After the nausea, gagging and violent retching subsided a little, I asked myself where this arc stands among FW’s all-time worst three weeks-or-longer arcs. Then I realized it’s like a twenty-thousand-way tie for first and the tie breaker formula is just too complicated to get into here. Let’s just say that it really sucked big-time and it’s way up there on the list and leave it at that.
FW doesn’t get more twee than it does in today’s panel three, that’s for sure. Anything that revoltingly saccharine really should come with a warning. And she’s a pretty, uh, mature “baby” today too, but when you just have your heart set on a particular premise there’s no reason why you can’t retcon the shit out of it to make the premise fit, right? Happens all the time. It’s called writing, people.
Batom is world renowned for his novel use of repetition, but this is ridiculous. Ridiculous. His constant repetition is ridiculous. See how ridiculous that is? And I’ve never even been nominated for a Pulitzer or anything. Yet even I understand how ridiculous the constant repetition is and how, in theory, it could potentially induce murderous rage in others. The repetition, I mean.
Son of Stuck Funky 
What is the point of these strips? The story is advancing. It’s just filler. I’m just hoping we find Saturday that John Darling isn’t Jessica’s father; that it’s actually Frankie. That would be interesting.
I sincerely hope that with this “John Darling was actually a lovely man, and the co-workers who despised (and in at least once case, murdered) him were totally off-base” story, Tom Batiuk realizes that he has utterly destroyed the character.
Is…is that last panel supposed to be the big reveal? Because the three people who didn’t see the meaning of John Darling’s “mysterious” final words coming a mile away probably picked up on it two days ago.
Barbie dolls are really considered to be unrealistic representations for little girls with their impossible figure proportions etc. sort of like Bats’ own bizarre sense of his abilities. The term is also used as a pejorative like in Barbie Doll-airhead-dips**t. Since Jess is too stupid to even set up her camcorder for the big interview which was the purpose for her trip, wow, she really is a Barbie Doll and a balsa wooden chip off the old and despised John Darling block. Is Batiuk REALLY this bad or does he just not care?
This is just going from awful to embarrassing. Can someone really write this badly?? Everybody saw this plot point coming as 1,000 miles away. Yet, Batiuk feels he needs to reinforce the idea that jessica is barbie in the most un-subtle way possible.
I mean really, you could use this whole two weeks of strips as a lesson on bad writing.
On another note, I want to thank the dude from Godspell for subbing in for baby Jessica in panel 3.
Earlier today, I was doing a home health visit for a 300# woman in a house full of roaches, fleas, ants and mangy cats. It was a better experience than reading this drivel.
I just got out of bed to go to the bathroom to urinate…. instead after reading this I’m going to take a big dump.
Sooooooooo… We’ll be back to the Starbuck Jones plot by Monday? Or Les and Funky jogging up a sweat? Or Becky yelling into her one-armed bullhorn? Or Owen pontificating about video games? Or Fred drooling in his wheelchair? Or Wally and Rachel making jests about their engagement? None of those choices more exciting, just something different to break up the current monotony.
Jeffcoat Wayne: When it comes to FW monotony, it’s all relative.
Sometimes dreams DO come true…
The interesting thing about this arc is that it proves absolutely nothing. Given that most of us know that even the worst people have a soft spot for someone and given that his affection for this kid was tainted by and predicated on the fact that she’s too stupid, oblivious and worshipful to present a threat to his monstrous ego, we’ve just learned that a dumb person can’t find fault with someone who flatters her. Since we knew that about dumb people going in, Batiuk has spent his horribly arrogant year-long lead time spinning his wheels and taking a creamy dump on the page.
I don’t wanna read this shit. I wanna read about Khan.
You want to read about Khan? Sure thing!
This week Khan is dealing with new uncertainties now that the Russian customs union has begun to fray. He rushes to break through rival crime boss Ali’s blockade in Tajikistan, but with millions in profits about to disappear can he make it in time?
So…we find out Jessica has some childhood fuckedupness that’s been repressed since before Johnny-Boy got offed…
Welcome to Funkytown. Next stop, The Twilight Zone…
“Batom is world renowned for his novel use of repetition, but this is ridiculous. Ridiculous. His constant repetition is ridiculous. See how ridiculous that is?”
I think you’re right and on top of that, you’re absolutely correct.
Epicus: You forgot to have Jess, daughter of John Darling, say, “I want to be married to a total loser.”
Many years back, I had a Garfield XXth anniversary book in which Jim Davis claimed he realized just after the fact, and was quite concerned, that he could be sued by Mattel when this strip was published. This week TB is apparently trying to prove that Davis had nothing to worry about…
And if you are wondering if Jessica has always been this dense… the answer is yes.
(Bonus! Appearance by the older brother of the original Stuck Funky banner kid in panel 1 of that 1999 strip)
Reading this I feel like i’ve being beaten over the head with a cinderbock made of treacle. The story advances not a whit and won’t until saturday when i expect Jess to show Plantman the time where John Darling calls her his barbie doll. At which point I will no long fear death.
Well, she IS Daddy’s Little Cement-head, billy…..
The comments for this arc have been hilarious. The blinding idiocy of this moronic story really touched a nerve. There was a moment when I thought to myself “but what if Barbie ISN’T Jessica?” but, you know, duh. Any “plot twist” that involves any sort of genuine surprise or wit or suspense is in direct violation of FW Rule #1 which clearly states “nothing ever happens”.