28 thoughts on “Plan B from Outer Space”

  1. Oh I’m scared… Plan B?
    What’s he going to do scratch finger nails on a chalkboard?
    The real torture will be Battyuck stretching this story arch out further

  2. Plan B is driving over to Les’s house and shaking him down for his screenplay advance. It should have been plan A.

  3. Yes! There’s an idea! Let’s MOVE ON to something! I knew this Frankie guy was all right.

    Check out the door in the background of panel three. You think that’s THE door, the direct stairway to hell, the one that leads to Boy Lisa’s posh pizza-scented digs? And that bookcase, is it normal for a pizza place to have bookshelves like that? What’s with all the weird shit in the background this week?

    “Plan B”. So this cringingly idiotic “reality show” idea WAS the “real” plan?? Wow, just….wow. I’m assuming that this “plan B” will be just as, if not much more, moronic than A was.

  4. “Darin Fairgood – his mutant superpower is that he takes three days to leave any area! We can call him The Waddler.”

    –from Stan Lee’s Stan Lee’s Circular File – My Worst Ideas Ever! (forthcoming)

  6. Hmm plan b will most likely get someone who’s dumb enough to fall for Frankie’s dumb excuse, he’s gonna sue Les or he’s gonna go on TV and call Lisa a slut and every other word he can think of.

    Either way Batiuk’s gonna keep dragging this story. Wish somethin’ would hit Frankie at least.

  7. At first, Frankie was an oily thug, drinking generic BEER as he wallowed in pathetic squalor. Now he’s all involved with a somewhat effete “Hollywood” dude named Lenny who’s sharing his motel room on the outskirts of town. Just saying is all.

    At first, Lenny was a dark-skinned tough guy who was there for “backup” purposes. Then suddenly he was white and integral to the whole plan. Just saying is all.

    Jessica’s big dream is to make a film about her dead father. No one minds. Frankie’s dream is to make a TV reality show about his still-living bio-son. Everyone freaks out. So what’s the deal, will it be OK once he dies or what?

    When you think about it, why would Boy Lisa be leaving? He works AND lives there, shouldn’t Frankie be the one leaving?

  8. Hackett, I think this WAS their “Plan A”. Their entire plan was “call up your son who you have never met before -and who may or may not be the product of rape-, ask him to be part of a reality TV show with you and then keep shouting at him how he should take this offer repeatedly while he walks away”. Maybe they should take a couple of courses from Dr. Evil, at least he always seems to have plenty of money at the end of the day.

    And people, note Frank’s position. He is clearly to Darin’s LEFT in the first two panels. In the third he is suddenly on the RIGHT. Frankie the Rapist has the power to teleport!

  9. This story arc is definitive proof that Tom Batyuck and Funky Winkerbean are a waste of time. I could say that Funky Winkerbean is a better comic strip than Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, or Apartment 3-G, but that would be like saying spoiled food smelled better than vomit, a dead skunk, and a turd.

  10. Ok, ok I get it TB you hate reality shows. I don’t like them either, but I don’t behave like a douche about it.

  11. I might have had some slight degree of respect for Batiuk if Darin’s response had been the more realistic “Kiss THIS!”

    Instead of a fey pantomime of blowing on a dandelion.

  12. The Batyuck The Hack/Frankie The Rapist/Lenny The Shill Playbook:

    Plan A for Asinine – check
    Plan B for Boring
    Plan C for Cloying
    Plan D for Dull
    Plan E for Ennui
    Plan F for Feeble
    Plan G for Groan-inducing
    Plan H for Hack Work
    Plan I for Interminable
    Plan J for Jejeune
    Plan K for Krappy
    Plan L for Lugubrious
    Plan M for Monotonous
    Plan N for Nothing
    Plan O for Ossifying
    Plan P for Prosaic
    Plan Q for Querulous
    Plan R for Repetitive
    Plan S for Stultifying
    Plan T for Tedious
    Plan U for Uninteresting
    Plan V for Vapid
    Plan W for Wearisome
    Plan X for Xtremely Weak
    Plan Y for Yawn-Inducing
    Plan Z for Zero

  13. No, Frankie means he’s going to spike Jess’s water with “Plan B” so that she miscarries. Why? Because he’s EEEEEEEEVIL.

  14. Funky…the Pizza World megalomaniac will love the idea of his place being on “TV” and sign all rights away to Lenny before talking to anyone.
    He is the head of the Westview Chamber of Commerce.

  16. Dwight Shrute came up with better master plans than this guy.

  18. His Plan B is to move to Easter Island and create a monster movie in which Frankie is a Moai come to life.

  19. Since I’ve seen glaciers move faster than this conversation, all I can add is that this is the first time white Lenny has appeared in my newspaper’s comics section.

  20. Chyron–yes, Plan B is definitely Retroactive Contraception, but i think it is a choice between cancelling Jessica’s pregnancy and Lisa’s.

  21. How come Plan A didn’t involve filming this entire conversation for the pilot? Darrin’s sweet little blowmeakiss would have been perfect for the promotional poster. Oh well, maybe they can condense the script and film a do-over once Frankie’s maniacal Plan B seals the deal.

  23. Jess: “Um, Darin, why are you following me out? Don’t you have to, like, work here today?”

    Darin: “….*….crud.”

  24. Speaking of other (better?) strips, the current Judge Parker storyline has an apparent con artist scam. Batiuk could take notes that the con artists are charming and convincing, and they have their first mark actively defending them to the other characters. This conversation we’ve been watching–how could it be convincing to anyone? And what, indeed, can the ‘real’ plan (Plan C?) be, given how the first ‘explanation’ made no sense and fooled absolutely nobody?

  25. Well, it’s not as if Darin has a baby on the way and parents with severe health problems that might make the promise of money tempting. Attractive, even.

    It’s not as if his “step father”, His Royal Lesness, the Wise Author of Westview hasn’t become a best-selling author and Hollywood auteur by exploiting the memory of Lisa.

    I say take it!

  26. I’m not getting where this “lot of money” is coming from. It seems to me that there’s about enough drama here for a Dr Phil appearance, but not nearly enough to fill a reality TV series (but then what do I know about reality TV). Also, the majority of the drama has already been spent. Unless… Plan B is that Lenny and Squiggy came into Montoni’s earlier and pre-wired it with hidden cameras and microphones and got this whole sordid exchange on video, and they’re going to go ahead and release the show without Dillweed and Blondie’s knowledge or permission.

  27. The door slams….

    Lenny: Wow, Frankie, your kid is kind of a dick.

    Frankie: He gets it from his mom, and I’m sure his adoptive parents didn’t help.

    It nauseates me to come to accept my worst conclusion from these nearly three weeks of strips: Darin and Jessica hate Frankie because his very existence is an affront to Darin’s birth mother, who spent about 20 minutes with Darin 15 years ago but has somehow achieved deity status with them in the afterglow. It doesn’t surprise me, but I would’ve hoped that Batiuk would have realized just how weak a premise that is.

    @bad wolf: The thing that surprises me is that the Judge Parker storyline really isn’t any good at all, and yet look at how much better it is than this mess nonetheless. It draws into stark relief just how much ground Tom Batiuk needs to yet will never make up.

  28. The thing about Judge Parker, Mary Worth & those other serial strips is that their creators are at least aware that what they are producing is not of good quality. With that in mind they are able to embrace the cheese and self-parody and actually provide the readers with an enjoyable experience.
    For example. Judge Parker writers know they are all about T & A and they frame their stories accordingly and allow the readers to enjoy it ironically.

    The travesty behind Funky Winkerbean is that Tom Batiuk is completely oblivious to the fact that his work is of poor quality. This causes him to take his work too seriously and create an awful experience for the reader.

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