Boy Lisa can draw comic strips? Why of COURSE he can! This is Westview, where drawing your first comic strip is like learning to walk in normal towns. And here I thought he was just a witless pizza schlub with Lisa’s DNA. Oh well, it isn’t like he doesn’t have the time or anything. “The school paper”…there’s a ringing endorsement. “Oh gee, some local dipshit who doodled in high school made me an anniversary gift…how thoughtful!”….things no wife says, ever.
“This time it’s about us”…oh my, that’s a line of dialog and a half, eh? See, I knew that if Cayla just kept quiet and remained patient Les would eventually get around to treating her like, you know, his wife. And she didn’t even have to die first! In Westview this is known as “personal growth”.
The artwork today makes me want to spray pure bleach directly into my eyes with a high-pressure hose. In panel one he’s waving and gesticulating in that condescending “I have a brilliant idea, allow me to dumb it down for you” way of his, then in panel two his entire face contorts into the total embodiment of smug self-satisfaction as he explains that HIS idea that HIS friend (actually bio-stepson related to Lisa no less) is working on and HIS publisher likes is all about “them” somehow. Then on top of it he face-melds with Cayla in panel three in a scene so disgusting I just want to drop it right here and move on, as it’s only Tuesday. It’s harrowing.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Actually, I think the worst thing today is Cayla’s face in panel one as she reads the drivel. “Oh…this is so exciting!!! I can’t wait to see how it ends!!!” Hon, you know how it’s going to end, and it ain’t good.
Panel two has the hideous grinning rictus of the death’s head…but I wonder why Summer and Keisha were squeezed tightly into that shot. Were they really needed? No, but let’s not let Tom Batiuk’s lack of artistic ability get in the way of more Les worship.
This Les as the Batuik avatar thing keeps getting weirder and weirder. Wonder who he kisses in his real dreams.
BC: I can’t figure out why he needed to jam Summer & sidekick in there either. Was he afraid his readers might forget they were there? And if so, why? It’s not like they’re gonna DO anything.
Batiuk wanted to make sure everyone knows Summer and Keisha are watching their parents make out.
Darin’s art was pretty awful, and there hasn’t been any indication he’s kept up on his drawing in the fifteen years since he graduated, so this should be fun.
The guy who lives, eats, sleeps and breathe comic books (and seems to think everybody else does too) has his avatar enlist a kid who “used to draw a comic strip for the school paper” to illustrate this graphic novel he’s pulled out of his ass. Got it.
I have no memory of Darin and Pete doing a comic strip in high school, though I’m guessing the punchline was that Darin conned Pete into doing the bulk of the work while he chased girls in the hall. If Les really wrote a manuscript, why does it require illustrations other than an excuse to fill the pages with Panel 3 level of nauseousness?
Yes, Summer and the other one look entirely too eager being present in their parent’s bedroom. Perhaps they have yet to work out the mechanics of copulation, and want to see it done as slowly as possible.
Today’s strip is best summarized in the title ofa song from “The Book of Mormon:” “You and Me (But Mostly Me).”
Um. Am I the only one worried by Summer’s increasingly haggard and bony appearance over these last few days? I mean, seriously! Just look at her in that second panel! Did anybody cook breakfast yet? How long have they been *in* that room staring at Cayla? Minutes? Days? Months?? Because it really doesn’t look like Summer can hold out much longer. Yikes.
Panel 3 makes “Human Centipede” look like a garden party. Something is seriously wrong with this artist. Who drew this, Darin?
As I recall, Darin is the idiot who made a really forced satire of Intelligent Design. Given that Batiuk lacks intelligence or a skill for design, that seems doubly ironic.
Yes, Durwood was such a talented artist that he went on to college to study business. Anyway, the way everyone is gathered around Cayla, you’d think that she is on her death bed, or is that a spoiler for the end of the graphic novel?
Wow. Lisa gets a hardback filled with narrative text, while Cayla only merits a comic book, or “graphic novel” for the cognoscenti. However insulting that may seem at first blush, in Westview, where the comic book is the highest from of art, Cayla getting her own comic book is pretty much as good as it gets. However, I suspect that in a last minute burst of fevered panic, Les grabbed an old copy of Wonder Woman and a Burnt Sienna from the old Crayola box of 64 and emerged from the throne room with his Ode To Cayla. Note how Les applies the term “manuscript” to a comic book to keep it classy. Nevertheless, as the only living person having been given the Les Literary Treatment, I suggest she run for it.
Isn’t this great? Les’ copy of Quark XPress wants to publish his “graphic novel”.
I remember Darin and Pete’s “Sophomoric Sightings” comic strip that Chien tolerated at the school paper, and now I really, seriously, want to see this happen. As in actually see the artwork and everything, it would be hilariously awful. (For those that don’t remember, “Sophomoric Sightings” looked like this. Yes, that teacher with the glasses is supposed to be Les.)
Of course, it is more likely we’ll just see these schmucks reacting to its unrealistically successful release, which is reprehensibly awful. How big is the market for (and I hate to use this word for Les-Cayla) romance comics these days?
Really putting that MBA to use, I see.
This wouldn’t be quite so bad if Les was like, ya know, ALSO giving her a REAL anniversary gift like a spa treat or a cruise in addition to just giving her the “honor” of being in another one of his lame vanity pieces which will plague us with many awful weeks of endless, unresolved, Hollywood-style cheese storylines in the future. I wonder if Batiuk is married and this is the kind of crapola he gives his spouse?
I love how something that is supposed to be a anniversary gift, gets run through Less’ agent and a couple of dips**** first, only after which does Not-Lisa get to see it. One thing that never changes in the Funkyuniverse: It’s all about Less.
Let’s not forget Les’s douchebaggiest move of all: cheaping out on the 2nd-anniversary gift by sticking with paper for year 1. He should have also given cotton or china for year 2. But—no surprise—he gives himself a pass for his own crass mistake.
Les has literally done less than the least he could do. And he’s the hero of Funky Winkerbean.
billytheskink: THAT’S Boy Lisa’s comic strip “art”?? Yikes! Typical Les, he couldn’t be bothered to seek out a REAL artist to illustrate his maudlin little “graphic novel”, instead he has to press one of his local “pals” into service even though his artistic skills are those of a not-very-talented fourteen year old. Such a cheap lazy dick.
“And, if you ask nicely, Cayla, I might even be persuaded to sign it..”
So…why where the kid’s needed for this scene? Why did they need to even show up? To just show that these characters still exist??
Dear Mr. billytheskink,
Congratulations! We received your submission and have decided to publish your comic in the “Westview Goatscape” student newspaper.
We do have several suggestions, however:
1) Perhaps you could focus more on the malaise of our delicate genius teachers.
2) The artwork needs more old-timey photo corners
3) Consider renaming the comic to “Cancer Corner”. It really sells with the kids.
Congratulations again, and we look forward to your (modified) contributions.
Sincerely,
Les Moore Your Westview Goatscape staff
I didn’t correctly do the strikethrough, which sold the joke. Dammit.