Hyper Text

When she’s not strewing pill bottles and soiled laundry all around the house, “MIL-inda” (Funky’s Mother-In-Law Melinda, get it?) likes to unwind by hopping on the family iMac and giving her retinas a workout on the ol’ Retina display. The Mac OS has a host of accessibility features, including one called Zoom Way the Fuck In (keyboard shortcut: ⌘ + ⌥ + ⇧ + ⌃ + F), which renders screen fonts in billboard sizes. It might behoove Funky to set the blind old biddy with her own user account, which she could customize however she likes without inconveniencing everyone else, but then we wouldn’t be treated to today’s boffola gag.

16 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Hyper Text

  1. Yeah, but Batiuk’s obvious strategy for Funky is suicide. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. How DARE Funky be more popular than Les! Of course he has to die, but the suffering should be extended.

    This is what we’re reading.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    It’s never easy for me to admit this but this one isn’t the worst FW gag ever. I mean sure, it’s cheap and easy and all, but it’s at least a semi-relatable gag and premise, as opposed to “Linda conspires to hide a suicide” or “Les worries about what Hollywood might do to his story about how his wife died” or “asshole band director still exists”.

    Anyhow, I know someone who once did something very similar to this so it did elicit a weak chuckle of recognition, which does deserve to be duly noted, as it happens so infrequently. By my calculations that means I laugh at FW 0.273972602739726% of the time on a yearly basis, which is quite frankly way higher than I expected. Even one bland inoffensive gag blows the entire curve.

    While his monitor appears to be sort of warped and lopsided it’s nonetheless pretty sweet by FW standards. You’d think Funky would be the kind of guy who’d stubbornly hold on to his old Windows XP box he got second-hand back in ’07, with the forty pound monitor and the broken printer they stopped making ink for eight years ago. But nope, it looks like he’s on Westview’s cutting edge, which in spite of the time jump is like six or seven years behind the rest of us.

    • William Thompson

      I wonder if Batiuk and Ayers debated showing the CPU and its cables. “Chief, we don’t need to show that, too!”

      “Look, my mere acolyte, if we don’t include the box, my fans might not know Funky is using a computer! And we can’t show the Pineapple logo without it!”

      “But showing the box means we’ll have to make the screen smaller, and that will ruin the joke!”

      “What joke?”

  3. William Thompson

    Wait until Finky discovers that Miranda took a spam quiz (“Only a genius like you can pass this test!”) and claimed her prize by giving out her name and phone number. Get ready for weeks of calls from con artists, and I hope Batiuk is speaking from the same experience I had.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Then she allows them to connect to Funky’s computer and empty his bank account. Or they have her purchase $2000 worth of Google Playstore cards.

  4. billytheskink

    Looks like the beginning of “Today’s Strip” to me. Miranda is an SOSF reader!

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Is it me, or is it weird for someone to be making fun of someone’s eyesight when they’re wearing little glasses with a chain like a librarian stereotype?
    And did anyone else notice this hideousness on Batiuk’s blog?
    “I suppose I should be used to it by now, but I still find myself being taken aback by the continued reach of this work. The breadth of Lisa’s legacy still surprises and pleases me.”
    Apparently they’re going to be publishing The Trilogy in Spain. I look forward to Les doing a signing at the Toxic Taco in a year or so.

    • William Thompson

      I look forward to him running with the bulls at Pamplona. I know that seems cruel, but I’m sure the animals envy his ability to produce bullshit.

    • billytheskink

      TB’s blog is a gold mine of baffling self-serious inanity.

      The two most recent posts on there now that are not a John Darling Sunday strip offered without comment:

      A Wasp cover that includes the very-on-brand for TB paragraph:

      “A beautiful cover, but even better when you realize that the new Wasp suffers from bipolar depression, a genetic legacy from her father whose ant man helmet is pictured behind her. I stand in line.”

      A legal document from when he squared off with his syndicate over ownership of FW which features this statement…

      “He characterized the document as a slave contract (ironically, in early conversations with my eventual litigating attorneys, the idea of citing the contract as a violation of the Fourteenth Amendment in one of my claims was briefly spitballed around the room but eventually dispatched, along with my suggestion that I plead insanity, to the abattoir of cute-but-not-necessarily-legally-sound ideas). The first time you hear the word “slave” dropped into a conversation concerning you, it tends to make your nether region draw up and pull the hatch shut behind it.”

      What the…

      • William Thompson

        “Bipolar depression?” Depression is one of the two sides of bipolar disorder, along with the manic state. Only in the Funkyverse could you combine two types of depression into one condition.

      • Epicus Doomus

        That blog of his is just jam-packed with nuttery like that. King, Ghandi…Batiuk????

  6. ComicTrek

    Well, he’s not one to talk. He looks and acts like he could be Holly’s mom’s grandpa!

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Ctrl-0 is your friend.

  8. Paul Jones

    Ah, well. A week of “stupid people being really bad at taking care of an older person” strips is less painful to watch then most of the stuff we see in this place. I almost mistook the Winkerbeans for Pmmm and Jfff.

  9. bayoustu

    Why is Roger Stone using Funky’s computer?! And why is he dressed in such a slovenly manner?!

  10. Professor Fate

    Yep a whole week of old jokes. Well at least it isn’t Les. We have that to be Thankful for.
    While others have noted this before (time and time again) it really struck me today that Funky looks like he’s in his mid 70’s at the very least which is confusing since he and Les are the same age. And funky looking like he does makes one wonder just how old is his mother in law 95?