Not the Retiring Type

Nice to see Adeela again, wearing Montoni’s Red Apron of Shame and carrying what’s either a server book or that architect diploma she got from Westview Community College. Dinkle’s unnamed friend continues his musing about retirement. “Long days, short years” does work pretty well as a wry comeback, and we’ll start taking bets now whether Tom Batiuk uses that very same aphorism when and if he ever chooses to retire.

The part of the tablecloth is being played today by Pete’s shirt.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

30 responses to “Not the Retiring Type

  1. Epicus Doomus

    If you happened to be an aging band director considering retirement, I would think Dinkle would be the very last person you’d want to talk to, as no one’s worse at retiring than he is. It’s pretty funny how it’s already Tuesday and Batlitzer has yet to explain who the f*ck this idiot is or why we should give a shit. On one hand it’s pretty nice of him to give his still-unnamed real life pal a cameo in the strip, but on the other hand doing a pointless vanity-type arc like this demonstrates an alarming disregard for regular FW readers, but that’s certainly nothing new. One of these days those readers are going to say “enough” and they’re both going to stop reading it, mark my words.

    • Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

      What, retire from the sublime snarking joy that is reading “Funky Winkerbean”? We just don’t know how! We’ll just keep coming back, never realizing how unwelcome we are, making our little quips and bon mots, and never catch on as to how some see us as annoying old kvetchers! Kind of ironic when you think about out.

      By the by, how many times this week will Stan Freberg/Harry Carey/Don Sutton remind Dinkleberg that he’s “retiring from band directing,” when by this point in any normal conversation a person would simply say “retiring” or “stepping down”?

    • comicbookharriet

      Generalissimo Francisco Franco AND Fidel Castro were better at retiring than him.

  2. William Thompson

    Adeelah has seen war, terror and sudden death. She has survived hunger, poverty and the dangers of being a refugee. She has met the Winkerbeans and attended college with Wally. To her, these two pikers are less than a fallen leaf from the hell-rooted Tree of Zaqqum.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      And she would take all of that again if it meant not having to work at Montoni’s.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Wow, I didn’t even notice Adeela, the official Montoni’s architect. I can see her sitting at her drafting table right now, working on all sorts of pizza box innovations and such, or staring at a pizza intently then suddenly saying “of course, Pythagoras!!!”.

  4. Hitorque

    So the refugee Muslim girl went from community college to slinging overprocessed crap at Montoni’s? How does that work? What the hell was her two-year degree for?

    • Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

      About the same as Wally’s degree…so they can all continue the Montoni’s tradition when whatever commercial art syndicate that purchased the “Funkyverse” IP rights decide the launch the digital-only strip’s “Phase IV” reboot.
      Okay, maybe “IP” is the wrong phrase to use given that “I” stands for “Intellectual.” Any suggestions?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Westview Community College offers both two and four year degrees in Pizza Management as well as Pizza Design, Pizza Logistics, Pizza History and Quantum Pizza Studies. A degree in all five is known as a “Pizz-H.D.” The comic book department is also very well regarded, as is the Smugness Academy, where Les obtained his Masters.

      A pizza architect’s duties are many and varied. A working knowledge of the geometry and physics of a pizza in transit is essential, as is the interaction between cheese, sauce and toppings on a quantum level. The move away from formica booths to traditional small pizzeria tables created untold opportunities for budding pizza architects, as uneven customer weight distribution and changes in server’s patterns created a logistical nightmare that required the best and brightest minds the mid-central Ohio valley pizza industry had at its disposal.

      Adeela’s radical re-design of Montoni’s restroom’s grand foyer was recognized by the Greater Mid-Central Ohio Valley Pizzeria Design Commission as being one of the forty most innovative pizzeria bathroom foyer re-designs of the 2010s. The vaulted cathedral ceiling is reminiscent of the Sistine Chapel or that old Charlie Brown’s that became a bank over on Route 206, while the floor-to-ceiling glass floods the foyer with a soft natural light, providing patrons with a soothing, comforting effect as they make their way to the crapper.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Fun fact: Kent State offers lots of expensive but worthless degrees that all lead to a career in food services or call centers.

  5. billytheskink

    No, it doesn’t go fast, at least not to us readers. I’m pretty sure the Soviet Union fell shortly after this story arc began.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    I know it’s pointless to speculate but I do wonder why we’re getting this random arc discussing retirement. And will we ever learn who Dinkle’s lunch companion is modeled on?

  7. Charles

    You know, I find it extremely unlikely that a Muslim woman who is devout enough to wear a headscarf everywhere in Ohio would be willing to work in a place where she’d have to handle, if not the food itself, utensils, plates and serving items that have come into contact with pepperoni, sausage and ham. That’s not a trivial detail. It’d be deeply offensive to her. You touch the cheese
    bin after touching pepperoni and that cheese would be contaminated and she’d be forbidden from touching it.

    Devout Islam isn’t a god damn costume that you slip on. It’s an whole lifestyle, and the fact that Batiuk introduced this character while remaining ignorant about these things just shows how thoughtless he is.

    • Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

      You honestly think there’s any actual pork in a Montoni’s pepperoni, sausage or ham pizza? What does the Quran say about kangaroo meat?

    • Epicus Doomus

      I also find it highly unlikely that a hardscrabble war refugee who came to America and clawed her way to an architecture degree would take a temporary job at a dodgy pizzeria and inexplicably remain there for years on end. Apparently she got to Westview and just plain stopped caring. Her faith, her ambition, her dreams, out the window, replaced by good old Westviewian ennui.

      It’s pretty weird how he felt he needed to remind sharp-eyed FW readers that Adeela does in fact still work at Montoni’s in an arc featuring two characters who couldn’t possibly have any less to do with Adeela or, for that matter, Montoni’s. It’s the definition of a token appearance…”why yes, Adeela still appears in the strip, as recently as 2020 in fact”. The thought process that appears to be at work here as always boggles the mind.

    • William Thompson

      One of mom’s caregivers was Muslim. Hajara had no problem cooking bacon or sausage for mom, or cleaning the utensils and mom’s breakfast plate afterward. There’s no proscription against preparing haram food for non-Muslims, so long as no sin is involved. (Which could be a problem for Adeela–what’s the survival rate for Montoni’s customers?)

      • Charles

        No offense, but was your mom’s caregiver a devout Muslim who was an adult immigrant from *Afghanistan* and wore a headscarf everywhere she went?

        I know quite a few Jews who have no problem eating bacon and ham, but I’m not referring to those highly secular examples when I talk about how strict Orthodox or Hasidic Jews might have an issue with it themselves.

        I mean, it’s not as if Batiuk hasn’t been shown to be oblivious about these things before. Les and Cayla’s wedding reception was a pig roast and they invited Khan for Christ’s sake.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          He is oblivious to it of course. If I saw a man wearing a kippah it is nearly guaranteed that he keeps kosher and is shomer Shabbat, but it’s not really like that with Muslims from what I can tell having worked with several.

          We have a young Muslim girl at work who wears a Hijab but is otherwise very worldly and quite fashionable. She also admits to sneaking some alcohol.

          This is all a moot point as Adeela is only there for diversity Pokémon points. No interesting story line, no exploration of the issues a modern Muslim faces, just look, a Hijab! Now give me an award.

        • William Thompson

          She was a devout Muslim from Ghana who wore a headscarf, etc. And brought along her prayer rug. The first time she set it up, I said “East is that way.”

          “No problem,” she told me, and got out her phone. “I have an app for that.” It gave her the precise direction of Mecca (a bit north of east).

  8. Paul Jones

    When monomania meets obsession, time does fly by. I’m sure that Darry Hinkle is going to spend his years bothering his ‘replacement’ too.

  9. Count of Tower Grove

    Well, it looks like Pete’s shirt cameo was laundered before becoming a table cloth.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    I like that Dinkle’s friend isn’t smirking at the punchline for once. He looks legitimately sad at the prospect of his own retirement. Too bad that won’t be explored in any meaningful way.

  11. LTPFTR

    “The part of the tablecloth is being played today by Pete’s shirt” made me laugh much harder than any joke that Batiuk has ever written. Well, anything that he has ever written that was *intended* to be a joke.

  12. Hitorque

    And was Adeela always this pudgy?