I hope all the snarkers out in Nitpickerville are keeping safe and warm. It got juuuuust toasty enough, (20 Freedom Units on the thermometer,) for my dad and brother and I to go wading through two foot deep drifts to put up a stretch of electric fence.
Fellow fine blogger, MopMan had a really good question on the last post.
And it’s a very valid line of inquiry. So, for all your edification, of the 206 strips that Ed appeared in, there were 59 where he didn’t have any dialogue. That sounds like a lot, but it’s rather deceiving, as in many of these strips Cranky was still very much the focus. I broke down Cranky’s silent strips as follows.
12 strips where he was spoken to directly.
14 strips where he was talked about by others.
2 completely dialogue free Sunday strips.
10 strips of staring at the boob tube while the TV voice provides the joke.
And 22 strips where he is a true bystander. Listening while people talk to a group he’s a part of about stuff that isn’t him specifically, or just standing around in the background.
Given this data, if any of you would like, in your hearts, to subtract 20-30 strips from that Cranky tally, it seems an acceptable opinion.
As for the places where Crankshaft was or wasn’t in 2023, here’s a breakdown of strip locations. Of course some strips in this aren’t tallied if they were like, in a rando car or gas station parking lot, and some strips had two locations.
| Crankshaft’s House | 103 |
| (Yard) | 32 |
| (Living Room) | 30 |
| (Kitchen) | 22 |
| (Office) | 8 |
| (Elsewhere) | 15 |
| Montoni’s | 38 |
| Bus Garage | 33 |
| Dale Evans | 24 |
| Village Booksmith | 22 |
| School Bus | 18 |
| Komix Korner | 17 |
| Valentine | 16 |
| Lillian’s House | 15 |
| Comic Con | 8 |
| Historical Society | 7 |
| Channel 1 | 6 |
| Margo Lanes | 6 |
| Ohioana Book Festival | 5 |
| St. Spires | 4 |
| OMEA | 3 |
| Atomik Komix | 2 |
| Masone Jarre’s House | 2 |
Lots of strips taking place in Crankshaft’s house. Which leads to our last query of the post.
Just for you my dear bwoeh, THE MANY QUESTIONS OF PAM, 2023.
Yes, she does say THE QUESTION: CLASSIC, once.
And…. IMO, the cream of the crop.
SEE YA IN THE COMMENTS FOLKS! IF I’M NOT IMPALED BY JAGGED ICICLES TALLER THAN MY DAD THAT IS.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I’ll do you one better, why’s Crankshaft?
Hope everyone is still faring well with the weather. We were lucky here, a few days of bitter cold but very little snow.
😎😜😂
Perfection, erdmann
When’s Crankshaft? Going to die?
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
If I tallied correctly and did not dally,
I counted P-m-m asking 32 questions! That is over a month of questions, 1/12 of the year! Amazing!
So correct tally. No dally. Leave it to Sally.
I’m on the Road to Bali. I see a comet for Halley. You’re my pally. One more to rally. Creepers! I can’t do Wally. (It don’t rhyme!) Zowie!
♥️💖❤️🥶🫂🥶🌺💐🌹
CBH, keep that icicle. You can enter it in the Iowa State Fair, or show it in the Muscatine Watermellon Festival. Spray it red and green. Iowans are too kind to notice, and too nice to mention it.
Pam asked 32 questions in 82 appearances. That’s a batting average of .390. Hall of fame numbers! 😲
I see there’s another wind chill advisory for KC. Stay warm! Be pure! Be brave! Be vigilant!
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
Be pure? That dog can’t hunt.
Be brave? That’s scary.
Be vigilant. That I can do!
True story: Met a friend at Red Lobster for lunch. I did not even wear a coat. When you go out to start your car in (-16), and then it rises to 25° and then 30°, it is like a spring breeze.
You stay healthy, my dear friend. Where the dear and antelope play on the high plains or planes.
♥️💖❤️🫂💎🌺💐🌹
I badly mangled the quote. It’s supposed to be “Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!
It’s from a British comic book.
I can’t even spell ‘behrve’ let alone do it.
When people mentioned “Crankshaft is present in the strip but as a bystander” the first thing I thought of was when Stupid McJerkface was going to re-open the Valentine. Crankshaft stood around like some kind of worse cigar-store Indian, completely inessential to what was going on. He could have been erased and the strip would be a fraction improved. (I don’t think that happened this year, though.)
In your first two examples, Crankshaft doesn’t say anything but he’s still the topic of discussion; the strip requires him to be there. For “Crankshaft there but as a bystander” I was thinking when he didn’t need to be there at all, but horribly was. I guess I misunderstood.
Pam is less a person and more a plot device to set up weak punchlines.
Yay, I’m honored to have inspired a post. My favorites were when they were buying Montoni’s and there were a few days where Ed was far in the background and it literally looked like a cardboard cutout.
I actually was wondering about the “how many times did Pam say, ‘What are you doing dad?’ line”. Am I’m stunned she only said it once, despite people mentioned that hundreds of times in the comments. (I’m guessing though that she used that line in past years.) It’s kind of in the “Beam me up, Scotty” area, although that exact line was never spoken.
there were a few days where Ed was far in the background and it literally looked like a cardboard cutout.
Which proves that Batiuk is sensitive to the “Where’s Crankshaft?” criticism. He’s forcing Crankshaft into places he doesn’t need to be – and where his presence wouldn’t be tolerated.
Mason Jarre is supposedly a A-list Hollywood star. They have people whose job it is to keep paparazzi, dubious “investment advisors”, hangers-on, deranged fans, and other undesirables away from them. And when they do want to buy a decrepit movie theater, it would be done through intermediaries. Not by flying commercial to Rustbucket Ohio, finding a sign, calling the realtor himself, and letting this old fart hang around and overhear everything. For all they know, Crankshaft works for TMZ. (Say what you will about TMZ, but those guys are crafty. They get some legit scoops sometimes.) We know Hollywood tabloid reporters exist in this world, because the Lust for Lisa plot revolved around them.
And if somebody’s 105-year-old grandfather showed up at a business sale to protect his 40-ish granddaughter from being “ripped off”, any self-respecting seller would immediately add 5% to the price and tell grandpa to show his Power of Attorney or fuck off. That’s insulting to everyone involved. (Especially Mindy, not that Batiuk cares or even notices.) But self-respect isn’t a feature of the Funkyverse. So they ignore his asshole behavior and act like it’s charming.
Yes. If anyone is prone to get ripped off, Ed is #1 on the list.
You’ve identified the other problem. Ed has no ability to even help with this. He was illiterate most of his life. He’s no less a dumb jock than Bull Bushka was. His only jobs in life were playing baseball, driving a school bus, and being an asshole.
He also failed to identify the obvious suspect. The Pizza Box Monster was somehow party to this transaction despite providing nothing of value, and nobody knowing who he really is. How was Funky going to rip Pete and Mindy off? They were trying to buy something from Funky that had zero value after Funky ran it into the ground. All Funky had to do to rip them off was to sell them exactly what they wanted to buy. Which is the best kind of scam, as I understand it.
He also failed to identify the obvious suspect.
You solved it! Pizza Monster is a Nigerian prince who sells Amway and knows Bernie Madoff! Obvious, when you think about it.
For Ed Crackshaft, being an asshole is not a job, it’s a joy.
My question would be: has this changed from 2-3 years ago? I honestly can’t tell whether he was actually edged out of his strip by the comic shenanigans and Funky refugees or he has been umm surrounded by a large cast that took on a life of its own for a while now.
There is definitely some annoyance among trufans that the focus has moved away from Cranky in the last year. I base this on the tone of the forums at GoComics, and other providers. O’Malley or BWOEH, who fight the good fight in such places, probably have sharper insight than me.
In my opinion, Crankshaft used to be a good strip until a few years ago. That was when Ed started losing prominence as the featured character. Unlikeable characters like Lillian, Jeff, and Skip Rawlings would take over for weeks at a time.
At some point last year, I was about to start posting a daily “This date in Crankshaft History” type comment. I’d search the archive for the best Crankshaft comic strip on that date and post link and a short synopsis. An attempt to get readers to try reading the old stuff when the strip was seemingly more than just a paycheck to Batiuk.
Crankshaft can be so cruddy nowadays, I can’t even bring myself to snark on it every day. Not many readers believe me when I say it was a good strip. Probably three or four times last year, I felt so betrayed by the current state of the strip, I unfollowed it.
Characters around Cranky have always gotten their own arcs, some quite substantial. See for example the ‘Rose Slips on the Ice’ arc from the earlier post. Or the Lillian sells comic books to John Howard arc from 2007ish.
But the roster of characters receiving long arcs was much more limited than the Funky side of things, mainly Pam, Jeff, Max, Mindy, Lillian and Lucy, sometimes Cranky’s friend Ralph.
Most of this past year the Cranky strips were just rehashes of his typical shtick, like Garfield kicking Odie off a table. Nothing we hadn’t seen before. He’s raking leaves, he’s eating at Dale Evans, he’s driving a bus. The only proper ‘fresh’ arc that told an actually progressing story he got was the Mrs. Johnson to Pop Clutch one.
Cranky showed up in the most strips, but other characters DID more.
And I agree with bwoeh, the Cranky of even three or four years ago was vastly superior to this year’s. I was clicking my way through 2018 looking for the name of Lillian’s cats, and I was stunned at how much better it was. Even the art was better, even though I spotted enough swipes to let me know it was a clip show, it was a BETTER clip show.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Ed: THERE AINT NO FUCKIN WAY THAT YOU’RE GIVIN’ ME A COLONOSCOPY!!
Doctor: This isn’t a colonoscopy.
Wow CBH! Thank you so much for the “THE MANY QUESTIONS OF PAM, 2023” compilation (with panels!).
I’m shocked that Pam uttered, “What are you doing, Dad?” only once in 2023. I’m sure I’m not the only one who believed Pam asked that question a dozen times. It must be an example of the Mandela effect.
There are times when I feel a little sorry for Pam. She reminds me a little of my Mom. Mom’s primary occupation was housewife. She did work a little bit as a bank teller while she and Dad had three kids in college. Mom and Dad paid for four years of college; the additional years were on us, but I digress. Mainly, she took care of her family and the house. Looking back, we sometimes took Mom for granted and neglected to include her in our activities. Mom was too busy “momming” about, and we didn’t think to ask her. Mom would often ask questions similar to Pam’s. “What’s up with you today?” “Whatcha reading?” “How’s school?” If I was recalcitrant, Mom would make me perform a task like dusting off my bookcase. Completely. I had to remove all the books and dust them one-by-one, dust off the bookcase, and vacuum the space behind the bookcase. She hated clutter.
Mom would attend sports events but would never watch them on TV. She just wanted to be included. The rest of the family would be watching football, and Mom would grouse about wanting to watch something else. We would tell her she could watch the TV in her bedroom, but that wasn’t what she really wanted. She wanted to watch a TV as a family. I finally realized that as an adult. Later on, in my parent’s lives, whenever we visited my them, Mom got to decide what we would watch. At best, we got to choose which of her prerecorded programs to watch. Usually something like ‘Blue Bloods’, ‘Bones’, ‘Midsomer Murders’, or ‘Father Brown’. Thank God for smart phones.
As I said previously, Pam’s primary role in Crankshaft is to serve as Ed Crankshaft’s straight-man. It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. There’s a part of me that feels Pam asks those questions because she just wants to feel included.
Pam is also weighed own by her useless psychopath father and her even more useless manchild husband.
During the “Kent State college visit” arc, Pam continued to hide her involvement in the 1970 shooting from her Archie Bunker of a father, even though her only role was reporting on it for the campus newspaper. A job Ed probably knew she had, because a role at the school paper tends to be be a major part of one’s academic career.
On top of that, she was saved by Ralph Meckler’s son, whose first name I forget. Which I don’t think was ever even a story point! Maybe Pam didn’t notice her savior’s nametag, but this subplot should have come up later in Crankshaft. It would have been nice for Ralph to learn his son did something righteous in his life, before he was pointlessly killed in Vietnam. Or at least made a story out of how Pam and Meckler Jr. felt compelled to hide their true feelings from their overbearing fathers.
That kind of thing is the emotional center of generational conflict. And Batiuk just blows it off. Like he does every other potentially compelling story he stumbles into.
Ralph’s son was named Timmy. He was wearing a gas mask when he helps Pam up off the ground (Pam runs away before shots wind up being fired), so she doesn’t recognize him (this is confirmed in a later strip when Max explicitly asks if “Mr. Meckler’s son” was there). We only see it is him after he takes off his mask and helmet in consternation after Pam runs off, and we only really know who he is because of a strip earlier in the story where he is talking to Jff about how he joined the National Guard to avoid being drafted and sent to Vietnam (he had a low lottery number). In the same strip where Max asks Pam if Timmy was at Kent State and she says she does not know, she also reveals that he was later called up for active duty and did not return home.
Like so many of TB’s characters, Timmy Meckler was a prop in the sob story of an unrighteous protagonist.
The worst bit in that story arc, of course, was the John Darling cameo.
Yes, that’s Darling’s future wife Jan Murdoch saying “I think he’s kinda cute”… appearing to be the kid sister of a college student crushing on a 38 year old idiot newsman. Ugh.
Thanks for the assist.
Like so many of TB’s characters, Timmy Meckler was a prop in the sob story of an unrighteous protagonist.
I put Pam in that category as well. She’s an unappreciated, put-upon mother figure who shouldn’t still be babysitting at her age. Crankshaft sponges off her even though he has a job, does more property damage than The Terminator, and is equally difficult to kill. And Pam’s only role in Jeff’s life is to give him permission to go to Comic-Con. She really should divorce both of them.
“I think he’s kinda cute”
Of course she does! He kinda looks like…TOM BATUIK, CHICK MAGNET!
Oh yeh?! How many of your rejected suitors have vowed to commit suicide because of it?
Susan, Bull, Marianne…Correlation does not equal causation, but friendship with Les sure equals a certain ideation.
Oops. I should have known the unofficial Son of Stuck Funky historian would be on the case. I need not have replied Banana Jr. 6000. Seems the torso chute has other ideas anyway. Oh, well. Que sera, sera.
Some of that story arc was indeed hokey, but I appreciate hippie-chick Pam fulfilling the role of
Chuck Ayers, a real life photographer of the Kent State May 1st – 4th events.
That story arc beats anything Batiuk and Davis have ever turned out by a country mile.
I even like seeing Jeff rockin’ the John Sebastian/Paul Kanter look with the glasses and sideburns.
Already one blog behind again. The Lord of Late here. The Lady of Late? Never mind. Scratch that. It makes me sound like a fairy who visits young ladies who have missed their period.
I missed that May 4th Kent State story arc when it was originally published in 2000. I was working on my advanced degree at that time and didn’t have time for comics.
Ironically, the only thing I knew in your post was the only thing you didn’t know. Ralph Meckler son’s name was Timmy. In a Crankshaft story arc a half dozen years or so ago, Ralph built a bicycle for his deceased son at Christmastime (or something like that). The name “Timmy” stuck with me.
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
1. I always enjoy reading about your parents. The concept of always being there is something I identify with. Mom was not a doter. Out of 6 kids, she doted on my older sister, my older brother, and my youngest brother. I don’t believe that they look back and have any regrets. In my case, I would have spent more time calling her and visiting her.
2. Correct me if I am wrong, but Ed going to get a massage is it a new arc for Crankshaft? I find this story-line original and funny. How about you?
3. My phone tells me when the temperature goes above 0°. It has only done this twice in the last 10 days. Supposed to be (-9°) tonight. Then Sunday starts a warm up week. I do not know if the warm up reaches Iowa.
4. I must tag a note to one of your favorites:
Anonymous Sparrow:
How are you celebrating today’s birthday of Edgar Allen Poe! For me it is a big thick hamburger and eating cherry pie filling out of the can. (Mrs. SP is frying the burger. She has been sick and has missed 4 days of work this week. I think it is TOO much to ask her to bake a pie. A good husband are I!)
My favorite stories from Poe are “A TellTale Heart” and “The Cask of Amontillado”. Both were illustrated in Creepy magazine in the 1960’s. I liked both graphic and prose.
Gotta go. I smell burgers.
For me (celebrating) is a big thick hamburger and eating cherry pie filling out of the can.
Sounds like a good plan.
Come on over. There is enough for two!😎
I’m not fairing too well, posting comments today. At least two are stuck in the torso chute. I’ll send you an email.
Perhaps I’ll create a new email address. WordPress doesn’t seem to like this one.
WordPress must be a Lillian-Lover.
I want to send a note of thanks to whomever is serving as the moderator this week. I seem to be running afoul of the “torso chute” fairly often this week. Thank you for unsnagging my comments.
It’s gotten to the point where I sometimes don’t even bother to shout out to Leroy. I’ve taken a karmic/holistic approach to posting comments. If the posted comment is meant to be seen, it shall be. If not, oh, well.
That being said, HEY, LEROY! I HAVE A POST STUCK IN THE TORSO CHUTE!
While I’m thinking of it, here’s another observation from the previous blog, By the Numbers. Max Axelrod, often featured as Ed’s bus driving and bowling rival, appeared only once in 2023? ONCE?!
Yeah, please. Let’s have more Mopey Pete and Montoni’s. We all want more story arcs featuring the Komix Korner, right? /s
Thank you for freeing my comment and for all that you do.
See ya later, Moderator!
Today’s Crankshit:
So Crank’s saying that even when he’s relaxed, he’s stiff as a board
That wood explain the wooden dialogue.
*ducks*
Hey, I’m a dad, I have to make these jokes!
How’s Crankshaft … still actually being published?
Why’s Crankshaft…..Still allowed to have his job after all the shit he’s done to the parents of the students that used to ride his bus?
A general question have I: ‘Roberts’ is the last name of Lucy McKenzie’s thwarted beau. Mopey is named “Pete Reynolds Roberts”. Has anyone had the headcanon that Mopey Pete is Eugene’s progeny? I remember someone here commented that canonically Pete is sixty years old so he could even be Eugene’s son. I can picture Lillian coming to realize this and thinking, “He could have been Lucy’s offspring!? I did the right thing.”
While it is not out of the question that Pete is related to Eugene in some way (TB loves to make these connections almost as much as he loves to later ignore them), prior to the introduction of the “Reynolds” last name, Pete was canonically the son of Reed Roberts, the producer of John Darling’s show in Darling’s namesake strip.
Back in Act II, Pete also had a sister named Ally (she ran the Westview High School paper). They lived with their divorced mother (the product of an early 80s story arc in John Darling where Reed got a divorce).
Ah, many thanks. I knew it was too good to be true for Pete to be Eugene’s offspring. Of course, his father was in show biz; it was a jumping off point for Pete to reach the highest pinnacle of entertainment: comic books. Maybe we’ll see Ally as a waitress at Montroni’s?
Mopey is actually ~52 years old; he and Boy Lisa are roughly the same age (they were in the same graduating class), and Boy Lisa was born around 1972 (the year that the Act I students now canonically graduated).
(Also, those Act I students were ~46 at the start of Act III. Granted, Mopey may have started off a lot worse, but he’s still aged a LOT better than just about every Act I character other than Cindy, especially Funky.) (I mean, Mopey still looks bad, but he doesn’t look noticeably worse than he did in high school, y’know?)
(I’m going to guess that the “Roberts” thing between Mopey and Eugene is just another case of Batiuk reusing a name likely because he can’t be bothered to keep track of all the characters. Like how The Shining Twins have the same last name as Rolanda, but (probably) aren’t supposed to be related. If Batiuk is lazy enough to reuse the “Rocky Rhodes” pun name, I doubt he cares overly much about unrelated characters sharing a last name.)