Goal Diggers

Y’know, these days, many high school sports fields, even Batiuk’s alma mater, feature modern, expensive, artificial turf fields. So in today’s strip we’re witnessing two clowns causing costly damage to school property. Even a natural turf field would likely have an irrigation system below the surface. And besides that, the ground is frozen. But Batiuk’s not about to let any of these details get in the way of us “earning” whatever “ending” this is all leading up to. Why all this phony closure-seeking on behalf of a man who sadly will soon be unable to remember anything? And if the mission here is to somehow scrape up Coach Stropp’s ashes, they need to move over a little more to the left.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Goal Diggers

  1. Well, at least the artwork is something we haven’t seen before.

    • iansdrunkenbeard

      You’re right. It’s dynamic. Actually both strips look like movie story boards. If TB pencils these then maybe he should have been a movie director. We finally see someone doing something instead of having a talking head tell us about it.

      I looked at both strips, TFH, and “that looks about right”. Maybe they are collecting the ashes of Coach Strop to mix them with Funky’s mm prescription. That would make a good strip. In the next strip frame 1 shows Funky in his man cave doing a bong rip. Frame 2 shows Buck hitting the bong as Funky exhales a huge cloud of smoke. In frame 3 they are laying back in La-Z-Boys with grins on their faces as “Takin’ Care of Business” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive (it’s original vinyl from Funky’s 600 album collection) blasts through Funky’s Bang and Olufsen turntable, Harman Kardon amplifier, and out of Klipsch Horn speakers.

  2. I’m I the only one that feels like Bull is being treated like a dumb pet?

  3. Epicus Doomus

    If they’re looking for Batiuk’s credibility they’re gonna need a bigger shovel. I don’t understand why Bull still can’t go to Scapegoats games and lurk around WHS like Dinkle does. What, are they afraid he might do something stupid and embarrass himself? Come on.

    And seriously, what’s the deal with WHS security? Any doddering old weirdos can just walk right on to the athletic fields and start digging holes? And as TFH pointed out above, everything is frozen now anyway. So WTF?

    • iansdrunkenbeard

      It has been several years since the ground has frozen in this part of NE Ohio, so they would be digging in cold mud. Snowfall has been down, too.

      • comicbookharriet

        But with the cold snap everyone in the midwest got around Christmas, with weeks of sub freezing temperatures sinking into the soil like an ice sponge, the ground would definitely still be frozen this year.

  4. billytheskink

    Finally, some closure to the mystery of what happened to Jinx.

  5. Max Power

    For the first time in weeks the Smirk/Smugness Level has reached Zero. That’s the best thing I can say about today’s edition.

    • Smirks 'R Us

      true enough but one look at the new picture in the masthead and we can be assured that the smirk/smugness scale will be off the charts very soon.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    I have a strong feeling they’re either:
    A. Digging away the snow so Bull can recreate his “winning” play.
    or B. Digging up the dirt where Bull “made” his “winning” play so Bull can take it home and preserve it.

    • DOlz

      The problem with “A” is that’s the wrong kind of shovel for moving snow. But then we really can’t expect TB to know that having lived in snow free Ohio most of his life.

  7. I’ve no idea what they’re doing but it’s doubly futile. Bull can’t live in a World Of It Should Have Happened so this whole week has been stupid and he’ll forget what happened again by Monday so there’s that.

  8. Count of Tower Grove

    Ug. They symbolically bury the hatchet. Ungowa.

  9. Jim in Wisc.

    Another thing about digging into artificial turf, it’s put down on a slab of concrete, so without a jackhammer, you’re not getting too far.

    BTW, that picture in the masthead looks like Leslie is trying to do his best Fu Manchu impersonation.

  10. Don

    Er, if they buried Coach Strop’s ashes there in the first place, then I doubt it’s anything other than a standard grass field. Besides – this is the school that had to have a silent auction just to have enough money to keep the girls’ basketball team going a few years ago; what makes anyone think they had enough money for a complete field replacement, which I assume would include replacing the running track with an all-weather one where they don’t have to redraw the lines every year?

  11. timbuys

    All this talk about artificial turf reminds me that, at one time, before modern technology made them redundant, there might have been an additional FTE needed to maintain the track and field. If you’ll pardon the reference to Gil Thorp, your Steve Luhm type. Where does that guy go when the axe comes down? Couldn’t get no assembly line work and not exactly overqualified for janitorial deployment, he’s not hopping on the next rung of the corporate ladder….

  12. hitorque

    1. I refuse to believe Hank Hill is real… Sooner or later he’s going to be revealed to be Bull’s “Tyler Durden”, right?
    2. So why didn’t they dig up the field or just re-create the play or do whatever the hell they’re planning back in the fall? For that matter, why did Hank Hill wait until he was 60 to re-connect with his high school rival, despite the fact that he evidently lives in (or very close to) Westview?
    3. It’s truly telling that Hank Hill is Bull’s only friend in the world when literally *EVERYBODY* in the *ENTIRE* Town of Westview is either one of Bull’s classmates/teammates/students/players/colleagues/relatives… I mean, nobody cares enough to even fucking VISIT him? Even Harry Dinkle gets the occasional knock on his door…
    4. Is there anything more pathetic than a Westview woman? Always staying at home doing Jack Shit while dear hubby who’s old enough to know better goes off to indulge his latest childhood whim… And like a dog, faithful wifey is always there to greet her hero at the door with a smile and a beer/tray of cookies… I’ve determined that the Westview woman is no different than a dog except being able to cook, adding a little income to the household and the occasional roll in the hay when Westview male can get it up…

  13. hitorque

    5. Just your daily reminder that these two lumbering, creaky warriors of the gridiron are the same generation as 24-year-old Hollywood media sexpot Cindy Sommers-Winkerbeane-Jarre