Charles
February 6, 2013 at 2:59 am
You know, I realized that this is probably the incredibly botched introduction to the Lisa Coda*, as Darrin realizes that he, too, has a father who he has never met. So he goes and hunts down his bio dad to reconnect, despite never having met him and only knowing that said bio dad raped his bio mom when she was a teenager. (He knows that, right? With all her addiction to drama, Lisa HAD to tell him that, right? Right??)You know, sometimes adopted children don’t want to meet their biological parents, and a situation like this would most likely be one of those times.
I’ll take the “forced at gunpoint” comment to mean that Darin’s among those who would not care to meet his “real” father. I doubt even more that Frankie would appreciate Darin’s visit (unless, of course, Frankie’s suffered a stroke too).
I took a peek at the “Teen Pregnancy Story Arc” (how’s that for a catchy title) in the Archives section of the official FW site. Upon further review, it appears that Lisa consented to sex with Frankie, rather than having been forced. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Binders Full of Broads
(posting at the Comics Kingdom page)
January 26, 2013 at 12:50
Hey, some of us young people like to eat Jell-o and watch TV, too. It’s the people who drink coffee with both hands that concern me.
* “Lisa Coda”: In his blog post of last Nov. 6, Batiuk teased something he’s been working on: “Events in the present will spark a sort of flashback/prequel which will crossover into real life…as well as a crossover with Crankshaft thrown in for good measure. Oh, and lest I forget, a long lost character as well.”
Son of Stuck Funky 
Visited the blog site your mentioned. And I thought TB saved all the bad writing for the comic strip.
Unless there is more to the Lisa flashback with Frankie ( I really don’t want to look), the possibility exists that he forced himself on his “girlfriend” Lisa.
I bet we get no explanation of whether this new character (Dawn?) has ever met and talked with ol’ Stroker Ace Fred in the past.
“Do you want to meet your birth father? Because it could easily be arranged, considering he’s now married to me. How do you like that for a freaky plot twist?”
That’s right, Darin, no reason for either of you to talk to Fred or comfort him…even less reason to talk to Ann (or, god forbid) your spouse about this.
Nope, just head off by yourselves, alone. Sip some coffee. Spontaneously begin sharing your bitter, angry, nagging dirty laundry for no reason at all.
Kind of a turn on, really.
And, tomorrow, when you wake up in Kerry’s arms, realizing she smells like coffee and body odor and Juicy Fruit(tm) and sweat and dust and chicken gravy, you’ll realize you’ve never felt more alive.
But this time, you wisely won’t admit it!
Now, see, an ordinary writer would think up of a way to introduce Lisa’s Story 3 naturally, coming out of events, info, and characterization he built into the source material.
Tom can’t do that. There IS no foundation for Lisa’s Story 3. It’s all hopelessly frayed threads and picked-clean bones.
So his only choice was to do this: A convoluted, pointless tangent about something that might mean something if we knew these characters at all, and if ANY of them acted even SLIGHTLY likable and human. And it’s all to set up some bizarre, unworldly, nonsensical excuse to talk about Lisa. Again.
Feh.
when you wake up in Kerry’s arms, realizing she smells like coffee and body odor and Juicy Fruit(tm) and sweat and dust and chicken gravy,
Come on, there’s got to be some Arpège and Marlboros in there as well.
And he smells like Beef-a-Roni.
Knew someone would catch that. *g*
Tough to say whether or not Boy Lisa really “totally gets” what Kerry is feeling, as we still have absolutely no idea as to what the circumstances behind the big “estrangement” were. I guess the reader is supposed to assume that they talked about it “off-screen”, which is kind of the opposite of what “storytelling” is about, no? I love how Kerry seems sort of surprised that Dipwich hasn’t tried to seek out his biological father, as if the last ten minutes have made her some sort of authority on inter-familial relationships. Also love the way Batty managed to get a Lisa mention in there, just to remind us of what the biggest moment in Boy Lisa’s life REALLY was.
That “Darvon is the baby Lisa gave up in high school” arc was one of BatReal’s lowest lows ever. Just a remorselessly cloying, sappy, unbelievable piece of insultingly bad drivel designed to squeeze every last droplet of pathos and sentimentality out of Saint Lisa before he croaked her for good. Just thinking about it is like stepping in fresh cat vomit with bare feet. While I think a Boy Lisa/Frankie The Rapist arc would violate Rule One of FW predictions (too interesting), he might go there if it meant getting to play retcon with his beloved curly-haired Lisa again. We’re way, way overdue for a Lisa visit, as sickening as the prospect may be.
So Darkwing “totally gets” what Kerry is feeling because he spent some time with his dying birth mother? But, uh, Kerry hasn’t even met her dying birth father yet, so the comparison is invalid. What the hell?
And then we veer off into a talk about Dickworm’s birth father. Why the hell would that come up? Also, weren’t these two supposed to be making out by now, instead of sharing non sequiturs over cups of pubic-steam coffee? (I guess some pubes floated up from the couch.)
Frankie somebody banged Dead Lisa, spawning Blondie McPotatoface. Frankie played football for Big Walnuts Tech. Didn’t need a gun to get Dead Lisa to chomp his hog. She wanted it bad. Then she ended up with Les and his stubby little Vienna Sausage.
This is the frustrating thing. Batiuk really could explore the unresolved feelings that arise even from open adoption but dismisses it. It doesn’t matter if his biological dad is a cur, it would help Darrin as a person to better understand his history from a paternal as well as a maternal perspective. His bio mother died of some disease or something, though I’m not sure Batiuk has ever told us what it was exactly.
…So, what, this 20-something week* stroke arc is all just setup for a story about St. Lisa and Frankie? Is that what he’s getting at?
* I haven’t been counting. Has it been longer?
Didn’t TB retcon the Lisa and Frankie thing in Act II to make it date rape (or close to it)? It would certainly fit in with the new reality that Lisa couldn’t possibly have sinned by choice.
Judging from the giant head and square shoulders in panel two, Darin’s biological father is Fred Gwynne.
Prediction: Fred Fairgood fathered a child who grew up to play football at Big Walnut Tech. Hating the father he never knew, he rejected masculinity, got a sex change and changed his name to Kerry.
Darin, you just met Dad!
Batdroppings hinted that a long lost character will return. Some of you think that will be Frankie. I humbly, respectfully disagree.
It will be Lisa. No, not the Imaginary Lisa that Goatee Boy pounds his pud to. REAL flesh and blood Lisa. She’s blonde and shaped like a fat fire hydrant now, but she’s very much alive.
Surprised?
Lisa didn’t really die. She faked her death and ran off with Frankie. At least HE knew how to satisfy a woman, and didn’t turn every conversation into a smirking punfest. It was hard losing all that weight and shaving her head but it was worth it!
Boy Lisa will look for and find Franky – bald, potato-nosed, 285 pounds, and running a pizza shop two towns over, but will be surprised when he meets the wife (who also works in the pizza joint).
Franky and Lisa have a kid together, a girl, who will also grope Dillwad’s junk.
I got nothing.
Oh…Cindy is still embedded.
I had made predictions a while back that of course it would come down to finding Frankie, and (of course) return to Saint Lisa somehow. Expect to see Darin watching videotapes by next week.
OK, what’s the deal with Durwood being simultaneously seduced and encouraged to look up his birth parents by two different women?
Has this ever happened to anyone ONCE, much less twice?
Man, we’re getting worse than the Darin mockings. First it was Boy Lisa, now Durwood is near-canon, and now Dickworm? Man, his name keeps mutating to something better and better!
@billytheskink: I dove into those archives to try to find the “Darin takes a month to go to the post office” strips (but why would I want to?), it went back to Lisa and her (second?) cancer. In fact, it took me a while to recognize her–after I figured out it wasn’t Wally post-gender reassignment surgery, I realized that Les was just as irritating before Act III. Check out that look that Lisa has in the third panel.
Worst Folger’s moment EVER!!!!!!
I’ve collected the whole Darin goes to the Post Office arc for you and posted it here. Jessica’s either sporting a “tramp stamp” or has a hairy butt crack. Ew.
Thanks! I don’t know what the first panel of the 7/30 strip is depicting, though. I see Fred, and…Mrs. Fishstick sporting some sort of weird 1980s haircut?
TFH sez: You don’t know what that panel is depicting? Get out!
OK, here’s the thing: this entire chain of events was triggered when the Universe heard Derwood express happiness, due to a deficiency of lead in the ceilings of the Montoni’s edifice. The Universe. It had to hear him.
You know, the Universe, the “sum of everything that exists in the cosmos, including time and space itself,” which includes the tiny contents of Dacron’s MBA mind, had to hear him.
So if old Fred does come down with a case of aphasia, what luck! The Universe will never be able to wreak its awful vengeance upon him, who’ll then be the luckiest guy ever to have dwelt in dark, dark Westview, Ohio.
Oh, it’s a Seinfeld reference. Since when did Batiuk do accurate references to pop culture?
TFH – maybe Jessica sat on a spider. Or those burritos were REALLY spicy.
I just read the “teen pregnancy arc” over at FW. I do have to say, there were some actual jokes in there. Nothing all that funny, but honest attempts.
So, sometime between then and now, Tom Batiuk decided that he hated jokes. Is that it?
Jessica’s either sporting a “tramp stamp” or has a hairy butt crack.
It’s got to be a tramp stamp, otherwise, I must get hopelessly referential in this thread and say:
She has the longest butt crack I’ve ever seen!
Anyway. TB drew that. He actually drew a tramp stamp on Jessica. He thought it up, considered it as part of her character and did it. I… I don’t know what to say, really.
“Events in the present will spark a sort of flashback/prequel which will crossover into real life”
We’ll learn that TomBat was raped by a football player from Garfield High?
You know what would be great? If all these characters were “long-lost.” Starting tomorrow.
The teen pregnancy arc shows Les at his most pathetic. “hey Lisa got knocked up so maybe I can get laid. “
BeckoningChasm: The “teen pregnancy” arc happened when the 1/4 inch from reality was still in its nascent stage. So a few “jokes” managed to slip in there every so often. Then along came Act II and he abandoned jokes altogether, aside from smirky annoying wisecracks and inane “observations”, that is.
Les is easily the most loathed and despised fictional character ever, obviously. But Lisa was right there with him, not so much for her actual “actions” but due to the incessantly saintly, deified way BatTom always depicted her. There was nothing even remotely human about her, she was the most contrived and painfully ham-fisted character imaginable. He’d pull out the stops to find new, ever more ridiculous situations for her, then he’d have her react in that sickeningly beatific, martyr-like way of hers, without fail, every single time. He did everything short of drawing her with a freaking halo.
If Batiuk were a real sadist rather than a pretend sadist because he thinks it gives him cred as an artist, he would’ve pulled a “Last American Virgin” moment on Les in that sequence. Les plays the role of helper, nursemaid and confidant through Lisa’s pregnancy, doing things that humiliate him and demand a lot of him because he cares about Lisa just that much, and he’s convinced that that will eventually win over her heart.
And two days after she pops out the baby she’s back to sleeping with Frankie and ignoring Les.
*THAT* would justify the self-pity and self-loathing that envelopes so many of TB’s characters.