Holly Winkerbean’s not the only Westview wife who’s been watching HGTV. According to Crazy Harry, Donna “seems plugged in and aware” of kitchen design trends. Too bad she’s married to a man who squanders his postal service pension checks on rare Tarzan comics.
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Son of Stuck Funky · The web's premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark
Son of Stuck Funky 
Wait, what the f*ck is a “renovation”? Oh, surely he means “reno”…right? I got confused there for a second.
“Current rages?” Carrera marble countertops are so early-2020
I mean, I didn’t expect TB to remember that Donna is someone who would think of Space Invaders and Asteroids instead of oak and birch if you asked her about cabinets… but I will point out that the strip below isn’t THAT old.
I mean, for a good three dimensional character, she could like BOTH. But when the characters have depth that care barely be measured with an electron microscope, you don’t want to muddle their one defining trait.
In 2014 Act III had already been trudging along for seven years, so right now it marks the mid-point of Act III, as fact that really rattled me when I realized it. I was just scrolling through the 2014 arc recaps and I was frankly shocked at how much more actually happened in the strip back then. It seemed like nothing at the time, mind you. But compared to now the strip was way busier back then, something I never would have thought I’d say back in 2014.
Did those Act 1 teen boys ever wonder if the Eliminator was a girl? Or did they have to wait for Donna to remove her geek helmet before they got a clue?
I’m sure it was after she removed her geek helmet, because secondary sex characteristics don’t seem to exist in this universe. Remember Harry being thrown totally off his game when the pizza box monster hinted they might not be a man? Apparently there were no bodily contours, vocal qualities, scents, or anything else that could cleared this up. Granted, that pizza box costume would conceal a lot.
That strip doesn’t make sense. “Comic books aren’t only a guy’s thing, after all I once played video games.” The connection is pretty tenuous.
“Football isn’t only a guy thing, after all, I once rode a bicycle every day.”
“Vegetables can be tasty, after all I used to make pancakes.”
Thank you Funky, for at least making the connection. Harry-you’re a doofus.
Yeah, I was about to say that at least Funky is boiling it down to “you’re just mad because you wanted to spend that money on “Archie Meets Spawn #00” instead.”
He’s being a jerk about Holly’s plans too, but at least there’s a small chance that he’s thinking of the reno money as being money that could be better spent on the restaurant, not on COMIC BOOKS!!!!!
So, it looks like a week’s worth of “all wives do is spend their husbands’ money remodeling the house,” in a follow-up to a week’s worth of “high school music students try to prank their substitute teacher, an old band leader,” which was a follow-up to three weeks’ worth of “neurotic man has an eye exam, gets cataract surgery, puts drops in his eyes.”
Boy. for the shortest month of the year, February feels like it’s lasted at least a week or two too long, doesn’t it?
If this were Blondie or Hi and Lois or any of a dozen “sit com” strips, we’d see the workmen working away at the kitchen/bathroom. The hi-jinks would be in how their lives were upset by it all.
But this is Funky Winkerbean, where the whole week has been two old clouds of flatulence talking about things while standing around. Tom Batiuk, you do yourself proud.
Hey, one of them is sitting around. Batiuk’s got that much range.
Exactly. The strip is drawn so that these two guys could be talking about anything. I don’t know why Batiuk hasn’t just fired Ayers and turned the whole thing into a Dinosaur Comics like endeavor. Rewriting the word bubbles of the same five strips over and over and over again.
Anyone remember “Dysfunctional Family Circus”?
This arc can play out one of two ways. Either we’ll have a week or two of construction workers with soulless expressions who hate their jobs invading Chez Funky, or the renos will never be mentioned again after this week.
I shudder to think how TomBa’s going to pad this already bloated storyline out for another two days (at least I hope it’s only two more days).
Maybe Hollywood will burn again.
This time a year ago, we were getting knee deep in the elaborate setup and narrative framing for Les’ “Lisa: The Motion Picture, ver. 2.0” storyline… A storyline that still remains open, by the way…
Remembering how incomplete that story is makes me all the madder at all those worthless weeks wasted on pitch meetings about China and seeing the bench in central park where they carved their initials and Masone stalking Les to get into character, and senseless Hollywood jargon tossed around without context and that bullshit series of auditions when Masone already knew who his Lisa was going to be and how Cindy was going to freak out every time Masone kissed a co-star, and Les shitting his pants in fear over saying one line in a cameo, and talking to some actress from another set dressed as Anne of Cleave at the snack bar, etc etc
Friends, I simply love to be plugged in and aware of all the current rages.
Like a phone charger at an anger management clinic.
Oh, fuck you, Funky. You two bozos have some nerve equating your wives’ short-term interest in home fixtures to your endless obsession with children’s comic books. Doing research in advance of a large, long-term purchase is just good sense. Knowing every goddam detail of the Spider-verse when you’re 55 years old, and dragging it into every corner of your life, is a sickness.
I want to agree with Harry that I don’t see the connection either. But I’m pretty sure he’s not thinking “No, Funky, our wives’ recent interest in home renovation products is normal, while my comic book fetish is a full-blown mental illness. Furthermore, I cost our family a lot more money by working in a comic book store for peanuts than my wife spends on countertops. In fact, this purchase is going to lower our savings account balance to three digits. And I just bought my wife $8 worth of salad dressing for a wedding gift, so I’m in no position to judge others on how much things should cost. In fact, I’ve sleeping on the couch ever since then, so I’m pretty much keeping my mouth shut about all this. What was your problem again?”
At least marble countertops are grounded in reality.
In this strip? Wait.
The reason Harry is bitching about this at Montoni’s is because he knows that he’s been on thin ice ever since The Salad Dressing Thing.
Aaaaannnd no customers in Montoni’s.