Saturday’s strip was not available for preview, but let’s face facts: we can say without question that it’s boring beyond description. For that reason, I’ve invited someone else, boring beyond description, to write today’s post so I can start my drinking early.
Hello, everyone on the internet, I’m Les Moore. I teach Language Arts at Westview High School…and I’m a bit of a writer! I’m sure that’s why your friend Beach Cheese* asked me to write for you today…that, plus he said I was “just as boring” as the strip, by which he meant that, like a drill, I am able to penetrate many layers to get to a deeper meaning!
*(I think the name was Beach Cheese. Is that right? Does anyone know a Beach Cheese? Well, you’re better with me, because I’m sure whatever he might have written would have been quite cheesy. Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh my. Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, I do have a gift, don’t I.)
Well, let’s start. Okay, we have Bull and this other man, who is quite handsome, speaking to each other, and one of them made a joke! Ha ha, that is a pleasantly diverting moment from the ongoing despair that envelopes us in a continuous haze of fear, regret and brown-tinged memories of desperation.
It reminds me of a funny story. You see, our old principal, Fred Fairgood, had a stroke nearly two years ago. When Funky told me about it, I smirked and said, “Well, we’re going to have to write Fred’s name in a serif font now,” and I then explained that a serif font is one that has decorative strokes. Well, clearly Funky had never heard such a funny joke, because he just frowned at me for a long time trying to figure it out, even after I explained it to him. Some people just don’t “get” the best humor!
Another funny story is about Wally. See, he was a soldier somewhere outside Westview, and a few years ago, I saw him on the street and I said “Hey!” and I made my hands into gun-shapes and said, “Pew! Pew!” Well, he covered his head with his hands and dropped to the ground, because I think the secret code of military toughness means they’re not supposed to laugh at funny jokes–like those people who guard the Queen–and he was hiding his laughs so he wouldn’t get in trouble. But don’t worry! If I saw his sergeant, I would have said he laughed, but he laughed in a tough manner, so don’t put him in Army Jail too much! He got a dog a year or so later, so obviously I was right.
Well, I’ve given you two funny stories, which is probably more than you get in a month, so I’ll just leave it at that! I’ll be sure to tell that Beach Cheese person that you enjoyed them, so he’ll get me to do this again. I have to get back to my wife, Lisa, who died of cancer, and that other woman who cleans and makes food. What is her name again? I should really know that. I should get her a Christmas card and thank her this year. Maybe, if I have time–lots of stuff to do for other people, like Lisa.
Oh, but I do want to leave you with this fun activity you might want to try: collecting old comic books. You’ll be surprised at how it makes you feel!
In closing, let me just quote Billy from Predator: “We’re all gonna die.” So long for now!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Beautiful. That is my favorite Les Moore smirk ever depicted, although I guess it’s more of a self-satisfied smugness.
Wow, he didn’t even try with this one. Where’s the goofy wordplay? Where’s the terrible pun? I feel SO cheated! Seriously though, it’s almost as if he outsourced this week’s gags to a class of first graders or something.
BC: Nice job channeling Les…a little TOO nice, in fact. Proceed with care, that kind of smugness can be very dangerous if mishandled. Kids, do NOT try that at home! But seriously, that Les pic…man, the essence of Act III Les Moore right there. The Most Annoying Man In The World.
“Let’s try to get them on the same chapter first, then work from there.”
That took me fifteen seconds.
Hey, guess what time it is! It’s Bull Badmouths Team time! Yaaaaaaaaay!
Why did this guy come out to talk to him about a job at DUI again?
Batiuk sure gives Bull a…range of expressions.
Apologies to Sir Alfred.
The coaches at DUI know that they are fielding a bad team this year. They want to hire a “Scapegoat” on whom to lay the blame.
You think that maybe Dolt is actually a fraud coach, and he’s escaped a prison where inmates are forced to wear their crimes on their shirts, a la The Scarlet Letter? Right now this is all just an elaborate ruse to get Bull to buy him more booze.
So we end the week with Bull acting as he always does: as if he has nothing at all to do with the competence or lack thereof of his team. I can see why DUI wants him: they’re staging the NCAA version of Springtime For Hitler.
“Why did this guy come out to talk to him about a job at DUI again?”
They weren’t able to hire anybody off Craigslist………….
Do universities get tax breaks if they hugely underperform or anything? This arc feels more like some kind of weird scam than anything. I keep expecting some hippie named Dwayne Udall Israel in Michael Vick’s uniform to belt out a rendition of ‘Springtime for Bushka!’
Goshdarn it, Paul Jones. 😀
@beckoningchasm – Your synopsis is the best thing Funky Winkerbean related I’ve read this week. Thanks.
Epicus Doomus wrote: Seriously though, it’s almost as if he outsourced this week’s gags to a class of first graders or something.
C’mon! If first graders had written this week’s gags, they’d have been a whole lot funnier than anything Batty ever writes.