“I love Barbie forever”…hmmmm, I wonder what THAT could possibly mean? We can rule out the possibility that JD was an avid Barbie collector, as everyone knows that Ohioians only collect comic books. There is no “Barbie” anywhere in FW lore as far as I know and the only character that even remotely resembles Barbie is…oh, I get it now. Pretty lame.
So will Jessica figure this out on her own or will someone have to explain it to her? I’m guessing the latter, as he’s going to have to drag this out for another week (at least) somehow. Plus it’d be very much in character considering that she’s a documentary film maker who left her equipment in a bag during the most compelling conversation she’s had with anyone in decades. He’ll likely have Boy Lisa or her mother John Darling’s wife Jan explain things to her while burying that “documentary” idea under so much sap and schmaltz it’ll never be heard from again. Then they will no doubt celebrate over some pizza while saying “John Darling” many times.
Still, all in all those are some pretty sorry last words. Pretty sorry “plot twist” too, but that’s to be expected. If he wanted to do a story about JD’s mysterious last words, why didn’t he just start with that instead of hacking away for two weeks establishing a premise he then just ignored? I mean last Saturday he did a whole silent strip featuring a nervous Jessica unloading equipment from her car, equipment she never even used. So why bother with the film premise at all? He could have just had Plantman send her a letter or something. It’s just so confounding and baffling (and stupid).
Son of Stuck Funky 
That really is Darin in drag again…..
“I love Barbie forever”?
Not “I will love Barbie forever”?
I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again: why should Blondie McBimbo believe anything Plantman says?
Why am I not surprised that John Darling’s last words were as awkwardly phrased as possible?
It just doesn’t make sense in so many different ways. Why does she unquestioningly believe Plantman? Why didn’t she interview Les about the case? Why didn’t she speak to her mother about JD? Why didn’t she film anything inside the prison? How will baby Skyler compensate for his parents’ many faults? How will Darin feel when Jessica arrives home having accomplished nothing other than assigning herself another useless “personal journey”? How is it possible that this arc has been going on for three full weeks already?
There has not been an English speaking human being in the history of our planet who has ever uttered the phrase, “I love_____ forever” as dying words. Maybe, and only MAYBE, if it was uttered on a death bed, but certainly not by the victim of a sudden traumatic death!
I guess the comics really aren’t always supposed to be funny!
And why is she in a room alone with a convict? According to all the prison visits I have seen on TV and the movies, these visits are carefully guarded. Plantsman would be behind a screen talking to Princess Self-righteous through a corded telephone.
Why did this take 2 weeks? He writes a year ahead of time, and has to pad that schedule out. Seriously creepy face on Pete here, though.
Betting it’s something about meaning to buy his daughter a doll. Damn this is dull. It’s not even like the insanity of that bully loudly shouting about how he wanted a girl’s pills. It’s just dull.
Mysterious last words from a dying man. TB you’re no Orson Wells and this strip is no “Citizen Kane”.
I admit my inferiority; I cannot imagine who “Barbie” might be…though, really, there is a pre-Monty Python bit with John Cleese and Terry Gilliam in a magazine…no, no, Tom Batiuk is a) not that clever and b) not THAT retro.
I’m trying to imagine how this might play out in an “interesting” way — other than Darrin and Jessica being siblings, I mean — and when I add “be of interest to long-time Funky Winkerbean aficionados” … well, I start to snicker at the word “aficionados” and I’m done for the night.
I have no words for how clumsily this was executed.
It’s Klaus Barbie!! John Darling was a closet Nazi.
Maybe JD was declaring his love from this classic scene from Dumb and Dumber (very fitting!):
They say the telegraph is dead, TB again begs to differ.
I know! It’s an inside joke. “Barbie” is Chuck Ayrhead’s nickname for Batyuck! (Don’t ask.)
Jessica asks her Mom about Barbie: “Oh that was your dad’s nickname for you. Mainly because he could never remember your real name.”
Of course this won’t take place for about a year, if ever.
as others have noted why take his word for this and b) who the hell’s Barbie? And c) why should we care?
I love lamp.
Nothing meaningful to add as previous snarkers have captured the extreme suckitude of BatHack v.2014, BUT major tip of the Funky felt tip to @Epicus for the title today. Very clever.
Thanks Smirks. The titles are by far the hardest part, but if I made even one of you chuckle and/or cringe, I’ve done my job!
Maybe he actually said “I love Arbys!” You have to admit, their jamocha shake is pretty good.
The guess I’m putting into the sealed envelope is that ‘Barbie Forever’ is a Broadway show or a TV special that MFJD was being paid to promote. To the very last he was a commercial shill.
Does anybody remember that old Saturday Night Live sketch (from way back in the first or second season, I think) about the Citizen Kane sequel where the nurse suddenly remembered that Kane had even MORE last words after “Rosebud”? The nurse remembered that Kane then said “Henri,” sending the reporter on another quest to find out who “Henri” was and why Kane would mention him on his deathbed. The reporter never figured out that Kane’s dying words were actually a request for a roast beef on rye.
Hopefully it’ll turn out that JD’s last words were a misheard “I’ll have barbecue cheddar.”
John Darling had a toy doll fetish??!!!
That is shocking and disturbing!!