I’m a little late with this spur-of-the-moment post, as this was from June 8th, but this The Komix Thoughts post amused me more than the entire run of “Crankshaft” AND all of Act III combined.
“At a book signing in Akron at Luigi’s (yes, the book launch was at a pizzeria. A sterling example by Susan Cash, who was the marketing manager for the Press, of thinking outside the pizza box.), they closed for the afternoon, and we spent the day with people filling the restaurant and the line spilling out the door. The generous folks at Luigi’s even took food and drinks out to the people waiting in line to get their books signed. When they finally had to open for the dinner hour, we moved my signing table to the parking lot and finished the book signing there.”
So essentially, they threw him out. The inner workings of this man’s mind are just endlessly fascinating. I picture a lot of non-Euclidean gears, wheels and ramps, all leading nowhere, with peculiar atonal melodies whistling in the background. It’s like he lives in another dimension that only he can perceive or access.
Not going to one of these book signings is a major life regret of mine. Mind you, I never wanted to openly harass the guy or anything, but what I really wanted to do was pepper him with increasingly obscure FW questions until he reached his breaking point…if he even has one, that is.
“So, Mr. B, sir. There’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for a long, long time. Is Kerry Darin’s step-half sister, or is she his half-step sister? And how would Kerry and Summer be related?”
Things like that. And I’d have been all enthusiastic too, like I was a genuine FW superfan. I’d have worn a “Stay Funky!” T shirt, a fake Les goatee, and waved a homemade “Band Directors Make Better Music Together” sign, in the official FW font. And I’d have put tape on the corners, all haphazardly of course.
The rest of his post (you know where to find it) is pretty funny too, but man, that “Lisa’s Story” signing sounds like it was THE book signing to go to, like Jimi at Monterey or Van Halen at the US Festival. I’m sure all the other ones were, uh, “good” too, but that one sounds like it was a real barn burner.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Oh, I can totally see this working if you started off by eagerly buttering him up. Open with “Oh, Mr B, I’m such a fan! You were the first to realize that, despite what everyone everywhere always said, comics don’t have to be funny!”
A little “Lisa’s Story changed my life! You were robbed of the Pulitzer”… a touch of “I can’t believe how innovative, original, and just plain brilliant the end of Funky Winkerbean was!” … and a soupçon of “Les is the greatest character in comics history — seriously, he’s my hero!”
… and you’re in like Flynn.
There don’t appear to be crowds at his most recent signings, at least based on his own photographs, so whoever is intrepid enough to step up with a concealed bodycam and start excitedly drilling for details, as you suggested, can have Tom all to him- or herself.
Delightfully devilish, as Seymour Skinner might say.
“So when Cayla ditched her Afro and went with the dreadlocks, she was making a bold statement about her cultural identity, was she not? So why would she abandon the dreads and go with a white chick haircut instead? Was she intentionally abandoning her cultural identity, or was it merely a fashion choice? And if it was a fashion choice, why would such a strong female character suddenly become so vapid and shallow out of nowhere like that? This has really been gnawing at me over the years, and I’m so happy I can finally meet you and address this.”
“Well, uh…well, I guess, uh, well, honestly? The dreads were just too difficult to draw consistently, and…”
“But you do see my point here, right Mr. Batiuk? Take a character like, for example, Cindy, or to a lesser extent, Dinkle. They’ve always been depicted as being vapid and shallow, so the readers never expected characters like that to make any sort of bold cultural statement. But with Cayla, it was an appropriation of a very specific style indicative of a person’s dedication to Rastafarian culture, which just made me wonder why Cayla suddenly made the switch. And I always wondered, you know, what drove that artistic choice. With Owen’s chullo, it was understood that he likely came from a lower-middle class, single parent background and was steeped in inner-city youth culture, but Cayla’s changing hairstyles seemed to indicate a deeper subtext had come into play. Would you agree with this?”
“Uh, who should I make this out to? We kind of need to keep the line moving, and while I appreciate your passion for my work…”
“There’s no one else here right now, Mr. Batiuk, and as a longtime FW reader, there’s just so much I want to pick your brain about. Like with Morton Winkerbean. Were you suggesting that nicotine holds promise as a dementia remedy? Because I’ve looked through every medical journal I could find, and found nothing to support this hypothesis, so I was just wondering if…”.
He seems like a polite guy, so I imagine it could have potentially gone on like that for quite a while. Then I’d ask for his personal email and cell number so we could write and text and stay in touch.
Hey now! What do you mean you can’t find evidence that nicotine holds promise as a dementia remedy? The studies looking into this are numerous and promising?
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160920160635.htm
But yes. More on topic. Batty obvs stole this real life moment when he had the first book signing for Les Moore’s ‘Lisa’s Story’ at Montoni’s back in 2010. Barf.
Also, someday I am going to go to one of these book signings and do exactly what you’re talking about Epicus. Just stand there and ask the kind of insane questions that not even he could ever hope to remember the answer to.
“Why doesn’t Pete Roberts/Reynolds remember going to prom in a group with Mindy Murdoch as Mooch’s date? Why did Tyler and Abbey Klinghorn disappear? Do you think your own experiences as a parent of an only child skewed your ability to write siblings effectively? Do you think that having characters call for Bill Clinton to use his back room political leverage to free Adela from ICE was a tenative support of political corruption? And do you think it’s wrong, in the modern era, to put Bill Clinton up on a pedestal considering his past predatory behavior toward women?”
You’ll be my hero if you do, Harriet. I always envisioned taking forever to get to the questions, too, as a sort of homage to his craft.
“Hi, Mr. Batiuk, sir, and hello. This is quite a thrill for me. I began reading Funky Winkerbean in 1974. Back then, my mom would give me a nickle and send me to the corner grocer to buy a copy of the Daily Bugle, a quart of milk and some cigarettes. They used to keep the newspaper in these metal baskets near the door. There was a little bell that would ring when customers came in and out. I’d get the paper and crabby old Doc Grocerybag would ring me up. Ol’ Doc was quite a character. Every year on the Fourth Of July he’d accidentally burn his tool shed down. I’d buy the newspaper from ol’ Doc and bring it home, where my dad would grab the sports section and mom would cut out the coupons. I would take the funny page and run down to the basement, where I’d read the comics by flashlight. It was like I was transported to a whole different world.
I continued reading your strip through the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s right up to the end, which was really sad. Your work has given me so much joy over the decades. Every morning I woke up so excited to see what my favorite characters were up to this time. So anyway, I wanted to ask you a question. My question is, where do you get your ideas from?”
You forgot to mention that “Funky Winkerbean” saved your life.
Yup, that’s a good call out. If I were to directly as TB a question, that would be the basis behind one of the first two. I would go with the general one first. My two questions that I think would cut through the fat:
#1: “In the strip, you have had characters repeatedly say that their love of comic books is what had “saved them”. I think it’s fair to say that you say the same thing about yourself, personally. I would like to know: Saved from what? From what exact malady or misfortune did comic books “save you”, Tom?”
The other would be of the nitpick variety but I still believe needs a direct response:
#2: “Given that Lisa Moore’s death is such a pivotal facet to the entirety of the strip’s story and history, why did you kill and subsequently resurrect Phil Holt? How can the strip hold such enormous and repeated gravitas for one character’s death, and give such a trivial and cavalier treatment for another character’s death?”
#1. It’s called writing.
#2. It’s called writing.
Yes, “It’s called writing” is exactly how Batiuk would answer any question he doesn’t like. Except he wouldn’t be nearly that concise. I imagine he talks just like he writes. “At that point, I had to let Lisa lead the way…”
Leroy? I was on a winning streak, comment after comment just going through without getting trapped in auto-mod. But I just had to get cute and try to post a video. Now it’s trapped in limbo.
Can you work your mop-magic and un-clog the torso chute?
Yeah I was always surprised that white knight Batty would depict Bill Clinton given his history with women.
Family Guy did a hilarious bit about this that ended up with Peter in bed with Bill as he said something like “wow, he is good.” Of course Family Guy was going for humor, FW is going for…Bill is a good guy because he likes pizza, comic books, and marching bands?
Yeah I was always surprised that white knight Batty would depict Bill Clinton given his history with women.
It’s just like “climate damage”: Batiuk’s opinions are just that shallow. He’s become what Funky Winkerbean used to mock: the “activist” whose own lifestyle contradicts their stated political wants, and would never think of changing it.
“What is Pete’s actual last name? It was originally Roberts, because he was the son of John Darling’s producer Reed Roberts, but then it suddenly switched to Reynolds? What happened there?”
“Near the end of the strip’s run, you had the characters at their 50th high school reunion in 2022, which would mean they graduated in 1972. And those same characters were 36 at the end of Act II (they’re all 46 after the 10-year time skip), which would mean Lisa died in 1990. So how did Funky meet “President” Bill Clinton years BEFORE he even ran for the Presidency?” (Lots of good material there to point out how he completely screwed up the timeline with that “50th reunion” retcon.)
I would have liked to attend his “Writing From The Personal” symposium at the San Diego Comic-Con, so I could ask this question:
“Is it possible to write from the personal too much?”
I’d love to hear his answer to this, because it’s a huge problem in the Funkyverse. The world is almost entirely about Batiuk’s own narrow experiences, interests, and nostalgia. It’s way too obtuse for almost anyone else to relate to, and it makes no effort to invite readers into that world.
When The Duck of Death said…
My first thought was, Comic Book Harriet would do it. And here you say you would! LOL.
You’re adorable!
And then, in the unlikely event that someone else shows up and he shoos you away, relieved, pick up another copy of Lisa’s Story, The Other Turd Drops, get back in line and restart the entire thing.
“Hey, it’s me again! I wanted to ask, did Batton Thomas drive 80 miles each day to use the treadmill at Atomik Komix, while chatting about climate damage with the guys there, or is it more of an every-other-day thing?”
I’m sorry, but there’s something in the 6/28 “Crankshaft” that bothers me. Actually, there are many things in the strip that bother me, from why couldn’t they work a “Lisa’s Story” poster shot into Panel Three to how fortunate Masonne is that he tells his little “jokes” to the one person in Centerville who can’t hold a recording device with one hand and dump an overpriced soda on his smug kisser with the other (no, Becky is in Westview), but those aren’t what I’m talking about.
No, my problem’s with the line “‘Starbuck Jones’ trilogy.” If memory serves me right, Mr. Jarre and co-star Marianne Winters made two SJ movies, released circa 2017 and 2021. Never was there any mention of a third, as far as I recall, since they were hard at work in 2020-22 on the Oscar-winning “Lisa’s Story” (coming soon to the Valentine). Is Masonne referring to the old-time SJ serial starring Cliff Hanger, or is there some other film/TV project I missed?
I seem to recall a fuss being made that one was so bad it went directly to streaming. Another little petty jab from Batty as streaming is not the right way to watch a movie.
He loves these petty insults which land like little Lilliputian arrows.
And yet streaming was how Lisa’s Story garnered enough attention for Marianne Summersclone to get her Oscar. (I guess it was a last-ditch save after Batiuk decided it flopped in theaters, but he still needed to give that completely undeserved win to Les? He could have had the movie be just a modest hit in theaters, not a complete flop, but maybe we were supposed to think Les… failed for once? Ha, like that would ever happen.)
Streaming and Kent State are just like almost everything else in the Funkyverse: they’re good when he needs them to be, and they’re bad when he needs them to be. Even in today’s Crankshaft, the needs Mason Jarre to slip back into his “vacuous arrogant Hollywood star” characterization, so here it is. Tune in tomorrow, when he’s donated his life’s savings to Lisa’s Legacy Fund.
What irritates me is that people would probably have bought his book if he’d gone to a more prominent publisher. For some reason that escapes him, it still sits on the shelves of Kent State.
No prominent publisher was interested. Black Squirrel Press was because Batty is a big donor to KSU and they have nothing else to publish save for some treatise on some newly found grievances or another look at the KSU shootings.
Kent State University Press publishes a pretty broad range of books – it’s not limited to local or regional subjects. Their catalog is actually pretty impressive, which makes me wonder why whore themselves out to Batiuk so cheaply.
If you look at the “Art” section, there are ten books. Six of those are by Tom Batiuk. Offered without comment.
And if you look at the “Art” section, there are ten books. Ten of them are by Tom Batiuk. Including two Dead Lisa books and Roses In December.
My bad, I didn’t realize in this age of scrollable browser pages that their other books would be visible by clicking “previous.” It’s nice that they have other books than TB’s. Personally, I would never put anything by TB in anything labelled “Arts” unless the word began with an F.
Especially after he has slagged the university to bolster his own ego.
Re: the link in your post, BtS:
I never finished college myself, and my academic career was undistinguished. I just never really gave a damn about school. Still, I seriously question the assumption that “the worse the grades, the better the book.”
I doubt there’s a correlation, but if there is, it’s just as likely to be positive, because someone who consistently makes the honor roll is at least proving themselves capable of maintaining some level of discipline and organization, and sticking to difficult tasks until they’re finished. That’s a necessary skill for writers, especially book writers.
If we were talking about rock bands or something, sure, I can imagine a negative correlation. But we’re not.
Hee hee.
There’s a *Superboy* Giant devoted to “red-letter days” in the Boy of Steel’s life.
It came out in March 1970, with a cover date of June.
A red letter day is any day of special significance or opportunity. Its roots are in classical antiquity; for instance, important days are indicated in red in a calendar dating from the Roman Republic (509–27 BC).
Ed wasn’t alive back then? I refuse to believe it!
Well, it’s a bit of a mutual back-scratching.
Batty gets his books published and perhaps the KSU press makes a few bucks, or benefits from having more authors/books on their roster.
And KSU benefits because they can list among their alumni “Pulitzer nominee and author of [umpteen] books, Tom Batiuk.”
I read an article about the workings of university presses. It was basically “if we’re going to print 500 copies of a book, we have to know they’re going to sell.” Funky Winkerbean probably has enough of a fanbase that it’s ultimately profitable for them.
Wow, I stand corrected.
Today’s Crankshaft starts promisingly with a cut-and-paste of the ever-popular Hideous Mason Visage #4, but goes off the rails in P3 with a Hideous Mason Visage I don’t think I’ve ever seen. Is it possible that Davis actually drew a new face?
CBH, you are the Archivist of Paste-Ups. Do you recognize this lantern-jawed version of Mason?
It’s definitely been traced before being pasted. But looks like it’s panel 3 of this Sunday strip from last year.
I think it’s a redraw using this panel as a reference. You guys be the judge.
Look at the differences in the chin, the nose, the ear, the hair, the teeth — I don’t think this is a trace at all, at least not of the panel shown at left. I think it was drawn, though possibly using the first panel as a reference.
HA JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR DRAWING A FACE. Panel 2
It was too good to be true, wasn’t it?
And you know what? I think I recognize the back of Skip’s head from somewhere too.
Here’s a puzzler: How does Skip manage to still have a backpfeifengesicht when we can only see the back of his head?
You recognize the back of Skip’s head because we saw it on Friday.
https://www.gocomics.com/crankshaft/2023/06/24
Skip is one of the most loathsome people in the Funkyverse. He didn’t like who owned his company, so he just stole it and declared himself the owner. And we’re supposed to see him as the good guy.
Yep, stellar ethics there from Tom.
It’s okay to steal from people if they’re not nice people, if they’re bad guys, if they “deserve” it.
Trouble is: Every thief on earth has a million justifications for why they steal, from porch pirates to robber barons.
But I think thieves are scumbags, no matter how slick their rationales.
“I need this more than he does.”
“The rich are thieves themselves or they wouldn’t be rich. It’s not really stealing if you steal from a thief.”
“She doesn’t deserve this. I’d put it to much better use.”
“They may own this according to the law, but according to a higher law, it’s rightfully mine.”
“He’s got so much he won’t even notice it’s gone.”
“It’s not fair that they have stuff I want. I deserve to have it. I’m just making the world a fairer place.”
I could go on all day. All lies scuzzy people tell themselves to justify terrible, selfish, narcissistic behavior.
Scuzzy people like Skip.
I was at a comic con about a year ago and saw Thom Zahler, who has done some of the comic book cover art for FW, at a table. I said hi to him and looked through his art box but couldn’t bring myself to say anything snarky about FB because he was a really nice guy.
No blame accrues to any of the artists. They’re just hired guns. I’m sure Zahler is a nice guy. He was just doing a job for a client. That’s nothing to snark about.
Tom Batiuk loves to act like a big shot about the most ordinary things. Like his tourist trips to New York City and Hollywood. As if going to these places were an elite experience that most of us couldn’t possibly do ourselves.
And so it is here. Most restaurants will let you hire them for a private function. Especially for an afternoon. If you do, they’ll serve your attendees. And, he’s a friend of the restaurant; he’s drawn art for them and given them an avalanche of free plugs over the decades. Hell, hosting a book signing is the least they could do for him. So none of this is impressive or even relevant, except the overstated demand for autographed copies of Funky Cancercancer, which Batiuk routinely gives away anyway.
I also love how Batiuk acts like this was all someone else’s idea. Sure, Tom, Susan Cash independently came up with the idea of having the book signing at the pizzeria whose ass you kiss constantly. Give me a break. He’s so desperate to be an important person that he announces how unimportant he truly is.
THANK YOU for putting your finger on what exactly is so annoying about his travelogues. It’s the acting like a big shot. Whoopie, so you traveled for business to LA and NYC. I live in one of those cities and have traveled to the other for business. As if business travel is some kind of privilege reserved for real heavy hitters; as if, especially pre-pandemic, every plane to every city weren’t filled with sales people, account executives, and middle managers, all shlepping to another boring meeting so they can hump it back home a few days later.
Get back to me when you have a private jet and a limo that meets you at the runway. On second thought, don’t. That shit doesn’t impress me either. Some of the greatest scumbags in the world have limo service to and from the tarmac to a private jet. I don’t care. In fact, Tom, nobody cares.
The fact that he is so proud to have traveled to two of the biggest tourist destinations in the country, and he clearly believes that this marks him as elite, reveals him to be the bumpkin-est of bumpkins. Nothing wrong with being a bumpkin, as long as you don’t think you’re one of the glitterati.
Next he’ll fly to Orlando and smugly regale us with tales of how he was welcomed through the doors of a little place called Disney World. Oh, you probably never heard of it. It’s kind of a hush-hush thing. It’s not really for everybody. We elites keep it on the down-low so the hoi polloi don’t invade. You know how it is.
I hope he sings the “Orlando” song from *The Book of Mormon* if he does.
Speaking of second-rate pizza, I wonder if Montoni’s will show up in Crankshaft. We’ve all agreed that Funky is persona non grata in TB’s world, but Luigi’s/Montoni’s is a crucial part of the Batiuk Nostalgia Axis around which the Funkshaftiverse rotates.
It closed, of course. But then it was open and had a new fleet of cars with new snow tires. So who’s gonna cater the Grand Re-Reopening of the Valentine? Maybe Cory will deliver?
My Funky Valentine
Dank, loathesome Valentine
Stuck in a sad, empty town
Your seats still stained with jizz
Placenta, poo, and pizz
Why don’t they burn that place down?
It’s a “time machine” all right
But it’s empty every night
Maybe “Lisa’s Story” doesn’t pack ’em in?
Go back to stripper shows
Old whores without their clothes
Sleaze, loathesome Valentine, sleaze!
That’s what this creepy town needs.
Good one, Duck. Unfortunately, my chuckles have alerted my co-workers to the fact I am not on line looking up unemployment figures.
Montoni’s has already appeared in Crankshaft – the “penny sock” incident. Between Montoni’s getting new cars after it closed, the 10-year time skip, and “nudging”, there’s no reason it can’t appear again.
Lillian said she bought her Tiffany lamp back during the auction when Montoni’s closed, but given how completely borked the timeline is (i.e., the Shining Twins being in high school before Montoni’s closed but are back to being about 10 when talking about the lamp, or Crankshaft not being wheelchair-bound and decrepit like in the Funky timeline), who even knows at this point.
In a way, Timemop really was an elegant solution. It canonically threw away the timeline, putting a end to any attempt to make sense of it. Batiuk gave himself the power to do whatever he wants whenever he wants, and a pat answer to any questions about the timeline. While he still boasts about FW being “the only comic strip where the characters age naturally”, of course.
Yes, in the same way “but it was all a dream” or “okay, computer, end simulation” are elegant solutions.
Basically:
Hey, you know the last 50 years of strips you’ve been following?
J/K!
LOL
It’s Batiuk’s version of “a wizard did it”.
It’s sexy, it’s smart, it’s Rodgers, it’s Hart!
You can pick it up in a truck
It’ll take no more than a breath
It’s not Daffy, though a Duck
And Lord Peter’s second name is Death!
CS 6/29
“Hi, I’m Major Bore, star of such monotonous readings of my press releases about this shitty theater…as… *yAAAWn*” Mason dies of own boredom.
And only 3 Lisa’s, with 2 posters.
It’s still going on? “sigh” This is one of his 3 week arcs, I guess.
(Meanwhile in Westview, Les is thrashing and screaming “MY SHOES DON’T FIT!” while Cayla watches thinking, “Yeah, the right one doesn’t go on that foot, Copernicus.”
It’s one thing to mock the bad jokes in CS (“Refreshing experience,” for example), but there’s not anything close to a joke the last couple of days, just Masonne droning on about how his movie theater will be a place for people to gather to watch films…in other words, it will be a movie theater.
Also, I believe having “a shared experience with others” at the cinema is what got Paul “Pee-wee Herman” Reubens in trouble with the state of Florida back in 1991.
Skip looks like he’s mugging for the viewer. “You know this is so right. You need to be in that place again: sitting in an old, jizz-encrusted movie theater with a bunch of strangers, watching Lisa slowly die of cancer. Is there anything better?” I think having my balls pounded flat with a hammer would be better.
And why the hell is Mason bashing streaming, when that’s exactly what made his movie a success? What an ingrate. No wonder he likes Les so much.
Batty has never heard of online watch parties and home theater equipment. People will surely flock to these old theaters again once proper films are being shown again…yeah right.
Covid taught me and my wife that zoom get togethers can be nice. We have friends around the world and it is nice to have drinks together, watch some shows, and laugh.
As for theaters, for most people the bad outweighs the good. Hence why many people prefer to watch movies at home. Sorry Batty, the old theater days are never coming back.
VCRs and HBO were supposed to make movie theaters extinct by 1985. But they survived, by reinventing themselves as a more upscale experience. Now it’s standard for movie theaters to have luxury recliner seating, hot food, craft beers, waiters who deliver to your seat, interactive games (which was actually depicted in Funky Winkerbean), and other modern niceties.
Absolutely nobody wants the pre-1980 movie theater back. But Tom Batiuk needs everything to be exactly the way it was in his childhood, and remain that way until the end of time, otherwise it’s not “correct.” Even when it wins him a hand-delivered Oscar!
According to the story, Weekend At Lisa’s won an Oscar because it was resurrected in streaming. But Batiuk is far more concerned in having Mason Jarre voice his correct opinions, rather than have an attitude that would make sense for his character.
Yes, true, nobody wants the 1980’s theater experience, but I still don’t think the theaters command large audiences even with updated amenities. But I admit I haven’t looked up the numbers.
For years my wife and I would attend the Israeli film festival at the Cedar Lee, and the international film fest at tower city. The tower city theaters were closed due to homeless people harassing patrons, and the Cedar-Lee has seen dwindling audiences due to crime in the area. Sad indeed, but there is so much available via streaming that we do not miss going to the theater.
But Batty’s gotta get all Batty about this and prop up things from his past.
And back to your original point, The Valentine needs to offer upgraded service if they hope to attract an audience.
Or at least show movies that make sense for their setup. If you’re going to try and make a profit with a one-screen theater, you’d better show movies that will fill seats. Not weepy cancer dramas, 90-year-old singing cowboy serials, and the bottom third of the filmography of In-Universe Ryan Reynolds. Who’s not even from this town and no ties there, so there’s no local demand for it anyway. It’s all so brain-meltingly stupid.
It’s funny how he champions theaters when all his favorite movies (to wit: Radio Ranch serials and The Phantom Empire, and any other derivative works thereof) are available for him to watch any time — thanks to streaming and home media.
We’ve been on a Fritz Lang kick in this house. If I had to wait for one of the local revival houses to show these films, I might never get to see them. But thanks to streaming The Criterion Channel, I can watch them any time in restored clarity, pause them to catch details, and rewatch if I please. Many of the classic films also have accompanying material like interviews with the director, critics’ analyses, and even sometimes versions with audio annotations from scholars.
It says a lot about TB that he’s not content with the remarkable technology that allows him to watch his favorites at home. There has to be an admiring crowd also stuck in their seats watching, and acknowledging him as the biggest superfan. By extension, there have to be theaters constantly showing RR and TPE. Thus Masonne.
Or maybe I’m assuming way too much.
Any better theories as to why streaming is not a boon but a bête noire for Tom?
Any better theories as to why streaming is not a boon but a bête noire for Tom?
Epicus Doomus, in the last thread: “That guy sure does miss 1954.”
I think you’re both right, though. I like your angle that public movie theaters are a place for Batiuk to show off his middlebrow-ness, something he feels compelled to do at all times. But ED is also right: Batiuk likes what he liked as a kid, and needs to declare it the Only Correct Way to do anything. The End.
I have a saddening vision. Of course, I don’t know TB at all, so this may be completely false and off the mark. Nevertheless, here is my personal vision:
I envision TB as a lonely, isolated kid. Superheroes “saved him” because it’s common for them to have awkward, dorky secret identities. Tom identified with the nerd who got mocked while secretly concealing superpowers. (Oh, if only they knew who I am inside! Someone really special!)
IIRC, his school showed “Radio Ranch” as part of some extracurricular activity. Like superhero comics, this series dealt with the theme of a secret the world never suspected.
But most of Tom’s schoolmates and friends/acquaintances didn’t care that much about comic books, and certainly not about Radio Ranch. He tried to share his passion, but most of the other kids at that time were watching TV or interested in sports or cars, or perhaps already thinking about girls.
So Tom passed his somewhat lonely childhood in his fantasy-enhanced world, unable to understand the other kids’ interests or get them passionate about his own.
But now — NOW he has a bully pulpit. NOW he is in the newspapers! He sits on panels and people ask him questions! He talks to reporters! NOW, at last, he can force people to listen and understand! It just takes some repetition, but they’ll get it eventually. Okay, it takes a LOT of repetition. But he will make them understand, and they will love what he loves! And they’ll respect him as the arbiter of taste and look up to him as the expert. And he won’t be lonely.
~~~ END OF VISION ~~~
No similarity to actual lives of cartoonists is expressed or implied
Could the coffee at Montoni’s be a homage to the use of hot coffee in Fritz Lang’s “Big Heat”?
Film Forum in New York City will be showing Jean-Luc Godard’s “Contempt” at the end of June, in which Fritz Lang plays a waiter…I mean, in which Fritz Lang plays himself.
I’ll be thinking of you, Your Grease, when I come to this part:
Paul Javal: I’d like you to meet my wife, Camille. Fritz Lang, Camille.
Camille Javal: Hello, sir.
Paul Javal: He’s the one who did that western with Dietrich.
Camille Javal: It was terrific!
Fritz Lang: I prefer “M”.
Camille Javal: Your “M”?
Fritz Lang: Yes.
Camille Javal: We just saw it on TV. I really liked it.
The Dietrich Western, by the way, is “Rancho Notorious.”
Ah, another New Yorker? I used to haunt the Film Forum regularly when I lived right nearby. They used to have the most amazing themed programming. I particularly remember a Lon Chaney festival and a Brit Noir festival. Both included films I’ve never seen available anywhere else.
But the last time I went, I was taking my son to see The Maltese Falcon. I find it’s always best if you see the really great ones on a big screen the first time you watch them. Unfortunately, the print was absolutely mangled, the sound was garbled in parts, and sometimes the film skipped 5 or 10 seconds. I don’t think FF would have ever allowed such a thing back in the day. (Had a similar experience with trashed prints when I took my kid to see a Kubrick double-feature at the Angelika. Sad how our theaters seem to be declining.)
A month later, he had to write an essay about a film scene for a class. He chose The Maltese Falcon, and the scene he chose was the first appearance of that consummate scene-stealer, Peter Lorre. And so we’re back to M. (One of my all-time favorite films and the one that made me a lifelong fan of German Expressionism.)
@DoD: Lorre is one of my favorite actors. So underrated, and so pigeonholed by his unconventional looks. Capable of great subtlety, until typecasting and drugs got hold of him. That poor devil.
I suspect he was always capable of subtlety, but let’s face it, it wasn’t called for in many of his later roles.
Sometimes I wonder what could have been — what the German film industry could have done had most of their greatest talents not been scattered to the four winds by the rise of you-know-who. Ah well. Their loss was the English-speaking world’s gain.
Once again today in Crankshaft, a lecture. A you-kids-get-off-my-lawn, old-man-yells-at-cloud lecture.
Tom. The reasons “things were better in the old days” have nothing to do with how people watched movies. Society has changed radically. Culture has changed radically. Population, the economy, demographics, everything has changed radically. And so have movies.
Plus, in the old days, you were a child without a care. Today you are an elderly man with a medicine cabinet full of pills. A movie theater won’t change that.
When you were a kid, Tom, I bet you knew some old fart who was always banging on about how the world was better before the horseless carriage and the wireless, and how the moving pictures and the television were going to be the downfall of Western civilization.
YOU are now that old fart.
Yep, you and your generation are the squares that need to be taken down. Karma is a B!tch. In your time you proudly bashed those that came before you, but now your generation are the dinasours and now it’s your turn to be bashed.
Personally, I have respect for those that came before me, but I am humble and realize that I don’t have all the answers. Ok , that wasn’t a humble response, but I’m not perfect, give me a break!
Hi, I’m Math Jarre again, and here’s an updated look at the strip since Valentine/Mason entered the strip on 6/24. The study’s current findings:
Strips: 6
Panels in those strips: 17
Panels with Lisa’s Story featured: 14
Ones with the poster also visible: 12
Current record still stands: 6/27, with two panels and four Lisa’s Stories. Our statisticians are still debating whether this counts as 100% “Li-Saturation”, or 400%.
Jokes: None our equipment can detect.
Research continues, and will be published in the New England Journal of Product Placement.
Me, on CK, on CS (6/30):
Okay, okay! You guys win! The more I read this strip, the more I laugh! Look at that line: “Your thinking to be choosing,” who talks like that?! Was there a sale on “ings”? And in any other strip would your 1st thought in the last panel be “HE’S got cancer TOO?!”
Today in Crankshaft: We learn that Maison will be programming the Valentine based on the movies he “feels the most attachment to.” Starting with Lisa’s Story. Next? Maybe home videos of his 11th birthday party. After that, the videos he took of his first pet turtle, Speedy. What’s important is that he feel an attachment to whatever he shows.
Innovative, huh? Most small-town theaters have to show films with broad appeal, but Maison boldly goes the other way. Out-of-the-box thinking like that is just what the struggling movie theater business needs right now!
Lisa’s Story is the best story ever! Les is the best writer ever.
You think Hannah and Max can get their jobs back at the TV station?
Wow. Skip Rawlings, the ‘intrepid’ journalist, finally decided to ask a question. A softball question, to be sure, but at least he finally asked one. I was under the impression Skip was just going to hold out his phone with that insufferable smirk on his face the entire week.
How about tougher questions like:
– Do you think you have a large enough fan base in Ohio to make this a successful business?
– Is your body of work extensive enough and good enough to retain the moviegoers’ interest?
To Batiuk, it seems the role of a journalist is to fawn over the creatives.
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Please Mr. Batiuk, I tire of this self-a$$kissery.
BWOEH, you’re a baseball fan. Do you remember Rick Ankiel? Or worse, Mark Wohlers? That’s what I’m starting to feel like I’m watching.
These were pitchers who got the yips: something that renders an athlete incapable of doing basic physical tasks. They’re not injured; it’s some kind of mental block, or loss of muscle memory.
Wohlers was an especially sad case. He was such a dominant closer, which was the last piece the dynasty-era Braves needed to win their first (and as it turned out, only) World Series in 1995. By 1998, he couldn’t throw a baseball anymore.
I remember watching Wohlers try to pitch in a game at this time. It was one of the most upsetting things I’ve ever seen. He couldn’t throw a strike. He couldn’t even throw a ball. A pitch would bounce halfway to the plate, or fly 10 feet behind the batter, or come out of his hand partway through the delivery. The batter wasn’t even engaged; he just stood there with the bat frozen to his shoulder, like there was nothing on earth that would make him swing it. I’m not one to yell at the TV, but I did that day. “GET HIM OUT OF THERE.” Not because he was ineffective; because it was cruel to make him keep trying.
That’s the feeling I get now. Tom Batiuk just keeps trying to make his pitch that is never going to go over the plate, or even interest anyone enough to pretend there’s an at-bat going on. It needs to stop. Not for my sake, but for his. It’s become embarrassing.
I was happy when Ankiel was able to reinvent himself as an outfielder. It was a nice redemption story, though more than that, it was great fun watching him throw laser beams back to the bases with the precision he once had as a pitcher.
Here he is throwing out a pair of Colorado Rockies in the same game, one of whom was speedster Willy Taveras, who led the NL in stolen bases that season.
Of course, TB doesn’t have it in him to reinvent himself… but sadder still is that nobody ever told he should try to.
That’s a good analogy. Sometimes it is painful to read.
Not as big a baseball fan as I used to be. They can speed up the game all they want, but they failed to address the main problem as far as I’m concerned. It’s all home runs and strikeouts now. Ballplayers jog around the bases or glumly stroll back to the dugout. Boring.
Oh, yeah, I remember Mark Wohlers from the 1995 World Series. After rooting for the Tribe for 25 years, they finally made the World Series, only to be beaten by the underdog Braves. Tom Glavine was given a strike zone the size of a phone booth. Not that I’m still bitter about it or anything.
I remember Rick Ankiel as a pitcher for the Cardinals, but forgot he developed the yips. Or re-invented his career as an outfielder as @Billy the Skink mentioned.
I’m giving away my age here, but even I remember the pitcher whose name the yips syndrome was named after, “Steve Blass Disease”. Steve Blass was a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates. In 1971, he was a world series hero. In 1973, he couldn’t throw strikes.
Trivia: The 1971 World series was mostly day games, and I couldn’t watch the games on TV because I was in school. Some boys brought in an AM radio to listen to the games during recess. It sure was a different era.
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Batiuk will keep this up for as long as he’s able. He writes stories that constantly regurgitate past glories and are of little interest to people other than himself. He never misses an opportunity to portray ‘Lisa’s Story’ as the greatest narrative ever conceived. He never seems to shy away from self-promotion or reminiscing about his past achievements on his blog. Unlike most other cartoonists, he doesn’t maintain a presence on social media (other than his blog). He completely disregards any critiques or comments from readers. Additionally, it’s been speculated in this discussion that he scripts his interviews in advance.
Batiuk has built his little make believe world where both he and his work are still relevant. If nobody is going to tell him how great his career has been, he’ll do it himself.
And just like that, Masone completes his transition into Author Avatar #3,467. He and Skip will now retire to the theater office to read comics and drink chocolate milk (served by Hannah, of course).
Is there anyone left in the Funkyverse who hasn’t been subsumed into the Batiukian Hive Mind?
We haven’t seen comics, pizza, and Olde-Tymey Talkie Theatres being worshipped by Frankie, the Mordor Hedge Fund guy, Roberta Blackburn, or Zanzibar.
Yet.
Mason and Skip weren’t subsumed into the hive mind – they were spawned by it long after it had already subsumed the universe. Long-running characters like Les and Lisa were subsumed, because they were once actual characters with their personalities and motivations. But I think there’s a line to draw.
You make a good distinction there, but I dimly recall Skip appearing many years before Mason. CBH, or any other Crankshaftiverse historians, can you confirm or deny?
Never mind — I answered my own question with Grandpa Google. I had seen an entry in the BattyBlog, that’s where I remembered Skip from. I can’t insert URLs or I go to spam purgatory, but check this out.
tombatiuk DOT com/komix-thoughts/skip-rawlings/
Notice that there are no dates on the strips, though they are credited to Batiuk & Ayers. “Strike Four” was published in 2014 (again, had to look that up because TB doesn’t provide that info), so presumably the Skip strips were published in 2013 at the very latest.
Good point – Crankshaft characters retained their focus longer than FW characters did. But find me a post-2013 FW character who serves any purpose other than indulging one of Batiuk’s pet interests: comic books, winning awards, being published, and talking about Lisa.
You ask, I deliver! As far as I remember, the Butter Brinkel story involved none of those things. Cindy & Jessica were making this documentary for some reason, IIRC, and they interviewed Cliff Anger, and he told them that a talking, smoking, drinking, sharpshooting chimp did the crime, and the gals didn’t seem to think that was unusual, and then they decided not to release the documentary.
I think I got that right. Corrections welcome.
Yes, arguably, Cliff Anger is yet another patented Batiuk “things were better in the old days when Hollywood pumped out cheap kiddy serials with scripts and special effects so crappy they made Ed Wood look like Peter Jackson” straw character.
However, I don’t think that arc had anything to do with comic books, winning awards, being published, or talking about Lisa.
I worked in a Sam Goody/Suncoast once upon a time. People who work in music/video stores tend to have very wide-spanning tastes, getting into stuff on the fringes. One guy listened to the Beatles. Only the Beatles. I love them too, but to only listen to the same 12 albums forever? What is the Valentine going to do when they run out of Mason Jarre movies? Show Butter Brinkel ones from the heyday of silent film, the 1980s?
You gotta give that arc credit. It was not about Lisa or comic books, just old movies (and talking murder monkeys). But…why did Bats in the Attic set it in 1940? Yeah, he based it on Fatty Arbuckle, but why then not change him to a talking star? Pretty sure there were Hollywood scandals then, too. I liked how exact Ayers was in getting the 40s details right–the clothes, the cars, almost as if he knew Tom was an idjit.
Was it because setting it the 1920s would make Cliff too old? Crimeny, Crank’s 110 and still hangs from the gutters he’s cleaning.
Maybe Cindy Lou Who-Cares and My Father John Darling Who Was Killed by a Man Dressed as a Plant said off panel: “Man, that Cliff guy has really crazy hallucinations!” “Talking chimp, sure, why not. Let’s drop the whole thing.”
Would Mr B like this strip, or hate it? #16 changed his life!
https://www.sadanduseless.com/super-antics/