In which Bull is slow on the uptake

“D’oh!” mournfully Bull does not add after having failed to come up with a brilliant lie about why Old Lisa is absent from Not Her Reunion ([modified] panel 3)

“You’re going to get cancer, but you’ll have a chance to survive it if you make sure your clean bill of health is legitimate. You’re going to get a clean bill of health too soon because of a paperwork error. Here’s a copy of my book with all the important dates highlighted,” Old Les does not helpfully add, because he’s nowhere to be found and useful as a football bat.

29 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

29 responses to “In which Bull is slow on the uptake

  1. bad wolf

    To be fair, Cindy’s and Crazy’s answers sucked too–She’s a 55 year old still trying to pass the bar, and “she didn’t feel too well” is a little too on-the-nose.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    Okay, so all these people were so dumb that it just now occurred to them that Dead Lisa was going to be a problem? Even though Westview still pretty much revolves around her? I’m surprised any of them have enough brain cells functioning to even realize an excuse is necessary.
    Two much better excuses:
    “She actually had better things to do than go see the BM Band play in the gym.”
    “You didn’t go to this school, remember?”

  3. Epicus Doomus

    This is just so beyond bizarre, even by Batiukian standards. No one is astonished or terrified to see Lisa…by far the most famous dead person in town…standing right there in front of them in spite of being dead for the last eighteen years. Then when Past Lisa inquires about why she’s not in this future hellscape along with the rest of the gang, they reply with some stupid banter like the dolts they are, then BanTom ends it with a gag about how dumb Bull is. It’s like he has an idea for this story in his head but he just can’t express it without a bunch of other garbage tumbling out too. This is why I have to keep reading FW. As boring as it is 99% of the time, every once in a while he does something so demented you just can’t believe it’s even possible.

  4. SpacemanSpiff85

    This is pretty amazing, actually. It’s even dumber than I thought. I’d assumed she’d see the Dead Lisa Table, and freak out. But no, what has her freaking out is “Oh my God, my future self is not at my 37th high school reunion!!! Future me must be dead, or else I’d be here!”.

  5. Lisa, darling, you stopped coming to these things years ago. But we always prepare a table for you – the one over there covered in black.

  6. In any normal context, a person forgetting to attend a high school reunion would be perfectly valid.

    In a town where the annual high school reunion is one of two not-to-be-missed events, Bull’s answer is really stupid.

    Can you imagine if he met Young Lisa at the other not to be missed event and she asked him, “My ‘Legacy Run’?” He’d probably say “It’s the legacy of your forgetting to go to that one reunion.”

  7. “God, Bull, your hasty and contradictory excuse is completely lame, unlike OUR hasty and contradictory excuses!”

    Les’ absence is almost inexplicable-most people would leap at the chance to talk with a deceased loved one. I say “almost” because this is Les, so of course he’s much more interested in talking to himself.

  8. Guest Page Turner Author

    Lisa, it’s 2015 and you are dead.

    Your contemporaries are spineless.

    But they’re have been many changes in comic books, if that’s what interests you.

  9. ComicTrek

    So now Lisa’s death is a subject of humor? After all these years of Very Serious Writing–as in, not “funny” at all, so help us!–it’s now being used in a way that probably makes today’s strip the funniest one in years. (In other news, it’s my birthday. :D)

  10. billytheskink

    So, Lisa’s maiden name was Loopner? Or is this another one of TB’s many, many retcons?

  11. Merry Pookster

    Lisa is still dead and so is Franco

  12. Jim in Wisc.

    Maybe your adult self isn’t here because you didn’t go to Westview High School?

  13. the dreamer

    Maybe they are going tontell past Lisa that she died of cancer, and then past Lisa travels back through the time portal and gets a double mastectomy, thereby preventing her future death from breast cancer. Thus past events are altered back to the future style and adult Lisa returns in the present

  14. Sadly, this is what I expected would happen. It makes sense (given Batiuk’s flaws as a writer) that these stupid people would only just now realize that Saint Not-Yet-Dead-Or-Cremated Lisa’s issues would need to be addressed and Bull would be singled out for being stupid when it’s clear that idiocy is a group event. Tune in tomorrow when Future Les and Past Les handle manners in the most graceless, self-aggrandizing and pants-on-head stupid manner possible.

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    I only read this stupid strip because I can read it for free online, and then can savor the snark afterwards.

    Lisa: You had to die so that Batty could try and win a Pulitzer, and try to write a book about cancer. Everything he does is to benefit himself. In 2015, some cartoonists are so entrenched, they can write and do whatever they want.

  16. A HREF

    “She’s down at the Komix Korner reading Starbuck Jones #37 and masturbating furiously. Speaking of which have you met old Les? That’s him over at the shrine.”

  17. I would have expected Old Les to be all over Young Lisa like white on rice (nothing personal, Cayla) as soon as she showed up. I’ll guess that Old Les will step forward tomorrow and set Lisa straight on the truth. There is no way this arc can end without some interaction between the two.

    Anyway, for today’s strip, TB needs to be beaten with a cricket bat.

  18. Congratulations, Batiuk. You just turned your characters into liars–and horrendous ones at that–and murderers. I hope your proud of yourself.

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    @ the dreamer: Early on in this story arc, I said I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if L’ Auteur Glorieux used this as a cheap device to bring his beloved Lisa back to life. I still stand by the statement.

  20. I just had a terrible thought. What if they hide the picture because they don’t want her to feel bad? Les seems stupid enough to do just that because he’s too stupid to live. If so, they’ll have murdered her with kindness.

  21. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    You know, it really says something that the characters don’t want to warn Lisa in advance to save her. I guess the people in Westview are so spiteful and self-loathing, they want to see NOBODY have a happy ending to their life.

  22. Nathan Obral

    Good God. Teen Lisa, you have glasses. I assume those glasses aren’t for show. And you still can’t see that massive shrine Les and Mary Sue built for you** in the middle of the gym???

    And now it’s not just Old Fart Crazy… if I were in the Lorain County sheriff’s office, I would immediately issue a warrant on everyone in that gym for being complicit to the murder of St. Dead Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy Who Was Cremated in a Vain Attempt at a Pulitzer Prize.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bash my head in with a cinder block after reading this.

    **Yeah, Livinia is on that shrine, too. But no one gives a crap about Livinia.

  23. ungrammared

    I like that Holly has been replaced in panel 2 by John Candy in drag.

  24. @Nathan Orbal: It’s bad enough that they’re her murderers. By wanting to spare her the ‘trauma’ of what happens if she dates Big Frankie, they’ve become his accomplices.

  25. Sgt. Saunders

    So Bull “doesn’t think fast under pressure.” Nice trait for a football coach.

  26. bad wolf

    I’ve got it–Les ran off to the park bench to ask Ghost Lisa what he should tell Time-displaced Lisa!

    As for the rest i can only presume this Lisa is after Darren and Frankie… TB may be tone-deaf enough to send her back to die, but to get raped? (Note this is a response to his own retcon of the situation)

  27. the dreamer

    One of them can also tell past Lisa that she’s about to get raped and impregnated in her current timeline, and she goes back in time and avoids those cirucmstances (doesn’t go out with the guy), and that timeline is changed and the insufferably perfect Darrin is never born.

    I mean it would be cruel wouldn’t it to *not* tell past Lisa of these bad things (rape and cancer) that she could go back and avoid?

  28. Dee Minus

    “Oh, I died? No, that’s cool. Anything to keep from ending up a fat, balding, smirking moron like you guys. Hey, who’s that creepy goateed schmuck over there with the oh-so-punchable face?”

    “That’s Les Moore. You will marry him. Listen, Lisa. You’re going to get breast cancer. You need to get preemptive treatment to save your life!”

    “Wait, I’m going to marry that guy?”

    “Yes. But listen carefully! We’re going to tell you how to avoid a terrible medical mistake.”

    “Nah, never mind. I’m good. I need to go wrap myself in an electric blanket and move into a house surrounded by high voltage power lines. Smell ya later.”