What a year 2014 has been in the Funkiverse. Les’ dream of bringing Lisa’s Story to filmic life culminated with him walking away from the project (while keeping the money). Jessica abandoned her aspirations of being a documentary filmmaker before even releasing her first film. Bull was teased with the prospect of a college coaching job which, by the time he decided to accept the offer, was yanked away. At least Holly achieved her goal (in the most preposterous fashion) of completing her son’s collection of Starbuck Jones comics.
Meanwhile our titular character has struggled in vain to improve his health, seen his ex-network anchor ex-wife move back to town, presided over the last remaining location of a once-successful pizza chain, and sought to connect with his distant soldier son and declining elderly father. Little wonder that he and his wife opt once again for a quiet, boring New Year’s Eve at home.
Hoping that your plans, dear reader, include a safe and happy celebration, and the best of everything in the coming new year!
.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Another weird-angled face on Funky in panel two. I suspect he started with something like the version on the left–
–and thought, “Well, the nose is huge, but he doesn’t look old, fat, decrepit and stupid enough for me” so he blobbed up the profile to get the one on the right.
2015 will be better, as “Heavenly Nostrils” will be retitled and enter actual newspaper syndication
I personally hope that Dana is able to pick up a whole bunch of papers that are tired of the Funk Man. After all, “Heavenly Nostrils” is far more realistic than Funky Winkerbean ever will be… and its titular character is A UNICORN.
Here’s something to ponder. FW did three major arcs this year. One of them was about a fictional comic book TB made up. Another was about a screenplay based on a fictional book based on a real book (really more of a collection of already published work) he wrote and the last one centered around a character in another comic strip he used to write. Self-indulgent much?
In 2015 we’ll have the huge anti-bullying mega-arc to look forward to, probably a few delightful puff piece interviews with “Parade” magazine too, where they’ll surely mention that ONE TIME FW depicted a gay couple or a cancer patient or whatever while ignoring the other fifty weeks of total dreck that only serves to hog space that could be devoted to more worthy comic strips or even revenue-generating ads for strip mall massage spas or whatever.
IMO an average reader already familiar with the strip could read a year’s worth of FW strips in maybe fifteen minutes, tops. So when you think about it, you could theoretically read the entirety of FW in ten hours. And you’d be way dumber than when you started, too.
Why does Funky look like Ed Asner in panel 2?
Oh God. I forgot about Batom®’s pathetic attempt at an anti-bullying storyline next year. (Parade Magazine puff pieces will be bad enough, as a Cleveland native, I’ll be subjected to non-stop adulation from the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram and Cleveland Plain Dealer by writer hacks who have never read the comic.)
And Batom®’s anti-bullying storyline will be a massive failure, as he has made everyone in Funky Winkerbean completely unlikable. if anything, Batom® should be reprimanded for bullying his readership over the past few decades.
Is it the law in Westview that you have to stay up till midnight?
And you just know Cory is off knocking up Summer at this very moment, or much more interestingly, Cindy.
I’d think that if you don’t really care about staying up until midnight until New Year’s Eve, you just…don’t stay up until midnight. But this is Westview, where everything must be an unbearable burden.
@Ray: “Why does Funky look like Ed Asner in panel 2?”
Hmm… you may be on to something…
How long has it been since the Act III Time Jump? Because this strip feels like it might have passed for funny in an ironic way in the first year or two. Now it feels more like “Did I mention all the characters are now ridiculously old? Part 76,497,285.”
And I’ll bet anything that Funky and Holly are actually watching an old Guy Lombardi special on VHS or BetaMax,
Yeah. You guys were younger then. Nowadays, you’d fall and break a hip. And also, Funky can’t drink. So….
I do not for one moment believe that drunk Funky would have waited for an arbitrary clock time to start pounding the cabernet. On the other hand, drunk Funky’s very drunkenness seemed to have dropped unbidden from the heavens—an alcoholism ex nihilo—because writing, I guess.
It’s almost 2015, and I’m done cutting this auteur any more slack.
With the year they’re headed for, perhaps they’d be better off if they stayed in bed for the duration.
*** An Apology ***
Sorry for the somewhat off-topic digression, but it seems I owe several of you a sincere apology, particularly Nathan Obral and others of you who are fine citizens of that great American city, Cleveland.
I deeply, sincerely, wholeheartedly apologize for Cleveland area residents being fat, stupid, face-feeding oafs. I’m also terribly sorry Cleveland chose to give money to the Indians and (gaak!) the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, while telling the Browns to go pound sand.
Please accept my deepest regrets, also, for the consistent success of the Bsltimore Ravens, who entered the Plsyoffs again this year by beating the Browns.
I apologize with all my soul for the continued and perpetual failure of the Cleveland Browns ownership, management, team, and even food vendors, who are partially responsible for the fans’ obvious obesity problems.
I apologize also, deeply, for Cleveland being a cruddy down with bad weathers and ugly citizens. I am deeply sorry that Pittsburgh and its people are lovely by comparison.
May God bless Cleveland in the coming year and grant its people his favor, and at a bare minimum, a perceptible sense of humor, heretofore seen woefully lacking.
Again, please accept my sincere apologies.
Ugh. I further apologize for my miserable typing. I’m an awful typist.
Fortunately, our society has some superb typists. We call them “secretaries.”
I’m impressed with the Winkerbeans’ green corduroy couch. It is surely a high quality piece of furniture.
The couch, of course, is more impressed… with a couple of large Winkerbean rear ends.
Personally it was a pill of a year that I am happy to see go. That said looking back on FW’s year the most depressing aspect of the arcs continues to be ‘give up and go home and wait to die’ being presented as a happy ending. Still I must say I will miss talking about John Darling who was murdered.
Hadda Mae Kapupe, Cleveland isn’t the craphole that Batom® portrays it as. Not by a long shot. Your impression is based on his limited and dated view of the world. Travel here and be surprised.
You probably should apologize for Ray Rice and Ray Lewis first. Those two are why I call the Baltimore Ravens the Les Moore of the NFL.
Batiuk sure loves his old running jokes but he misses every chance to make new ones. For instance, if for every new year he had done a replay of Les kissing Lisa’s ghost, i would find that genuinely funny. eg, Cody and Holly look for Funky at the stroke of midnight, only to find… he’s eating a sandwich. Maybe we saw a bit of that with CodyOwen becoming a big sporto, like Mary Suemmer? Sadly this would require a level of self-awareness that seems to be lacking.
Incidentally, Luann has pretty much failed at the move-the-cast-into-college plans as well this year. Don’t know what it is about college that cartoonists can’t find anything to do there. Well, except for 20+ years of Doonesbury.
Happy New Years, all! I resolve to learn some photoshop and redraw more strips.
Nathan, I’m not evaluating Cleveland based on Batom. I’m going by the sloppy fat and bug ugly people I see on TV when games are televised from there. I’m also going on the pitiful whining tantrum Cleveland threw after pushing their own team out of town. “WHAAAAAAAAAA!!! GIVE US ANOTHER TEAM, OR WE’LL HOLD OUR BREATH UNTIL OUR FACES TURN BLUUUUE!!”
People love to blame Baltimore for “stealing” the Browns, or hate Art Modell for moving them. But when a city spends lavishly on its baseball team, and on a ridiculous “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” then tells its football team to keep its rat hole of a decrepit stadium, there should be no surprise when the team leaves. Also, Modell’s negotiations and pleas for city investment were done in the light of day and over time. It’s not like Modell packed up in the middle of the night and left town — without even telling the team’s employees!
Ray Rice and Ray Lewis? Sour grapes on your part. You WISH they played for the Brownies. Remember, a “bad guy” is some dood who plays for ANOTHER team.
By the way, I HAVE been to Cleveland. Stayed in a hotel in a place called Westlake. It IS a hole. Can’t believe people live in that town by choice.
No offense.
By the way, Nate. Adorable bike helmet.
Meh, God likes Cleveland… he likes it a lot. He just doesn’t care one bit about professional sports. The NFL is a total joke, and the NBA is even more of a joke.
With all due respect, I live in a suburb adjacent to Westlake. For the other posters, Westlake isn’t a “hole.” Now, if you were referring to a downtrodden city like Elyria or Lorain, that would be difficult to argue.
So who waits for the ball to drop to “start” partying? Every New Years party I’ve ever gone to had hours of partying in progress BEFORE the ball dropped. Has BatPuke ever actually been to one? I really doubt it. Maybe BatWhiff should have spent more time creeping (uninvited, of course) around New Years parties the way he creeps around high schools. (Looking for story ideas. Yeah, right.)
I’m a little shocked there was no Montoni’s New Years party, with all of Ahia in attendance. I’m also deeply disappointed that we won’t see Goatee Boy dancing and smooching at midnight with Dead Saint Lisa, while Crayola watches understandingly and approvingly. I swear to God, that was, for me, maybe the all-time most messed up Batom Moment I’ve ever seen. So wrong, so warped, so demented on so many levels. Batty aimed carefully for “touching, sweet and sentimental,” put blew a big hole through “f**cked up.”
Has Holly ever actually presented the complete Starbuck Jones collection to Cory? She spent all year working on it, and since Cory happened to stop by for Christmas, this would seem like a golden opportunity to surprise him with it before he goes back and steps on a land mine.
Happy New Year everybody!
Funky probably did plan a New Year’s Eve party at Montoni’s, complete with a pizza dropping at midnight. He cancelled it after he floated the idea and none of his 7 customers sounded interested, they see Funky drop pizzas on a daily basis.
I’m baffled about the SJ collection too, I thought Xmas would be the ideal time to finally wrap that whole thing up. But nope, not yet I guess. Wonder what he’s saving it for? I mean the thing has been going on since November of 2013, after all.
Just be relieved that Les isn’t hosting NYE this year. No one wants to re-live THAT horror again.
@Epicus Doomus: I hate to be a broken record but he’s saving it as the love object that gets stolen in the Funky/Tracy crossover of Dick Tracy getting hat cancer.
For those who haven’t seen it, this Dick Tracy installment not only established Starbuck Jones as part of the DT Canon, but also DT comics exist in DT itself.
http://assets.amuniversal.com/c92c85306da201301dae001dd8b71c47