By request: a Comic Con attendee stuns BatYam by cosplaying as long-forgotten FW Act II character Cutty McCutterson, WHS’ legendary wood shop teacher. Remember his running gag about the tourniquets?
Hey gang, just a quick Wednesday night post for the hell of it. I was visiting The Komix Thoughts blog, and learned that our old pal BatYam was, of course, attending this year’s Comic Con. So I clicked to “read more”, and discovered that Comic Con mainly consists of cosplaying weirdos and standing in (or as we sometimes say out here, on) line. And after reading his five or six gripping sentences and seeing his handful of rather mundane photographs from the event, I began to ponder the question of what it would take to get ol’ TomBan excited about anything at all, as he always seems to be all low-key and barely amused in that annoyingly dull and tedious way of his.
“Today I was rooting around in the attic, and I found a mint copy of Action Comics #1. It was exciting.”
“Today an old friend gifted me with the actual suit Adam West wore in the “Batman” TV series. It was interesting.”
“Today I was bitten by a spider, and now I seem to have developed super powers. I wonder where this will lead?”
Comic Con is like his FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD and he describes it like a trip to the DMV. And this, in a nutshell, is why we so mercilessly mocked his “writing” abilities. We should all chip in and buy the guy a bottle of No-Doz and a Benzedrex inhaler, just to maybe wake him up a little.
“Comic-Con isn’t nicknamed “Line-Con” for nothing”. Given his rare knack for hilarious insights and witty zingers like that, it’s easy to see how FW ran for over two hundred years. I love his random, mundane vacation pics. Like when he went to Hollywood and took pics of that one building. Great stuff.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I picture him sitting at a table with a sign “LISA’S STORY WILL SAVE THE WORLD Change My Mind” and then getting mad and leaving when no one tries.
After like 5 minutes.
I was at Comic Con. I would have SOOOOOOO been at that table.
The only question you’d get would be “What’s Lisa’s Story”?
I’d cosplay cancer Lisa.
It’s sort of a chicken-egg thing. Do TB’s bland blog posts about his interests offer insight into why the strips about those interests are so hollow and joyless? Or is it those gruelingly boring strips that inform us as to why his blog posts are, uh, what they are?
At least his latest Comic Con photo dump is light on shots of people’s backsides. They haven’t always been…
I found it funny that he runs his life the way they do in Funky Winkerbean, that is, he flies a couple thousand miles to stand in line only to be told that the tickets sold out a week ago online.
Oh, yeah, I definitely remember that Comic-Con photo dump too. That was definitely not that poor woman’s most flattering side.
What bothered me most about those photos was this one. An attractive young woman leaves the convention hall for some quiet and privacy to make a phone call.
What was the caption under the photo?
Batiuk’s idea of a whole lotta fun appears to be invading people’s privacy and taking photos of them without their permission. I bet she wouldn’t think it was “fun” if she knew Batiuk put this unauthorized photo of her in his blog for the entire world to see. I wouldn’t. The man has no scruples.
Batiuk: Young Lady! Can you please turn a little to your right, so I can take a picture of your backside?
CS 8/3:
PAM: “Then I’ll vacuum your floors and make your bed! And also, a sandwich!”
Tom, “Leave it to Beaver” was NOT a documentary. But, good marketing to your readers dying in nursing homes.
Whoa! Komix Kolonoscopy isn’t in a basement below the Best And Also Only Pizza In Town, but on the 3rd floor of a brick building?
So…what’s it above? A 2 story cesspit? Some address a guy at the EPA is going to look at and go “…They stored nuclear waste in a HOUSE?! MOTHER OF GOD” A place where some acolyte says “It begins to rise, my Master! THE OLD ONE RISES!” Is it a laundromat?
That last one isn’t very dramatic, but, you know it’d be noisy like all day. And the comics would smell like Snuggles the Bear.
As of 7am your comment remains. But you have triggered some readers and so we know it will be deleted soon!
Yeah, it’s still there. I think I’ll give up on my quixotic quest to get banned. Especially as the responses are literally “Get a life, numbskull!” The Algonquin Round Table, people.
“If you don’t like the strip, don’t read it!” Well, if you don’t like the comments, don’t read them. Someday people there will find out about MST3K, and there’s gonna be Scanners-level exploding heads.
Dammit, when did I decide to become this site’s accountant?
We’re at TWELVE Smug Smirks in 4 days. I refuse to count the times we were reminded that, yes, they’re at Komic Kloaca. But there are 2 times today.
Is he writing this for goldfish?
One is sadly forced to remember that Batiuk doesn’t think that the average woman CAN understand funny books. After all, Dead Saint Lisa died not knowing who the fuck Robin is despite getting married dressed as the Burt Ward version of the character.
Yeah that was a weird strip as neither Lisa nor Les showed any interest in comic books before.
The fact that neither of them even liked comic books is the least of the problems with their wedding.
I’ve said before that I hate stunt proposals. Well, I hate stunt weddings even worse. “Let’s have a ceremony where we formalize and celebrate our lifelong commitment to each other…. but let’s do it wearing comic book superhero underwear!” What the hell kind of statement is this making?
The statement to me is that you don’t take the marriage seriously. You can’t be that committed to someone if you won’t even put on formal wear for them. You can’t be that committed to someone if the commitment ceremony involves merging your comic books. You can’t be that committed to someone when the wedding reception is being held at (and catered by) the greasy pizza restaurant. In Cory and Rocky’s case, the same greasy pizza restaurant one they both work at! Tacky.
This is also true on a meta level. The doomed marriage of Les and Lisa should have been the defining image of the strip’s 50-year-run. A young, happy, healthy, tuxedo-and-dress-wearing Les and Lisa would have genuinely heartbreaking, and full of the dramatic pathos Tom Batiuk loves so much. Why isn’t it? Because of Batiuk’s sick need to make everything abut his fucking comic books.
Oh man, I hate stunt proposals too! Stupid attention whores deserve to be turned down in front of everyone.
I think stunt proposals are just manipulative. The point, as I see it, is to put the recipient in a spot where they can’t say “no” without looking like a terrible person. Especially if the recipient’s friends participated, which creates the impression that they’re nudging you into a decision you might not be ready for or even want at all. I often wonder how many of these unions never materialized.
Contrary to what I said earlier, I think the stunt proposals are worse than the stunt marriages. At least the stunt marriage has the participation of both parties. They’re both awful, but in different ways.
BJr6K, I share your fierce hatred of the L & L nuptials, but I’ll put in a good word for “stunt” weddings. I think what matters is the personal commitment of the couple, not the trappings. Some of the most miserable, failed marriages in the world were celebrated with great pomp and formality.
If the betrothed couple are paleontologists who met at a dig, what’s wrong with a dinosaur-themed wedding if it makes them happy? Why shouldn’t avid sailors get married on the deck of a sailboat, if it’s true to their interests and desires? (Of course, any cutesy or destination wedding that inconveniences the guests just to give the couple ego strokes is right out.)
In our marriage, there was no engagement ring; there was an impromptu engagement ammonite necklace. There was no formal wear; it was a quickie elopement at a botanic garden. No reception, just dinner at — yes! a nice, sit-down pizzeria. (The same restaurant where, many years later, Patrick Stewart would first meet his current wife. Maybe the place was charmed.) Anyway, it’s 29 years and counting, so it worked for us.
The trouble with L & L’s wedding was, as you’ve pointed out, it was so out of nowhere and didn’t accord with anything established about the couple. And why was Lisa dressed as Les’ male ward? I think what you’re reacting to is that the legal and moral seriousness of marriage was nowhere to be found in that arc. It seemed to be just yet another occasion to play with comics.
I’m waiting for the comic-themed funeral. I’m surprised Bull didn’t get one.
Fair enough. Theme weddings are fine. By “stunt” wedding I mean the more obnoxious spectacles, made by people who are obviously angling to get on a reality show, or at least TikTok. Of course, it can be hard to know the difference, so maybe I should be less judgmental.
Some of the most miserable, failed marriages in the world were celebrated with great pomp and formality.
Failblog every so months interviews wedding photographers and planners as to what signs they’ve seen that a marriage is doomed from day one. Extremely expensive weddings are often listed–why not spend that on your honeymoon, or just save the money for that shaky financial situation many newlyweds end up in?
The main reason is the cake-sharing, where one partner rams the cake into the other’s face when they didn’t want it. I guess “dressing up as random comic book characters” might be the same, if neither partner has any interest in them.
And one of the best, most fun, most inclusive weddings I ever attended was a ceremony were practically everyone was in a LARP costume. It was utterly delightful — not because of the costuming (some of which was eye-popping), but because everyone got into the spirit of the thing. It wasn’t about how fancy your costume was — some were very understated. It was about having fun, and allowing everyone to express their individuality in whatever way they thought appropriate.
Years later, the couple are still together, and pretty much everyone who attended the wedding are still part of the social circle (a few have passed on).
Stunt proposals, however, are annoying, gimmicky, and worthy of your contempt.
To BilltheSplut—my wife tried to shove a piece of cake in my face and I backed away since I really didn’t want it all over my beard and suit. Almost 35 years later she still complains about it
His antics make me want to steal from the writers of MASH because if he were a Musketeer, he’d be called Bathos.
Today’s Crankshaft is just further proof that Puff Batty is diving eagerly into the second childhood so many old men experience.
But why must his second childhood be so sexist? I guess it’s inevitable, given his fixation on the experience of eating cookies while reading comics in the attic.
[Today’s plot: Jff laments to DSH that he shouldn’t have brought Pmm to Komix Korner as she knows nothing about comics. Pmm then takes out a bag of chocolate chip cookies she’s made. DSH says she can come any time.]
I have a feeling Puffy’s spent his whole life trying to get back to this one place, to the feeling of being 11 and running home with the latest Flash to read with cookies and milk. Really sad, when you think about it. Adulthood has so many of its own joys, but he keeps returning to these moments obsessively.
One of life’s tragedies is that adults can never truly recapture the feeling of being a kid. Adult brains and kid brains are radically different, and decades of living can take some of the new-car smell out of life. But, like a junkie, TB always chases that first-time high, and he’ll never catch it again.
An arc about trying, and failing, to recapture that childhood feeling could be very moving. Allie Brosh had a story about being an older child going back to her early childhood toys, which had seemed so alive only a little while ago, to find them… just plastic toys. It was really heartbreaking. We’ll never get that kind of honesty from TomBa.
The sexism isn’t even the worst thing about it all. It’s the creepy juvenileness. Lots of adults enjoy comic books or other “childhood” pastime; there’s nothing wrong with that. Batiuk insists on enjoying them exactly like a child would. And exactly the way *he* would, imposing his “everyone has to play my way” attitude on the world.
And it’s getting worse and worse. At this rate, Saturday’s strip will be Jeff sucking his thumb while he reads a comic book.
Yes, THIS! The sexism itself is completely juvenile, it’s 7 year old minded girls have cooties BS… coming from a guy old enough to be on Medicare. Of course, adults are quite capable of such childish behavior from time to time, but it is never becoming and seeing it rewarded is simply infuriating.
I think today’s Crankshaft is one of the worst single strips that TB has ever written. And whatever nightmarish thing happens to DSH when he has to appear in profile also makes this one of the worst Crankshaft strips ever drawn too.
Sexism, juvenilia, and mommy issues. Last week Jff was asking Pmm for permission to go to Comic-Con as if she were his mommy – with a flashback panel to make that very comparison. This week, she’s pretending to enjoy his boyish interests, and baking cookies for him and his friends.
When Jff isn’t hating his mother, he’s tying to crawl back inside her.
Oh! Please! Please! Let Saturday’s strip be Jfff sucking his thumb while he reads a comic book!
It was the second part of a two-part story, that was mainly about depression.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
The mere existence of Allie Brosh is the strongest argument you could ever make against Tom Batiuk. She tells stories about her childhood that are genuine, heartbreaking, insightful, relatable, and sometimes raucously funny. She’s a much better version of what Batiuk thinks he is.
I’ve been reading The Komix Thoughts too. (Shoo, definite article. Shoo! You don’t belong here!)
His lack of ability to take an interesting photo is actually fascinating, given that he was the artist in the early years of FW and he studied art at Kent State.
Seriously. Not one of his photos has interesting composition, or even deliberate composition of any kind. It’s as if he just stood in place and started pointing his camera at things and shooting. And we presume these are the best of his photos on his blog.
He really has no “eye” at all. I don’t know how you could get an art degree, read 10,000 Silver Age comics, and be a working cartoonist for decades, and come away with NO eye for composition or even selecting an interesting subject. How could you study Jack Kirby or Neal Adams splash pages for decades and not come away with some sense of movement and focus?
The man’s brain is Teflon.
That’s what’s so amazing about his “comic books were my education” shtick: he never learned a single thing from them. Everything you said about his knack for art, could also be said about his knack for storytelling. Comic book stories have conflict, tension, stakes, character, dialog, and other things that simply don’t exist in the Funkyverse.
When Peter Parker takes pictures of Spider-Man, he just sets his camera up somewhere on a timer and lets it take the photos automatically. Somehow, the pictures always come out clear, in focus and not blurry despite being action shots, and the fighting never seems to move out of the camera’s field of view.
Tom Batiuk learned how to take photographs from Spider-Man comics, is what I’m getting at, only he doesn’t have a writer warping reality to magically make the pictures come out good.
Initially, I think that the fact that Peter Parker had photos of Spider-Man was the big draw: how professional they were (or weren’t) was less important than Spidey battling, say, the Shocker, which was somehow front-page stuff.
As the strip went on and became more realistic (i.e., Peter wasn’t at the top of the class in college because his extra-curricular activities interfered; we all know who the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is…got any pics of the Sentry? He’s news!), there were occasional comments about the quality of the pictures (from Robbie Robertson, not J. Jonah Jameson) and I believe that Peter was once praised for some exceptional photos which the Black Cat took.
That’s what makes it so funny. He takes the dullest photos, of the most boring things, for the lamest reasons. It really is fascinating.
I just want to imagine Tom Batiuk watching Chainsaw Man.
“I watched Chainsaw Man today. It was interesting. These kids today”.
I agree with Billytheskink that today’s CS is a notable low point in Mr. B’s career.
I posted this comment over there at ArcaMax, but in case it disappears….
Wow, Jeff’s remark is the essence of what is wrong with the male view of women in Funkyshafterbean. Does his wife have her own reasons for wanting to visit the place? Doesn’t cross his mind. Has she communicated any distress? He’s not paying attention. Is it possible she came to learn about comics? Jeff’s head would explode before he admitted that thought inside his brain. Is he aware that she might be there as a favor to him? Nopetty-nope-nope. His one thought is “Oh, the cool guy who runs this treehouse might be mad that I brought a GIRRRRRRL up here!” Fortunately that girl knows how to get on the good side of these nimrods (make cookies like mommy did), although what her motivation is for doing this is totally unclear. Well, I guess it is clear: wish fulfillment on the part of the author.
Gaaaah. The way Pmm is holding the bag of cookies just galls me. I assume these are homemade cookies, or they would be in their packaging.
First of all, either she’s got a commercial oven or she was baking all night. That’s like 3 pounds of cookies.
Second, if you put pounds of homemade cookies of any kind into a bag, loose, like she has, and then put the bag into your purse, as she did, you will end up with 100% mushy, greasy cookie crumbs.
Add to this the confusing reference to Pledge earlier this week. Pledge is generally used to clean and shine finished wood surfaces. When she mentioned it, I assumed she saw a lot of polished wood in need of shining. (‘Cause that’s what women notice, amirite? Cleaning’s their whole life!) I never put the “Pledge” together with the dust smell until someone mentioned it here.
It’s so typical of TB to just not friggin’ care about the labors of the distaff side. That’s girl stuff. In his life, cookies just kind of appear. A can of Pledge is seen around the house. What does it mean? I dunno. Some kind of cleaning thing. Women and their cookies and cleaning! Poor feebleminded things.
Finally — sorry to soapbox here — it reminded me of the all-time dis of Thanksgiving at the Dinkles’. Harriet had prepared a meal for two and suddenly the whole damn town showed up. All empty-handed too, not even a $3 daisy bouquet among the lot of them (TACKY).
The response? “Better bring some more turkeys up from the freezer!”
For some reason that strip made me madder than almost anything else TB’s ever done. Imagine being in your mid-70s, having eaten 70+ Thanksgiving dinners, likely all cooked by some woman, and having NO idea that:
1. Turkeys take at least several hours to defrost, and usually a day or more, then several more hours to cook
2. Only one turkey at a time will fit in a home oven
3. Side dishes also take time and effort to make
I could do 10 more of these off the top of my head, but I’ll spare you.
The point is: It’s so, SO obvious that TB has been waited on hand and foot by women his whole life, and has had neither appreciation nor the curiosity to wonder what these women are actually doing, how they do it, or even why they do it.
Tom, you can take your feminist posturing and sho[CENSORED BY THE SOSF CODE AUTHORITY]
The point is: It’s so, SO obvious that TB has been waited on hand and foot by women his whole life, and has had neither appreciation nor the curiosity to wonder what these women are actually doing, how they do it, or even why they do it.
Also, he hates them for throwing his comic books away.
“3 Pounds of Cookies” would be a good band name. I’ll let you all know when the album drops.
If there is one silver lining to today’s Crankshaft it is that the whole “she’s cool, she’s got cookies” bit show’s TB’s for who he is. Not that we didn’t already know, but it is nice to add to the evidence binder for when we need to defend our position.
That Thanksgiving story may not be THE most inanely idiotic thing to ever appear in one of Batiuk’s comics, but it’s certainly up there. (And, honestly, I’m not gonna argue with anyone who thinks it should top the list.)
Should it top the list? I dunno, but this gives me a chance to repost my magnum opus theme song for this Harry Dinkle thanksgiving saga. Sing along, everyone!
In the not-too-distant future
Or perhaps a time long past
(The writer pulls continuity
Out of a place known as his ass)
There’s a guy named Harry who led a band
Just a smirky guy no one can stand
They planned for him an awful fate:
“If we breathe up all his air, surely he will suffocate!”
We’ll send him lots of houseguests!
The worst we can find! (LA LA LA!)
We’ll have them introduce themselves
And drive him right out of his mind! (LA LA LA!)
Now keep in mind that he can’t control
When this parade of houseguests ends (LA LA LA!)
Or the irony of his oxygen
Being breathed up by all his “friends”…
Westview Roll Call!
– HALLE! (Your daughter!)
– HALLE’S HUSBAND! (I have a name…)
– GRANDCHILDREN! (Hello!)
– MOOOOOOORT! (I’m horny!)
– AAAAND….HOLLY! (Wait, this is still going?)
– FUNKY! (Don’t blame me!)
– MELINDA! (I’m melting!)
– JOOOOOOOOOHN! (There’s even more! Like –)
– RANA (His daughter!)
– BECKY (Her mom!)
– WALLY (Her ex!)
– LOOOOOOOOOOOIS! (I’m in the choir!)
{After 43 additional choruses….}
Now if you’re wondering how he eats and breathes
With all those people there (LA LA LA!)
Just repeat to yourself: the whole point is
They’ll breathe up all his air…
…For Dinkle Asphyxiation Thanksgiving!
I stand in line!
Second in line!
I wonder if TB mapped his ‘No Gurls Allowed’ comic-book attitudes onto videogames and that’s why he retconned Donald/Donna into a secret girl gamer? It’s been mentioned here several times that there wasn’t any particular gender-segregation around arcade games.
Wonder if TB was aware of the (201os?) outrage about ‘fake geek girls’ who dared to be at cons while not passing a quiz about fandom minutiae (or, subtext: while not being sexually available to male attendees). Is Pam a Fake Geek Girl?
That’s a really interesting theory. Video game players in the 1980s didn’t have anything against girl games; we were just surprised to ever see one. When I got older, girls told me they didn’t like going to arcades, certainly not by themselves. They were dens of unwanted male attention.
Regarding Pete and Mindy(?)’s costumes, while an engaged couple masquerading as siblings ould have squicky implications, if you have the viewpoint of an 8 yr old in the 1950s, making them brother and sister removes any and all sexual implications, so it’s completely innocent.
Also girls have cooties.
“If you have the viewpoint of an 8 yr old in the 1950s, making them brother and sister removes any and all sexual implications, so it’s completely innocent.”
Ideally.
You shouldn’t have the viewpoint of an 8-year-old in the 1950s when you’re a 76-year-old in the 2020s. And you view yourself as a progressive.
I have lived 69 years, but have actually never seen a cootie.
Maybe it’s just my memory, but aren’t you celebrating your first grandma anniversary?
This is for batgirl
You are correct! Naomi is 1 year old. The lad took her on her first camping trip up to Pemberton for the occasion. I wasn’t able to attend but I have presents ready for my next trip to the mainland.
I get that Tom has a very narrow view of “correct” comics. I’d say DC 1956-c.1964. Has he ever said anything about the current dominant superhero medium, films? I know he hates Batman ’66, despite having his main characters cosplay as them at their wedding. I know Jffy Pop bought only Marvel omnibuses and that Deadpool was just featured, but I’ve never seen him recognize any superhero movies, or even mention Marvel before. Does he love or loathe the Burton Batman? Was he one of the few people who paid to see 2023’s Flash? Or did it all end in 1964, when Marvel said “Let’s try writing that doesn’t just assume that the readers’ favorite food is lollipops”?
Fake movies about fake comics like Slopbucket Jones do not count.
Has even a single scene of that made it into the strip?
No, I don’t recall him saying a thing about any of the superhero films, not even the Flash TV shows or the recent movie. I guess he’s still not over the soul-shattering heartbreak of watching the Adam West Batman premiere in 1966. The wound is still fresh. Give the man some time.
One thing I find interesting… I periodically read stories about DC or Marvel characters, new or retconned, who are gay, or bi, or enby, or trans, or what have you. It’s interesting that this fierce and brave #ALLY doesn’t ever mention this trend.
But modern comics don’t interest him, you may say. Perhaps, but he regularly shows new comix covers on his “Cover Me” days. Does anyone recall him discussing the new LGBTQ characters or new comix in general? I just don’t have the will to comb thru The Comix Thoughts and find out.
Hey! John Byrne alert!
It was some early 90s Alpha Flight comic. “STRIKE NORTH!” I think the story was titled. It caught your eye because these Canadian mutants are being attacked by Sentinels. And that the colorist screwed up, and the forefront character, Northstar, had hair colored not black, but grey.
In…okay, I don’t know, “Marvel Times” maybe it was called? It was a brief fake Time-magazine-thing Marvel did, c.90-91. In it, super-paraphrased, they interviewed Captain America:
“What do you think about Northstar coming out as grey?”
“I think everyone should have the right to be themselves, and trying to stop that is…What did you say?”
“He came out as grey.”
Cap: “…What? ‘Grey’? I heard he…Uhh, I think the Avengers are calling me.”
Later, the same genius reporter (probably 100 years old with one right arm and a jaunty tam-o-shanter): “Mr Fantastic! What do you think about Northstar coming out as grey? I mean, you’re grey too.”
“There is no real difference between humans. And I’m not g…Wait, are we talking about the same thing?”
“Your temples. They’re so grey.”
Read that so many times I’m surprised that I don’t have it memorized. I was floored by something so progressive back then.
And I’m not even grey!
Bill the Splut
“I get that Tom has a very narrow view of “correct” comics. I’d say DC 1956-c.1964… I know he hates Batman ’66…”
Bill, that’s a true statement. But what is surprising, is that Batman 1966 is DC 1956-1964. That first season, plots and dialogue were lifted straight from those jokey Batman comics. It is most noticeable in the Riddler stories. So why does he hate the show? It is exactly in his wheelhouse.
Making a wild guess here and pulling from my own history as a lover of indie music in the pre-internet years: Some fans just like a band being “their thing.” It’s like a little club where you get respect for achievements like owning the import 7″ with the rare B-side or having seen the legendary gig at that hole-in-the-wall pub.
When the band blows up and has a huge hit single, all those fans feel somehow left out in the cold. Their “thing” has been blown up, diluted, cheapened. And those old fans will inevitably hate the new major-label record and despise all the new fans who just like the band because they heard that song on the soundtrack of that Hollywood movie.
Now, in this case, it hardly makes sense, because DC had been making films of Superman for ages and there had already been Batman serials. So maybe I’m way off. But I have a sense from TB’s accounts that he was horrified that the hoi polloi were watching and enjoying, and even laughing at, his thing.
The Duck of Death,
(I did use the definite article!) I loved your answer. In fact, I can give an example backing up your theory. Seinfeld started out on Wednesday’s opposite Home Improvement. It killed Seinfeld in the ratings. But my wife and I did not like Tim Allen. We watched Seinfeld every Wednesday night. Then after 6 months, NBC switched Seinfeld to Thursday. It became a massive hit as you know. (Have you visited any Seinfeld NYC locations?) I felt all the newcomers were Johnny come lately’s. Unlike TB, I got over it, but it does prove your point. TB hated the attention, but not the show itself. Also unlike TB, why wife and I did not camp out hours before waiting for the show to start. Wouldn’t it be cool to find out TB brought a thermos of milk and a bag of cookies to watch the premiere?
You know he did.
I wonder, given the frankly silly tenor of Batman comics of that era, and the fact that several of the episodes were lifted straight from the comics — what on earth did he expect to see? A Film Noir recapitulation of the first Detective Comics, complete with Bruce Wayne weeping over his parents’ corpses in Crime Alley?
And was he immune to the charms of Jill St John shimmying the Batusi? I’m quite sure his fellow male students weren’t. Half the point of the ’66 Batman was to get people to buy color TVs so they wouldn’t miss out on the bright cartoon colors, and the other half was to showcase drop-dead gorgeous women in fantastic costumes. I’m surprised he wasn’t old enough to understand that.
TDoD,
“…the other half was to showcase drop-dead gorgeous women in fantastic costumes. I’m surprised he wasn’t old enough to understand that.”
Wasn’t he a freshman at KSU at the time? I assume he was aware of women from high school. You know that his university guy friends were talking ’gurls’ around him. Maybe it was that Jill St. John flirtation that bothered TB? She is no Duck of Death, but she was hot.
I think a big part of it was that with the comics, he was too young/immature/naive to get the tongue-in-cheek self-parody aspects of it. He took it straight (as indeed many 8-10 year olds did) and didn’t see the humour. Nothing wrong with that at that particular age. Action — adventure — crime-fighting — neat-o!
But when the TV series came along a few years later, and people were laughing at what he loved, he simply couldn’t take it.
Does this mean that Tom Batiuk never progressed beyond an emotional age of about 8-10? Why yes, yes it does.
Back in 2013, I went to my last Comic Con in Kansas City. I think I stood in front of CBH while waiting in line. (If I am wrong, do not ruin my fantasy!) While there, I took lots of pictures. One of which was a cosplay of SuperGirl. Quite lovely. Skip ahead to 2 months ago, and I showed the picture to my 5 year old granddaughter. She gasped. She turned, looked at me, and said with amazement, “She’s real?!!!” A perfect reaction at 5. Not so much if you are 75.
[Then I showed her the picture of who I think is CBH. I said, “Here is one of the best writers of our time!]
what on earth did he expect to see? A Film Noir recapitulation of the first Detective Comics, complete with Bruce Wayne weeping over his parents’ corpses in Crime Alley?
Yes, I think that’s exactly what he expected to see. The blog post basically says the show didn’t take the Batman world seriously enough for him.
And was he immune to the charms of Jill St John shimmying the Batusi? I’m quite sure his fellow male students weren’t.
I’m quite sure his fellow male students were out trying to get laid, get drunk, get high, or doing other things that college males
are known to do. Or maybe they were going to class, that activity Batiuk is so proud of himself for skipping so he could buy comic books.
Holy cow, that story is pathetic. Tom Batiuk makes Sheldon Cooper look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And Batiuk has no clue how bad he looks in it. When he changed websites, he removed other embarrassing stuff from his old blog (like “I’m sure DC would hire me when they saw my writing”), but that story survived. Sometimes I feel like it’s redundant to mock him. With admissions like this, he mocks himself better than I ever could.
To answer your question, I don’t recall ever having seen a single NYC location in Seinfeld other than as an establishing shot. The “street” scenes are shot on a laughably unrealistic back lot in California. However, that never bothered me, because the sensibility was 100% authentic.
DoD,
Thank you. I always enjoy reading you. Seinfeld must have broken several laws. I don’t think they could put that on TV unless it was true.🤩 Everything on TV has to be true. It surprises me that Seinfeld has fake locations, but Star Trek is 100% real. Next thing you will tell me, is FW & CS are just cartoons. 😎🤣
Oh, now that I think of it, I think I have been in a Seinfeld “location.” I had been a regular at the Westway Diner on 44th & 9th for many years before I found out it was where Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld hatched the idea for “Seinfeld.” It’s not a touristy place — just a good, reliable Hell’s Kitchen coffee shop full of locals.
I am sure it has great food. Great service. Nice people. Kansas City has lots of those, and I have enjoyed each one I have eaten at. Don’t get me wrong, chain restaurants are ok, but I just enjoy eating at the local diners.
Here’s a new pic he posted today. It was related to a riff about how Amazon deliveries are the new “newspaper on the stoop”. It’s as gripping as it sounds. Once again, he takes something totally mundane and makes it even mundaner. I know “mundaner” isn’t a real word, but it should be.
Someone threw a sock on his…sundial?
I have to walk 50 yards to the end of my driveway to get my newspaper. Amazon delivers to my porch (if they don’t deliver it to the house next door). I think I need an elegant solution to nudge my newspaper carrier. #lazybutt
Well, I guess that I DID pick the right week to quit sniffin’ glue/commenting on GC about CS, because…Oh my Qward. 8/4’s not a very good strip, is it sweetie?
Why is DSH John hanging Howard the Duck in effigy?! Oh, please be the Howard the Duck of Damocles and fall on his head!
Regarding the Friday, Aug. 4th, 2023 installment of “Crankshaft,” might I have just a brief moment of everyone’s time to say:
AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!! “IT REARRANGED MY MOLECULES”?!?! ARE YOU FRACKIN’ KIDDING ME!?!? I’D LIKE TO REARRANGE SOMEONE’S ANATOMY RIGHT ABOUT NOW!
I have been reading comic book almost non-stop for over half a century, my third floor has over 100 shortboxes with nearly 20,000 books along with softback and hardback collections, posters, original art, action figures, and a “Hey! Kids” spinner rack, and in those pat 50 years I have never proclaimed any book, let alone a single page, as having “rearranged my molecules”! No one talks like that! These are short sci-fi stories written and drawn for 8-to-12-year-old boys back in the 1960s, not the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Uthmanic codex, the golden plates left by Moroni the angel, or some other Holy Writ! This is just ridiculous!
Batty has been going downhill for years, but today he jumped off a cliff. I didn’t think it possible, but it just keeps getting dumber.
I guess the syndicate and newspapers will publish anything these days.
WTF…
Forlorn from my failure to get banned or even a comment deleted (we KNOW that’s biased towards people with Eve or multiple J’s in their names)…but I only held out for an hour of GC not-commenting.
“Look at the love in Jeff’s eyes. “You rearranged my molecules! Your skin, so soft and warm–Unlike that of WE, the Lizard-Men of Quidnunc! Change your skin molecules to cold and scaly or we’re over! HSSSSS” (chases a large tasty bug)”
Maybe I’ll try just confusing them. I don’t expect that to be too hard.
GC–sorry! I can’t help myself!
“HSSSS! Hi guys, it’s me, Lizard-Man Jeff! Humans, do you wish your mate to not devour your head on your year-mating date? Every anniversary, tell her she’s almost as good as a 60 year old comic book! Works every time! HSSSSS”
8/4 Cranksheisse: Tom, stop trying to make “rearranged my molecules” happen. It’s not going to happen.
First, come up with some new phrases, please, and preferably ones that make sense.
Second, HOW? HOW did it rearrange your molecules and WHY, what was it about the thing that did it? And WHAT exactly do you mean by “rearranged my molecules”? Is it like “blew my mind” or is it like “gave me a sense of urgency” or is it like “zapped me with a Childhood Ray so I would never mature”?
And finally, try reading it upside down and in a mirror and maybe you can get your molecules back to the way they were so your old age can be a little less retrograde. Failing that, can you sue?
In case anyone wants to cite the source, here you go:
https://tombatiuk.com/komix-thoughts/cover-me-236/
Searching [“rearrange my molecules” batiuk] turns up a few links, including this one which I don’t recall hearing mentioned before. Maybe it has somewhere, I don’t remember. https://www.pbs.org/video/tom-batiuk-ending-funky-winkerbean-hntkbt/
This is that same interview I wrote about. I did a partial transcript, but I didn’t complete it because the whole interview was so damn boring. I just focused on the Simpsons part. I don’t recall him using the “rearrange my molecules” phrase, but he may have.
For almost 40 years, I used the joke threat of “I’ll reduce them to their constituent molecules!” I got it from the original Handbook to the Marvel Universe, where ludicrously powerful cosmic entities could only be killed by being reduced to their constituent molecules. I guess that happens to everybody who ever died, because they’re always back after they die.
Of course, that’s Marvel, TB wouldn’t know of it.
Maybe it’s this?
https://powerlisting.fandom.com/wiki/Molecular_Manipulation
Caption to the first photo: “ Owen Reece/Molecule Man (Marvel Comics) once used his power to transform his entire hometown into a nightmarish palace of evil.”
Is that what happened to Westview? Is it the fate about to befall Centerville?
Also regarding the August 4th comic strip formerly known as “Crankshaft”.
If this were Funky Winkerbean, tomorrow’s strip would most likely feature Pammy and Jeffy in a feeding frenzy downstairs at Montoni’s.
A Funky Winkerbean story arc last Fall featured the closing of Montoni’s and an auction of all assets. During the penultimate week of the strip, Montoni’s unexpectedly reopened with a brand-new fleet of shiny pizza delivery vehicles, all warmed up and ready to navigate wintry roads the weather services advised drivers to stay off.
So, is Monotoni’s open for business in the Crankiverse? With the merger of the two strips and all the Timemop nonsense, who knows? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (“It’s called writing!”)
It would be interesting to see how Dan Davis’s portrayal of Monotoni’s differs from Chuck Ayers’s vision. Would the pizza still resemble a yellowish triangular blob with black chunks? Would Davis make the characters hold the pizza in the peculiar Ayers manner? A greasy pizza lying flat in the palm with all four fingers curled around the crust is incredibly awkward. Especially if the pizza is scalding hot or flops over, causing all the toppings to slide off and land in your lap.
(I’ll just copy my same reply from GC, it’s easier that way.)
A few months back, Lillian referred to buying her Tiffany lamp back during the Montoni’s closing auction.
Which, of course, doesn’t prove anything, other than Batiuk happened to remember that he had Montoni’s close while writing that strip. He’s just as likely to have forgotten already. (But at least he has Timemop’s “elegant solution” to explain it all away.)
Oh, no! You’ve revealed your secret identity!
I was wondering who that GC commenter was. You were knowledgeable about the Batiukverse and were friendly like you were familiar with me. I was just wondering yesterday if you were a part of the SoSF community. Thanks for all the replies and likes.
I’ll always wonder if Batiuk came up with the Timemop’s “elegant solution” all by himself. Admittedly, it is a clever way to deflect time-related questions.
Crankshaft’s age – Timemop.
The Phil Holt Resurrection – Timemop.
The fluid graduation date for the Act1 characters – Timemop.
Damn it, Batiuk. What year is Crankshaft taking place? – Timemop.
Curse me for being a novice!
But, yeah, Timemop is Batiuk’s “a wizard did it”, only that was done as a joke, whereas I think Batiuk legitimately thinks it makes for an “elegant” solution to his continuity problems.
I made a similar mistake with my real name. I took another SoSF commenter up on their offer to exchange emails. Gmail listed my real name in the header.
CS, 8/5:
Iron Melon, Deadpoodle and Batuikman look on, irritated. “Ha ha!” they say. “Girls sure are dumb!!”
Hey, Tom! Sleeping on the couch again tonight?
(Yes, there is a Green Lama omnibus, of comics from the 40s that TB would have no real way to read in 1960, and no, it’s not the Green LLAMA, which would be cool. That llama would never take the poison made for Cuzco!)
8/5 has 5! Smug Smirks, unless panel 1 DSH is wearing one we can’t see. Also, has he painted over that weird random bald spot he used to have? Y’know, Kiwi shoe polish?
Not sure if any smirks are cancelled out by Iron Incel Man’s glare of “Oh, GAWD! You’re of those fake komix girls aren’t you?! I’m really a nice guy, we should date.”
I think it would be funnier if in panel 2, Pam said “No, Green Lama, the 40s pulp hero.”
DSH: “Yeah, right here! It’s in regular inventory! Sure bet your husband is glad he spent twice as much at ComiCon as he could’ve right up the dang road!”
And gotta love that TB-elief that lady girls sure are dumb when it comes to important things, like what komix made you jizz molecules! No woman should be smarter than Carol Brady! Did he name her Pam after the Cooking Spray?
Make me cookies, woman, I got comics to read!
That’s pretty much where Batiuk started that drive off the cliff: his inability to understand how ridiculous caring about the minor differences between one costumed maniac and another is looks to people concerned about him. It doesn’t occur to him that people might have been frightened that he wouldn’t get far in this life sitting on his ass and jabbering about how terrible it is that they change the irrational reason the jerk in the red bodysuit runs at “Hey…Friction is actually a thing” Speed.
Ah, Christmas. Why, I was just listening to the Roches’s *We Three Kings* album a few days ago…
Eleanor Roosevelt had a column called “My Day” from 1935 until shortly before her death in 1962 and in an installment of it in January 1944 she mentioned that she was buying Christmas presents for the coming year. *Time* noted that as proof that Mrs. Roosevelt was different from the rest of us.
(Cousin Alice Roosevelt Longworth said that Eleanor really came into her own after the death of her husband. “Before that,” she observed, “she was a little too noble, like someone who’d been down in one coal mine too many.” Could one have them have led to…Murania?)
As it’s August, and Christmas is in December, I think Pam’s gift for Jeff would make more sense if it were for a birthday or a wedding anniversary.
“Om mani padme hum….the Green Lama strikes…for justice!”
I had an episode of that series in a collection of off-beat, one-shot radio shows (Ray Milland as a white hunter in “Safari”! John Dehner as “The Judge” who thought Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. was Chief Justice on the Supreme Court, which he wasn’t! Alfred Hitchcock turning on “Once Upon a Midnight” to Francis Iles’s *Malice Aforethought* after having turned his *Before the Fact* into “Suspicion” a few years earlier! Not to mention “Great Caesar’s Ghost,” in which mild-mannered druggist Julius Caesar Jones interacts with the titular figure and they never mention Perry White!). Nothing exceptional, but entertaining nevertheless.
Peter Cannon…Thunderbolt would have liked the Green Lama.
“I want that comic book with the world’s most punchable face! Martin Shkreli, Elon Musk, same difference!”
“Actually, sweetie, the world’s most punchable face in comics is—OW! STOP PUNCHING MY FACE!!”
Cranksheisse 8/5: There’s something very tone-deaf (if not offensive) about floating the name for the spiritual head of Tibetan Buddhism as a silly costumed superhero/punchline. Mocking the leader of an embattled religion this way is crass to say the least.
It’s also tone-deaf to realize that “Lama” isn’t a funny word or concept, but “Llama” is both a funny word and a ridiculous animal.
Or… do you think the guy just misspelled “Llama”?
Okay, I just read that there was some obscure 40s character called the “Green Lama.” Tone-deaf then, tone-deaf now. And how many of his readers get the joke?
And what IS the joke? Is it that Pmm turns out to secretly harbor a world-class depth and breadth of knowledge of comic book history, and occasionally she likes to drop tantalizing hints of this fixation of hers that, out of sheer hatred and spite, she will never admit to Jff?
Or is it that ha-ha, she got the name of “Green Lantern” wrong, because dumb girls and their mixed-up priorities, amirite? And she was too got-dang stupid to realize that there was once a “Green Lama,” but DSH indulged her moronic female brain and glossed the whole thing over because she can’t help being an idiot, god bless her?
Or is there no joke at all, just TB trotting out an unwanted, irrelevant, deservedly obscure reference as if it were some bit of arcane knowledge that anyone gives two shi[p]s about? Is it supposed to impress us?
Well, to be fair, it does look like the original “Green Lama”…. was a lama. Wikipedia says this about the comic book series:
Although appearing in a detective fiction magazine, the Green Lama tales can be considered science fiction or supernatural fantasy in that the Green Lama and other characters are possessed of superhuman powers and super-science weapons. The Green Lama is an alias of Jethro Dumont, a rich resident of New York City, born July 25, 1913, to millionaires John Pierre Dumont and Janet Lansing. He received his A.B. from Harvard University, M.A. from Oxford, and Ph.D. from the Sorbonne; he also attended Drepung College in Tibet. He inherited his father’s fortune, estimated at ten million dollars, when his parents were both killed in an accident while he was still at Harvard; he then spent ten years in Tibet studying to be a lama (a Buddhist Spiritual Teacher), acquiring many mystical powers in the process.[4] He returned to America intending to spread the doctrines of Tibetan Buddhism (to relieve suffering by removing ignorance), but realized that he could accomplish more by fighting crime, since Americans were not ready to receive spiritual teachings. He never carried a gun, believing that “this would make me no better than those I fight”. Dumont was also endowed with superhuman powers acquired through his scientific knowledge of radioactive salts.
Jethro Dumont? I can just hear Mr. Drysdale now: “Miss Hathaway, Jethro stopped wanting to become a double-nought spy and now wants to become a Buddhist mystic and crimefighter. See what you can do to help him out.”
Anonymous Sparrow,
1. I had to look up Green Llama. In appearance, he struck me as being very similar to the Tangent Green Lantern of Earth 9. Is there anything special regarding the stories? I see there are pulp stories as well as modern day episodes.
2. I finished “We Have Always Lived in the Castle.” It is my first book I have read by Shirley Jackson. She is good. Strong characters, but no sympathetic ones. I hoped to see the final dinner before the murders. It shocked me who began the destruction of the house. I was glad to get closure on despicable cousin Charles. I wish there was a sequel two years later.
3. I watched “Midsummer’s Night Dream, 1935. I thought of you. The staging of the fairy scenes were spectacular. HD makes these black and white films watchable again. I wouldn’t mind seeing another movie of Victor Jory as Oberon. Alas, there is none.
4. Dick Powell and Hugh Herbert are together in another film 2 years later, “Hollywood Hotel.” If you have not seen it, (it would shock me if you haven’t.) It opens with Hurray for Hollywood. It has a complete version of Benny Goodman and his Orchestra playing “Sing…Sing…Sing!” that included Gene Krupa, Lionel Hampton, and Harry James. I led an Adolescent Education Group daily at the hospital. This movie had such beautiful examples such as the above to show the kids. Yet it also has at least 2 horrible scenes. One character is played by Ted Healy. One of the worst examples of the common man. (Not just for how he cheated the 3 Stooges.) Then there is a scene with Hugh Herbert. He is hidden in a group of plantation slaves in black face. It goes downhill from there.
5. I have 2 books of short stories to read by Ms. Jackson. I picture you in your library surrounded by wooden cabinets from floor to ceiling filled with books. Pipe optional. Green Brocade Vintage Smoking Jacket mandatory. (I need to get out more!)
Re: “Crankshaft” 8/5/2023.
So what happened? Why didn’t Jeffy buy the Omnibus himself? Did Jeffy bring Pammy to The Komix Korner just to mock her comic book ignorance in front of DSH John, and later make goo-goo eyes with her? Was Jeffy only browsing because he bankrupted himself at Comic-Con? The rapid switch from yesterday to today makes it appear as if Jeffy and Pammy left discreetly while DSH John was tending to that other customer.
Submitted for your (dis)approval:
Jeffy: Ooh! Look, Green Lantern. This comic book rearranged my molecules.
Witnessing Jeffy’s reaction, DSH John looks on with a hopeful smile, thinking he has a definite sale. Suddenly, a customer walks up to DSH John. Jeffy quickly puts the book back on the shelf when he sees that DSH John is distracted. He takes Pammy’s hand, and they sneak out of the store before DSH John can notice.
Meanwhile, after dealing with the customer who only wanted the men’s room, DSH John looks for Jeffy.
DSH John: So, Jeff, that Green Lantern issue changed your molecules, huh? Would you like me to ring it up? Jeff? Jeff? Hello? Where did he go?
DSH John nestles his head in his arm on the counter top and sobs. How will he ever pay the rent?
Green Lantern was my favourite 1960s superhero, with Adam Strange a close second. I can still recite the Green Lantern oath.
I don’t remember ever being mocked or shut out for being a girl who read comics, come to that. Maybe it’s just TB’s personal issue.
Congratulations! Love that granddaughter!