In today’s strip, a bitter Funky Winkerbean tries to crap all over cousunclin Wally’s wedding plans, because he’s a bitter man, old before his time, who wrecked his own marriage to Blonde Wife #1 with small ambition and cheap Montoni’s wine. It deserves none of our attention, except maybe to note that Wally’s first marriage ended because of two stints as a POW. Just saying—keep it classy, Tom Batiuk!
However, the phrase “bad Winkerbean vibes” did catch my eye. Vibe→Zeitgeist→this Google trends chart. Hey, it’s the way my mind works.
Also, no, Alanis, after all these years, it’s still not ironic.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Oh yeah, the low-budget wedding no one cares about. The gazebo, then the reception at Montoni’s featuring lots of pizza jokes, maybe even Jessica filming it for posterity and (zzzzzzz). Oh, excuse me. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Wally and Rachel getting married at the f*cking gazebo and pizza and “with this onion ring I thee wed” and (zzzzzzzzz).
So wait, Funky is asking this of Wally the day of his wedding?
Little late for this now, dipshit.
Also, someone trolled Funky when he/she suggested that shit brown was the appropriate color to wear to a wedding.
Hilarity ensues when Best Dog Buddy, holding a non paper wedding band in his mouth (Hey! Wally save up for months to buy a real ring made of metal at that fake upscale jewelry store at the mall I tell you), spots a squirrel. In lieu of an enema and a forced delay of this Glorious Union, multiple Montoni’s© pizzas are rushed to the scene, the ring is recovered and the day is saved.
Well at least someone is questioning the stupidity of Batiuk’s plotting other than us. Never thought it would be voiced by the namesake of this strip, though.
Then again, Funky may be angling for a last minute pitch to still have this ceremony at Montoni’s. Say what you will about the Funkmeister..but he’s always looking out for number 1.
I can’t be the only one who forgot Wally was engaged until now, right? I mean, Batiuk pretty much ignores his existence; I can’t be expected to keep up…
If you didn’t know anything about the strip you’d probably assume that Funky is referencing Wally’s first wedding and not his own. Wally’s ex has fewer arms. And yeah, asking Wally if “he really wants to do this” fifteen seconds before the wedding is right out of The Big Book Of Awful Sitcom Tropes Vol. 1.
I forgot all about Buddy. I really hope he gets some real screen time for once, he’s easily the most neglected regular character in the strip. Least annoying one too. Probably the lack of dialog, I assume. And odds on Rachel’s kid making an appearance? 5-1 as of now?
This strip also illustrates one of the worst things about Funkyworld.
It’s Wally’s wedding and there’s Funky, thinking about himself, convinced that what happened to him is so important in the scope of things that Wally needs to concern himself with it and should change what he wants. Wally may think that today is his and Rachel’s day, but he’s forgotten that every day is Funky’s day. Here’s Funky, who should be happy that his cousin/nephew with the shattered psyche, who has been close to suicide and/or homelessness for years, has been able to find happiness and peace, but instead he’s merely thinking about himself and his own life’s mistakes.
I’d call him a self-absorbed ass for it, but this always happens. Everything ends up going back to being about Lisa or Funky’s alcoholism or Les’s insecurity or any of about four different things Batiuk cares about.
Funky: “Are you still positive you want to get married with those sunken cheekbones, Wally? You look like a dried apple head! I mean, have you eaten at ALL since those fried pickles you had, what, two years ago?!?”
Wally: “Hmmph. Don’t you care about the fact that I have a dog, Funky? He’s my buddy! I don’t need to eat when I have a dog! And besides, I’ve totally met a ton of new friends and learned heaps of new stuff while at college!”
Funky: “….gawd. You -have- been going to college, haven’t you? Wow, for some reason, a former P.O.W. rebuilding his life and preparing for a new one after marriage while meeting a brand new cast of characters sounds…sounds so much MORE interesting than Holly trying to locate comical books or Les’ interminable whining over Hollywood giving him unheard of time and money. Or even Jess’ father, John Darling, who was murdered!”
Wally: “Don’t be stupid! There’s nothing more important than Les! Nothing more important than comical books! And Les wrote a book about John Darling, so THERE!”
Funky: “….*….so, um, how are you and Rachel’s kid getting along?”
Wally: “….*….gawd, she DOES have a kid, doesn’t she? Well, um…*…”
(Wally breaks out in a cold sweat)
Funky: “Should I go back to obsessing on the gazebo?”
Wally: “YES, PLEASE DO.”
**************************
I swear, the things Tom thinks are important, yet aren’t worth a hill of beans….
Two observations.
1 – Panels 2 and 3 are not obvious flashbacks, beyond lacking TB’s trademark sepia tones and photo holder borders. Get some dashed or wavy borders.
2 – If panel 2 is an accurate memory of Funky’s wedding, he technically didn’t get married IN the gazebo. It is at least 20 yards away in the background.
@Charles: I can never remember which way Batominc
retconnedbotched the relationship between Wally and Funky. So is Wally the cousunclin or the couphew? The nephsin?@John
NO FREAKING KIDDING.
I mean, really, here are the things that Funky Winkerbean doesn’t think are worth the reader’s attention:
* Cindy adjusting to a new workplace after being knocked down on the corporate ladder. You can make an entire series about that. Cindy can play Mary Tyler Moore OR (inclusive or) Ted Baxter.
* Les meeting the wacky relatives of Cayla’s family. This is the biggest drama and comedy goldmine you can get from a marriage arc, and Batiuk just forgot about it.
* Summer in college story arc! Wasn’t this timeskip supposed to be about the new generation? Whatever. Bwah– what da?!
* Corey adjusting to the realities of the military. He’s always been a smirking, self-absorbed punk and getting some sense knocked into him would’ve been schadenfreuderiffic or at least a change of pace. And doesn’t he have a love interest or something?!
But no. None of that. Instead we get endless retreads of pizza, comic books, and Lisa’s Story. Gag me with a spoon.
Wow, so Funky actually thinks his first marriage was doomed because he got married at the gazebo. All the alcoholism etc had nothing to do with it!
By the by, what exactly is Funky Winkerbean’s problem?
“Where’s the graduation ceremony being held, Wall?”
“Adam Hall stadium. I really like it there; comfortable seats, nice northerly breeze this time of year …”
“You know, when I was a kid my dad made me miss most of my very first football game by having me fetch him hot dogs at that very stadium. When I dropped one onto his lap, he slapped me in the face and everyone around me pretended not to see that. Chills, man.”
“Funky… you know what, nevermind.”
So the other day it was “No comic books for me, I’ve got a life.” Now the acknowledgement of “bad vibes” at the precious Westview Gazebo. This is almost too much. Has Funky’s Great Awakening commenced? Will the strip end with Funky leaving Westview forever, walking off into the sunset with a hobo-style stick-and-bandana over his shoulder?
It’s not that he’s an alcoholic who lost his cool when her career took off instead of his; it’s where he got married. It all makes sense if you’re like him: dumb.
Also, it seems odd to me that Cindy, when she left Funky, packed her bag and fled in tears. That just doesn’t reflect the tenor of those strips from what I remember. In fact, if anything, Cindy should have considered the dissolution of their marriage a relief, and have been glad to have gotten rid of the useless drunken pantload who resented her success and independence.
We’re probably looking at it from his perspective. In his mind, leaving his groovy self must have been a torment instead of a relief.