…whatever the hell that means. It could be that, since people have to buy tickets to watch a losing football team go through the motions, they might buy more tickets to watch a terrible marching band go through similar motions. However, it seems more likely that the students are going to have to pay to participate in the football team and the band.
Let that sink in for a moment. We’ve just seen two solid weeks of Becky and Bull heaping abuse upon their students, humiliating them and calling their talents into question. What do you think the result is going to be when Bull gathers the team and tells them, “You’re worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty! Twenty dollars, that is, which plus another eighty is the fee you will pay for the privilege of playing football! You terrible, terrible losers! I hate you! But give me those checks or preferably cash, thanks.”
Yes, I know this is Westview, but how many students are masochistic enough to pay for this kind of humiliation? Even if the only alternative is the cornfield, I suspect that Bull, in another, better comic strip, would be presented with a pile of stacked helmets and the reverberating sound of lockers being slammed shut for the last time. And then “the team,” and thus “the band” would cease to exist.
However (there’s always a “however” in Westview), since this strip delineates the troubles faced by contemporary youth, and one of those troubles is marching band, let’s totally forget that the school can (apparently) afford a scissors-lift for the band director and an inflatable giant football helmet (and endless repair and replacement of same). We can see that the marching band is in no immediate danger. Despite the budget cuts and other assorted tribulations, Tom wants the band around…the same way he wants Lisa around. Forever.
Why? He clearly hates the football team, but without the team, the marching band has no function. Or does it?
Based solely on Funky Winkerbean (a phrase I hope I never hear the government utter), the band may have a life outside the reality imposed upon the comic strip. I can’t count how many arcs have focused on the marching band, but there have been a bunch of them. Becky, Dinkle, Owen, Cody…they’ve all been swallowed by the “marching band” maelstrom. They only exist for torture and disappointment…which are the twin axes of the Funky Winkerbean universe.
So…if they have to pay to play in the band…(and Tom Batiuk will make them do so…selling turkeys, selling blood, selling beloved comics, selling “something” to the beings that have preserved them in these horrific tanks)…whatever it takes, it will keep the band alive. He will keep the band alive. Because Tom Batiuk can’t kill the band. No…because the band tasks him and he shall have it. Killing the band is too easy, too quick, too final. He will chase the band ’round the moons of Nibia and ’round the Antares Maelstrom and ’round perdition’s flames before he will give them up!
Tom Batiuk has done far worse than kill the band…he’s hurt it. And he wishes to go on…hurting it. He will leave the band as he leaves us, as he left Lisa: marooned for all eternity in “a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner”…buried alive! Buried alive…!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Here’s how I see it. Either….
A) Batom Inc. genuinely believes his readers WANT to and EXPECT to see the annual “boy, the band/team/school district really sucks…sigh” arcs on a regular, easily predictable schedule because they’re kind of like a tradition, or
B) He’s just lazy and “boy, the band/team/school district really sucks…sigh” is the only thing he can come up with when he’s belting out another year of FW during the first week of January on a decaf and craft beer bender.
I always choose B because I’m a total cynic who’ll never believe that anyone, even Batom Inc., could deliver crap this lame and awful in any sort of sincere way. Simply not possible.
I agree, what kid wants to pony up $80 bucks to march around in ridiculous uniforms during rainstorms, trying to keep their lips from freezing to the mouthpiece of their horn? Being berated by a one-armed harpy who kicked her MIA/POW husband to the curb so she could shack up with a mewling comic fanboy who wore a ponytail without irony?
when did crazy harry get job at school ? does he just work graveyard shift at comical book store ? wtf batty
SO like Bull knew of all this stuff and was actually pro-active including the Band before old Jim whatshisname? even read about it making the announcement in the teachers lounge?
Okay riddle me this… 200 kids in the band pay $80 to play that equals an income of $16,000. Ya that’ll cover the overhead and Lefty’s salary.
Tom you are not being very sensitive or thought provoking.
Ha ha ha high school bands and the economy and whatnot.
“I don’t always read comic strips. But when I do, I prefer to not read Funky Winkerbean. Stay Funky, my friends.”
Jim: “It looks like the band is being cut along with art.”
Becky: “The tiny vestige of me that gives a crap wonders why we’re learning about this in the newspaper after the school year has already begun?”
Jim: “Because SHUT UP, that’s why!”
Bull: “I’ve arranged for the marching band to be a part of the football team’s pay to play program.”
Becky: “….um…how in the world do you have the authority to do that? And WHY am I unaware of it until NOW?”
Bull: “Quiet, you.”
Jim: “Well, anyway, I’m off to teach my class!”
Bull: “Nice meeting you, Jim.”
Jim: “Um, I’ve taught here for over twenty years.”
Bull: “Funny. This is the first time I’ve seen you. What do you teach?”
Jim: “SCIENCE-Y STUFF, DAMMIT!!!”
Becky: “But we already have a ‘Jim’ who teaches science-y stuff.”
Jim: “I -am- that Jim!”
Bull: “But you look nothing like him.”
Jim: “AAAAARGH!”
This is clearly the first time Becky has heard of any of this? “Wait, they were talking about cutting band? But now they’re not? Does this mean I can go back to standing on the lift and making fun of the trombone section?”
You know, Becky really looks like a guy in today’s strip. Come on Batiuk, you can’t let Lisa be the only attractive female you have.
“when did crazy harry get job at school ? does he just work graveyard shift at comical book store ? wtf batty”
I thought this was a new or modified character???
If you look at today’s Crankshaft, a new female bus driver character has just been introduced.
I’ll admit that I don’t now diddly squat about economics and even less about how municipalities run….but If parents could afford to shell out $80 bucks. couldn’t they just raise their taxes in the first place and invest that money wisely to fund the school programs??? Again, I know nothing about economics and municipalities..I just like to point out stupid plots when I see them.
Learning you’ll be out of a job from someone you barely even know reading a newspaper aloud… that’s out there, even in Westview. Even the post office apparently had a face-to-face conversation with Crazy to tell him his services were no longer needed.
And these teachers wonder why the school levies never pass? Could be because the schools are run like a 2nd grade social group.
The pay-to-play program already exist in the high schools around here, only they call it an athletic fee. My daughter is in the marching band and they have to pay the athletic fee also. Of course, I also have to pay an extra fee for any classes that are listed as Advanced Placement or any classes involving extracurricular activities like band, drama or choir. It cost about $100 extra in fees for my daughter to go to high school this year. This is nothing particularly new in real life, but the only thing off about it is that it is Bull saying he’s bringing the band in on this, when usually these things come out of the school administration.
You know, if they hadn’t run away Frankie the Rapist, the city could have made some money off of his reality show.
Paul – isn’t the “athletic fee” generally used to pay for equipment and maintenance? Bull sounds like he’s going to use it as a source of income, to help fund the entire school year.
Again, how does BULL have the authority to obtain new funds and allocate them?!?
beckoningchasm
The “athletic fee” is generally used to pay the salary of the janitorial staff and for electricity bill. When my son was on the football team, they did a series of heavy duty fundraisers at the beginning of the year to pay for equipment, maintenance and uniforms, none of which are covered any more by the school budget.