Survivor: Hollywood

You saw this coming, didn’t you? As if the saucy title and the insertion of an adopted Latino son weren’t indignities enough…now these Hollywood ghouls are robbing St. Lisa of her sainthood (and Les, thereby, of his martyrdom). It’s enough to make Les nearly spill his hemlock!

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “Survivor: Hollywood

  1. Epicus Doomus

    I cannot for the life of me figure out what obscenity TomLes had to censor in that first incomprehensible sentence. “A happy moment of…” sex? Sodomy? Shit? What could it possibly be and more importantly, what could it possibly MEAN?

    My guess: it means nothing. TB was just way overstimulated by his bizarre Lisa fantasies again and just plain lost track of what he was writing. I think he needs to move that Lisa shrine of his to a different spot where it’s not always in his field of vision, as it’s obviously not good for him mental health-wise.

  2. Sgt. Saunders

    Well, it’s no longer death-porn if she lives, is it? Of course not. So what are they paying Les for? His tale of Lisa’s demise is butchered sufficiently that Lisa manages to live through it. His script, beautiful work of art that it is, needs major revisions – given that Lisa lives, there’s apparently not a scintilla of Les’ blood, sweat and tears left. So, again, what are they paying him for? The answer is nothing and the question then becomes, why are they paying him at all?

  3. Uh oh, looks like we are in for a sanctimonious lecture from Les/Batiuk on how terrible happy endings are.

  4. Guest Page Turner Author

    Apparently, Batiuk thinks the cliched, third-panel use of the word “apparently” is so clever that he’s used it twice already this week, and its only Wednesday.

  5. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Lisa lives?!! What good is lust if it’s for a living person?!! This *%$# ruins *%$# EVERYTHING!!

  6. “Les, I’m gonna level with you, the ending you came up with was bullshit. I mean, the doctors mix up her records and this woman–who is studying to be a lawyer, mind you–doesn’t even consider a malpractice suit? She just rolls over and takes it? Nobody’s going to want to see a movie about that!”

  7. Rusty

    Yet another lecture coming about how Hollywood and the general public can’t handle his realness.

  8. spacemanspiff85

    I think we can all agree that FB would’ve been worlds better if Lisa had lived. At the very least we wouldn’t have to put up with Les moping about her.
    I’m also reminded of the really weird strip where Les said he started writing because he read comics and said he always wished he could change the endings.

  9. Well, let’s be honest, she’s only temporarily alive.

  10. Gyre

    Every single day that passes we see more and more to support the idea that this really is all just wasteful spending by Wallace to get back at someone who pushed this dead-end movie on him.

  11. Epicus Doomus

    Last week I mentioned that several years ago Les had a whole inagination sequence where he imagined what Hollywood would be like, an imagination sequence he seems to have no recollection of now. In fact he envisioned some random studio stooge asking him if “she really had to die at the end” specifically. I’d bet it wasn’t the first time TB used that gag either. Yet today he’s stunned into drink-splashing shock by the very idea. So what’s his deal here, is he just a complete idiot or what? I mean who has elaborate preconceived notions about a specific thing, ponders them for several years then completely forgets them all when the very thing you imagined begins to actually happen? It’s demented.

  12. The guy who was slated to play Masky McDeath is going to have to keep his job at Starbucks.

  13. Well, here comes the tirade about how she’s gotta die because a happy ending where things work out for the best violates the laws of nature. Also, here comes his being able to tear up the contract without getting sued in such a manner that Summer’s grandchildren will be answering motions.

  14. Charles

    I cannot for the life of me figure out what obscenity TomLes had to censor in that first incomprehensible sentence.

    I think it’s Ken expressing his disdain for the happy ending that he knows his audience demands, so he’s putting it in even though he knows it’s shit. He uses the obscenity as acknowledgement that it’s all crap and not true “art”.

    I wonder if this is the point where Les starts to stand up for his great art, and if that obscenity serves as something of a launching point. I can very easily imagine, however, that it’s not, and that the rest of this Hollywood storyline is going to be nothing more than Les seething in appalled silence over the horrible things Hollywood is doing to his perfect story. He’ll never object, because Batiuk undoubtedly thinks that that would reduce his martyrdom. Considering what Les would be defending, I can understand his decision to avoid specifics and confrontation. He knows that even he can’t construct a credible strawman in this situation.

  15. Chyron HR

    I wonder if Batiuk remembers that he wrote two Lisa Gets Cancer arcs, and had her make a full recovery at the end of the first one. Was that also the work of a Hollywood hack who doesn’t understand true art?

  16. DOlz

    In the 3rd panel Casey says, “Apparently you haven’t seen the latest revisions.” What the $@#%! They’re working in the same office, supposedly collaborating on the scrip. So the only way Les wouldn’t have seen those revisions is if Casey had just written them without talking to Les. Way to go TB another strip a quarter light year from reality.

  17. Merry Pookster

    The shock ending that Lisa lives brings less out of the fog of these last 15 years…. He awakes in a hospital room straight jacket with …..Yes, Lisa and Summer there waking ting for him….. This all being a drug induced coma-dream he has been experience
    Ing….and we have been suffering through.

  18. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    The really funny thing is that these re-writes would actually produce a better strip than Funky Winkerbean.

    Considering how many times Lisa keeps showing up after death, it makes more logical sense for her to be alive, no? I mean, really. Who’s going to believe that a women made all these tapes after death? Who’s gonna believe that a man would be that obsessed with his dead wife to the point of necrophilia?

    Two men fighting over Lisa? Makes more sense than two women fighting over Les. It would be more dramatic

    By adding Miguel, he would easily be the most racially sensitive character ever produced in Funky Winkerbean. Much more so than “white Cayla”!

    These re-writes are cleaning up all the idiotic plotlines in Batiuk’s prose, About time somebody did.

  19. billytheskink

    “Of course, I really didn’t have to revise that much… Lisa appears several times after her ‘death’ in your original draft script.”

  20. Professor Fate

    As more than one person has pointed out – everybody brace yourself for the audience lecture on how ‘they can’t handle the truth’. The sad this is yes they can but not when delivered by a ham fisted storyteller.

  21. The Dreamer

    But see Les doesn’t lose his martyrdom and Lisa doesn’t lose her sainthood. For after Lisa recovers, it turns out that the heroic Miguel, who has been killing himself to take care of his mom, now has cancer. Its a more tragic ending if a child dies. The ending has Lisa and Less sobbing as a priest enters their home to give Miguel the last rites. Miguel’s love has bought Lisa’s health back and saved their marriage. But he dies. In his memory , they start the ‘Miguel’s Legacy’ run.