Here’s a rather unusual Christmas Eve tradition that comes out of nowhere: serving Westview’s homeless a sumptuous Christmas dinner…of pizza. Yellow pizza, pepperoni not optional. Would it kill Funky to put out a tray of eggplant parm, and maybe a nice salad?
May I ask my veterans and service people in the audience: does Cory have to wear his uniform while he’s home on leave? Did he leave any civilian clothes in his bedroom, or just his comic book collection?
Son of Stuck Funky 
Cory: How is Batiuk at drawing perspective?
Holly: It’s not easy for him.
Wearing a uniform on leave is not/never was required…especially fatiques/BDU’s.
I thought this was the new staff FW hired. Wally should still be needed to wash all these dishes and glasses. Can’t wait to see he and CW meet up.
Somehow, Funky Winkerbean manages to turn the most heartwarming and altruistic gestures into something awful. The good news is, we’re giving you a free hot meal for Christmas! The bad news is it’s the same greasy, tasteless pizza everybody else in town eats.
@TFHackett
May I ask my veterans and service people in the audience: does Cory have to wear his uniform while he’s home on leave?
I did because my folks got a real kick out of it, but after a couple of days even the most star-struck parent will get over it. Depending on how long Cory’s been around his parents might not have gotten not-disenchanted by the notion.
Then again, Funky and Holly were pretty ambivalent about him joining the army while my parents pretty much did a backflip at me getting accepted into the Nuclear Navy, so who knows. Maybe they’ve just come to terms with it. Or maybe they’re just engaged in reaction formation and Cory is too clueless/anxious not to break them of it. Or maybe Batiuk just doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, characterization-wise.
They have a homelessness problem in Westview TOO?? Of course they do! Is anyone going to loan poor Fred an oven mitt, or do they figure it doesn’t matter at this point anyway?
Soldiers don’t need to, but some feel more comfortable in them.
Also, Cory really looks like Bobby Hill in that panel.
Seriously, why is Batiuk having so much trouble drawing him? Pre-Army Cory was angular and thin-faced, yesterday he looked solid and blocky, and now he looks baby-faced.
The other guy with glasses–not the war criminal, but the one near Nate–is holding Montoni’s latest taste sensation: dough pizza! Perfect for people who want to lose weight, since it has none of those nasty ingredients.
The weird thing about this one is the principals premise. Why school principals? Is this based on a “real-life” event of some kind? It just seems so strangely specific is all.
Unless the whole purpose of using school principals was to use that “taking directions” gag, but I refuse to believe that because no sane human would go that far to spin a joke that dumb. No, there must be some other, more rational explanation.
If TB really wanted to use the word “directions” he should have substituted “drama students” or something. Then there’s a joke. Or heck, band students, then he could get his love of band in there.
But that just makes me wonder why these people are taking directions. Is that the same as an order? Is that on Ohio thing, or something? “Waiter, we’re ready for you to take our directions“?
No doubt there is some real-life principal that Batiuk wanted to honor in the strip somewhere. What a clumsy idea, is that Fred trying to help out? Or is he homeless now?
Cory’s old clothes won’t fit because he looks like he put on 60 pounds since he left 6 months ago.
Feeding the homeless nothing but Montoni’s pizza? That’s one way to “decrease the surplus population.” God bless us everyone!
I’m with Epicus–this seems weirdly specific. Maybe Mr Peanut is actually the FOB (friend of Batiuk’s) that he wanted to work in? Weird.
Now, if he’d done a callback to his school cafeteria gag and had all the principals cutting in line in front of each other, that might have been funny.
“The other guy with glasses–not the war criminal, but the one near Nate–is holding Montoni’s latest taste sensation: dough pizza!”
No, that’s a cheese pizza – with extra cheese. In fact, it’s more like a “deep dish pizza, hold most of the crust”. At least that’s how the colorized version appears.
Question: are we supposed to know who the “former principals” are?
Considering lack of nutrition/availability of mostly empty calorie options to those in need, you’d think whoever organized this would have realized: Hey! We can buy food OTHER THAN PIZZA FIXINGS and make them a HEALTHY, DELICIOUS MEAL.
But. Nope. Pizza. Pizza, pizza, greasy, gluey, tastless double dough salty cheese gut bombs that have the nutritional value of a malted milk ball dipped in margarine. BLEAH.
A quote from MST3K comes to mind “But I want a salad. Is that too much?”
I can’t get over how unappetizing those pizzas look. You’d think, with as much time as we’re forced to spend in Montoni’s, that Tom Batiuk would learn to draw a decent pizza.
The best thing in this strip, though, is Holly’s expression. That is the greatest face I have ever seen in Funky Winkerbean. That’s the face of someone three seconds away from taking everyone out with an AK-47 before turning the barrel on herself.
I’m pretty certain that Fred (retired, stroke-addled) and Nate (current principal) were contemporaries back in Act 1. Fred got the bad aging genes, just like Funky.
Would it kill Funky to put out… a nice salad?
You’ll suck a cock on the Golden Gate Bridge before Funky serves a salad!
That said, Merry Christmas everyone!