Batiuk seems to have a fondness for his diametrically opposed duos: compare Les, for example, whose every endeavor (except I guess Lisa’s Story: the Movie) is met with acclaim, vs. his best friend Funky, against whom the very universe conspires to make miserable. Cody and Owen: the clueless stoner and the glasses-wearing geek. Those Crankshaft teen twins: sugar/spice, naughty/nice. Pete and Darin? Well, they’re equally and interchangeably douchey. But their Silver Age analogues “Flash” Freeman and Phil Holt? Phil, he’s just a nasty, sarcastic little prick, while Flash is generally kindly and even tempered. Batiuk also often has his characters finishing each others’ sentences, but of course that’s not what’s happening in today’s strip. Phil is clearly about to tell Pete to shove his ideas up his ass. Flash! Let the man speak!
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Son of Stuck Funky · The web's premiere source for Funky Winkerbean snark
Son of Stuck Funky 
Comic books. Terrible wordplay. Bricks. If they were sharing a pizza, this one would have it all.
Coming tomorrow: Pete suggests that “Rip Tide-Scuba Cop” should have a canine sidekick, Scuba Doo. Flash kicks Pete in the knee and when he goes down, Phil viciously stapler-whips him into a bloody unrecognizable pulp. Everyone laughs.
Don’t you mean “a bloody Inedible Pulp”?
P.S.: Pete is a moron.
What exactly is Pete’s medical condition that causes such bagginess under his eyes?
Pete: OK, so how about Captain Gneiss – the villain who kills with kindness?
Flesh & Philled (in unison): Fuck off, kid.
Pete: Muscovite Mauler – the guy who makes the girls swoon with his killer musk?
Flesh & Philled (in unison): Are you looking to die today?
Pete: Um…The Mighty Basalt…and..Pepper? The villain who…
Flesh & Philled (in unison): Save it for Thursday, you little shit. We need to milk this for a week, got it?
Pete: Got it, sirs. But why am I even talking to you right now?
Flesh & Philled (in unison): Forget it, kid. It’s Westview.
Didn’t William Daniels play Captain Gneiss on NBC back in the late ’60s?
Look at Pete, angling to write for The Flintstones…
But in the context of the Batiukverse, Flash and Phil are being awfully dismissive of the guy who wrote for Marvel, DC, and Mega Comics instead of industry minnow Batom Comics, the guy who penned the most well-known Mr. Sponge story arc of the last 50 years, the guy who wrote two blockbuster Starbuck Jones movies, the guy whose writing impressed Chester so much that he founded Atomic Komix (y’know, the reason they’re both working again) just to showcase his talent.
Pete’s a shmuck worthy of ridicule in every universe except for the one TB wrote him into… but why stick to that?
Maybe they wouldn’t be so dismissive if Peter came up with some honest-to-god real suggestions instead of spitting out a bunch of childish lameassed puns that stopped being funny sometime around the fourth grade?
I would be inclined to agree, but in the Batiukverse Pete’s shlock explicitly sells. Heck, even in our own, real universe, childish puns would be more feature than bug if you were trying to create a nostalgic Silver Age-style comic book.
Oh there is absolutely a Nostalgic Silver Age Style comic where the mole-man hero faces off against a villain who’s a hard rock and everything in it is a geology or mining or chemistry pun and that I would love. Maybe even buy. Sometimes the dumb idea just needs to become big enough to be brilliant.
Tom Batiuk’s characters are diametrically opposed to themselves.
Today we’ve got Pete, the industry titan in all the ways BillyTheSkink listed, versus Pete, the insecure, needy little worm who desperately seeks the approval of these two fossils. And Pete, the brilliant writer, versus Pete who thought this sub-third grade idea was even worth saying out loud.
We also have Pete, the highest-paid writer in comic books, versus Pete, the man who proposed with a county fair stuffed animal and we’re supposed to think this is cute. And Pete, the nice guy and “good catch”, versus Pete, the man who takes other people’s ideas and wants to share “his” revenue with Hoagy Carmichael instead of his own fiancee.
There’s Les Moore, the man who wrote the most touching memoir of love and loss in the history of the English language, versus Les Moore, the man who is so fragile he couldn’t even read his dead wife’s diary, when its contents would have been central to such a book. The Les who can’t move past his wife’s death after 14 years versus the Les women admire and men can tolerate being around.
Not long ago we saw Funky, the “medical sugar daddy” versus Funky, the man who made two trips to the pharmacy to bring home medication and didn’t do it either time. And Holly, the woman with the overbearing mother and broken ankle so severe it required immediate surgery, versus Holly, the woman immediately forgot the conflict and whose broken ankle healed in five seconds flat.
To say nothing of Dead Phil Holt vs. Alive Phil Holt. And I still think that someday, we’ll have No Longer Dead Lisa.
Every point you raise is excellent but I have to ask where does the talking murder chimp fit in to this theory?
My theory: there never was a talking murder chimp. It was all just a figment of Cliff Anger’s senile dementia, a sign of his rapid cognitive decline.
I know that’s a depressing thought…which is why it’s Funky Winkerbean.
He can talk but only does once.
Aren’t Statler and Waldorf supposed to go “D’OH HO HO HO!” when they roast somebody?
Statler and Waldorf are funny and likeable. These two don’t contribute anything to the story. They have no personality beyond “I make comic books.” Pete is accomplished enough at that, he should tell them to stick in their ass. But again, he’s diametrically opposed to himself.
Only 19 comments yesterday?
Nothing brings forth apathy like an Atomik Komix story arc.
If Batiuk doesn’t want to put any effort into this shit when he’s getting paid to do so, why should we when we’re working for free providing a humanitarian public service??
I’ve never really thought of this webpage providing a public service, but you’re right. Reading and writing snark is truly the only way to enjoy Funky Winkerbean. 😉
There’s nothing to say about them. Batiuk’s silver age comic book wanking defies comment. And we all know where it’s going: to yet another pointless, artless Sunday comic book cover. If @teaberryblue wanted to do her job, she should put an end to arcs like this. And make Batiuk actually finish the ones he starts. Like the Subterranean ownership dispute that was talked about for days, but never resolved.
I believe @teaberryblue’s job is to make sure the comic creators are still alive and that they have a strip to put out that day. TFHackett implied yesterday she’s probably too busy on Twitter to sufficiently do her job. So many people are stuck working in dead end jobs like fast food, when she and Batty half-ass theirs.
Another cover on Sunday? * sigh * Yet another ‘The Subterranean’ cover?
🥱
A cover featuring Mopey Pete as ‘The Meddler’?
I infer from the Funkyblog that this “editor” has no actual authority. Batiuk drones on about past editors who so bravely let him do all the grimdark things he wanted to do. But those two men died in something like 1999 and 2006, and no successor has ever been mentioned. Or anyone new that Batiuk saw as an obstruction. And he’s not shy about complaining whenever someone dares question his creative vision.
LOL. You kill me. Anything blogged by Batty will be written down as evidence and used against him at a later date.
You have the stunning ability to slog through a Funkyblog. I usually stop midway through due to a lack of focus. I start reading a Funkyblog, but my mind constantly wanders, and I eventually lose interest. Batty has no idea how to pull in a reader. Dull… dull… dull.
His academic major was art, and he was an art teacher. His writing is sometimes barely in English. When did he become deluded enough to believe he was a writer?
Batty: IT’S CALLED WRITING!
Nope. Saying it doesn’t make it so.
This AK stuff just kills interest dead. Bad wordplay centered around fictional comic books that are themselves based around bad wordplay…it’s a recipe for total ennui.
It’s just a coincidence, but one of the songs I listened to this morning was (Sometimes I Feel so) Uninspired by Traffic.
I don’t know where this is going but I hope it ends with a gagged Mopey Pete bound to a chair outside the office door.
Phil Holt: GO @$#% YOURSELF!
Comic books themselves may be interesting but this nattering about comic books is mind crushingly dull.