That was nice what you just did, Bull“?!? What English teach– uh, sorry, Language Arts teacher, let alone a pretentious douchebag like Les, would utter such a colloquialism? And the “nice thing” he did? Catching a trio of repeat-offender school bullies in the act and letting them walk away without even a verbal warning.
TheDiva
April 4, 2013 at 1:47 pm
A few days ago, I wondered if it would be worse for Batiuk to treat bullying in an inappropriately (and unfunny) humorous manner or a insufferable serious manner. Now I know an even worse third option exists: total schizophrenia.
…and TB’s schizo tendencies extend to his continuing retconning/re-retconning of Les and Bull’s high school relationship: two years ago he went to great lengths to posit that Bull was just pretending to beat Les up in order to protect him from the real bullies. But for the purposes of the current storyline, it turns out that Bull really did pick on Les, and now must spend the rest of his life atoning.
Thirty years ago…not only was the bullying real, it was actually pretty funny!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Bull-shit is right. It wasn’t “nice” what Bull “did there”…it was his f*cking job. Doing that job is not “atonement” for anything. If he’d never been a bully back in high school would he have just walked right on by with a clear conscience? What a bloated gasbag.
BatDrip had a real opportunity here to move the Owen character forward a little but instead he copped out completely, resorting to feeble Bull/Les retconning instead. A weak, shameful display. It makes that stupid Lone Ranger crap from earlier this week seem even more meaningless and self-indulgent in retrospect.
Earlier this week, for a few moments there, I almost thought that maybe we’d see Owen triumph over the bullies AND win the girl…er, I mean woman. Then, of course, I realized that sort of plot development was in gross violation of the Golden Rule Of The Funkyverse…way too complicated. What a bunch of sad-sack hackery. And f*cking Les, too. Just depressing.
You know, I’m starting to wonder if maybe Tom Batiuk has had some recent problems. As was suggested recently, maybe he had a stroke. I mean, there’s just no way someone who tries to be creative can construct things this way. Even the most uncreative individual, when trying to concoct a story, knows that things have to happen for a reason, and those reasons have to be logical and consistent.
Should we be taking up a collection for him?
And so Owen walked away not knowing what happened, and got his ass handed to him the moment Bull isn’t around to intimidate his opponents. But the adults got to feel superior, so it all turns out okay!
I can’t add anything to today’s strip. The Act I strip makes me recall a recent joke in Wreck-It Ralph.
Yep, I have three kids 6 and under, so my popular culture references are currently animated.
I wish that Bull would pulverize Les’ smirky, shit-eating face in for real, just for old time’s sake. I (retconically) know that in the old days they just faked it for show, but now that they’re middle-aged, why not consummate the brutality for real? If only for our enjoyment?
Bull: “…wait…*…I….wait, wasn’t it -you- who told everyone that my years of bullying you were just a sham, a hoax, a ploy to protect you from the REAL bullies in school?”
Les: “I have no idea what you’re talking about. As far as I’m concerned, you were an evil, EVIL bully who only now shows signs of being worthy of my praise.”
Bull: “Ah, well. At least I can bask in the knowledge that bullying ONLY exists in the form of horseplay and food fights, and that by breaking up this here scene, we wise teachers have ended the school bullying problem 4-evah!”
*********************************
Know-nothing jerk again, Tom. This was REALLY the stupidest, most worthless ending you could EVER have chosen.
But, of course, it ALL has to BE ABOUT LES.
Is it me, or have we seen that final panel of Bull before? Like, I’m almost sure I’ve seen it, not just a similar panel, but the same.
@Jimmy: Implying you need children to go a Disney movie! That kill screen gag probably flies over little ones’ heads.
Oh, just go ahead and kiss, you two aging, retconned lovebirds. You know, it also bugs me that Bullsquat is about half his old size. He used to be a big, hulking gorilla, but is now a squat little troll.
Absolutely mindblowing that BatNuts would paint Bullcrap’s non-intervention as a nice favor he did for Blowin’. Really, Tommeh? Like Bull really went out of his way to stand there and glare, while the thugs slink away to bully another day. So I guess most teachers would have just walked by on their way to the vendos. Does BatLazy even THINK about what he writes any more? This is easily one of the stupidest exchanges in the history of Flunky Wankerbean. Seriously.
BeckoningChasm: It’s an interesting question to ponder. I assumed it was some combination of SSRI/anxiety/pain medications, but a stroke? Sure, why not, it’d certainly go a long way towards explaining how he manages to keep on churning out material this aggressively stupid and brain-numbingly bland. My personal theory is that he lost interest in telling his little FW stories a while ago and now he’s just punching the clock, but I suppose it is possible that he’s suffered from some sort of loss of cognitive function and actually believes this daily dose of drivel is coherent and “good”.
What a colossal douching this storyline ended with.
MooseBull was just doing his job, and that’s all he did. The real credit here goes to that little chullo-wearing kid for stepping in and doing the right thing. More often than not, in the real world of high school hallways, that’s it, end of story. Tempers cool, and aside from a few idle threats and gestures, nothing happens. But then again, we’re talking about a mini-gang who bullied an oddball girl who was considerably smaller than them (and they all look like sporto-types, too). And those who didn’t need the old strip from 1983 to remind themselves how Batiuk viewed bullying before it became a major issue, know that in Wasteview, Stinky-head might catch a beatdown.Hopefully, while playing out this half-assed “message” story, Batiuk learned something along the way himself.
Hey… leave those (3) bullies alone….they’re on the boys basketball team
I think it says a lot about TB when we all have the same basic thought about today’s strip.
1. It wasn’t nice what Bull did. It was his job.
2. How long was Les standing there? Was he there when Owen stood up to the bullies? Did Les run and get an adult (Bull) to break up the scene?
These and other questions will be answered (someday) on “As My Stomach Turns.”
“I’ve got a lot of make-up work to do. Starting with you, Les!”
(Bull gets on his knees)
*zzzzip*
“Mmmffffmmm…”
Les’ statement may seem peculiar on its face, but it shows that Les knows Bull all too well. Bull, being a former bully (no matter how TB may try to whitewash it), has long been shown to have poor impulse control. Les knows this, and so he knows that Bull first impulse would be to join in with the bullies! Therefore, in Les’ mind, inaction is positive action. Plus, if he compliments Bull, maybe – just maybe! – Bull will stop hitting him!
Unbelievable. Morally reprehensible. Inexplicable.
Par for the course, really. I will not queue up for this.
Too bad Tommy couldn’t do a little late editing to get Mike Rice in the group o bullies. It would have been meta genius.
That was nice of bull… he just taught those bullies a valuable lesson that will carry them through their lives and careers.
Namely, that when you set about committing acts of violence ..make sure the police and/authority are nowhere in the vicinity!
With this knowledge they now know to wait until after school and in a dark abandoned alley to beat up Owen and sexually molest Alex (or the other way around depending on their preferences).
…..the more you know!! (copyright NBC)
Oh gosh, yes, let’s revisit this old chestnut. Bull was a mean bully in Act I, now he’s a super nice guy and Les is awesome. It would be too much to ask to actually get to know another generation of teen-age characters, which was the whole point of having an Act II and II, but whatever, Batiuk.
“How long was Les standing there?” indeed. How does Les know what happened, if he and Bull weren’t standing within helping distance the whole time? Why didn’t they speak up sooner? Why didn’t he do anything himself? This had evidently happened at least twice.
Les is not only the author’s avatar, he has become the omniscient narrator for Funky Winkerbean.
For a guy that refers to his house in Medina* as the “cartoon castle”**, I’d say Batiuk either needs to take meds or lay off of them.***
* it’s actually significantly north of the area
** see recent Batiuk blog entry
*** hat tip to xkcd