have been incredibly tacky.
Senor Tortilla – that was awesome, much better than anything that’s been put in the actual strip. I stand in line!
There are two types of speeches you get from soon to be widows:
1. The “He was my soulmate and friend for all my life and I don’t know how I’ll live…” type-speech.
2. or the “I’m glad that miserable SOB is dead….because he destroyed my life” type-speech.
Fishstick Annie appears to be choosing option 2.
—Loves sports but not husband, butch appearance………..don’t know about anyone else, but my gaydar is beeping.—-
That’s just excess gay residue from the “Gay Prom” plotline last summer.
Drink a couple shots of Yukon Jack and watch some ice hockey and it should go away…….doctors orders.
Most of the characters are inoffensive and non annoying until they are given the spotlight. Darin, while it’s known he’s the bastard spawn of Dead Lisa, adopted by Mr and Mrs Fishsticks, not much else about him that I can remember. But now that’s going to change as he faces life with a vegetative father and out of the closet dike mother. And he will become as pathetic as the rest of this cast.
Duane, toward the end, I don’t think there were many FBOFW readers who didn’t despise Michael.
And Anthony, but I think that was mostly about the ‘stache.
Drink a couple shots of Yukon Jack and watch some ice hockey and it should go away…….doctors orders
Doc, How about SoCo and watching the bad auditioners on American idol instead?
@S.P.. Charles:
Sure, if by “the ‘stache” you mean “pressuring his wife into having a baby she didn’t want intending to go back on his promise of being a stay-at-home dad, then demonizing her when she kept her end of the bargain an returned to her career”.
(eye twitch) OH GOD THE MEMORIES ARE FLOODING BACK.
Hey, I bet I know where this story is going, and it’s going to blow your mind!!! See, I think Fred will make a full recovery, and he and Annie will plan to go to Paris or something, but–and here is where it gets heavy–it turns out that Fred got the wrong diagnosis in the mail!!! So he could have gone to therapy and gotten better, but now it’s way too late and his deterioration is inevitable. And Fred dies while someone dressed up as a character from Spamalot shows up and takes him away to a big black nothing.
And Annie goes to the Westview park and buries some ashes and yells into the sky, and when she gets home Darrin says, “Mom, you always wanted to be a writer, you should write what you know.” And he shows her one of Fred’s civic awards, or a bowling trophy or a gift certificate or something. And she, like, gets totally inspired.
Well, Fred’s Story: The Other Shovel is a huge success, Hollywood comes calling (though they’re not sure about the name “Fred”) and now Westwood has two of the greatest authors of all time! Which means, of course, that it’s time for
ACT IV!!!!!
Yeah, it’s another time jump! Owen now runs the Komix Korner, Cody owns Montoni’s, Summer is the head coach of Westview High, Keisha is the assistant coach, and Les Moore is the principal.
Funky, Harry, John, Donna, Holly and the others are all in…HA! you thought I’d say “wheelchairs” but in fact, they’re all in Senior Citizen Bumper-Cars, and they spend all day crashing into each other and either giggling uncontrollably or moaning in what they hope is simple pain.
SP Charlie,
True, but nobody was as loathsome as Les or as creepy as DSH.
Totally OT
Sure, if by “the ‘stache” you mean “pressuring his wife into having a baby she didn’t want intending to go back on his promise of being a stay-at-home dad, then demonizing her when she kept her end of the bargain an returned to her career”.
There were so many things that made Anthony repulsive, but they were all nicely wrapped up in the package that was his horrible mustache.
And to think Johnston gave him that because it made him look grown-up, dignified and… (gulp) attractive.
Senor Tortilla: That was BRILLIANT.
More, please.
—-Doc, How about SoCo and watching the bad auditioners on American idol instead?—
Goes against my better judgement , but I’ll allow it…LOL