The week began with Funky’s kitchen still in complete disarray, and continued with Funky moaning about how long the work was taking. Today we see that the job is suddenly, finally finished. The workers’ tools, and that lawn chair, are going back on the truck. We can’t see the name on the truck, but it doesn’t say “EZ Remodel,” the contractor who came out to quote the job back in February. Narrative sloppiness or plausible circumstance? Anyway, I like that even though we can’t see the entire phone number on the truck, Batiuk prefixed it with the good old “555” fictitious area code.
Naturally, the reason Batiuk has the contractor in panel 1 speaking about Holly as if she’s not standing right in front of him is to provide the hook for another puzzling punchline. “Wifetime guarantee” is a cute enough turn of phrase, but in this context what could it mean? The contractor is basically saying if they want to have additional work done, he’ll gladly take the job. How is that a “guarantee”? I’m pretty sure they’re not doing the job for free. Yet Holly in panel 3 is walleyed with glee, while Funky’s mug reverts to that hapless “oh, shit” expression he’s been sporting all week.
Wifetime is the Strife Time
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Son of Stuck Funky 
Looks like that poor guy who was eating lunch in the masthead was stuck so long there that he grew a beard.
See, Funkface knows how to get shit done! If a reno is running slow, make a snide remark to a worker about taking a lunch break while sitting in a chair. Then spend the next few days at your own place of business bitching to a co-“worker” about how long the reno is taking while sitting and enjoying soft drinks. That’ll get those layabouts on their toes!
The artwork in panel 2 eerily resembles latter-day Apartment 3-G. And in panel 3, the contractor has morphed into Funky, while Funky himself is just kind of a lumpy mess.
“Wifetime guarantee”…yes, because those darned women can NEVER make up their minds…amirite, fellas? Sigh. If this marks the end of the reno arc I’m all for it, if for no other reason than never having to type “reno” again.
So a renovation company is willing to do more renovation work in the future. I thought that went without saying, but okay then.
I’m not sure which is the more depressing thought: That tomorrow’s extravaganza will be a sideways strip depicting Chez Winkerbean’s snazzy new kitchen in all its ceiling-canned glory; or that Battyuk will do what he always does with one these arcs, and move on to a totally unrelated one-off between Skunkhead John and Crazy at the comics store without ever actually showing the “reno” work Funky has spent a whole week kvetching about.
We will get a one- off about something dumb.
But I’m really looking forward to the upcoming Crankshaft strips where The Valentine is turned into a strip club. Ed in the front row waving dollar bills at the girls, it just writes itself.
I love too how the master light switch for the theater is out by the exit. I can picture the boys of Centerville flipping the lights on and off as they walked by. I’m sure Ed did this as a boy.
Someone at Comics Kingdom pointed out that, ten years from now, the Starbuck Jones movie premiered at the Valentine. So I guess they buy it back, or more than likely, some deus ex machina saves everything so we can go to the status pro ante…something Batiuk pats himself on the back for supposedly avoiding.
But COVID happened in both universes at the same time, so who knows?
“The artwork in panel 2 eerily resembles latter-day Apartment 3-G.”
True. It also seems that the proportions of chez Winkerbean have shrunken considerably.
All this renovation work and Adeela never popped over to offer her architectural opinion?
Adeela was created solely as a means for Batty to inject his political beliefs into the strip. A prop to be cast away when no longer needed.
PS: you do not need a college degree to design a lighting system.
And it’s unclear what those political beliefs are. Is he of the belief that immigrants are OK, or that ICE are just a pizza-loving group of knockabouts? Is it an indictment of heavy-handed law enforcement or of schmoozy pizza-greased political connections?
True. It will take a long winded battyblog post to tell us how he was ahead of the curve on the whole immigrants = good, ICE = bad issues.
Adeela is just a hollow shell of a character. (Look! I featured a Muslim person, quick give me an award!).
My opinion is that he wanted to say something about ICE as it was an issue at the time Adeela was introduced, but, like you said, it was so wishy washy that the message was lost. (Expect Batty to mention that he was the first to feature a Muslim in a comic strip during his next interview.)
Yes, Batiuk does inject his opinions into Funky Winkerbean, and they’re easy to identify:
1. Comic books are good!
2. The Internet is bad!
3. The Phantom Empire is the best movie ever made!
4. Luig– er, “Montoni’s” is the best pizza place ever!
5. Band directors are so wacky!
6. I’m a brilliant writer! I’m a comedy genius! I’m so edgy! Write stories about me! Give me all the awards!
Whatever political agenda the Funkyverse has, it’s way behind those six things on the priority list. And as gleeb points out, the storytelling is so incoherent you couldn’t identify it anyway.
“If your wife decides that she wants something added or changed at a later date, we’ll be happy to come back and do it! If you want something added or changed, however, you can go fuck yourself.”
Are they half parked in the garage or something? And does their driveway run up to the back of the house? Why are they standing out there instead of in the front of the house? That walkway looping around the house can’t possibly be the way to enter the house from the garage, can it?
You can see why Adeela wanted to be nowhere near this architectural hellscape.
I can’t think of anything to say about the substance of today’s strip that hasn’t been said already. So instead, I’ll wonder: what tortured pun would this guy make if there was no wife at hand? E.g. if he was working for a single unmarried person, or perhaps married gay men.
555- is an exchange, not an area code.
In a Twighlight Zone style ending, the truck pulls away to reveal the name of the contractor: M.C. Escher Renovations.
“Dammit Holley! These stairs don’t go anywhere!”
“That’s only fair–neither did this story!”